Title: Caged Memories
Summary: AU set during 5th year. Sirius and Remus find Harry after a particularly disturbing occlumency lesson, bringing memories to the surface Harry would give anything to forget.
Relationships: Sirius/Remus and very minor Harry/Hermione
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
"Finally!" Sirius exclaimed as he stepped past the threshold of Dumbledore's office, turning briefly to salute the stone gargoyle statue sarcastically as he fled.
Remus followed behind at a slower pace. He rolled his eyes at the other man's antics as he commented, "It wasn't that bad, Sirius."
"Right. This time. I'm still having flashbacks from the last one." Sirius replied, his steps slowing down the further he got from the headmaster's sitting room. The two had just come from an Order meeting, the third one in as many weeks, and it was starting to take its toll on Sirius's nerves.
"I understand, but you know we have no choice. It will get better once we have a new location. We will just have to deal with these frequent 'staff meetings' for now." Remus consoled quietly, conscious of the sleeping portraits on the walls.
Sirius threw an exasperated look over his shoulder and further slowed his pace so he was in step with Remus. "Whether the 'staff meetings' are here or not is a moot point, Moony. They are still a waste." He lowered his voice to the barest of whispers and moved closer to Remus. "Voldemort is still out there, Death Eaters still hold high positions within the ministry, and we are no closer to any leads or clues than we were three weeks ago. Forgive me for being frustrated."
Remus reached a hand out and grasped Sirius's, giving it a squeeze as he felt the dark haired man let out a heavy sigh.
Remus understood how Sirius felt; if he were honest, he was just as agitated. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind for the Order of the Phoenix. After Arthur Weasley's attack, things had gone from bad to worse. Number 12 Grimmauld Place- the headquarters and safe haven for the Order- had been compromised when Mundungus had been grabbed by a Death Eater while trying to escape a hideout. He'd apparated the Death Eater straight into the front hall of Grimmauld place, much to the joy of Walburga's portrait. Though the Order stunned the man as soon as they heard Mundungus's cries, they hadn't been fast enough to stop the masked man lifting his sleeve and pressing his wand against the Dark Mark.
Since then, Dumbledore's office had served as the new meeting place for formal discussions.
Sirius squeezed Remus' hand back and held it as the two continued through the castle.
"You think Harry might be awake?" Sirius asked, attempting to sound nonchalant. He saw Remus shrug from the corner of his eye, his gray sweater making a scratchy sound with the movement.
"Even if he is, we shouldn't bother him."
"Why not? It's not like we'd be the ones getting detention if they see him out of bed." He smirked as he guided them down another passage that would conveniently put them near the dungeons. Harry had occlumency that night, and it was nearing the time his lesson would end.
"I don't recall a time you ever cared about getting a detention." Remus muttered under his breath, earning a light elbow to the chest from Sirius.
They continued in companionable silence for a few more minutes before Remus's voice filled the darkened hall again.
"How do you feel about Harry learning occlumency, Sirius?"
Sirius glanced his way, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Which part? The actual art of occlumency, or the git teaching him?" He scowled at the thought of the potion's master.
When he'd heard about Harry's vision the night of Arthur's attack, he and Remus immediately floo'd into Dumbledore's office. Unfortunately for him, that was the exact moment that Severus Snape walked in. He didn't remember many details after that, only that it took all of Remus's strength to restrain him when Snape grabbed Harry's arm and all but drug him out of the office and to the dungeons to begin those lessons.
Remus recognized the look of remembrance on Sirius's face and chose to ignore it, instead concentrating on the original topic. "The art of occlumency." He shook his head, the concern evident on his face as he breathed out his next thought. "I just…Do you think this is wise?"
Sirius paused and studied Remus. "Do you not think it's wise?"
"It's not that." He said, releasing his hand from Sirius' light grip to comb it through his hair. He started to walk again. "Never mind, forget I said anything."
"Not a chance, Remus." Sirius placed a firm hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "He's just as much yours as he is mine. If you don't think he should be doing this, we need to talk about it."
Remus breathed deeply and gently moved Sirius' hand from him. His tone portrayed his exasperation as he said, "I don't think there is a choice; he absolutely has to do it. Dumbledore says it's imperative."
"Dumbledore isn't raising him." Sirius whispered sternly, his blue eyes piercing into Remus. There was something about saying Dumbledore's name within the castle that Sirius found to be taboo, especially considering the elder wizard seemed to have eyes and ears everywhere within the building. Nevertheless, he had no qualms with saying what he had.
It seemed like everyone had an opinion on how Harry should be brought up, what courses he should take in school, the food he ate, even the clothes he wore. Molly Weasley was usually the most vocal in her opinions, much to Sirius's annoyance, but Dumbledore was a close second. And Remus, being the kind soul and rational person he was, sometimes let others' opinions dominate what he thought.
Sirius had spent too many years in Azkaban, too many years away from Harry and Remus, to ever let someone else's opinion dictate how he lived his life. The only opinion Sirius cared about regarding Harry was Remus's, and he needed him to know that and have the confidence to assert it.
Remus opened his mouth to speak before closing it abruptly as a noise sounded down the corridor, effectively stilling their conversation. Sirius looked like he wanted to keep going, but one look from Remus told him the discussion wouldn't be continued.
Sirius glanced toward the direction of the noise before he turned back and glared at him. "This isn't over, Rem."
"It is for now." Remus turned his attention back to the corridor. "Come on. Maybe that's Harry."
The two continued further and turned the corner, expecting to see their godson walking toward them or-at the very least- Peeves destroying some property or another.
The sight that met them stopped them in their tracks. It was Harry down the hall, but it wasn't how they expected to see him. Harry was leaning against the stone wall with his head in his hands, his body shaking so much that his legs could barely support him.
It only took them a second to react.
"Harry!" Sirius yelled as he bounded toward his godson, Remus right on his heels.
Harry 's head shot up at the sound of his name, his tear stained cheeks and red eyes the only thing the two men concentrated on. Sirius reached him first, lifting him under his arms so he was standing straight, his back against the stone wall. Sirius's face was contorted in worry.
"What's wrong? What's happened?"
"Did anyone hurt you? Where is professor Snape?" Remus questioned, his wand at the ready as he cast lumos and brandished it down the hall in the direction Harry had come from.
Sirius looked up at the mention of the potions master, his eyes dark as he muttered, "Was it Snape? Did he hurt you?" He pulled back from Harry to see his face, but Harry shook his head and gave a shaky "no".
Remus came back over to the two. "Nothing down the hall." He stood at Harry's side and moved an arm to cradle the young boy's head to his shoulder as he stroked his hair. Harry relaxed into him, and Remus kissed the top of his head and held him tighter.
"What's happened, prongslet?" Sirius asked softly, moving his hand under Harry's chin to lift his head up.
"If you don't want to talk about it, Harry, that's fine."
Harry couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I don't want to go upstairs yet. I don't…I don't want to go back up to the dormitory. I just need a moment to…to think. To just—" The frustration radiated off of Harry in waves, and there was no question in either adults' mind as to what the next plan of action was.
"You'll come home tonight." Remus told him, already leading him away from the wall they rested against.
Harry hesitated. "No, I can't just leave. Dumbledore—"
"Wouldn't dare stop us." Sirius interrupted. And by the look on his face, he was fairly certain no one would attempt to even try.
Something was going on with Harry, and the best place for him to get his bearings was in his own home, in his own bed, with his godfathers watching over him.
"We will send word to Dumbledore. Don't worry." Remus assured him.
Harry looked up for a second before saying, "Hermione. I need to tell her that I'm leaving."
Harry and Hermione had been in a relationship since Rita Skeeter's stalking of them during the Tri-Wizard Tournament the year before. Ironically, her constant articles and meddling was the push they needed to admit their feelings.
Even though Harry wanted nothing more than to leave as quickly as he could, he couldn't leave without at least letting her know that he was alright.
Even if he was far from it.
Sirius nodded in understanding as the three of them walked slowly in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. "Alright. You'll talk to her and get anything you want from your dorm and come back to Hogsmeade with us."
Harry nodded. His arm was still around Remus's back, using the older man as an anchor. His tears had since dried, but his body was still shaking. This occlumency lesson was the worst yet. It was so bad that he almost wished he had been inside Snape's memories again. What he failed to shield Snape from this time wasn't just good times with friends or images of his parents. No, he had failed to stop Snape from witnessing even deeper wounds, memories that he kept even from his own godparents.
He gripped the back of Remus's sweater tighter. Remus glanced from Harry to Sirius, a worried look on his face. Sirius patted Harry's head, offering him as much comfort in that gesture as he could before they reached the portrait hole.
Harry muttered the password and was thankful when the Fat Lady let them enter without a word.
The common room was all but deserted, with the exception of the brunette sitting in front of the roaring fire, her nose buried in a large book. Hearing their footsteps, she glanced up and smiled.
"Harry, you're back." She looked to Sirius and Remus. "Hello Sirius, Remus. It's nice to see you both."
Sirius and Remus smiled back at her. It had taken some time, but she finally referred to them by their first names. It was an especially hard habit for her to break in Remus's instance. "Professor Lupin" seemed etched in her brain from the moment he was introduced.
The lack of the normal boisterous behavior alerted Hermione that something was off, and when she finally looked at Harry, she realized why.
"Harry, what's the matter? Are you alright?" She questioned as she hurried over to him. By now, Harry had let go of Remus and met her halfway.
She held him at arm's length, studying him the way only she could. He did his best to look as normal as possible. She would see through it, but it would make him feel better.
"Listen, I'm going home with Sirius and Remus tonight. I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't worry."
"Too late." Hermione sighed, a sad smile on her face. "Was it occlumency? Did Snape do anything again?"
Harry shook his head and pulled her into a hug. Turning his head, he whispered in her ear, "I can't really talk about it right now. It's just…it's too much. Too fresh. I think I just need to be home so I can sort myself out. I wanted to see you before I left."
With a lingering kiss to her neck, he pulled back. Hermione nodded and leaned in again to kiss his cheek. "I understand. It will be good for you to leave this place for a night. Get some rest. I'll let Ron know if he asks."
"You're amazing. Thank you." He breathed. "Don't worry about telling Ron. I have to go upstairs anyway."
"No need." Sirius's voice sounded behind him.
While they were talking, Sirius took it upon himself to go to the dormitory and get anything his godson would need while he was away. Aside from his wand, the only other thing Harry ever took home with him was his invisibility cloak. He had plenty of clothes at the flat, and he would make sure Harry was back in time to change and be in the great hall for breakfast. Or, more likely, Remus would make sure all of this occurred.
Remus, who had also gone upstairs with Sirius, came down a moment later.
"Hedwig was waiting for you, Harry. I've told her to meet us at Hogsmeade."
Harry smiled gratefully at the two men and gave Hermione one last lingering look before walking back out the portrait with his godfathers. The two men bid Hermione a good night before the passage closed completely.
"How would you gentlemen like to get home this fine evening?" Sirius inquired as they walked down the corridor leading outside. Harry felt more grounded than he had before, but his legs still felt weak and his gait was slower than normal.
This time, Sirius was the one anchoring him, an arm around his shoulder lending him support.
Remus thought for a moment. "Harry, have you eaten dinner?"
"I did, but it wasn't much." He never could stomach a big dinner before an occlumency lesson.
Sirius frowned, but Remus continued. "Then, I say we take one of our good old secret passages and make a stop at Rosmerta's to get something to bring home with us."
Sirius grinned. "That is an excellent idea, sir Moony. The greatest I've heard all day."
Harry let out a laugh, and Remus smiled. "I'm glad I could be of service."
"I think we could all use a drink tonight." Sirius announced as they made their way to the passage that would lead to the pub. "And don't give me that look, Remus, I'm only suggesting he have a little."
Harry grinned at the playful banter exchanged by his godparents, his spirits lifting even more. He couldn't wait to be in the living room with a warm meal in front of him, surrounded by the two people that cared about him most in the world. There was nothing else he needed more than that tonight.
He didn't know if Snape was in a particularly vicious mood that evening, but the memories he found-that Harry had to relive- was a torture he hadn't experienced since he was brought to Hogwarts. One memory in particular was so grueling that Snape even had the decency to hold his tongue. That was the first time in occlumency that he had to relive anything from his time with his aunt and uncle. He wasn't sure if he wanted to quit occlumency forever or work with Snape every hour of the day and night so he never had to relive that time again.
Lost in thought, he didn't notice the worried looks Sirius and Remus were sending him.
After a few more minutes of walking, with casual conversation between the two older men, they finally reached Rosmerta's. Harry didn't know what the pub would look like at midnight, but he certainly wasn't expecting it to be as…lively.
There were more people there than there were during Hogsmeade visits. Men and women crowded the bar, with people shouting over one another to be heard amongst the crowd. The tables were no better; card games, drinks and dinner covered almost every inch of available space.
Remus twisted his nose at some of the drunken behavior, but Sirius felt right at home amongst the ruckus. Rosmerta spotted the three of them from behind the bar and let out a cheerful yell as she navigated the crowd to get to them.
"Ah, three of my favorite customers! How are my boys doing?" She joyfully yelled while giving them all hugs.
"Quiet night, Rosmerta?" Sirius laughed, and Rosmerta swatted his arm as she joined in.
"You should have seen it last night. As long as the wireless keeps up with the Quidditch scores and the drinks are flowing, I don't think I'll get a moments peace for another hour or so. What brings you boys in?" She looked from Harry to Sirius and Remus, a horrified expression on her face. "Do not tell me you two snuck this poor boy out. He should be in bed!"
Harry smiled sheepishly as Remus calmly explained why they came in. Once she heard he wasn't feeling well, she patted Harry on the cheek and said, "What can I get you to eat, love?" She looked from Harry back to the two of them. "I'm assuming you want to take this home?"
"If you would be so kind, Rosmerta." Remus replied, and she nodded.
"Don't worry about a thing. It should only take a few minutes to have your food boxed up and ready to go. Make yourselves at home, in the meantime. Would you care for a drink?" She directed the question to Sirius, who nodded enthusiastically.
Remus rolled his eyes as Harry grinned again.
As Rosmerta walked away, Sirius turned to face Harry and Remus. "I'm going to grab a drink and meet you back here."
They nodded and Remus led Harry to the quietest part of the place he could find, which was the farthest away from the Quidditch broadcast. Under normal circumstances, Harry would have been more interested in the score and probably would have joined Sirius near the action. But, he was content with just sitting with Remus and biding his time until they could leave.
Finally able to hear himself think, Remus concentrated on Harry again. He could see that the young boy had visibly calmed down from earlier, and he seemed to be getting back to his old self. Still, there was a look in Harry's eyes. It was a look that he himself held one too many times, particularly when he was the wolf. It was haunted, and that made Remus more upset than he thought was possible.
"How are you feeling, love?" He asked, and Harry turned to face him. He kept his tone discreet.
Harry moved closer and shrugged. "I'm better."
Remus reached over and cupped the boy's cheek before settling it on his mop of messy hair. Harry looked up at him from the strands, looking much like the innocent boy the world forgot he was supposed to be.
Remus's heart ached.
"We'll go home, get some food in you, and have a talk. How does that sound?"
"Good." Harry replied, the desperate sincerity pouring out in that one word. Remus always had a way of making even something as normal as eating dinner sound like the best thing in the world.
Maybe it was because it was Remus, and Harry knew exactly what to expect when they left the bar. He knew that when they got home, Remus would send him to his room to change of of his school robes. And when he came back out, there would be a fire burning in the hearth, and the takeout would be on plates on the table in front of the couch. It would be warm and safe, and Harry would melt into the cushions and probably fall asleep right there.
Or, maybe it had nothing to do with Remus at all. Maybe it was because "normal" was never something Harry had the opportunity to enjoy growing up. Maybe because "normal" for him was having to wait-when he was allowed the luxury at all- to take a cold shower after Dudley used all of the hot water. And then change into clothes too large and sleep in a cupboard too small, with the only warmth coming from the tattered blanket that used to belong to Aunt Marge's dog wrapped around him.
Harry wished more than anything that that memory was the one Snape uncovered.
Sirius came back with his drink, and their food tucked away in a paper bag under his arm.
"Rosmerta wasn't kidding. The food was ready before my drink was poured!" Sirius laughed, gesturing at the still crowded bar. "Took me ten minutes just to get the bar man's attention! But, my patience has been rewarded."
"Considering I saw you down half of it walking over here, savor the rest. We should be going."
Sirius pouted. "You wound me, Moony! I wanted to make sure Harry had a taste. I did promise, after all." He laughed, glancing at Harry with a wink.
Harry let out a hearty laugh, mainly because there was no way Remus would ever let him have any of it. Especially not in crowded bar while he was underage.
As he suspected, Remus took the drink out of Sirius's hand, earning a surprised gasp from the dark haired man. When Remus went a step further and poured the rest of the drink into another patron's cup—the grateful recipient yelling "Cheers, mate!" and eliciting a round of applause from the table— Sirius did more than gasp.
Harry was almost in tears laughing.
Leaving the bar, Remus was only given a second's head start before Sirius grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground. By the end, both men were laughing as they helped each other up.
Harry, who had been given the food before the scuffle, looked on with a joyful expression.
Seeing the change in his mood lifted their spirits.
"Alright, let's get home." Sirius said, and all three made their way to their flat.