You're Already Broken

by Virginia Hensley

The return of "You're Already Broken". Octavia is sneaking around the vents in the bunker. She accidentally gets entangled in Ravens very private life. Sorry to repost. Disclaimer: Violence, violence in an intimate relationship, graphic sex scenes

Octavia closed the panel behind her and began her long crawl through the vents. Soon she heard the sound that marked time for her. It was eight o'clock because Raven was working out in her dorm. Octavia noted the space between her breaths which also measured the pace of her workout. Octavia frowned when she heard the quick, almost erratic pace of Raven's exhales as she performed sets of sit ups by her bed. Octavia knew from her experience in the vents Raven would work out for exactly an hour and a half, then shower and be in bed at exactly ten.

Raven's vent was a boring show. She read books, worked out, prayed at her shrine, and responsibly slept. The only thrilling sight was of her emerging from her shower and toweling off. Octavia found herself waiting for Raven to emerge, wondering if she desired to check on her or spy on her naked. She wanted it to be the latter. Octavia mused to herself she didn't even know how to care about someone, much less ask about why someone seemed stressed.

Raven finally appeared wiping her face. Octavia noted she looked exhausted. She toweled her tan, fit body but instead of dressing, she retrieved several objects from her night stand and laid on her made bed. Octavia didn't know if she was more surprised that Raven was going to masturbate or that Raven had left her damp towel in the floor.

Raven exhaled heavily as she spread her legs and covered her shaved vagina with lube. She absently rubbed herself and tried to relax.

Octavia wondered why she found this so enticing. Raven had never really turned her head before. But there was something raw, bare, aching in her eyes Octavia gravitated to. It was the distinct look of pain, long internalized.

Raven pushed two fingers in herself and moaned lightly on her exhale. She tried to breathe the anxiety off her chest. She twisted her neck and closed her eyes to imagine it was another elegant hand dipping inside her, that same elegant mouth sucking her earlobe and whispering commands.

She fingered herself briefly then applied more lube and rubbed herself slowly and deeply, kneading the flesh around her inner thighs and hips.

Octavia felt her mouth watering and wondered what haywire biological process caused that to occur. She tried to swallow quietly.

Raven reached for a dildo and lubed it carefully. She heard the vent creak. She slipped the head between her lips and ran it up and down. She tried to measure her breathing and relax as she pushed it in all the way and tightened on it. She breathed for a moment, letting her muscles relax, willing her heartbeat to slow.

"Are you really going to watch, Octavia?" she asked finally.

She heard a hard swallow in response.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked indignantly.

"You're the only stealthy little pervert on the loose," she deadpanned.

"I'm not ... I have vent business up here, thank you. I'm not perving ... you're the one with the giant dildo and the vat of lube."

"Is that interest or incredulity?"

Octavia seemed to consider the question and perhaps battle with herself for the reply.

"Both, I think," she finally stated.

"Do you want to watch from up there? It feels kinda creepy. You can come down," Raven told her.

She hesitated. "And just ... watch you?"

"Isn't that what you're doing up there? And masturbating?"

"Ew. Hey. I'm not. I don't."

"You just watch other people?"

"For your information, I was checking on you. I didn't expect to burst in on anything autoerotic."

Raven rolled her eyes.

"I don't care about your judgements, Octavia. You're officially bursting in. I'm not throwing you out, I'm just saying to come down if you want to stay. If not, please go so I can do my thing."

Silence.

"I'm not gay for you, Raven, I just ..."

"Christ, Octavia, you don't strike me as gay. You do strike me as wanting to watch. Come down or go, don't saddle me with your neurosis."

She opened the hatch and dropped down lightly.

"How do the lesbians watch each other? Should I don a flanel shirt and shout sports talk? Get an angry haircut?"

"I'm not making this awkward, you are."

Octavia rolled her eyes. She looked around for a suitable place to ... sit and gawk at Ravan naked.

Raven patted the end of her bed with her foot. So close? Octavia approached the bed hesitantly until Raven produced a joint and lit it. Then she plopped down like they were sharing an after school snack.

Raven puffed it to get it started and handed it to a grateful Octavia.

"No smoking in your seclusion?"

"I asked for a quarter bag but it hasn't been produced yet."

"I'm sure any day now ..." Raven replied with a smirk as she reached for the joint.

Octavia puffed it stubbornly and held the smoke in. She blushed when her eyes roamed to Raven's naked thighs.

"I'm really not into women ..." she said when she noticed Raven watching her.

"Everyone knows I am," Raven responded simply. "I don't care what you are, Octavia. Honestly, you're a monster in my eyes either way."

Octavia smiled like Raven complimented her. "Thank you," she told her proudly.

"Live and let ... slay utterly ... I guesss," Raven told her.

"You're too damn smart for me, Raven. You know I never read the Bible."

Raven genuinely smiled at her acknowledgement of such a random quote of Ezekiel.

Octavia contemplated the smoke as she slowly exhaled.

"I think my mom may have read parts to me, under the floor."

Raven nodded and intentionally touched her hand in the exchange of the dwindling joint.

"I see why you feel so at home in the vents," she commented darkly.

"Floor kid humor. How sophisticated of the world class intellectual."

"Sorry," Raven amended with a blush, "That was harsh."

Octavia shrugged although she would never admit she liked the ribbing. And Raven ultimately wasn't joking. Raven would both kick her ass and judge her righteously if cornered. Some submissives are driven by a strength not a weakness of character.

Raven let Octavia finish the joint. When she put away the ashtray and leaned back into position, Octavia was waiting to nudge her knee open.

Raven didn't know why but she felt a blush crawl up her body.

She laid back and spread her legs. When she applied the lube again, she hesitated to ask if Octavia wanted to ... but a glance at her face told her Octavia was frozen in place.

She rubbed herself quickly, sensing Octavia's gaze wandering to her dildo until she reached for it. Again she hesitated to see if Octavia would take it. When she didn't, Raven rubbed the head against her lips again.

She hesitated for the tease.

"Do it," Octavia finally told her impatiently.

She slid it in all the way and gasped a the sharp feeling of it jabbing her. She was surprised how much Octavia's presence altered the experience. She rubbed her hands down her body as Octavia licked her lips.

When her hand returned to it, it was visibly trembling and she bit her lips anxiously. She began to pull it out slowly and sink it back in quickly. A few thrusts was all she could handle as she began to glance at Octavia's open mouth and bouncing chest.

Octavia leaned forward, she thought to see better, and placed a hand on Raven's thigh. Raven's eyes met hers and they insisted, faster.

Raven tried to work the dildo faster but Octavia's small hand pinning her knee down and her enormous eyes locked on her pussy made that difficult. She began to feel stressed, emotionally overwhelmed because she felt Octavia was insisting, more, and she was fumbling to please her demand. Finally she met Octavia's eyes nervously and Octavia licked her lips.

"It's fine," she said as she leaned forward between Raven's parted thighs and pushed her hand back. She gripped the dildo like it was a sword she hadn't held in a very long time. The power seemed to run like electricity through her body.

"You don't have to," Raven struggled to tell her.

She pushed Raven back into the pillows and eased over her.

She pulled the dildo out and pushed it back in a few times, testing Raven's resistance, gaining the feel of it.

"How hard?" she asked her breathily. Only then did she think of earlier in the night, of Raven working out erratically, of the activity they were enjoying and why she sought it.

"Destroy me," Raven told her needily as she broke eye contact. Octavia, all that she was, all the she wasn't, all she had become, everything inside of her ... the desire needed no contemplation. She wanted to destroy her.

"Put your," Octavia struggled to instruct her, "Hands on me so I will know if you want me to stop. I get crazy. Just claw at me or fling me off you."

What. A. Fucking. Comment.

"It's fine," Raven told her in a bewildered tone. "I want you to."

As given to impulse as Octavia was, she actually felt her conscious whispering to her. Do you care about this girl? Why does she want this from you? What's going on with her? Should you really check on her? Does any of that matter more than the overwhelming desire to fuck her right now?

She felt Raven slip her small arms around her nervously.

"Is that ... is that okay?" she breathed against her ear submissively.

Octavia groaned and tried to nod.

She watched herself pushing in and pulling out, watched the way Raven's little shaved pussy parted softly and clung to the intrusion. Each deep thrust caused Raven to make a high pitched girly sound she didn't even realize Raven could make. Octvavia wanted to hear a whole orchestra of gasps and moans and pleas.

Raven locked her hands on Octavia's lower back as her posture relaxed. Soon she had lost her gentle grip as her body melted into the bed and her head drifted back.

Octavia had never made another woman orgasm before but she knew Raven was close. She fought the urge to kiss her and wondered where the hell that came from. She tried to watch Raven's beautiful hips as she sank into them to avoid looking in her gorgeous undulating eyes and perpetually smiling lips.

"Do you want to? Should I?" she asked aginst Raven's chest. She felt her mouth hovering dangerously close to a nipple that suddenly seemed like the most suckable thing in existence.

"Yes, Octavia," she told her softly. The sound of her name spoken patiently and affectionately made Octavia jump and press against her momentarily. She backed off carefully and balanced on her quaking elbows. She fumbled with the toy and realized with frustration she was trembling. She was irritated when Raven noticed, too, but she pulled Octavia against her and lightly kissed her cheek.

"It's fine. I want your hand anyway," she cooed to her sweetly.

Shit. She probably should have said no but she instantly pulled the toy out and thrust her fingers in her own mouth. Raven eased them out and put them in her hot mouth instead. She sucked at them expertly until they were wet.

Octavia felt her pussy throb in agony when Raven sucked her fingers. God, she wanted to kiss her. What a nightmare.

She struggled to put space between their bodies as her fingers swam to Raven's folds under the guidance of her own needy hand.

"Yessssss," she hissed happily against Octavia's ear. She absently played with Octavia's hair.

Octavia felt some internal voice object, hey, stop doing gay stuff. But she totally ignored it as she rubbed Raven's irresistible pussy and pressed inside.

"God yes, Octavia. Please fuck me," Raven asked her urgently. It was an authentic request.

"Okay," she told her foolishly like she was hanging on every word. She felt Raven began to pulse around her fingers. Her little clinging hands pulled at Octavia's clothes.

Raven instinctively yanked Octavia against her and murmured into her ear as she climaxed hard and gasped for release. She fell fast and hard against Octavia who was propped beside her awkwardly, open mouth trying to breathe regularly, darting eyes trying to lock on anything but Raven's face.

God, she's terrified of intimacy.

"Thank you," Raven whispered to her as she eased Octavia's hand out and away.

Octavia sat up like she just realized she missed the bus.

"Wow, it's so late. I really have to go," she heard herself saying dumbly.

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the ... I had fun," Octavia told her lamely.

Raven nodded dismissively.

Octavia dimly remembered. Was there something she was going to ask about? Suddenly the image of her cradling Raven's body to her and passionately kissing her intruded her mind. She jumped at her own gay thoughts.

Raven pulled her blanket over her body and sighed as she cuddled into her pillow.

"Be careful up there, Octavia. Come to me if you need anything."

Octavia was already shoving the panel into place and hurrying away. She didn't know she could crawl/run but apparently intimacy is that scary to some people.

Chapter 2

End Notes:

Should I flex or?

Octavia listened carefully to Raven's workouts each night. When a week passed without anything irregular in her schedule, Octavia lingered at her vent and eventually spoke to her.

"Your weed smells good."

"Why do I feel like you've been up there for a week working on something nice to say and that's all you came up with?"

"Sorry. I don't have a lot of practice being nice."

"It's fine. Want to come down and smoke?"

She opened the panel and dropped in as her reply.

"I like getting stoned with you. It reminds me of when Clarke and I first smoked as teenagers."

Raven gave her a little smile and showed her a contraption she had obviously fashioned herself.

"Is that a bong?"

"It is. Perks of being a mechanic."

Octavia waited while Raven fussed with her invention and sucked an enormous hit into it. She held the bong out for Octavia who accepted it with a grin. When she was doubled over coughing, Raven took her own hit and loaded another for Octavia.

Half an hour later, they were laying beside each other on their backs, staring up at the constellation art Raven had painted on her ceiling.

"You know they're just burning gas, right? Stars are the most basic thing in the universe."

"What's basic is your understanding."

She laughed a little. "Educate me then, poindexter."

Raven pointed to the ceiling.

"What's happening is our local star, Sol, is radiating electromagnetic energy. This energy can be understood as a spectrum with 12 colors. As sol emanates its energy, the orbiting mass bodies interact with the energy. Imagine a water spout where 9 kids run in perfect circles around it, cutting the flow of the water spray into these strange patterns. But if you quantified it, you'd see the patterns breaking into smaller patterns. A geometric puzzle created by the interference pattern of the running kids through the water spray."

"I can't believe I'm following this."

"When we make a freeze frame, I can show you the original one energy, split into two, split into four, split into eight, split into twelve. Then those twelve discernable qualities break into smaller combinations. If we took the children, the orbiting mass bodies, away, it would return to just being the 12 energies emanating from the central source."

"How does it apply to our personalities and human events though?"

"Because all matter is stardust which has broken off Sol and all the energy is the electromagnetic emanations of Sol. We are stardust enlivened by sunrays."

"That can't be true."

"It is. The reason Sol's emanations control us, control what we are and what we experience, is that we are existing within Sol. Everything is Sol interacting with itself."

"I'm officially mind blown."

"So we are an extension of the coordinates associated with our birth."

"Because our energy was formed in that moment."

"Yes. And the events that occur are occurring due to Sol's energy. That's why everything repeats. It's a pattern created by Sol's continued existence."

"So a zodiac is a key for its star."

"Exactly. Its for computing coordinates within the system."

"So if our earth zodiacs are ancient, who created them?"

Raven smiled at her. "That's a very smart question. We don't know."

"I thought the Greeks did everything in the superancient world."

"The Hellenes got their culture from the Minoans. We don't know what came before them. Their language is yet undeciphered."

"Why do I feel like you've taken a crack at it?"

"Because cracking Linear A is every linguist's wet dream."

Octavia laughed. What a nerdy comment.

"Which is the original zodiac?"

"We have no idea. The Egyptian zodiac appeared first from our evidence. It comes down to a guy called Senenmut. He was the resident genius to the princess Pharaoh Hatshepsut. His tomb has the oldest constellation drawing. He almost certainly didn't create it himself because he was a scholar. Likely he observed it somewhere and recreated it in his tomb."

"So the Greeks stole it?"

"They traded it back and forth for a few millennia. By the time Alexander conquered Egypt, it was abandoned. He never knew why. His Hellen scholars had copied the Babylonian zodiac in Persia. They then copied the Egyptian zodiac as well. They were initially alongside but got blended over centuries of Greek synthesis."

"So the modern is a compilation?"

"Yes with massive redactions and erroneous corrections. The dark ages and empirical Christianity hacked at it pretty severely over time."

"Do you know everything, Raven?" Octavia turned to her seriously.

Raven smiled. "Of course not. I'm currently trying to understand the moon."

"Well, let me get you started. It's the white thing in the sky at night."

Raven laughed. "I mean how it was created and its true purpose."

"You're better at the Bible than me, but I feel like God farted ..."

Raven laughed.

"I'm spitballing here. Pretty sure the Titans had a role in it. Something about Cronos."

"Very cute. Our massive collision theory needs one hell of an overhaul."

"You're telling me," Octavia told her with humorous emphasis. Raven laughed and fell into silence. Eventually Octavia turned her head and stared at her.

"I knew you before I met you," she told her, warding off her shyness momentarily.

"Me? How?"

"Clarke told me about you when we were teenagers. We were actually getting high. Clarke used to slip into this heavily Australian accent when she was stoned."

Raven giggled.

"I didn't even know she was gay. She just turned to me in her Australian accent and asked, 'you know how, when you were a kid you humped all your pretty dolls? Right but there was one doll you found really beautiful and had very strange feelings for?'"

Raven grinned. "That's Clarke," she mused quietly.

"I told her, 'Clarke, you're saying the gayest thing I've ever heard.' But she turned to me, so serious, and told me, 'It's Raven. My special doll is Raven.'"

Raven dropped the smile. "What?"

Octavia watched her reaction carefully. Eventually Raven turned to her and feigned innocence.

"Were you her girlfriend?"

Raven shook her head slowly. "No, not really."

"So you were?"

"Clarke doesn't ... really commit ... like that. We were friends. We slept together. It was a long time ago."

"Does that mean Clarke feels entitled to do whatever she wants with a girl without being obliged to commit? Like, she uses women?"

Raven glanced around the room nervously.

"Clarke ... is the leader. And that means when we criticize her, it could have a dramatic effect on her role and her day to day life. Clarke doesn't face a little scrutiny, she faces an avalanche of cruel criticism. So it's not really fair to levy judgmental opinions. One, she's an easy target and that makes it childish to take shots at her and two, despite my disappointment in our relationship, she's a friend. My loyalty to her will never crack."

Octavia didn't know what about that speech made her so jealous. Perhaps that she had never enjoyed such blind loyalty from her selfish followers. She had never commanded such devotion. And it seemed to her that Clarke never even earned it, was just handed over to her by a teenage girl she obviously exploited.

"Is she the reason you're sad?"

Raven didn't expect that. She looked at her carefully.

"How am I sad?"

"You spend all your time alone, reading and getting stoned."

Raven sat up. "I spend all my time working. I'm just blowing off steam. Is that allowed?"

Octavia realized she hurt her feelings.

"I guess I just wanted to know if you're Clarke's girl or not."

"I'm not," she told her curtly. "And I honestly never was. Clarke is amazing. But she won't commit. Not to me, at least. That's all I can say."

"You deserve better anyway," Octavia told her quietly.

Raven heard the sweetness in her tone and some distant part of her brain told her Octavia was never sweet to anyone and her interaction with Raven was the gentlest she'd ever been. Yet her portrayal of Raven's life and her observations didn't sit well with her.

"Octavia, why are you prying? You don't even know what you're talking about."

Ouch.

Octavia abruptly stood.

Raven reached for her apologetically.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Let's just change the subject. Don't go."

Octavia looked at the vent petulantly.

Raven pouted at her.

"I wanted to talk to you. Octavia, is it true you never masturbate?"

She pulled at her collar nervously as she sat down on the bed again.

"I didn't have a room to myself so I was never alone for long enough."

"Oh," Raven said with emphasis. "Do you want me to teach you?"

She wondered why such a juvenile concept turned her on.

"With all due respect, I don't have to touch myself. There's a line of people waiting to do that for me. Even if there wasn't, I'd be more likely to find someone else than do it myself."

Raven studied her.

"Because you're an egomaniac or?"

Octavia laughed.

"I don't have to do it myself, either. I prefer to. My skills are superior."

"Says the autoerotic."

"To a person sitting right beside her whose vagina she is evidently trying to touch."

Octavia laughed. She glanced around awkwardly and finally sighed.

"Fine. Do your thing. Show me what you want to show me."

Raven instantly dropped to her knees beside the bed. She pulled one of Octavia's boots into her lap and pulled at the laces. Octavia watched with interest. Raven sat her boots and socks to the side and reached for her belt. Octavia leaned back on her hands and Raven took her belt and unbuckled her pants. She raised her hips as Raven pulled her pants and underwear down and off. She glanced up at Octavia and the absolute silence in her gaze made her heart skip. How strange.

Raven stood and motioned for Octavia to slide back on her bed. She crawled beside her and laid on her side. When Octavia hesitated to spread her legs, Raven pulled her knee back with her own leg, gently holding her legs open.

Raven's instinct was to drop her head on Octavia's shoulder but she felt certain Octavia would not like that. She leaned against her lightly as she dropped a gentle hand on her hip.

"Should I brief you with a summary of the history of masturbation theory? School you on the basics? Shut up and finger you?"

Octavia looked in her big, brown eyes and was momentarily frozen in her beautiful, sweet, playful expression.

"Why do you want to do this?" Octavia asked her.

Raven hesitated and shrugged.

"You did it for me."

"... I wanted to."

"So do I."

"But isn't mutual masurbation just ... lesbian sex?"

Raven tried not to smile. "That might be subjective, I don't know."

She watched her own hand as it slid down Octavia's thigh. She extended a finger and ran it along Octavia's center lightly. She involuntarily jumped in response.

"Raven, you're fucking cute but I kind of hate this. It's so slow. Too slow. Come on. Spare me, please."

Raven smiled as she pushed her fingertips inside and rubbed them up and down. Octavia gave her an approving sigh so she moved quickly and lightly, rubbing her inside and out. She realized she forgot the lube and groaned internally. It wasn't even needed.

Octavia watched Raven's small hand rubbing her and stared at her mouth.

"Faster," she told her. She didn't really want to go faster, she wanted to give her a command and nothing better sprang to mind.

Raven tried and began to fumble.

"I'm .. leaning on my shoulder all strange. If I ..." the arm she had been propped against buckled and she fell against Octavia's chest. She was surprised when Octavia wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulder. She contemplated Octavia's mouth before getting comfortable against her body. "That's better, thanks."

"Yeah, I got you," Octavia told her absently. For some reason the comment made Raven squirm. She turned her focus to fingering Octavia.

Octavia groaned. She wondered what about their specific posture and proximity turned her on. She smelled of Raven's hair. It gave her the most surreal zap of pleasure and ... happiness?

She turned her attention from the realization urgently.

Octavia's right hand darted out and clasped the button of Raven's pants. She clawed at it before shoving her hand down the front of her pants instead. She felt her fingers sinking into unthinkable wetness and heat. She reached for Raven's center with her fingertips like she was urgently reaching for something lost deep within her.

Raven gasped and for a moment froze. She looked into Octavia's eyes hesitantly.

"Is that good?" Octavia asked her. She thought she was nodding but maybe she was just losing control of her appendages.

When Octavia pulled out and her fingers found a rhythm, she felt Raven resume her attention as well. Soon their hips began to jump in unison.

Octavia knew she couldn't ask to kiss Raven and couldn't ask Raven to kiss her. She wondered if she should just lean forward and kiss her. Their faces were so close.

Raven's eyes began to undulate and surge. Her overwhelming desire to kiss Octavia was making her blush brightly.

Octavia searched her mind for a command and finally thought of one.

"Raven, come with me," she told her urgently.

Raven nodded at her obediently as their hips began to arch and their breathing grew heavy.

Finally Octavia pulled the arm around Raven's shoulders tight.

Raven watched Octavia's mouth approach hers. She thought she was given a command to kiss her but she wondered upon impact if she simply jumped on her.

Octavia gasped and spasmed as Raven kissed at her lips. As her hips slowed and she came falling down, she pressed Raven back against the bed and pinned her below her chest. Her mind raised the alarm, stop doing gay stuff. But she couldn't think of anything but kissing Raven.

Raven accepted her kiss eagerly and returned it with compliance.

When Octavia finally leaned back and considered her situation, she felt as if a daze had come over her or a fever had burned her brain. Her hand was still in Raven's pants and she laid pinning her down and possessively kissing her.

Her mind told her, she's your girl. Tie her to the bed and act our your fantasies. She wants you.

Octavia leaned back abruptly with a pop. She looked around the room frantically.

Raven frowned.

"You don't have to do a song and dance. You can go."

"I just have urgent things to get to ... in the vents," her mouth rushed before her brain even considered her actions.

"I'm sure. Thanks for hanging out. I had fun."

Raven dropped back on her elbows as Octavia scrambled into her pants and shoes.

Before she jumped into the vent, she looked back solemnly and told her, "I had fun, too. Like ... a lot of fun."

Raven looked up at her with a little spark of happiness in the sea of disappointment which had become her signature expression.

"You're a pleasantly good kisser, Octavia."

Octavia jumped in the vent to hide her blush.

"Cool. That's ... I'm glad. I'll see you later, Raven."

"Be careful, Octavia."

Chapter 3

Summary:

I've been reading fanfic for around 12 years and I know how hard it can be to convey helpful feedback when we are unhappy with the direction of a story. These characters have a ton of collective compassion and ultimately I love that people read and even more that they care. They care enough to help my work by offering their feedback. And I appreciate and am helped by that. But please do not slam me with criticisms over this chapter. I try to write real women in real life situations. It's not always how I idealize the character in my dreamy heart. But I think it offers a lot more to us as readers. We can grow and heal through these stories and that's why it's important to really explore the real lives of women, no matter how we may struggle with the portrayal at times.

Raven held in her smoke and handed the joint to Octavia.

"Okay. Spill. Why are you crawling around in the vents?"

"Everyone knows I'm hiding from Clarke and Bellamy."

Raven nodded.

"I was originally hiding. Then I listened to conversations all day ... and the shit these people keep secret ... wow. I found out a lot of extremely useful information. I'm going to blackmail like ten people when I come down."

Raven laughed. "I'd say that's low but these folks sort of deserve it."

"You have no idea," Octavia told her seriously.

"I usually hate gossip but tell me something juicy."

"First, Abby and Marcus discuss their devious plans right out in the open. The shit they cook up ... it's crazy. Do you know they're keeping Diyoza as a sex slave?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Diyoza can handle herself. Abby doesn't have to force anyone to be her slave."

"... I've seen things in their vent I will never forget."

"Stop spying, then, crazy," Raven told her sweetly.

"Abby ... may be the freakiest, least conscionable person I've ever known. She has taught me a lot, mostly about how to be a cruel bitch."

"Language," Raven told her quietly.

"I learned most of my worst words from her!"

"Okay. I'm officially sorry I asked. Are you really going to blackmail Abby?"

"Definitely. Raven, you don't want to know but ... she deserves it."

"... now you're the judge and jury for justice?"

"Please don't go into a Clarence Darrow pacifism lecture."

"Fine. I asked to change the subject anyway."

Octavia glanced at her and her eyes raked down Raven's body.

"Mostly I ... I think of you."

Raven blushed. "You don't mean that."

Octavia rolled onto her side and stared at her.

"I do. I've never had a friend and it's really cool."

Her genuine smile made Raven's stomach flip.

"I think of things to tell you, learn things I hope to impress you with, wonder what you're doing all the time and ... also have dirty thoughts. Sometimes."

Raven raised a knee and crossed it over Octavia's leg.

"I think about you, too."

Octavia smiled again. "Really?"

Raven nodded happily. "I worried after last time ... you wouldn't come back."

Octavia inhaled heavily and nodded. "Me too, honestly."

Raven looked at the ceiling when she asked, "Why?"

"... a few reasons. You're a lesbian, you deserve a lot more than me, we have very different personalities, we rarely live in the same compound."

Raven opened her mouth to object but Octavia rushed ahead .

"And you're clearly hung up on someone."

That stunned her. "What?"

Octavia looked in her eyes seriously and waited.

"I'm not ... who do you think I'm ...?"

Octavia stared in her eyes. "Do you still sleep with Clarke?"

Raven looked away. "No. Would you be upset if I was?"

Octavia hesitated. "I just think if she cared about you, she wouldn't sneak."

Raven gave her an incredulous expression.

"That's easy to say, Octavia, but ... have you ever been in that position?"

"Hey. I'm not a lesbian but if I was, I wouldn't keep my girlfriend on a leash and let my boyfriend fuck her. I'm not a total freak like Abby."

Raven's nostrils flared like she hated that comment. Octavia eyed her with confusion.

"Raven, I'm not trying to ... I mean to say ... I care about how you're treated. Because I care about you."

Raven was tempted to snap and unload on her. She realized that would be a totally misdirected attack on a person genuinely trying to be nice to her. She refocused her frustration. She put her affection for Octavia in the forefront of her mind.

"That makes me really happy to hear that from you, Octavia," she told her sincerely.

Octavia glanced at her mouth. "Yeah? Don't you hate me? Like everyone does ..."

Raven tilted her head and reached to touch her face.

"Everyone does not hate you. Especially not me. I think you're really special."

The word 'special' made Octavia's heart skip and her mind flutter although she had no idea why.

"That's ... Raven ... I mean, I'm not ... but ... it was cool hearing that. I've never heard that."

Raven meditated on her decision briefly before scooting forward to kiss her sweetly on the lips. She thought she'd probably get shoved back but kissing someone never felt so right to her.

Octavia closed her eyes for the kiss. She reveled in the way it felt to be kissed by Raven.

Raven was surprised her tenderness was allowed.

"Am I cleared for kissing?" she asked.

Octavia tried not to smile when she nodded.

Raven grinned as she rose and climbed atop Octavia's prone body. She sat back on her hips and pulled her shirt over her head.

Octavia looked a little bewildered but she added, "bra too."

Raven discarded her bra and leaned forward on her hands to look down at Octavia.

"You brought an oxygen mask, right? Because I'm about to smother you with kisses."

Octavia wanted to groan but the thought honestly excited her.

She tried to sound exhausted in her resolve when she told her, "Fine. Do your girly thing."

"Really?" Raven asked.

"Yeah. I actually also have something ... I've been thinking about ..."

Raven felt a full body shiver make her nipples painfully hard.

"What have you been thinking about?" she asked as she began to plaster her face with kisses.

Octavia waited for so long that Raven eventually stopped kissing her to ask in frustration, "What is it?"

Octavia cleared her throat.

"Is it true lesbians ... do oral on each other?"

God, the way she phrased the question destroyed Raven.

"I've heard they do," she replied with a devious smile.

Octavia waited again for her to demand more information before replying.

"Would you find it totally crazy if I wanted to?"

Raven squeezed her when her thighs contracted involuntarily.

"Probably not as crazy as how badly I want you to."

Octavia's hips lurched and she bounced Raven accidentally. She grinned like she fucking loved it so Octavia squeezed her thighs.

"Raven?" she asked her hurriedly as she caressed Raven's bare breasts.

Raven 'mmmmmm?'ed in response.

"Will you ... ?"

"Anything," she responded breathily without thinking.

"Make me ache for it. Kiss me until I throw you down and rip your pants off."

That request made Raven feel like she was being torn apart by sexual desire.

"I'll do my best," she told her honestly.

---

Octavia was waiting for Abby to leave her office so she could sneak down and steal some stuff.

She heard the door open and rolled her eyes. It would be another few minutes, at least.

She heard Raven's voice and scooted to see through the vent. She was annoyed she couldn't easily hear their conversation because of Raven's gentle tone.

From her hindered view, she could see Abby removing Raven's shoes and pants. She began to fuss with Raven's leg, inspecting it and asking Raven questions as she did so.

Octavia wondered why they would be doing this in Abby's office instead of her work space.

"Does it hurt?"

"No," Raven returned instantly in a pouty tone.

"What about this?" Abby asked.

She heard Raven groan. She alerted and stared through the vent, wondering why Abby would be intentionally hurting her.

"Does this hurt?"

She heard Raven groan again and she stared at her face for an answer.

"Oh, Raven. I think I found the problem," Abby told her in her chiding tone.

She heard Raven moan.

"You're soaking wet."

What the fuck is she telling her? Octavia wondered as her ears strained to hear Raven's response. But she couldn't. Abby's mouth had already closed over hers.

Octavia felt like kicking through the vent and beating Abby with her bare fists.

"Is that better, Raven?"

Octavia clenched her jaw. She watched as Abby wrapped Raven in her arms and whispered to her. She was laying her down on the couch and crawling atop her when Octavia finally huffed

away, livid.

---

When Raven limped into her dorm, she was surprised to see Octavia laying on her bed.

"Oh, hey, honey," she said absently. She noticed Octavia clench her jaw.

She began to change her clothes.

"Do you want to smoke? Let me shower."

Octavia snorted.

"Smoke if you want to, you know where it's at. I need to shower."

Octavia ignored her. Raven knew she would deal with it when she was clean.

"Make sure to wash off your shame," Octavia told the door once it was closed.

Chapter 4

As Octavia laid on Raven's bed practicing her accusations, she felt herself growing irritated. She imagined herself getting in Raven's face and calling her a whore if she didn't confess. She wondered if that was an overreaction, but the thought of Raven kissing her so sweetly then laying with Abby without hesitation twisted her inside.

When Raven exited the bathroom, she sat up expectantly and readied herself to pounce.

"I'm - it's okay. I'm comin-" Raven's voice was abruptly cut by the sound of her smashing into the floor.

Octavia leapt up and ran to her. She was whimpering on her side, naked on the floor, clutching to her wounded thigh.

"Shit, Raven," Octavia said as she scooped her up carefully and took her to the bed.

When she laid her down, she asked, "Where's your medicine?"

"No medicine," Raven struggled to tell her as her face contorted and her body jumped with internal pain.

"What do you do for pain, Raven?" she asked her as she pushed her hair back.

"Walk it off," Raven told her through clenched teeth.

Octavia stared at her. And she thought she was immune to pain.

"You just lay here and feel the pain?"

"Well and get stoned," she said with exhaustion as she looked at her nightstand.

Octavia told her, "I'll get it. Just let me help."

Raven finally relaxed. She let Octavia adjust her on the bed and tuck her towel around her torso again. She focused on breathing as Octavia lit a joint she already rolled.

Octavia inhaled a hit and leaned forward to blow it into Raven's mouth. Raven was surprised but accepted it gratefully.

When Raven had stopped writhing, Octavia scooted to sit beside her and continued to blow hits into her mouth like a baby bird.

"Thank you," Raven whispered to her as she dropped her head on Octavia's shoulder.

"Is this okay?" she asked self consciously about the intimate contact.

She felt Raven nod and raise her face to accept a hit. Octavia slipped an arm around her shoulder. She knew it was okay but she asked anyway.

"Is this okay?"

Raven nodded and relaxed into Octavia's body.

"This feels so much better. Thank you, Octavia," she told her in earnest.

"Do you have lotion or massage oil or something I can rub it with?"

"Yeah there's oil in the bathroom. Are you sure you want to? It's not exactly foreplay."

Octavia looked in her eyes.

"Oh, well, nevermind then. Let me just throw you back on the floor, steal your weed and escape."

"I'm honestly a little surprised you haven't already," Raven told her with a wicked smile.

Octavia pretended to be offended as she rose and grabbed the oil.

"Octavia, will you grab a throw blanket from the closet? So we don't get oil all over the bedspread."

"Sure," she replied as she opened the closet. She gasped at what she found.

"Whose guitar is this?"

"It was broken. I fixed it as a project but I never found anyone who plays."

"May I?" Octavia asked.

"It's yours," Raven told her with a smile. "I'm happy it has a home."

Octavia sat the guitar in a chair and went to Raven.

She helped Raven adjust herself on the throw blanket.

"Should I dress?" Raven asked self consciously.

"Not unless you want to."

Raven relaxed as she watched Octavia pouring oil over her thigh.

"Thank you," she told her quietly.

Octavia hushed her as she began to rub her thigh in circles. Raven winced.

"It's okay. Let me work on it. Try to breathe and relax."

Raven sank her head into the pillow and closed her eyes. She was surprised how much better she felt already. If Octavia were not in her dorm, she would still be laying in the floor crying. When the top of Raven's thigh was massaged from hip to knee, Octavia asked her to roll and helped her adjust.

"God, I forget about your ass. Every. Single. Time."

Raven smiled with her eyes closed.

"You have the most perfect little ass," she told Raven as she rubbed the back of her thigh.

When Raven's thigh and hip were thoroughly palmed, she hesitated and asked, "How do you feel?"

"So much better, Octavia," she murmured to her.

Octavia hesitated.

"Would you like for me to … keep going?"

Raven was grateful the dim light was hiding her intense blush. She nodded and felt Octavia pouring oil liberally over her cheeks. She felt Octavia's prodding finger chase a rivulet between her thighs.

Octavia kneaded her perfect soft butt cheeks in her eager hands. Her fingers dug into the soft flesh. Her palms clung to her satiny skin.

"Octavia, that feels so good," Raven told her drowsily.

She dropped her thumb and grazed Raven's tight hole. When she didn't react, she rubbed two fingers downward against Raven's soft lips.

Raven moaned and inched her thighs apart. Octavia drug her fingertips through her folds and used her thumb to press against her ass.

Suddenly her mind flashed to Abby with Raven. She winced as the jealousy and anger coursed through her briefly.

Raven thought she was hesitating so she encouraged her gently.

"It feels good, Octavia. You can keep going."

"Roll over," Octavia told her as she climbed up her body and helped her reposition.

When she was on her back again, Octavia lifted her against her shoulder and wrapped an arm around her.

Raven was completely surprised by the intimacy. She felt as if she was interacting with a wild animal. Her instinct was to be perfectly still and silent, worried any word or sudden movement would cause Octavia to abandon her treat and scurry back into the vent.

When Raven was calm against her, she resumed her gentle petting between Raven's thighs. Raven was so grateful, she clung to her body and moaned for her.

For long moments they laid trembling in the dim light and whispered to each other as Octavia soothed her.

"Does that feel good?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Is that too hard?"

"No, it's perfect."

"How fast should I go?"

"Go slowly."

"Is my weight too heavy?"

"Never. I love to be laid on."

"Do you want to come?"

"Yes. Don't you want me to?"

"Of course. Lay your head on me."

Raven was a little taken back by the sweetness and the intimacy of their interaction but she dug her hands into Octavia's muscled body and curled her face into Octavia's shoulder as she orgasmed.

When she came down, Octavia was rocking her and kissing her head.

"Octavia?"

"Mmmmm?" she asked into her hair.

"That was incredible ... you're surprisingly good at this."

"Are you still feeling pain?"

Raven quickly said "no" and Octavia stared in her eyes skeptically.

"Some," she finally amended.

Octavia pushed her back and she instantly felt herself internally freaking out. Why did Octavia spurn her? What did she do wrong? How could she make it better? When would Octavia hold her again?

Octavia rose and grabbed the guitar. When she returned to the bed, she helped Raven get comfortable by herself then resumed tuning the guitar.

Raven watched her enraptured.

Octavia felt Raven watching her and finally told her, "Sometimes I had to go under the floor for a long time. Bellamy wasn't allowed to talk to me, so he would sing to me. He would go around the apartment loudly singing, for hours. He's actually a really gifted singer."

Raven wondered if she was going to cry. She stared at Octavia's beautiful face.

"We ended up learning so many songs," she told Raven absently as she strummed the strings. They rang out sweetly and Raven's face lit with a smile.

"You tuned it," she told her happily.

Octavia tried to control her blush as she began to pick a little tune for Raven.

Raven sank into the pillow and watched her with wonder.

I rode my bicycle past your window last night. I roller skated to your door at daylight. I'm okay alone but you've got something I need. Oh, I've got a brand new pair of roller skates. You've got a brand new key. I'm thinking we should get together and try them on to see. I been looking around a while, you've got something I need. Oh, I've got a brand new pair of roller skates. You've got a brand new key.

"You're so talented," Raven whispered to her.

Octavia rolled her eyes over her blush and changed to a different tune.

I love you, a bushel and a peck. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. A hug around the neck, a hug around the neck. I love you, though you make my life a wreck. You make my life a mess, you make my life a mess. Yes, a mess of happiness.

Raven dimly realized her pain had completely subsided. She dropped a grateful hand on Octavia's knee.

"How about one more?" Octavia asked.

Raven pouted. "A million more."

"One more. A lullaby. Then it's time for you to sleep."

Raven frowned. Her stomach tightened at the thought of Octavia leaving her alone again. She nodded bravely and gave Octavia all her focus and attention.

Octavia picked a solemn tune and began softly.

Hush a bye. Don't you cry. Go to sleep, my little baby.

Raven felt her vision zoom out. Her heart began to flutter. She felt as if timespace were shuttering.

When you wake, you will have all the pretty little ponies.

Raven felt tears stinging her eyes.

All the pretty little ponies are going to be there when you arrive. So, hush a bye. Don't you cry. Go to sleep, my little angel. When you wake you shall have all the pretty little ponies.

Raven brushed her tears back as Octavia put the guitar in the chair.

"I said you can have it. You can take it," Raven told her quietly.

"I will. I'll take it when I go."

She isn't leaving? Raven had never felt so grateful for anything in her life.

Octavia helped Raven get underneath her blankets and snuggled into the bed behind her.

Octavia didn't know why or how her entire posture toward Raven had changed so abruptly when she saw Raven in pain. She just knew her desire to care for her was more of a need than a lark.

"Raven, why didn't Abby help you when you saw her today?"

Raven stiffened. She remembered Octavia's clenched jaw and tensed with worry.

"I wasn't hurting at the time," she tried.

"She's your doctor. She should know what's up with you."

Raven waited for the coming blow.

Octavia dug her chin into Raven's shoulder.

"Does she even care about you?" Octavia finally whispered to her.

Raven felt tears run down her face. No, she doesn't care.

"These aren't glamourous lives we're living here, Octavia. I don't get the luxury of making only perfect decisions. Sometimes I just do what feels right or what comes easy. I'm not going to make excuses."

Octavia listened carefully. She was surprised she didn't get as irritated as she expected to. Raven's heartfelt response was hard to get angry at.

"If there was someone special in my life, I'd shut her down. But as it stands ... Marcus knows what Abby is up to. I have no idea what she tells Diyoza. I just know she's a hard person to deny."

Octavia breathed.

"You totally just went to bat for a monster," she told her with irritation.

"She would say the same thing if I was defending you," Raven's tone was laced with exhaustion.

Octavia sat up abruptly and stared down at her in the dim light.

"Yeah but Raven. You're smart enough to know the difference between the truth and a lie. You're good hearted enough to know the difference between a good person with a bad reputation and a bad person with a protected reputation."

Raven raised an apologetic hand to her face sweetly.

"I'm sorry," she told her.

"Like you should know," Octavia repeated herself. "Who is the real deal and who is just using you."

"I do know," Raven told her gently. "I do but ... baby, you're crawling in my vent, not offering me a relationship. If you were, I'd cease in all threats to that relationship. But do you really want me to ruin my relationship with Abby over some really good sex?"

Octavia smiled slightly at the compliment but frowned at the correct logic.

"I may not ... I may not have a lot ... or anything ... to offer you. But I'm here now. When it matters. I'm risking everything to be with you and give you the only thing I have to give you ... Access. Time. Care."

Tears rolled down Raven's cheeks.

"And I value it so much. Octavia. Thank you. Thank you a million times."

Octavia finally laid down again and resumed cuddling Raven's warm body.

They laid for long moments in silence.

"Should I go before you wake?" Octavia asked.

"What? No. Stay as long as you want, darling."

Octavia waited until she felt Raven was falling asleep before asking, "Can I leave my guitar in here?"

Raven nodded as she fell asleep.

"Can I leave all my things including myself in here?"

Raven snuggled her butt into Octavia's hips.

"Of course, darling."

Chapter 5

Octavia lay naked with her head against Raven's bare chest. Raven combed her dexterous fingers through her long hair.

"We would have a beautiful baby," Octavia drawled.

Raven's hands momentarily stopped and began again rigidly.

"Your heart is beating really fast," she told her as she balanced her face on her chin to look up at her.

"That's such a cheater move, listening to my heartbeat."

Octavia laughed.

---

Raven stood drying her hair in her bathroom. She hoped Octavia would be waiting on her bed when she emerged, naked and perfumed.

"Hey, gorgeous," a familiar voice sang.

Raven turned with surprise and covered her nakedness with her arms.

"Clarke," she said dumbly.

She blew the puff of smoke she was holding.

"I brought you some loud we just got in," she said with a grin.

Raven snatched on an outfit and looked around anxiously for signs of Octavia's inhabitation.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she handed over the blunt she was smoking.

Raven took it hesitantly.

"Sorry, I've been smoking with Bellamy a lot. He's into these cigar blunts."

Raven puffed it cautiously and coughed. "That's very loud."

Clarke smiled at her and reached a hand to take the hem of her shorts and reel her in. Raven stumbled toward her and fell against her lap.

Raven puffed the blunt quickly and handed it back. She stood and shook Clarke's clinging hands from her clothes.

"I left the bathroom light on," she said absently as she went to turn it off.

When Raven returned, she sat in the chair until Clarke ushered her sit with her on the bed.

"What's up with you?" Clarke finally asked.

"Nothing," Raven told her. She realized she was doing a terrible job of pretending but all she could think about was Octavia finding them together and getting the wrong impression. She could already be watching. She could have already gotten the wrong impression and stormed off. Raven's mind cycling through her paranoid fears nonstop as Clarke made small talk and got her absurdly stoned.

"You're ... you're staring," Raven eventually told her.

"My eyes are stuck," she smirked.

Raven shifted anxiously and glanced at the vent.

"I've been thinking about you," Clarke told her quietly.

"Thank you," Raven demurred.

Clarke gave her a face. Had Raven ever brushed her off before? Raven realized she was being so transparent.

"I think about you, too, Clarke. All the time. You were my only friend forever. "

Clarke looked in her eyes. "Friend?"

Raven desperately wished she wasn't blushing. "Best friend."

"No one argues semantics like Raven. Never duel a genius," she grinned at her.

Raven stood.

"I'm going to throw a sweater on. I'm cold."

Clarke caught her wrist.

"Raven, let's just ..." Raven desperately looked at the vent,"get under the blankets."

She swallowed. "Clarke, I have an early day tomorrow."

Clarke tugged her wrist anyway and she staggered against her knees numbly.

"I miss you," she whispered suggestively.

Raven pushed her back. Clarke abruptly got the message and released her.

Raven pulled a baggy sweater over her small shoulders.

"Should I trade you for this smoke?" she indicated the bag Clarke left on her night stand.

Clarke shook her head as she stood and grabbed her things.

Raven was so grateful she was leaving but she felt guilty, too. She hesitated and finally hugged her.

"Clarke, I care about you so much. Your friendship means so much to me."

Clarke followed her nervous gaze to the vent.

"Raven?"

Raven opened her own door and internally cringed at how rude of a gesture it was.

"Yeah, Clarke?" she asked as she stood beside the open door.

"Who was playing the guitar?" she indicated the guitar laying on her table.

Raven's eyes darted to it guiltily.

"Oh," she stammered.

Clarke went to the open door and waited.

"Me. Just trying to pick it up, I guess," she told her finally.

Clarke nodded with subtle irritation. "I see."

"Thank you so much for the weed," Raven told her happily as she embraced her lightly.

"No problem, homie," Clarke told her with a weird tone.

Raven practically shoved her out of the door.

"If you need anything, you know where I am."

Raven waited on her bed in agony for hours. She tossed and turned all night without sleeping. When morning came, she dressed numbly and limped from her cabin with a heavy feeling for foreboding in her gut.

---

A week passed without Octavia's presence. Raven tried to conduct herself normally, constantly wondering if Octavia was watching her, wishing nonstop she would just appear.

---

"I'll do it," Raven told Abby as she pulled at her own boots and socks.

Abby held her hands up passively.

"Since when do we meet in my examination room?"

"Since I need an examination?" Raven asked sharply.

Abby grasped her shirt and she pulled back.

"That's not needed," she told her quietly.

"What if I need to give you a breast examination?"

"Please, just," Raven barked at her, "Examine my damn leg."

"Raven, your leg is fucked up. Are you happy?"

Raven looked at her with exhaustion. "Abby, I need a doctor."

Abby popped her face. Raven gave her a wounded expression.

"You need to learn some respect," Abby told her harshly.

"Wow," Raven breathed. She began to snatch her boots back on.

Abby tried to interfere and Raven shoved her away.

"Did you just put your hands on me?"

"Abby, stop. Please. Just let me leave."

Abby's nostrils flared but she stood back and allowed her to leave.

---

Raven worked out like a maniac. She smoked until the entire vestibule was clouded with smoke. She tried to masturbate for the vents pleasure but she just felt horrible.

She finally opened the vent and called to her.

"Octavia?"

Her voice echoed and the helplessness in her tone upset the hell out of her.

"Octavia?"

Octavia?

Octavia?

Her own voice mocked her sorrow.

"Darling, I miss you," she told the emptiness.

Darling, I miss you.

Darling, I miss you.

"Octavia?" she lamented in despair.

Octavia?

Octavia?

"Please," she begged softly. "Please come back."

Please.

Please come back.

Please.

Please come back.

Chapter 6

Notes:

There is graphic, violent trauma in this chapter. Please take tremendous caution if that concerns you. The story will rebound however whether or not one should continue a relationship beyond the threshold of an episode of abuse is something each person should contemplate thoroughly and never take lightly. I personally hate violence but I have been challenged to write this, and apparently my obsession with meeting challenges is greater than my intolerance of violence and my heartfelt belief that love should never hurt.

---

It had been three weeks since Raven held Octavia in her arms. Her mind thought of her unceasingly, as if she were a zen meditation Raven balanced on its own thoughtwave all day and night. Her eyes sought Octavia in every shadow. Her ears searched for Octavia in every sound. She dreamed of lying in bed naked and listening to Octavia's songs and stories as she played with her hands.

And then, Raven began to cry. She woke crying and couldn't stop. Tears streamed down her face all day until it was impossible to meet anyone's gaze. She finally retreated to her cabin and laid in bed. She felt exhausted. She fell to sleep but upon waking, she felt the same exhaustion and was sucked back into unconsciousness. Days seemed to pass in this manner, crying and sleeping being Raven's only tasks.

---

"Raven, it's time to wake up. I need to talk to you."

She tried to turn from the harsh tone in the voice.

"Raven, I told you to wake up and listen to me."

She responded to the command subconsciously.

Abby finally popped her cheek.

"Sit up or I will give you this amphetamine shot."

Raven tried to scramble into a sitting position. She laid her heavy head on her bent arms which she balanced on her withdrawn knees. Her chocolate eyes struggled to focus on Abby's annoyed face.

"Raven, you look terrible. What is wrong with you?"

She looked away from Abby with disinterest. Abby's hand shot out and grabbed her face by the cheeks. Raven looked back to her eyes.

"Answer me."

Raven looked away again.

"You're not going to tell me?"

Raven inhaled resignedly.

Seeing that Raven refused to tell her anything, she released her face with a huff.

"Fine. I know it's Octavia."

Raven's eyes met hers sharply.

"Now I have her attention," Abby told her condescendingly.

"Where is she?"

"Raven, while you never had 'good taste' per say ... Octavia, really? She's like ten million shades of grey rolled into one ... narcissistic sadist. Like, that goes without saying. It's Octavia. And you're Raven. The girl so good she carried a million burdens. Our girl fantastic. The golden girl."

"Where is she?" Raven asked again urgently.

Abby toyed with the idea of slapping her.

"Octavia was caught spying in the vents. She had stolen numerous things. She was a grievous safety risk. And a general asshole nobody wants around."
Raven stared at her. She had the worst feeling in her gut.

"What did you do, Abby?"

"I didn't do anything, Raven. Octavia is the thief with an antisocial personality. She's a criminal. Clarke had every right to remand her."

Raven tried to rise and Abby pushed her back.

"She's a prisoner. You can't visit her."

"What did she do wrong?"

"I just told you she's a fucking thief and a general nuisance."

Raven stared in her eyes.

"... is this about me?"

Abby abruptly stood.

"I guess Narcissist of a feather flock together," she said dismissively.

"Abby, I'm sorry ... about us. But you can't take it out on Octavia. She hasn't done anything wrong."

Abby sucked her teeth.

"I find it a little desperate and creepy how you make everything about you."

"Whatever you want me to do, Abby, I'll do it. Just tell me how to get her released."

"Your weird inappropriate humpfest with Octavia will have to wait until Marcus gets around to processing her case."

Raven searched her eyes. Please, just relent in any way. But she didn't.

Abby stared down at her coldly.

"First, get the fuck out of bed and be yourself again. You look like shit."

"I will," Raven told her, desperately hoping she would outline a path to Octavia.

"Second, only Clarke can let you see Octavia. You'll have to take your pathetic little pleas to her."

She nodded.

"Abby, I really am sorry. I care about you."

She hesitated before exiting.

"You are a very disrespectful little brat, Raven," she told her coldly.

Raven sighed.

Abby left.

---

Bellamy heard the tune as he cornered the corridor. He was smiling when he found Raven sitting outside the door to Octavia's confinement. She was roughly picking a tune and singing to the locked door. She looked up when Bellamy approached but he smiled and began to sing with her.

When he sat beside her and took the guitar, she was so pleased she dropped her head on his shoulder. They leaned on the wall and sang to Octavia.

They'd been playing and singing for over an hour when Clarke arrived with Octavia's dinner. She frowned when she saw them, knowing Raven would beg to see Octavia for the millionth time.

Raven rose and opened her mouth to launch into a sequence of pleas.

"Fine," Clarke cut her off as she handed her the plate.

"Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Clarke rolled her eyes. "But Raven, me careful. She's cuffed but she's conscious. And she's pissed. So please be careful. Call us if she tries anything."

Raven ignored her warning and grasped the plate with a delirious smile.

---

Octavia was sitting in her bed, staring out the window.

Raven sat down the plate and tried to interact with her. But she didn't seem to be herself. She refused to make any eye contact with Raven or talk to her.

Raven sat beside the bed and tried to show her the food. She looked at the floor and seemed to contemplate something sadly.

"Octavia," Raven told her as she laid a gentle hand on her knee, "I missed you so much."

Octavia's head twitched like she heard the comment from a great distance.

"I'm so happy to see you. I want so badly to ... to hold you and kiss you."

Octavia's head turned slightly toward her a little more. Raven tried to touch her hand.

"Octavia, I wish I had told you this before."

Octavia turned her face toward her but hesitated to meet her eyes.

"I love you. So, so much."

Octavia slipped her hand around Raven's searching hand which clasped hers happily in return. Raven scooted toward her eagerly but stopped abruptly when Octavia bent her hand back.

"Ouch," she whispered.

"Did you love me when you told Abby where I was hiding?"

Raven gasped.

"I didn't. I wouldn't. Ouch," she gasped as Octavia bent her wrist painfully. She finally pulled her hand away and Octavia grabbed the plate sitting between them. Raven watched with absolute horror as she smashed it on the metal bed rail. A large ragged shard of ceramic remained in her hand.

Raven tried to stand but Octavia's left hand clasped her. She realized with terror Octavia's cuffs were hanging broken from her free wrists. She turned her head but hesitated in yelling for Clarke. Octavia used the advantage to clasp her wrist and pin her down on the mattress, holding the ceramic shard menacingly above her face. Raven was frozen with fear.

"I'm going to cut out your lying tongue," Octavia told her. Her eyes grew large and she tried to call for Clarke. Octavia covered her mouth with her left hand and pinned her with her body.

Her right hand pressed the shard against her neck and she felt blood running down her throat.

"You're right, Raven. I really should skip a step and cut this gorgeous neck."

Raven's voice was useless so she stared into her eyes and pled with her.

Please, no. Please, stop.

Octavia, you're hurting me.

She felt her throat filling with blood. She tried to gasp but her breath came out wrong. She heard it gurgling in her throat. She began to heave with fear and writhe her wounded body. Octavia's hand dug painfully into her arm until she flung the shard down.

"Who said you could defend yourself?" she shouted.

The door sprang open then, Clarke and Bellamy rushing to separate them.

Octavia jumped to her feet, dragging Raven by her arm. She yanked her like a ragdoll as her blood poured down her limp body.

"Stop it! She's mine," Octavia shouted as Clarke tried to take possession of Raven's delirious form.

Raven looked into Octavia's eyes and wondered why she hurt her.

We would have a beautiful baby.

I'm in Heaven with her.

Raven thought she was going to die. She wanted so badly to see Octavia before she died. She wanted to ask her, why did you hurt me? She wanted to kiss her.

Octavia snatched Raven's arm as Clarke tried to maneuver her away. They all heard the wicked tear and pop of Raven's arm breaking. The sound seemed to shock Octavia, she released her with a gasp.

Clarke lowered Raven's bloody body to the floor and screamed for Abby.

Bellamy pinned Octavia as she struggled. Finally he pressed her head to the floor and she stilled. A pool of Raven's blood creeped against her cheek. She licked at it like a wild animal.

Raven stared at Octavia's face and wondered why she hurt her. She was grateful to die without knowing.

---

Raven woke to Abby jostling pillows around her shoulder.

"Your arm will be fine. But she destroyed your shoulder."

Raven stared out the window.

"I would tell you 'I told you so' but you may never speak again, so that seems cruel considering."

Because Abby has never been a cruel bitch before. Certainly never to Raven.

Abby brushed her hair back and she turned her face toward her.

"When I was defibbing you, I realized you don't have anyone to notify about your death. For some reason the realization you don't have parents just upset me. I guess I'm the person to notify if you die."

Tears ran down Raven's face.

"You were out of my sight for ten minutes and you let a sadist cut your throat. Raven, you scared the fuck out of everyone."

She closed her eyes and tried to turn away. She gasped from the pain of twisting her shoulder. Her hand jerked involuntarily and snapped against her restraint She looked in Abby's eyes sadly.

"Baby," her voice finally cracked, "I can't uncuff you. You'll run to Octavia again."

Raven cried softly to herself.

Abby tried to touch her cheek and she jerked her face away.

"I should just expedite the inevitable and let you go get murdered."

Raven slowly nodded at her.

Abby raised a hand to slap her. Raven's eyes fluttered with exhaustion.

"I'll find you a nurse. Because I cannot stand the fucking sight of you."

Raven dispassionately watched her leave. Finally.

---

Bellamy knocked on Raven's door. Clarke's voice told him to come in.

Raven was still cuffed to her rest bed by her right hand since her left arm was in a temporary cast. Clarke was laying in her bed, relaxed with her arm around Raven's waist. They smiled at Bellamy when he sat and began lightly playing the guitar he was carrying.

Clarke kissed Raven's lips and rose.

"Bellamy is going to stay with you until I'm finished. I'll be back by evening. Then we'll move your stuff to my cabin and get you settled."

Raven smiled and nodded at her. She handed her a piece of paper.

Clarke read it aloud.

"I couldn't have asked for a better friend when I was young, Clarke. You mean so much to me."

She squinted at Raven and told her, "Boo, I'll be back in a few hours."

Raven blew her a kiss and she closed the door.

Bellamy sat the guitar down and leaned toward Raven's bed. She handed him the packet of papers. He unfolded them and began to read and scrutinize them.

"So, the map will take me to a ... hidden cargo bay? I'm looking for a ... what is this a drawing of, Raven? A vehicle?"

Raven nodded and indicated the papers. He flipped through them.

"Oh, I see. You built something. You built a ... a dune buggy?"

Raven nodded and indicated the papers again. He flipped ahead.

"So this one is a list of things to pack. Just drive the buggy beside the escape hatch and leave it? Raven, what if Octavia tries to kill you again?"

Raven was apparently prepared for the question because she tore him off a prewritten note.

"I would rather die with her than live without her."

He frowned.

"Raven, are you sure about this? She tried to kill you, she's heavily sedated, you have a broken arm and a cut throat, and outside the bunker ... there's nothing. Just wilderness. Even if you get her in the vehicle and escape ... where are you going to take her?"

She tore him off another note.

"Bellamy. Every minute of every day. All I think about. Is Octavia. She's under the floor and she's scared and upset. I need to get her out and take her somewhere she'll never be locked up again."

Tears lined his eyes.

"Raven, I know ... how it feels to know she's under the floor. I think about it all the time, too. But ... you're kind of a gimp and she's a little insane presently. How will you survive?"

She wrote him a note and handed it over.

"I'm locked up knowing she's locked up. I can't endure it. I need to free her and take her to safety. Help me or get out of my way."

He went to her and hugged her as fiercley as her condition would allow.

"I'll have the dune buggy packed and waiting by the hatch."

He reached into his pocket and retrieved a key he pressed into her able hand.

"She'll be unguarded between 10 and 10:30. I'll pack a gun under the drivers seat. Don't use it to shoot Octavia, please."

She smiled at him like "you know I won't" and he kissed her head.

"You know, the woman who loves my sister is also my baby sister by extension. So," he gave her a big, brave smile, "I love you, baby sister."

Raven had no family so she didn't know why the comment made her cry in earnest. She smiled bravely through her tears as he closed the door.

---

When Clarke was passed out from the sleeping pills Raven slipped into her drink, Raven slid her small wrist from the cuff and clipped it on Clarke instead.

Sorry, Clarke. Can't have you waking up and setting off the alarm.

She snuck her things from the room where Clarke had taken them to the escape hatch, where she was happy as hell to find her dune buggy waiting. She packed it stealthily, smiling to see Bellamy had added Octavia's guitar, helpful rations and other things to their haul. Finally she cranked the engine and ran to Octavia's door.

She found Octavia sitting in the floor. Abby had apparently removed all objects from her room. Raven tore the restraints from her arms and stripped off her buckled outfit. Octavia was under so much sedation, she just watched Raven undressing and hastily redressing her. Finally Raven opened the door and signaled to Octavia she intended to free her.

Octavia met her eyes for the first time. She saw her bandaged neck and reached a hand to it. Raven flinched but allowed her to touch her wounded neck and shoulder.

"What happened?" Octavia asked her, childlike empathy filling her expressive eyes.

Raven couldn't speak so she simply shrugged and pulled at her hand.

Octavia let Raven lead her outside the hatch. She said "cool" when she saw the dune buggy and allowed Raven to put her in the passenger seat and buckle her.

When Raven closed the driver door and buckled herself, she finally exhaled.

Her plan worked. It really worked.

She looked at Octavia and tears filled her eyes.

She did it. She freed her. Time to fly the coop, Raven.

She knew she would have to drive quickly once she revved the engine and called attention to their presence. If anyone gave chase, Raven could easily evade them in the night. She was minimally aware of the trails but an expert derby driver.

Raven, introverted little secret keeper she could be, she had no greater talents than flying and escaping. She wasn't a bad driver, either. The moment of her life had finally come.

She didn't know if she should or not, but she reached for Octavia's hand carefully. She was so relieved when Octavia allowed it. She took several calming breaths and prayed her final prayer.

Then she revved the engine and flew them the fuck out of there as Octavia grinned and laughed.

---

When Raven and Octavia raced from the barricade, Raven listened carefully to the sirens and pursuers. They seemed too surprised to give chase. Raven had imagined racing away in the night a million times. It was actually so easy. She just floored it and never looked back. She drove all night in that manner, glancing continually at Octavia who slept or marveled at the stars. The initial step of Raven's plan was simple: just drive.

---

Raven stopped in the morning to clip a plastic weather roof with zipping windows over the buggy. She unbuckled Octavia and beckoned her from the vehicle. She couldn't talk to her and hesitated to aggressively confront her. So she just led her to the bushes, then squatted to pee, hoping Octavia would do the same if she needed to. Thankfully, she understood the simple communication of mimicry. Raven let her do her thing as she attended the buggy.

When Octavia was in her seat, she interfered with Raven clipping her buckle so she let it go and showed her she had brought a drink and snack to her seat for her. Octavia tasted them skeptically but didn't reject them. She relaxed in her seat as they pulled back on the trails.

Octavia mostly slept or stared at the scenery. Raven was grateful. She had no idea how Octavia would react upon gaining her personality or how she wanted her to. She didn't know what to tell her about the accident because she didn't know how she felt about it.

Raven knew she would claim Octavia wasn't herself and Octavia would declare herself a monster. A round of pouting and punishments and sadness and sweetness would pass before the break. Raven didn't know how she felt about that. She just wanted to run and get to safety. She had the strangest feeling, Octavia will know what to do about it. As if Octavia wasn't the one who took her voice and broke her wing. Part of her hoped Octavia had no memory of the event, in that case she planned to convince her someone else did it.

---

Raven drove for two nights and two days before Octavia turned to her and asked, "Raven?"

It was the first word either of them had spoken. She turned her head to signal she was listening.

"Did we run away?"

Raven's mind anxiously projected the image of Octavia harming her. She nodded carefully and waited.

Octavia stared out the unzipped window and finally said, "Good."

She turned to Raven after a while and smiled at her

"You're my Johnny Cade, Raven."

Raven blushed. She felt her desperate heart hope Octavia would be kind, be loving, touch her, communicate affection or care to her somehow.

"Wait..." Octavia rubbed her eyes like she had been sleeping. "How long have you been driving?"

Raven shrugged.

"For days though, right?"

Raven shrugged.

Octavia knew she was being ignored so she touched her arm. Raven glanced at her. Her gut would not allow her to stop the vehicle. They hadn't gone far enough. Octavia wasn't safe yet.

"Let's make camp or rest," Octavia tried quietly.

Raven shook her head. Octavia scrutinized her face.

"If you're scared to stop, I can drive," she told her after a pause.

Raven breathed deeply through her chest. She tried to reject the offer but Octavia touched her knee and pulled at her arm until she slowed the vehicle. She was worried Octavia would hit her or run but she only touched her face.

"You look so tired. Please let me drive. Which way are we going?"

Raven shrugged. She really didn't know. Just away. Away from the place Octavia wasn't safe.

Octavia came to the driver side of the car and pushed at her until she shifted into the passenger seat with a huff. Octavia momentarily glanced at the controls on the dashboard and said,

"This thing is badass."

Raven pointed the direction she had been driving. Octavia rolled onto the trail with a smile. The buggy was a pleasure to drive. Raven fell into unconsciousness as soon as her head rested on the door.

---

Octavia drove on for hours, quietly singing and enjoying the scenery. She glanced and Raven and noticed she was beginning to toss and turn. She whimpered and Octavia touched her forehead. She didn't have a fever but she was covered in sweat. Before Octavia could wonder what to do, Raven gasped and spasmed. Her eyes shot open and she squirmed.

"Raven?" Octavia asked as she began to fumble in her bag.

Soon Raven produced a syringe but before Octavia could ask what was in it, she shoved up her sleeve and injected it in her arm. Octavia no longer needed a response because Raven's arm was covered in puncture bruises. Raven put the syringe back into her bag and relaxed in the seat. Soon her eyes fluttered closed again.

---

Octavia watched her carefully. In a few hours, she roused again and stared out the window. Her breathing was heavy and she clutched her leg. Finally she fumbled for another injection and shot herself up again. She slumped in her seat and looked out the window again.

"Is that pain medicine you're injecting?"

Raven nodded as her eyes roamed around the buggy. She looked longingly at Octavia then turned her face out the window again.

"You should really eat on that stuff. You'll get sick."

Raven shrugged.

"I'm hungry, too. Let's stop for some dinner."

Raven used her hand to indicate the wilderness. Are we going to stop at McDonald's?

"We can make camp. I'll hunt."

Raven shook her head no insistantly.

"Raven, look," Octavia told her as she pointed ahead to the mountains obscuring the sky.

"We can't navigate the mountain at night. We have to stop anyway."

Raven sighed. They probably had gone far enough to stop for a night. She pulled a bag from the cargo load behind their seats. She dug in it and produced snacks.

"Raven, you need protein. Don't worry, I can quickly hunt something. Let's just make camp and build a fire."

Raven realized Octavia would need a weapon to hunt with. She wondered if she would turn the weapon on Raven.

Octavia found an isolated field and drove the buggy deep into the center.

"I assume we have camping gear?" she asked Raven. Raven nodded and indicated their load.

Octavia rounded the buggy and opened Raven's door for her. When she tried to stand, she fell into Octavia's arms and gasped with pain.

Octavia lowered her into some soft grass and told her, "Wait while I build the camp."

Octavia quickly unpacked the buggy, built the small camp, and started a fire. Raven slouched beside it and stared into it like she was crazy high. Soon Octavia had built their camp.

"Hey," Octavia asked as she knelt beside her. "I found this gun under the seat. Can I use it to hunt?"

Raven stiffened but eventually nodded. Octavia loaded the gun and put it in her waistband.

---

Raven intended to rise and help with dinner but she was too weak. She eventually laid down beside the fire while she waited to see if Octavia would use the gun on her.

When Octavia returned with the deer she killed, Raven was asleep beside the fire. Octavia glanced anxiously at her sweating, shivering body as she cut the deer apart and arranged the meat on a spit.

Raven roused to the smell of cooked meat. Octavia had pulled her halfway into her own lap and was checking her body temperature. She jerked with fear when she awoke. Octavia hushed her and rubbed her head.

"Before you reach for a syringe, let me help you eat."

Raven looked at the meat anxiously.

"Vegetarian or not, you need to stay alive. You can stop eating it again when you're well."

Before Raven could object, Octavia pressed the meat to her lips. Raven did not want to eat meat but she was comforted beyond expression by laying in Octavia's lap. So she relented and allowed Octavia to feed her.

Raven felt the anxiously drain from her body once the meat was into her system. Octavia alternated between feeding Raven and feeding herself. When the meal was done, she eased Raven back into the grass and began cleaning up and getting the tent ready.

When she returned, Raven had clambered to the buggy and injected herself. She was slouched in the passenger seat when Octavia came to help her to the tent.

Inside the tent, Raven was impressed with how well Octavia arranged their things. She averted her eyes nervously when Octavia undressed and put on a clean tunic.

She turned to Raven with a clean tunic but Raven shook her head. Octavia ignored her and pulled at her boots. Raven wanted to object but she was so high. All she could do was watch as Octavia undressed her.

"My God," Octavia gasped when she saw the extent both of Raven's wounds and the bruises on both arms. Raven couldn't do anything but watch as she inspected her wounds.

"Raven ... who attacked you?"

Raven shrugged. Octavia tried to look in her eyes but she looked away.

"Is that why we're running? Are you afraid whoever attacked you will find us?"

Raven nodded.

"I can't remember what happened but I know we were in the bunker. I remember ..." Raven watched her carefully. "Vents. I was in the vents for some reason."

Raven laid down in her bedroll and tried to pull at her blankets. Octavia helped her.

"Abby did this, didn't she?"

Raven closed her eyes.

"Raven, answer me," Octavia told her.

Raven finally nodded.

Octavia sighed. "One day I am going to give that monster the beating she deserves."

You have no idea, Raven thought.

Raven watched as Octavia slid into her own bedroll and relaxed. She wanted to thank her for the help and tell her to sleep sweet. But she had no voice to speak with. She stared at Octavia's eyes fluttering closed and meditated on the words she wished she could tell her.

Sleep sweetly, darling. I love you. I'm so happy you're safe.

---

Octavia focused on the singing birds. She breathed deeply as she sat cross legged on the ground. After a few moments, her mind stilled and she sank into her meditation.

---

Raven hung their wet clothes on a line she strung between trees. Her shoulder throbbed from the effort of lifting her arm. Sweat broke out on her forehead. She leaned against a tree for balance. Finally she staggered to the hammock Octavia hung for her.

---

"Wake up, sleepy head," Octavia sang to her when she appeared.

Raven turned her face weakly.

"Shit," Octavia cursed as she recognized her expression and raced to her.

Raven smiled when she noticed Octavia's face hovering in her vision.

Hey, beautiful. I missed you. How was your meditation?

"You're supposed to use the buggy's horn to alert me when this happens."

I know. I'm sorry. I hoped it would pass. I hate worrying you.

Octavia retrieved a bottle of water and a handful of berries. She balanced on the hammock's edge and pushed the berries into Raven's mouth.

When Octavia had finished fussing with her, she pointed to their clothes drying on her clothesline. Octavia followed her vision and smiled.

"Good idea," she doted. "You're such a freak about our clothes and blankets being dirty."

Raven nodded gravely.

"Dinner smells good," Octavia told her as she pulled her upright and helped her stand.

Raven hung on Octavia's shoulder with her good arm and limped alongside her.

They had been in the Shallow Valley for two weeks and it had begun to feel like their vacation home. Every day, Octavia meditated for hours in the woods and Raven rested at their cabin.

"Let's wash up before dinner," Octavia said as she pulled her shirt over her head. "Did you already do our bath water? Raven, I hate it when you do that. You shouldn't be carrying boiling water with one arm."

Raven sighed and waited out her scolding. She took Octavia's clothes and hung them on the door. When she turned, Octavia was waiting to help her undress.

"You look like you're feeling better," Octavia told her as she eased her outfit off her small frame.

Raven nodded.

When Raven was naked, Octavia pushed her against the counter top and began to unbandage her wounds.

"Your throat looks good. How long has it been since the accident?"

Raven held up six fingers.

"Six weeks. We ran three weeks ago. So the accident happened three weeks before?"

Raven hesitated but nodded.

"When are we going to talk about it?"

Raven shrugged.

Octavia's attention turned to her cast as she wrapped it in plastic and taped around the edges. Raven held her arm out obediently.

"Have you tried to talk?" she asked Raven quietly.

Raven shook her head in the negative.

"Are you scared to try?" she asked her gently.

Raven shrugged.

"We should be able to take your cast off next week. Then we can begin to rehab your shoulder. Is it still hurting a lot?"

Raven shrugged.

"That was a yes. What about your leg? How did it feel today?"

Raven nodded brightly.

"Well, that's something," she replied lightly.

Raven reached out and pushed her hair back. She tapped her temple with her forehead. It was a sign she used daily. Octavia rarely needed her signs, she had come to read the expressions in Raven's large eyes.

"It was good. I remembered a lot today. Mostly about my childhood. I remembered Bellamy singing to me under the floor and our mother cooking dinner."

Raven gave her a warm smile and patted her hand.

Octavia's tone grew heavy.

"And I remembered the bunker. The arena. The Red Queen."

Raven hesitated and waited.

"It's crazy ... how thoughts and feelings catch up with you. I never really felt anything when I was Blodreina. I didn't feel remorse. I didn't feel regret. I didn't feel," she glanced at Raven's attentive eyes. "I didn't feel affection. I totally forgot about love."

Raven ran a gentle hand down her naked back as she stepped into the bath.

"I just ... told myself to kill or be killed. And that's what I did."

Raven lowered herself into the bath opposite Octavia and propped her cast on the rim.

"Do you think ... I'll go to hell?"

Raven shook her head 'no' gravely.

"Why not?" she asked honestly.

Raven tapped her own heart and gave her a sincere expression.

Octavia smiled sadly.

"I love you, too," she told her after a pause.

Raven's cheeks burned.

Octavia busied washing her long hair as Raven sponged her own body with her able hand.

"Hey, on a scale of one to five, how much did your leg hurt today?"

Raven used her left hand to show her two fingers.

"Good. That's better. How about your throat?"

Raven held up one finger.

"Yeah, it's almost healed. You'll be talking soon. What about your arm?"

Raven held up one finger.

"Awesome. And your shoulder?"

Raven hesitated and eventually showed three fingers.

Octavia frowned.

"When we get your cast off, we will start stretching it and I'll make some weights for you to lift. It will be better by winter."

Raven easily nodded. They fell silent until Octavia pressed her again.

"I counted the shots. You only had two today. That's really good."

Raven sighed.

"You were having almost ten a day when we left the bunker. I still can't believe you drove like that. And people call me the daredevil. You're fearless, Raven."

Raven slightly smiled.

"Down to three a day. Soon you'll just be having one at bedtime. Then you'll finally be done with that crap."

Raven nodded.

"I still can't believe Abby pushed morphine on you. She knows how you feel about drugs. She knew you didn't want that."

Raven patted her leg.

"I know. I just hate her. She wasn't content with attacking you. She had to turn you into a drug addict, too."

Raven hung her head sadly.

"Baby, I didn't mean ... you're not an addict. You just got hurt. You'll be off it soon anyway."

Raven scooted to sit between her legs and lean on her. Octavia helped her keep her cast out of the water until she was relaxed against Octavia's body.

"I think I remember everything now. Except ... getting caught."

Raven inhaled carefully and waited. She knew Octavia would remember everything eventually.

"How did Abby discover me?"

Raven hesitated but eventually held her hand up in the shape of the letter C.

"C? Clarke? Clarke told Abby where I was hiding? Why?"

Raven nodded solemnly. She pointed to herself.

"... you? You told her to?"

Raven shook her head no and tapped her heart again.

"Clarke ... loves you?"

Raven nodded and waited.

"OH. Clarke found out about you and I. And she was jealous. So she told Abby where I was hiding."

Raven nodded. She hated to tell Octavia things she knew would disturb her but she deserved the truth about her self and her life.

"So she trumped up a reason to contain me."

Raven nodded and snuggled back into her body.

"But ... if she already had me ... why did she attack you?"

Raven shrugged. She knew she would have to tell her the truth eventually.

"Whatever she drugged me with ... it wiped my memory. I can't remember anything after leaving you that morning."

Raven raised a hand to idly touch her cheek.

"Raven?"

She turned her head to signal she was listening.

"Why didn't you have defensive wounds? Why ... did you just let her hurt you?"

Raven patted her knee to tell her she didn't want to continue the conversation.

Octavia sighed and kissed the back of her head. She began washing her back and shoulders.

"Will you tell me when you can talk again?" Octavia asked her quietly.

Raven hesitated.

"Raven, you're going to talk again. You just need time to heal."

Raven was glad Octavia couldn't see the tear that ran down her cheek.

---

Raven sat on their bed in her panties and a shirt. She leaned her head back obediently as Octavia bandaged her neck. When Octavia was finished, she helped Raven get comfortable on her pillows. Raven pulled the rolled joint from behind her ear with a smile.

"You need a shot first," Octavia told her quietly as she reached for the syringe on the night stand.

Raven watched Octavia inject her and put the syringe away. She eased Raven into the pillows and snuggled beside her. Raven lit the joint and puffed it happily.

"I know you feel awesome presently but ... I hate this. I still wake up four or five times a night to make sure you're breathing."

Raven tilted her head apologetically.

"I know and I'm really proud of you."

Raven blushed but a shadow moved over her eyes.

Octavia kissed her temple.

"I think I've mentioned this before, but Raven ... it's not your fault."

Raven averted her eyes. She endured a lot of things but she hated enduring that particular speech.

"Baby, look at me," Octavia told her as she handed her the joint.

Raven dragged her eyes to Octavia's.

"You know it's not your fault, right?"

Raven tried to nod but Octavia touched her chin tenderly and held her gaze.

"Say it," she instructed her. Raven laughed.

"Okay, then pinky promise," she told her as she held out her little finger.

Raven hooked her small finger on Octavia's and watched her eyes.

"I, Raven, do officially pinky promise that I know the accident was not my fault and I am not an addict."

Raven stared at her comically.

"Good job, thank you," Octavia told her with a smirk.

Raven rolled her eyes and snuffed the joint in the ashtray beside their bed.

Octavia was waiting for her to relax again so she could adjust her cast and embrace her.

Raven chanced a gentle kiss on Octavia's lips.

Octavia felt her heart flutter. Crazy how that still happens.

Raven used her able hand to stroke Octavia's hair.

"Raven, did I ruin your life?"

Raven stared in her eyes in the dim firelight and shook her head 'no'.

"Why did you ... why did you risk everything to free me?"

Raven kissed her deeply, pulling her in and winding her legs against her. She pulled back and tapped Octavia's heart.

"I love you, too," Octavia told her without hesitation.

Raven laid her head against Octavia's chest and breathed. The drugs had inundated her system. She pressed against Octavia and waited for the anxiety producing feelings to pass.

"Raven?"

She moved her head slightly.

"... you know, you're the only person who ever loved me enough to bust me out. Bellamy, my mom, Clarke, everyone who ever left me behind or didn't come for me ... but you did. You're so ... you're so brave, Raven."

Raven tightened her legs on Octavia's. Octavia kissed her head.

"I just wish I could explain how it feels to be all alone and know no one cares. Then an angel just walks in, takes your hand and walks you right out the door."

Tears rolled down Octavia's cheeks.

"I've killed more than 500 people. I've led an army. I've dealt destruction and death to everyone who ever cared about me. But I'm ... I'm a coward compared to you."

Raven's head was motionless on her shoulder. She knew she was asleep.

"You face this life. You face it. I think you're the bravest person I've ever known."

---

"Be still," Octavia told her. Raven rolled her eyes.

Octavia squeezed Raven's melting cast and it bent in her hands.

"Almost there. Any discomfort?"

Raven shook her head.

"Okay. It's soft enough to cut. Be still."

God, she's getting bossy.

Octavia sliced her knife through the soggy remnants of Raven's cast and pulled it open. Raven lifted her small arm from within and immediately lathered it with soap.

"Hey, let me check. Damn. You're so worried about having a gross arm for two minutes."

Raven ignored her and scrubbed her arm. Octavia eventually took her hand and raised her arm carefully above her head. She winced then whimpered and withdrew her arm in pain.

"I'm sorry," Octavia told her as she lightly hugged her.

Raven anxiously indicated her jump rope and weights. She tilted her head and pouted.

Octavia sighed. "Okay. Tomorrow morning. Should I get up with you or do you want to work out alone?"

Raven averted her eyes and blushed.

"Alone it is. You should see your face. God, you're so happy to jump rope."

Raven nodded deliriously. She had a thought and tugged at Octavia's shirt.

"You want to go running with me in the morning?"

Raven nodded again.

"... honey, it's cold and you're just well enough to work out. Let's try for next week."

Raven pouted at her.

"Fine. We'll do a few miles after your ... I assume yoga?"

Raven beamed at her. She tapped her heart.

"Love you, too," Octavia told her with a kiss.

---

Raven waited until she was sure Octavia would be gone for a few hours. She took Octavia's guitar to the porch and sat with it against her body. She opened the notepad with the sketches she made with Octavia's instruction. She awkwardly formed a C chord and gave it a test strum. It rang out sweetly and she smiled at her success.

She closed her eyes to say a pious prayer.

Abby told her she may never speak again. She had not conveyed that to Octavia but it terrified her. Raven had survived her childhood by sheer wits and fast talking charm. Without her clever mouth, she was stripped of her essential power. Her identity was fractured.

At first not speaking was a relief. Then she felt the dread of wanting to communicate but feeling powerless to, of wanting to express but having no means, of wanting to connect yet feeling that connection severed.

Soon she forgot the sound of her voice. Then the imposing noise of her thoughts crashed in her mind like mighty waves, dashing her poor identity against the cliff face of isolation like a ragdoll. She receded into the raging, unorganized noise of her innerworld.

Then she realized Abby had been giving her morphine. The memory of the violation still brought tears to her eyes. She begged Abby not to inject her but Abby insisted the pain would be overwhelming. She shouldn't face it. Raven didn't hate Octavia for hurting her but she hated Abby for forcing her on the drugs. Yet Abby was right in a way, the drugs helped her transition into her new world of introspection.

Raven wasn't traumatized by the physical pain, she was traumatized by the imposed isolation of losing her speech and being forced onto narcotics. She seemed to sink ever inwards, finding her mind consumed by torrents of thoughts. Memories, worries, fantasies, contemplations. Her thoughts raged like a monsoon and whirred like a busted engine. In the height of her reliance on the morphine, she feared and dreaded the great highs and lows of the peaks and valleys of her mighty imagination with its menacing emotional weather.

Raven had dreamed vividly all her life but the isolation filled her nightmares and added a graphic new terror to the old exhaustion. Now she dreamed of desperately trying to communicate and not being able to. She dreamed Octavia was asking her something but she couldn't respond. Octavia was begging her for something but she couldn't express herself. The helplessness drowned her in exhaustion until powerlessness was her perpetual state. She felt as if she was pushed unceasingly further into the wild jungle of her secret self.

Then her old identity was gone. First the shell was cumbersome and she toiled with it. Then the frustration of that futile task was painful, she kicked it back for survival. She busted through the shell to find a new skin, a new self, a new identity. At times she marveled at the endless depth of her selves, at times she recoiled from the infinite aloneness which sprang directly from the infinite oneness.

But then she knew she would die if she didn't escape. She knew the morphine would lead to her death, through Abby's hand or her own. She knew Abby would never release Octavia. She knew her position was helpless. Her powers were useless. There was nothing she could do to be reunited with Octavia in the life they desired. Raven knew that was just not acceptable.
Perhaps she would not have that life with Octavia, but she would never give up on liberating Octavia.

It's wild how love can be a person's salvation. To love the self is a morose, cumbersome chore requiring a lifetime of sorrow sewn into compassion. Yet to love another, that is a driving force like a red hot ember urging an inferno. To love and to liberate another, that is a drive more like a fever which burns without ceasing.

Raven didn't know in retrospect how she accomplished it. In truth, she knew she hadn't. She had prayed, hadn't she? God was there, wasn't He?

Raven inhaled carefully and struck the guitar strings. They rang out beautifully. She forced the numbness in her neck to vibrate. First, she made no sound. Then she squeaked.

She caught her breath and prevailed more over the anxiety of her fear than the pain of her wounded throat.

She used her notebook to model another chord and play it tentatively. She learned a few more and strummed the strings lightly.

She tried again to hum. This time her voice rang. It wasn't a C, but she wasn't a mute.

She wasn't broken. And for that she cried in earnest.

She played the guitar awkwardly and finally began.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night ... take these broken wings and learn to fly.

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive.

Her old identity fell away. A stronger self emerged. The Raven was a Phoenix. She saw herself ascending. She sang quietly to herself, delirious with gratitude and happiness.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night ... take these sunken eyes and learn to see.

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

---

Octavia aat by the fire with Raven relaxing between her legs. She eased Raven's left arm up slowly.

"Stretch-two-three. Breathe."

Raven complied with an easy smile.

"Stretch-two-three. Breathe."

Raven winced a little.

"Let's hold here for a minute. Breathe."

Octavia eased her arm down slowly.

"Soon you'll be pitching in the major league."

Raven silently laughed.

"Hey, why did you take the guitar out? Were you playing?"

Raven blushed a little a nodded as she tidied their dishes.

"Actually I was going to get it out. I've been a little bored meditating, nothing much to remember so I decided to write you something."

Raven felt her heart leap. Octavia's tone was so intent. She dried her hands and sat attentively as Octavia strummed the guitar.

"So it's a poem but let me just play it on some basic chords. Turn it into a little song."

Raven stared at her dreamily.

"Ready?" she asked nervously.

Raven squeezed her knee and smiled encouragingly.

Octavia began carefully, vainly trying to hide how much thought and work she had poured into her song.

Of all the friends Pony ever made,

he loved none like Johnny Cade

oh, but the Soc's are on Johnny's case

he and Pony had to run away

But even Dallas and Soda cried

on the day young Johnny died

And Ponyboy prayed, 'why can't nothin' gold stay?'

Oh, sing a song for the outlaws

A verse for the cursed from birth

the sweetest anthem you've ever heard

It's a sin to kill a mockingbird

Because even caged birds sing

That's what we make of a diminished thing

And the only way to stay gold

is to die young and never grow old

Of all the friends Pony ever made,

he loved none like Johnny Cade.

"Baby" Raven spoke through her tears. "I love it so much."

Octavia dropped her guitar and jumped on her.

"RAVEN, your voice! You can talk!"

Raven buried her teary face in Octavia's shoulder and clung to her.

"I love you," Octavia told her downy head.

Raven melted against her chest. The distance of the silence finally closed. She was safe against her. They were both going to be okay. They did it. They survived.

---

After they fled the bunker, Octavia found herself constantly touching Raven and wondered why. She dreamed of nothing except sex with Raven. Raven's hair in her face. Raven's small hands clinging to her back. Raven's high pitched moaning. Raven's impossibly wet pussy as she pressed inside. She eventually remembered why. Yet Raven's body was a mess of bruises and she winced merely from the effort of moving. Octavia couldn't bare the idea of hurting her, especially not in the name of pleasure.

First Raven teased her. Then she outright came on to her. Hurt by Octavia's hesitance, she pouted and wondered why Octavia didn't want her. This became their only almost-fight. After nights of pleading with her in bed, Octavia snapped at her and pushed her away. Raven wept like her heart was broken. Finally Octavia apologized, cradled her and kissed her. Raven told her, promise me you'll be with me again when I'm well and I'll stop begging.

"I promise," Octavia told her with a deep kiss.

Raven pouted. "Then I'll stop begging."

"Thank you," Octavia told her as she pulled her into her arms and slipped a hand between her legs.

Raven turned back to kiss her gratefully.

"Gently," Octavia told her.

Raven pouted but slowed the rapid pace of her small hips.

---

Raven held the door for Octavia as she staggered inside with her precarious load of firewood. She closed it, kicked the rug against the open crack at the bottom and turned to help Octavia as she dropped her load in the floor. Raven knelt to assist her and they piled the wood beside the hearth.

"Whose turn is it?" Octavia asked as Raven unwound her scarf and took her gloves.

"Yours," Raven told her.

"Did you cheat while I was gone?" Octavia asked her.

"Do I ever?"

Octavia squinted at her.

"No, you don't."

Raven smiled.

"You're such an elitest, you're all 'I don't have to cheat to be the best at fucking everything.'"

Raven laughed.

"Me?"

Octavia patted her butt as she passed her. Raven blushed..

Octavia sat across the table from her and grabbed her hand of cards.

"Why do we even go through the motions? You're going to win."

"You wanted to do all the things we never got to do as kids."

"Call."

"You're bluffing."

"Then try me."

Raven scrutinized her features. "Your poker face is improving."

"This is my 'wondering how wet you are' face."

Raven laughed. "That's your resting expression."

Octavia laughed.

Raven laid down her cards.

"Full house."

"Go fuck yourself."

Raven laughed and leaned to kiss her.

Octavia pulled Raven into her lap. Raven looped her arms around her shoulders and nuzzled her face in her neck. She ran her fingers in Octavia's hair and teased her ears and nape.

"I don't know if it's the snow or what, but I want you so bad right now," she whispered in Octavia's ear. She felt Octavia shudder as she slipped her cold hands in Raven's shirt.

"Are you well enough?"

"Who cares? Please just touch me, Octavia."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you're wound crazy tight and you'll lose control and cause me to lose control. Then you'll get hurt and I'll be party to it. No."

Raven's eyes watered. Octavia sighed.

"... honey, have you ever been ... restrained?"

"You're holding my wrist to keep my hand out of your pants right now," she deadpanned.

Octavia chuckled. "Not ... like that. Restrained sexually."

Raven studied her eyes. She shook her head in the negative.

Octavia looked in the fire and waited out her intense reaction to bringing it up.

"Any interest?"

"I'm interested in knowing why you want to."

Octavia peered at her. "What?"

"Octavia, I'm crazy in love with you," her dark eyes clouded with anxiety, "you don't have to resort to that."

Octavia touched her arm and took her hand.

"Hey. We're having a misunderstanding. What do you think I'm asking?"

"To use me."

Octavia frowned. "Baby, no ..."

"Then why would you even ask about that? I've never stopped you from touching me. Do you want to hurt me? Do you want to force me? Are you angry at me? Does it please you to tease me?"

Octavia kissed her hand. "Is this ... your childhood talking?"

"That's so unfair," Raven told her as she released her hand. "I can't have self respect without you alluding to my trauma?"

"Okay," Octavia put her hands up. "We're talking about two different things. I would never force you."

Raven turned away from her and she pulled her shoulder.

"Hey, look at me," she instructed as she pulled her against her stomach. Raven struggled but finally met her eyes.

"I would never force you. I would never harm you. I would never derive pleasure from same. Do you hear me?"

Raven's eyes misted.

"Then why did you ask about that?"

"Because I'm trying to stop you from hurting yourself. You know you're going to pull your shoulder out. And I can't bare the idea of you screaming in agony while I'm fucking you. Like, Raven, I would die if that happened. That would traumatize me."

Raven studied her carefully. She was telling the truth.

"You're not going to violate my trust in any way?"

Octavia took her hands again and kissed them. "I promise."

"I am not the slightest bit amused by being teased."

Octavia smiled. "I know."

"I'm serious. Do not tease me. I'm telling you teasing is a noncon violation. I'll shut you down."

"I hear you. "

"If you make me regret this, you will never touch me again."

Octavia smirked. "Says the woman begging me to touch her."

She laughed. "Fair."

Octavia shuffled a little and waited, afraid to ask again.

Raven tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Do you understand this is a level of trust I am extremely frightened by? I would never, never, never let Abby do this. Being exploited feels bad. Are you listening? That's not who I am. Don't treat me like a whore. Don't make me feel cheap."

She sighed and pushed her face in Raven's hair. "I'm not Abby, honey."

"Thank God. Octavia?"

She guided her with a gentle hand on her back as she led her to their bedroom.

"Yeah, girl?"

"Do you think ... do you think it will cheapen our relationship? Will you see me differently?"

"God, no," she promised her as she pulled at her shirt. "Although..."

"Yes?" Raven looked in her eyes anxiously, still guarding for some scary revelation or request.

"I may love you more."

"Now you're just cajoling me," Raven told her.

"Hot. Can we try that in the butt?"

Raven laughed uncontrollably as Octavia pushed her down playfully on the bed.

---

Octavia sat straddling Raven's prone body. She used the ropes she looped under the bed to keep Raven's arms and shoulders from moving. As she sat rechecking her knots and making sure Raven was comfortable, she absently ran her through her instructions again.

"Do not pull on this. No matter what. This will tighten to your arm and you'll wince and I'll stop touching you completely, untie you, spank you, and put you to bed."

Raven really wished that level of domination didn't make her wet as hell.

"Don't even upset me. I won't pull the left one. Do not shift your emotions negatively while I'm restrained in this manner. If you scare me, I will weep like a baby. Do you understand?"

"I won't."

"No matter what happens. Even if you think I have failed in some way. Do not be negative to me. You have no idea how hard I can and will cry."

Octavia pet her face and leaned to whisper to her.

"Babygirl, I promise you, I won't. Relax."

She rested her forehead against Raven's and they breathed deeply together.

"Darling?"

For some reason she felt sure she was going to affirm her unending devotion.

"Yes, my love?"

"The toy is in the nightstand. Don't make me regret this."

Octavia felt herself begin to tremble.

---

"Have you been hiding this the entire time we've been here?"

Octavia held the dildo up in the firelight to make sure it was clean.

Raven blushed so hard her chest turned pink.

"Answer me."

Raven nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She hesitated until Octavia gave her big eyes.

"I thought you would take it away."

She frowned.

"So you didn't just keep a secret, you kept a secret because you knew I would be unhappy?"

Raven averted her eyes.

Her voice was very soft when she finally responded, "You promised you would not get upset with me."

Octavia opened her mouth but contemplated the truth of her comment.

She sighed. "I'm not upset with you. Although I will spank you next time you reveal an offense at a time you know you won't get in trouble. That's shifty as hell Raven."

"Negativity," she reminded her quietly. Her chest was rising and falling slowly with the effort of controlling her raging emotions.

"So, what? You've been fucking yourself with this thing all day while I'm gone?"

She squirmed against her restraints.

"Carefully," Raven told her, as if that would help her somehow.

Octavia shook her head. "That's the biggest lie and you know it."

Raven sighed. She could feel herself emotionally spiraling.

"Honey. Please don't be upset with me. I just did it quickly and softly when I ..."

Octavia watched her eyes intently.

"When I was going crazy for you."

Octavia let her answer sink in.

"Every day?"

Raven subconsciously pulled her right arm and Octavia glanced at her restraint. She ceased.

"Yeah."

"Twice a day?"

"... um."

Octavia shook her head. She sat the toy on the nightstand and stood.

Tears streamed down Raven's face.

"Octa-" she gasped, "Please. I asked you not to get upset."

Octavia crawled atop her and kissed her lips.

"Stop crying. I didn't mean for you to cry. I just can't give you what you demand, you'll grow spoiled. Do you really think you deserve that toy when you manipulated this entire situation? How is it special and important between us when you just had it in you a few hours ago? And every day for weeks?"

Raven sobbed. "I'm sorry."

Octavia kissed her. "Calm down."

Raven wept in earnest. "You're upset with me."

"Well, you hid the truth from me."

"I thought you would be unhappy."

"No. You thought I would stop you. And you didn't want to be stopped."

Raven sniffled.

"Please tell me how I can make this better."

Octavia kissed her temple.

"Own your offense."

Raven cried softly but formed her confession.

"I hid the toy and the fact that I was playing with it."

"Because?"

"Because I knew you would take it away."

"Why?"

Her tears made damp spots around her face on the sheets.

"You're controlling."

Octavia's eyes shot open wide. She popped Raven's cheek and she wept in agony.

"Because you thought I would hurt myself."

"And why did you disobey?"

She searched her mind frantically for the answer.

"I was out of control."

That interested Octavia. She leaned to look down in her eyes.

"Of what?"

"My ... horniness?"

Octavia finally smiled. She nodded.

"Were you upset with me?"

Raven stared in her eyes. "No."

"Are you sure?"

She searched her heart. "I wanted you to touch me. I thought you were wrong. But I wasn't upset with you."

Octavia leaned down to kiss her head.

"So you thought I was making a mistake by not giving into your libido and you consequently decided to take care of your needs yourself. Because I was not taking care of them."

Raven's tears stopped but she sniffled.

"I didn't think of it that way. I wasn't trying to defy you. I just couldn't control my desires."

"What did you fantasize about?"

Raven breathed deeply. Her tears subsided but she dreaded the new conversation.

"Um just you," she tried with a dismissive tone.

"Raven. You just got out of trouble and you're already lying to me again?"

Raven's eyes misted.

"I thought about you fucking me."

"How?" she prodded.

Raven breathed for a moment. "Bottom drawer."

Octavia controlled her smile when she opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand.

She reached within and pulled the black, buckled fabric from within. When she held it up for inspection, she saw it was a harness.

"I see. Did you make this?"

Raven blushed but nodded.

"So you fantasized about me literally fucking you with this toy."

"Of course," Raven told her.

"What else?"

She glanced away. "Um, just going down on you."

"I'm going to spank you if you don't stop trying to avoid my questions."

Raven sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Are you really?" Octavia asked as she touched her face.

Tears fell from her dark eyes again. "I really am."

"Then act like it."

Raven breathed her tears back and regained control of herself.

"I fantasized about you sitting on my face."

A fierce shudder tore through Octavia's body, leaving her nipples hard.

"Good girl."

Raven searched her eyes to see if she was teasing her.

Octavia saw the emotional desperation in her eyes so she leaned to kiss her deeply.

"What are you going to do next time you think about disobeying me?"

Raven stared up into her eyes.

"Tell you I'm struggling and talk to you about what I'm experiencing. Ask you for help."

The submission in her tone made Octavia's wet pussy ache.

Octavia pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Good girl," she murmured to her.

"Thank you," Raven whispered to her.

"For what, darling?"

"Caring about me. Helping me," her voice broke and she arched for a kiss, "forgiving me."

Octavia let her have the kiss she sought. Then she pulled back.

"Raven. I promise you that when I untie you from this bed and cradle you in my arms, you will be more satisfied than you ever fantasized. Do you hear me?"

Raven nodded seriously.

"Two more things. Are you listening?"

She nodded obediently.

"I apologize for not realizing I was not satisfying your needs. When you communicate with me like a big girl, I will realize I have been neglecting you and help you get what you need."

Raven whispered 'thank you'.

"Don't ever hide anything from me again."

"Yes ma'am," she replied sincerely.

"And?" she held Raven's chin to capture her attention.

Raven looked in her eyes and waited to be addressed.

"I love the harness you made me."

Raven smiled. Octavia kissed her.

Octavia laid against her body and trailed her fingertips lightly over Raven's skin.

"Am I in trouble?" Raven asked her with a grievous tone.

Octavia kissed her cheek.

"No, darling. You owned your mistake and asked for forgiveness."

She sniffled.

"Would you like a spanking? Would that help you feel penitent?"

She meditated on it briefly and nodded.

Octavia leaned up and assessed her posture.

"Twist your hips," she assisted her with her hands. "So I can get to your bottom."

Raven obliged her. Octavia made sure her shoulder wasn't impacted. She stood by the bed and rubbed Raven's bottom softly.

Smack.

Raven whimpered.

Octavia rubbed her soft bottom and spanked it again.

Raven whimpered.

"You can cry if you need to."

Raven buried her face against her shoulder and closed her eyes as tears poured down her face.

Octavia spanked and stroked her until her hand stung.

"Thank you," Raven told her when she stopped.

Octavia helped her turn her hips and relax on her back again. She rose above Raven on her hands and knees and kissed her deeply.

"Shhhh. Good girl," she whispered to her as she kissed her tears away.

Octavia laid against her body and rubbed her stomach gently until she was calm.

"Where have you played with your toy, Raven?"

She blushed. She knew she was no longer in trouble so she formed her response.

"Just in my pussy."

"Have you sucked it?"

She blushed so hard her cheeks puffed up and threatened to force her eyes closed. She nodded.

"Have you played with it in your ass?"

She shook her head.

"Have you ever?"

She hesitated but shook her head.

Octavia carefully controlled her own raging desire before she continued.

"Listen, Raven. I always take care of you, don't I?"

Raven pouted and nodded at her.

"See, I want to sit on your face, baby. But you cheated by fantasizing about it so now if I do that, I'll be spoiling you."

"I'm sorry," Raven told her seriously.

"I know, you've already been forgiven. I'm just telling you, I'm going to let you suck my pussy but ... you have to be a very, very good girl."

Raven controlled the desire to grind her hips up against Octavia's body.

"I will be," she promised her.

Octavia smiled. "Will you?"

"Yes," she told her again.

"Good. And just to make sure you're serious ... I'm going to stick the toy in your ass. Just so you don't lose focus."

Raven's eyes darted to and from her face. Octavia watched the emotions cycle in her eyes.

Octavia sat, grabbed the lube and poured it over the length of the toy. Raven watched it with a tense expression.

"Spread and lift," Octavia told her with a careful smile.

Raven responded obediently, spreading her small hips and lifting them. Octavia pressed the toy against her hole.

"Breathe, Raven," she instructed her.

Raven closed her eyes tightly and tried to control her whimpers as Octavia pressed it inside her.

Octavia watched her body to make sure she didn't pull her restraints but she remained perfectly still.

When the toy was halfway inside, Octavia asked 'are you okay?' and Raven told her 'yes ma'am'. When it was all the way inside her, she paused to take several breaths and tell Raven to relax.

She rubbed Raven's stomach. She was impressed with how little Raven was squirming or complaining. Raven's face contorted with pain but she stared at Octavia's pussy as she straddled her face.

Raven waited for permission. Octavia rubbed her wet lips against Raven's pouting mouth.

"Okay, sweet girl. You can lick me."

"Thank you."

Octavia braced against the unexpected eroticism of that grateful comment.

Raven wanted to suck on her like a maniac but she understood she was in trouble for that exact haste. She restrained her desires with effort as she dragged her tongue through Octavia's folds slowly, marveling at the sensation of being immersed in her favorite thing on the planet.

Octavia leaned down carefully without resting her weight on Raven. She pressed her pussy flush against Raven's mouth.

"You can suck," she told her. She felt Raven's pace increase.

Octavia wickedly twisted the dildo's handle, causing it to spring alive with vibration.

Raven yelped and accidently jerked her body.

"I'm sorry," she burst out.

"It's fine. Just don't pull that shoulder," Octavia reminded her.

Raven tried to breathe through the sensation of her ass being vibrated from within.

Octavia stared down at her with amusement.

Finally she remembered Octavia's wet pussy rubbing back and forth against her face and suckled at it subconsciously as her body was bounced apart from within.

Octavia began to shudder and rubbed quickly against Raven's sucking lips.

Raven thought she might bust from the pleasure raging through her helpless body but she licked and sucked Octavia's pulsing pussy as she pressed it down against her face.

Octavia realized she was going to orgasm before Raven and decided that was unacceptable. She balanced on one hand and reached the other for the handle of the toy stuffed in Raven's ass. She jilted it and slid it out slightly before stuffing it back again.

Raven's hips raised and she began to gasp. Octavia used her pussy to press her back down.

"Drink me. Don't pull that shoulder."

Raven struggled to understand the value of her words as her hips arched and raised Octavia.

Octavia licked Raven's pussy when it raised to her face. Raven couldn't take anymore, she screamed into Octavia's wet center as Octavia's pussy drenched her mouth and face.

---

Raven must have passed out because the next thing she knew, Octavia was pouring water in her mouth. She gulped it weakly.

"I'm sorry," she began.

Octavia laughed. "You more than made up for it, sweetheart."

Raven beamed at her. "Did I?"

Octavia kissed her lips before untying her hands and pulling her into her arms.

Raven felt like a boneless doll as Octavia cradled and kissed her.

"Are you hurting?"

"No," Raven told her honestly. "Not bodily. Octavia?"

"Mmmmhmmm?" she asked as she snuggled Raven to her and relaxed.

"Why did you ... even after you knew I was bad ... why did you give me what I asked for?"

The silence of Octavia's meditation went on so long Raven wondered if she fell asleep.

"I should probably tell you ... you were a good girl," she pushed Raven's hair back and pressed a final kiss to her face. "But the truth is ... I have a giant weak spot when it comes to you. At times, I lose all control. Even if you weren't such a good girl, I would probably have been tempted to give in. You're just so sweet, baby."

Raven's eyes wet again.

"Thank you so much," she told Octavia with a reverent kiss.

"Don't make me regret telling you that," Octavia told her as her eyes drifted close.

"You didn't make me regret giving you control. I won't make you regret it either."

Octavia was already dreaming of riding her horse fast in an open field when Raven kissed her cheek and told her, "I want to love you for the rest of my life."