A/N:
1. This a companion piece to "and the world spins madly on". Please, read that first.

2. This has been beta'd by oraclewascooler.

3. I do not own these characters or any quotes from songs used.

It's looking like a limb torn off, we're all together just taken apart.

It comes to her in the middle of the night.

It isn't planned. If it were, she would have let herself figure it out a long time ago. It comes to her in a crushing dream.

Lena is used to dreams about Kara by now. When you love someone it is easy for them to crawl through reality into dreamland. So, when she started having dreams well over a year ago, it didn't seem abnormal. Lena had dreamt of Jack Spheer years ago, before anything had even happened between them and she doesn't think she even ever loved him.

They are at Lena's place when Kara leans forward with the kiss that's been waited on by Lena. It's good, and beautiful, and the most right thing Lena has felt in all her life. Then –

Then Kara is up and jumping out of her window with no hesitation. Lena lunges forward, screaming so loud her lungs feel like they're going to burst, but when she reaches the window, it's Supergirl hovering in the sky and the only thing tumbling down is Lena.

She wakes up screaming, sweating and crying. Her eyes are wide and everything she's looked over comes crashing into her mind and exploding her heart.

Kara and "I flew here on a bus." Kara leaving unexpectedly a lot. Kara and the same scar on her forehead as Supergirl. The same eyes. The build. The same fucking smile and long blonde hair. Supergirl appearing in places once held in place with Kara. The damn lockdown at L-Corp with Kara gone and Supergirl surprisingly there. It's all there, and so much more.
Lena feels sick. Her stomach is turning and her heart is escalating its beating with her heaving breathing. Her body is shaking and it isn't just from the sobs taking over her body. She's going to be sick.

The bathroom is too far away, and she vomits halfway there. Her efforts no use here in her home, and out in the world she internally begged to be kinder to her.

Why would Kara do this to her?

Lena swore she was making progress, that being a Luthor was slowly becoming not so important.

Denial is a trickster. It becomes its own lie, and a lie can sometimes become so ingrained into your system that you forget that the denial even exists. It tricks you into thinking however you need to think so the truth doesn't feel like it's killing you. The worst part may very well be how it tricks you to open up when the truth knows you shouldn't.

This is Lena's downfall.

It had all been so incredibly obvious by Kara's word slip-ups, but denial stopped Lena from accepting those truths. It bottled them up right alongside Kara's sudden disappearances and Supergirl's equally sudden appearances, but it's the latter that finally triggered her survival instincts to shatter the mirror of denial.

And underneath the broken, jagged pieces had been the truth.

Like she knew it would, the truth is doused in gasoline and set on fire, licking up her legs and tortuously turning her to ash.

Lena is well aware that it is raining. That the time on the clock reads way too late at night, but she does not care.

Apparently, Kara doesn't care either. Lena wouldn't be here, at the moment, if she did.

Her driver holds an umbrella out, but she quickly sends him back in the car as she strides towards the apartment building entrance. Fuck the rain. Let it drown her. She is livid and heartbroken and so confused as to why she truly deserved this. She thought the Luthor name didn't deserve her, but Supergirl seems to have lied. A true talent the alien has at that.

Her fist curls then pounds heavily on the door relentlessly until a frightened, worried, tired Supergirl answers it. Lena doesn't even care that water is dripping from her and onto the floor. The moment Lena sees her, red overtakes her vision and she shoves, hard, at the faker's shoulders.

As expected, Kara lets herself be pushed back and looks on in shock, and it isn't enough because it isn't real and Lena shoves and shoves and shoves until Kara finally steadies herself and restrains Lena's hands.

"Lena, what – "

"You're a liar!" Lena raises her voice. "You're a liar and a fake and a traitor. How could you do this to me? How could you let me let you in and then just fuck it all up, Supergirl?"

This time Kara stumbles back all on her own. Her eyes are wide and tears start to build and she opens and closes her mouth. Lena knows what comes next will be lies. They have to be lies, because how could this traitor ever tell the truth?

"Don't you understand what you've done to me? You fucking – " Lena doesn't mean to cut herself off here, but the sob that refuses to be left out wrecks her throat. It's loud and devastated, the sounds of betrayal and lies and stupidity.

It's sudden, but she leaves then, her legs carrying her away to treat the battered pieces of her heart away from those fucking dumb, intoxicating eyes; leaving Kara to stir in the emotions of the revelation. Flight, fight or freeze. Which one is your instinct?

"Lena, babe, I'm going to need you to calm down, so I can hear what you're saying."

Sam's voice is warm and soothing on the other end of the phone line. Lena takes some deep breaths to do what was asked of her.

"Did you know about Supergirl's real identity?"

There's a pause on the end, long and deadly, and giving Lena the exact answer she had been hoping to not receive.

"Yes, I did." Sam almost whispers over the line, continuing with light pain in her voice, "Only because Reign's memories became my own. I would have told you, but I couldn't."
Sam is another liar lined up in her life, but Lena can't be mad at her, can't hate her like she wants to.

If she expected Sam to tell her, she would have been a hypocrite about her view on secrets. It was Sam's lie, but Kara's truth and she can't do much about that.

Lena has spent brutally, irritatingly long days avoiding each call, text and knock she receives from the super team. Locking her balcony doors, so a certain traitor doesn't try to waltz on through. Lena has high intelligence and she knows that wouldn't hold back an upset superhero if said hero really needed her attention, but it's worth a shot.

Intelligence.

A part of her laughs at that, mocks herself, because if she is as intelligent as the IQ test tells her then she wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place.

Maybe she is all the things she didn't want to become; not good enough – not in intelligence and, certainly, not at heart. If Kara didn't trust her then maybe the reasons are the cruel ones. Maybe she is just another no good Luthor. The only difference now is that she still wants to change the world.

Stubborn hope is the worst.

Lena does what she needs to do.

She breaks up with James on a rainy day after the clouds have cleared and what was left behind was a wet, puddled up, city. He comes to her place with concerned eyes and frowning brow, all dressy looks with muscular arms. Well, he certainly doesn't make it easy, but she's already made up her mind.

He had been blowing up her phone as much as the rest of the inner circle (besides Sam) and she had insistently ignored every single message left. How could she not? The simple thought of Kara Danvers having an inner circle sickens her. They were family. Now they are strangers.

"Lena, I'm so sorry. I know this hurts, but – "

Lena holds a hand up, cutting him off with a, "You can save it, James. I did not invite you over here for apologies and excuses."

Except –

How much did James lie? Did he lie? He had confessed about Supergirl using him for intel on her. What has he hid from her during their time together?

Lena internally shakes those thoughts off. It didn't matter now. He kept Kara's identity and though she knows he is such a loyal person, she knows his loyalty will always be dedicated the most to the woman who hurt her. She's already made up her mind. No matter how much she'll miss him.

She loves him. Perhaps, not in the way that she should, but she does. No, that honor – the one where her heart truly loves someone - lies with the betrayer.

"Then why am I here? Not that I'm not happy to see you," James' voice softens with the last bit and he steps closer to her. His face falling when she takes a couple of steps back.
She has to do this now. Just rip it off like a wax strip. Nothing about this entire situation is easy.

He doesn't cry, and she doesn't know if that makes it hurt more or less. She never expected James. She had hoped he never expected her either. That his whole role in this wasn't one of betrayal, hoped of actual feelings.

But, then again, who could truly love her anyway?

Lena lets him kiss her forehead goodbye. It's not until he leaves that she allows herself to cry two large tears.

One for herself.

One for the victims of betrayal.

Lena receives two phone calls, one voicemail and six messages from Alex asking (demanding) they meet up and talk. Begrudgingly, Lena agrees on one condition. No Kara.

Admittedly, she likes Alex. They weren't besties of any sort, but the woman had humor and spunk and she went to bat for Ruby while Sam had been dealing with a very much alive Reign. If anything, Lena respects Alex, and, right now, she hated herself for that. Alex is very much a culprit in this as well.

It may seem hypocritical of her to be mad at everyone except Sam, but Lena nursed a bottle of the finest scotch at the thought that Sam didn't have a say in knowing or not. The super team didn't let her in. She found out all on her own (thanks, but no thanks, to Reign) and swore herself to secrecy. Perhaps it may be that Sam is the only one on her side.

Anyway, Alex promises no Kara and Lena meets up with her at Alex's place. Honestly, she thinks she would have denied the request(s) if it weren't for Sam and her good beliefs in the oldest Danvers.

The woman is, surprisingly, sober. Lena knows that something went on between her and Sam during the road trip, and coming back alone must be hard according to her info. Samantha Arias has very much fallen in love with Alex and Lena can practically see the same pouring from hazel eyes when she talks with Alex.

Alex calls her out for "not my secret to tell" and Lena wants to yell at her for it, because she knows what she said and she doesn't take that back. It's just hard thinking she was someone's best friend and was in the dark the whole goddamn time. Then again, she must not have been a best friend. Why would that be true if everything else wasn't?

She hates herself for the little lies her denial told herself. She hates herself for opening up. She hates herself for falling hard for liar. She hates herself for it all.

In the end, Lena leaves with the promise to think about talking to Kara again. The bile – that, apparently, doesn't want to leave her stomach during this entire ordeal – rises up at the thought, and she exits as quickly as she can to settle it back down.

Alex Danvers and her ability to talk to people is a fucking gift, because Lena fucking caves and finds herself talking to her betrayer again.