Merlin was done. He was done with everything, done with the pain, done with the sorrow, done with the despair, done with the guilt, done with the lies, done with the secrets and done with love. He was tired of fighting a losing battle with his depression as it sucked him in a little more with every passing day.
He sighed when he realised the time of day. The sun had just started to peer through his window, shining over his bed and onto the wall behind him. He closed his eyes and laid on his bed in the warm sun for a couple of moments, until he realised he had to get up to serve the prince for the last time. You see, he had a plan. He was going to serve the prince one last time, then leave letters to both Giaus and Arthur explaining his sudden in their eyes death. He was going to end his pain, end the suffering, it was better this way…for everyone.
He got up and changed into his normal attire before having breakfast with Giaus, usually he would simply run along to work and skip breakfast because he was late but today he woke up early to have one last breakfast with his mentor.
After he had a rather disgusting bowl of porridge he practically dragged himself to the kitchen where he retrieved the prince's meal then retreated slowly back to his chambers. Once he reached the door he straightened up, took a deep breath and plastered on that fake smile he had come to master over the past month or two. He barged in like usual, knowing the prat wouldn't be awake yet.
He carefully set the tray of food on the table before heading to the bedroom. He smiled a little when he saw the prince lying on his stomach with the blanket half off, exposing his father muscly back and arms. He walked over to the window and pulled the curtains apart, spilling sunlight into the room. When the prince didn't awake he rolled his eyes and walked over to his side where he literally dragged him off the bed onto the floor. Once his body hit the floor he sprung up quite quickly and shot Merlin a deathly glare.
"what was that for merlin?" he asked as he composed himself. Merlin shrugged and strutted back to the kitchen where he placed the food on the table and filled a goblet with water. Arthur sat himself down and began to eat while merlin scurried around in his bedroom, cleaning and organising since the prat had no idea what either of those words meant.
Arthur watched him closely as he walked around the room with the same unreadable, dull expression he's had plastered on his face for the past month. "merlin, is everything alright?" he asked when Merlin seemed to be standing in the middle of the room, lost in his thoughts. The servant snapped his head around and smiled before continuing those chores.
After he had finished he walked back to the table and collected the plates where he took them to the kitchen. Just as he was about to leave the chambers Arthur spoke again. "merlin, you would tell me if something was the matter right?" he asked, merlin smiled and nodded before turning back and instantly dropping his smile. What he didn't know though is that Arthur has caught on to those fake smiles and knows better than to believe hes alright when he has one on his face. He sighed and walked back to his bedroom where he lingered around to wait for Merlin to come back so he can get his armour ready for training with the knights.
Not even five minutes later Merlin was back and walked up to him and put his armour on without saying a word which was strange, he always had a snide comment to say or some gossip he heard from Gwen or Morgana. "all done" he said softly before walking out the door with the Prince behind him. Arthur watched as he walked a couple feet in front of him, he watched as his knuckles turned white from holding them in a fist, he watched as Merlin sharply turned the corner and walked down the steps, two at a time without tripping. He sighed and walked over to meet his knights and start practice, usually he would use Merlin as a dummy and laugh at his expense but he sensed something was upsetting him so he decided to just skip that part of the training and go up against his knights.
Later that night Merlin took the princes armour off and drew him a bath without a single murmur coming from him. He simply did his job then left as Arthur bathed himself them came back once the prince was dressed. As Arthur climbed into bed he watched as Merlin began to walk away, the prince sighed and walked after him. "okay merlin, what's going on with you? You've been extremely quiet lately and you haven't tripped or knocked anything over in weeks" he said grabbing the servants arm. "nothings the matter sire" he assured him with a smile then began to walk out again. He stopped once he reached the doorway and turned back around to face a rather concerned Prince. "hey Arthur?" he said softly, "yes?" he replied, "thank you, for everything" he said with a soft smile before turning and practically spiriting off before he could say another word.
Merlin sat as his desk, he got an old piece of paper and some ink and began writing his letters. For Gaus's letter, he thanked him for being the best mentor and father figure, he thanked him for teaching him to control his magic and giving him a place to stay while also being there for him when he needed it. For Arthurs letter however, he explained his magic, he explained the lies, the guilt, the secrets. He explained it all, he even confessed his love to Arthur.
Merlin sighed the papers then folded them and placed them under his pillow before drifting off into slumber.