Distance, a supernatural fanfic

A/N: Hello! This is a nice little one-shot I've been working on for about a month now between ICY. It's inspired by scenes from the show, set to the lyrics of Distance by Christina Perri. This is a warning: If you aren't caught up on season 15, then the final section of this ficlet will be a huuuuge spoiler, so be cautious! Thank you for reading, feel free to leave comments!

"The sun is filling up the room,

And I can hear you dreaming.

Do you feel the way I do, right now?"

Dean Winchester is sleeping in an armchair in the middle of the bunker when he wakes up to find Castiel staring at him. He jumps, spilling the beer that was perched precariously in his lap, and grabs it, setting it on the table next to him.

"Jeez, Cas. Warn a guy," he mutters, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Castiel eyes him curiously, a small smile tracing his lips. Dean isn't used to Castiel being around all the time, but after the angels fell he basically moved in, taking up one of the spare bedrooms in the bunker. It's fine by him; they have plenty of space, and this ensures that Dean can keep a closer eye on him. The last thing he wants is to come home and find the angel dead again.

Castiel tilts his head, watching Dean as he cleans up the beer mess. "You looked peaceful."

Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I was. Until I woke up and found you over there watching me like a damn serial killer."

Castiel furrows his brows, his lips drawn into a tight line. Dean looks up at him and takes in the angel's appearance. He's wearing his usual outfit - black suit, blue tie, tan trenchcoat - and his hair is combed neatly to the side. Dean wonders if he's ever going to change his clothes (not that he's complaining. He actually thinks Cas looks good in the outfit).

When Dean finishes cleaning up the mess, he turns to find Castiel still standing there, watching Dean curiously. "Is there something you need?"

Castiel looks away for a moment and shuffles awkwardly, before looking back at Dean and saying, "No."

Dean watches Cas. "So, you just came in here to watch me sleep like a fucking creep?"

"No," Castiel repeats. "I was looking for something."

"Oh really?" Dean asks with a raise of his eyebrow. "What were you looking for?"

Cas looks away, panic rising in his icy blue eyes. "I...don't know."

Dean sighs and tosses the dish rag he's holding on the table before standing. He walks over to Cas, only a few feet away from him now, and rubs his chin with his hand. "So you weren't watching me sleep, you were looking for something, but you don't know what?"

Castiel draws his lips in a tight line again, looking around in a bit of a panic. Finally he sighs and nods curtly.

Dean rolls his eyes. "Unbelievable," he mutters as he grabs the dish rag and heads for the kitchen. This isn't the first time he's found Cas watching him while he sleeps, and it surely won't be the last. The angel needs to learn something about boundaries.

Dean makes his way into the kitchen, still mumbling to himself. He tosses the dirty rag in the hamper nearby and turns around to find Castiel standing behind him. Dean jumps and lets out a breath. "Jesus, Cas."

"Dean," Castiel starts, ignoring the fact that he's spooked the man.

"What?" Dean snaps.

"I don't mean to watch you sleep."

"No, of course not. You just accidentally happen to walk in when I'm sleeping and you accidentally decide to watch instead of leaving me alone," Dean says sarcastically, using air quotes around the word 'accidentally'.

"You just look so peaceful," Castiel confesses. "Normally you're bitter and sarcastic - probably because you feel you have the weight of the world on your shoulders - but when you're asleep, you're calm. You're in a safer place. It's fascinating."

Dean pauses and looks over at Castiel, whose eyes now convey a bit of playfulness and curiosity. "You're fascinated by watching me sleep?"

"Yes," Castiel confirms. "You're much more relaxed. Sometimes you even smile and I enjoy seeing you smile."

A lump grows in Dean's throat that he has to swallow to pass. Castiel enjoys seeing him smile? Dean watches the angel carefully. He knows he and Cas share a closer bond than Cas and Sam, but he never expected him to say that.

Dean closes his eyes for a second and clears his throat. "Uh...okay," is all he can say at this point. Castiel watches him sleep because he's peaceful and he smiles. Dean doesn't even feel the anger or annoyance he felt only moments ago. He just feels...giddy?

"That's...that's nice of you, Cas," Dean starts, his voice starting to tremble. "Just uh...try not to scare the shit out of me next time. Okay?"

"Okay," Castiel agrees, a small smile forming.

Dean watches the angel for a moment, the corners of his own mouth turning up in response. "Okay," he says as he turns and heads out of the room. Before he does, he glances back at Castiel one more time, and he swears he feels his stomach do a backflip.

"I wish we would just give up,

'Cause the best part is falling.

Calling anything but love."

Dean's in the bunker's kitchen, cooking breakfast, when he hears the familiar sound of footsteps behind him. Judging by the sounds of the steps, he knows exactly who it is. "Hey, Cas," he says over his shoulder, focusing on the food he's making.

"Hello, Dean,' he hears the angel respond.

A few seconds later Dean sees Castiel standing next to him out of the corner of his eye, watching what he's doing. "I'm making pancakes," he states. "Want some?"

"Yes, thank you."

Dean can feel Castiel watch him as he takes out the finished pancake and transfers it over to a plate. Then he grabs the batter, and pours enough for another small one. Dean hums along to the small radio playing one of his classic rock tapes over on the counter, completely aware of Castiel's eyes on him. He flips the pancake in the pan when he feels it's ready.

"How do you know when to flip it?" Castiel asks suddenly.

Dean looks up and finds Cas staring at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His icy blue eyes were filled with curiosity. "Well, you check it by gently lifting at the sides. Like this."

Dean uses the spatula to lift the sides of the pancake, which cling to the pan below it. "See? If it's still runny or if it's still sticking to the pan, it's not ready to be flipped."

Castiel nods, understanding washing over his face. "I see."

Dean looks back up at the angel. "Ever make pancakes before?"

Castiel shakes his head. "I've never needed to eat until now, remember?"

"Right," Dean replies. "Well, it's never too late to learn."

Dean transfers the finished pancake to a plate, and grabs the batter, pouring it into the pan. "You want to pour enough for a decent sized pancake, but not too much. You don't want it to be too big." He sets the batter back down. "This looks good."

Dean looks up at Castiel and hands him the spatula. Castiel looks from Dean to the spatula for a moment, seemingly unsure. Dean holds it closer to Cas and says, "Don't worry, it won't bite."

Castiel hesitates for a second more before lifting a hand and grabbing the spatula gingerly, almost as if it will break in his hands. He holds it just as Dean shows him, and moves closer to the pan, watching the bubbles rise on the uncooked side of the pancake.

Dean chuckles and says, "Okay, so let's check if this side is cooked. You want to use the end of your spatula to poke at it gently."

Castiel nods and slowly sticks his spatula in the pan. He looks from Dean to the pancake and takes a deep breath, then he pushes the side of the pancake, a little too hard, and the side falls apart.

Dean snorts. "Okay, that was a little too rough, but it's your first time. Try again."

Castiel nods slowly, eyes wide, and tries again, only to prematurely flip the pancake and get batter all over the stove.

Dean sighs and shakes his head. "Okay, maybe we should try a different method. Stand here."

Dean gestures for Castiel to take his place in front of the stove, and he complies. Dean moves out of the way and stands behind Castiel, slipping his arms around him, and placing his hands on the angel's. Castiel jumps for a moment, startled.

Dean chuckles and says, "Relax. Just follow my lead."

Dean guides Castiel's hands with his own, showing him how to poke the pancake and when and how to flip it. It takes a few tries, but Cas finally gets the hang of it. It isn't long before he's making them on his own without Dean's help.

Dean watches, smirking. "Good job. Maybe now you can make me breakfast," he jokes.

"Of course, if you'd like me to," Cas replies, looking over at Dean.

The two lock eyes, and Dean can feel his heart rate accelerating. He laughs awkwardly before breaking contact, and mutters, "Right."

Dean turns off the burner and removes the pan and spatula, placing it in the sink. He's aware of Castiel's eyes on him, watching as he grabs the plate of pancakes and carries it over to the table. He wishes Cas wouldn't stare at him like that. It makes him uncomfortable, like Cas is judging every move he makes. Like he needs to impress him or something.

Dean sits down at the kitchen table and rolls up his sleeves, as Castiel walks over and sits in the chair across from him. "Dean?"

"Hm?" Dean looks up from his plate, which is now filled with three pancakes, some scrambled eggs, and a few strips of bacon.

"Thank you for taking the time to show me how to make pancakes," Castiel says. "You didn't have to do that, but I'm grateful that you did."

"Dude," Dean says with a laugh. "They're just pancakes. No big deal."

"Yes, and there are a lot of people who wouldn't have taken the time to teach me, but you did." Castiel lifts his hand and reaches across the table, placing it on Dean's. "Thank you."

Dean freezes in his seat, eyes darting from Castiel's hand on his, to Castiel, and back again. His heart beats loudly inside his chest. He looks at Cas, who is staring at him with soft eyes, almost...affectionate? Loving? Dean's stomach does a complete summersault when he realizes this, causing him to lose his appetite, but he won't tell Cas this. What the hell is happening to me?

After a few seconds he clears his throat. "N-No problem, Cas," He mutters, not meeting the angel's eyes. He sucks in a breath and returns to his food. "Better eat before it gets cold."

Castiel nods and starts reaching for the serving trays. Dean uses this opportunity to look up, watching him. A smile is plastered on Castiel's face as he grabs a couple pancakes for himself. A cute smile. Dean curses himself in his head for thinking that, but it's true; Cas does have a cute smile. And a cute face, nice hair, and a cute butt.

Dean feels the blush coming to his cheeks as he turns back to his food, trying to ignore the fact that he just admitted that he found another man cute. Something he's never admitted out loud, not even to himself.

Does Dean Winchester have a crush?

"I'll give you everything I am,

All my broken heartbeats.

Until I know you'll understand."

Dean is sitting outside on the hood of the Impala, knocking back his eighth beer of the night. He is tipsy, trying to ignore the looming responsibilities he has, as he sits and looks at the stars. Just as he's drinking the last of his beer, he hears footsteps behind him, and turns to find Castiel walking up.

"Hey, Cas," Dean says, starting to slur his words a bit. He smiles goofily at the angel, watching as he approaches.

"Dean," Cas replies, a smile crossing his own face. "Mind if I join you?"

Dean gestures to the space next to him on the hood, and Castiel walks over, hoisting himself up and sitting.

The two enjoy each other's company in silence, looking up at the night sky. Dean feels himself starting to relax now that Castiel is here, and he finds himself absent-mindedly humming a Metallica song.

After a few minutes pass before Dean leans over, trying to reach the cooler nearby to grab another beer. When he straightens up, he finds Castiel staring at him. "What?" he asks, using his ring to open up the bottle of beer he now has.

"Dean." Castiel is looking up at the stars now. "I know that the coming months may become more complicated...dangerous even."

Dean knows he's talking about the fact that they have to track down Lucifer, but he doesn't want to think about it. In fact, he came outside to get drunk and forget everything for a while. "Cas, can we not talk about that stuff right now?"

Castiel sighs, looking over at the man. "I know you don't want to, but I have something I want to say." They lock eyes for a second, and Dean notices that Castiel's are silently pleading with him. "Please."

Dean swallows carefully and holds the angel's gaze for a few seconds before nodding.

Castiel nods and continues. "I just want you and Sam to know that if anything happens to me, I'm grateful for the time I've spent here on Earth. I'm glad that you both have taken me in and have offered me your friendship."

Dean watches the angel carefully. "Don't sweat it, Cas," he says as he takes a sip of his beer. "We're family."

Cas smiles in response, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight. "You're a good man, Dean Winchester."

Dean chuckles and finishes off his beer. "I'm alright."

"You're loyal, brave, courageous." Castiel's eyes are bearing into Dean's soul at this point, and Dean feels his stomach flip. "You should give yourself more credit."

Dean swallows carefully, watching the angel. He doesn't understand why Cas is saying these things, and why now of all times, but he can't ignore the butterflies he's suddenly feeling in the pit of his stomach as Cas watches him so intensely.

After a few seconds Dean says, "Alright, well if you're done with the chick flick moment, I'm gonna grab another beer."

Dean stands up and finds his vision spinning. He reaches out a hand to steady himself, and instead of landing on the hood of the Impala, it ends up in Castiel's now outstretched hand.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asks, concern painted on his face. He's on his feet now, using his body to hold Dean up.

Dean nods slowly. "Just drunker than I thought," he mumbles as he blinks to try to steady his vision.

"Maybe you should quit while you're ahead," Cas suggests, slowly leading Dean back over to the hood of the Impala.

"Maybe you're right."

The two sit down again, but Dean's vision doesn't improve. He closes his eyes, bringing a hand to his forehead, rubbing it in hopes that it will somehow help. When it doesn't, he turns to the angel and says, "Maybe I should lay down for a bit."

Castiel nods curtly and says, "I can help you to your room." But before he can even stand, Dean is now lying across the hood of the Impala, his head in Castiel's lap. He lets out a slow breath, his eyes now closed.

"This is good," Dean says quietly.

There's a few seconds of silence before he hears Castiel respond with, "Yes, this is good."

"Please don't stand so close to me

I'm having trouble breathing.

I'm afraid of what you'll see, right now."

Sam, Dean, and Cas are at a small dive bar just outside of Chicago, grabbing a few beers after a hunt before hitting the road. They're huddled around a small, round table in the back of the bar, watching the people around them, Dean checking out some women with a curious eye.

"Hey, Sammy, she looks like she could be your type," Dean says, gesturing towards a tall brunette standing by the bar.

Sam turns in his seat to get a glimpse of the woman. "Why do you think she's my type?"

Dean shrugs casually. "She's tall, like you, Sasquatch."

Sam turns back around, giving Dean his classic bitchface. Dean laughs and takes a swig of his beer as Sam stands. "I gotta take a leak, I'll be back."

They watch as Sam disappears within the crowd, Dean still laughing at his joke. He looks over at Cas, who's quietly drinking his beer and looking around. Dean's stomach lurches as he watches Cas take a sip, his Adam's apple bobbing. Dean swallows carefully, trying to steady his breathing, as the angel looks at him and smiles softly.

"This is nice," Cas says, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

Dean clears his throat, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, it is."

Cas holds his beer bottle in his hand, picking at the label around it absentmindedly. Dean watches him, wondering what he could be thinking about, when his thoughts are interrupted by a figure approaching them. He looks over to find the same tall brunette he pointed out earlier making her way over to their table, her eyes on Castiel. She approaches and immediately makes her way over to Cas, a huge smile on her face.

"What's a cutie like you doing in a bar like this?"

Castiel looks up at her, still smiling. "I'm with my friends here."

The woman glances at Dean for a second, then turns her attention back to Cas, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Dean watches, feeling a fire in the pit of his stomach. He knows that move, has seen it a million times. She's flirting with Cas.

"I'm Amber," she says, holding her hand out. Cas takes it and shakes.

"Cas."

"So, Cas. Got any plans tonight?"

Dean's hands tighten around his beer bottle and he grits his teeth. This girl is wasting no time.

"After this we're heading back home," Cas says casually, likely completely unaware of Amber's interest in him.

"Really?" Amber asks, placing a hand over Cas' on the table. "Where's home?"

Cas glances down at her hand for a second and clears his throat, clearly reading her interest now. "Uh, Kansas."

Dean rolls his eyes, his anger bubbling over now. Before he can even hear Amber's reply, he's on his feet, pushing his stool back with a loud skid, and heads in the direction of the side exit.

"Dean?" Cas asks when he sees Dean get up.

"I'm gettin' some air," Dean grumbles, not even turning to look at the angel.

Dean pushes his way past a crowd of people and out of the exit, the metal door clanging shut behind him and echoing in the empty alleyway. When it shuts, Dean steps over and leans against the brick wall, rubbing his face with his hands, trying to steady his breathing. He doesn't know why he was so bothered by that woman showing an interest in Cas, but he knew it was too much for him and that he needed to leave. Was he jealous because she hadn't paid any attention to him? Or was he jealous because she was stealing all of Cas' attention from him?

Dean spends a few moments contemplating this, trying to convince himself that he can't be attracted to Cas, when the side door opens, and the angel pops out, brows furrowed as he makes his way over to him.

"Dean, are you okay?" Cas asks, tilting his head in that way that Dean likes, and Dean has to stop himself from going down that rabbit hole.

"I'm fine," Dean mutters, looking away.

Cas chooses this moment to step into Dean's space, placing a hand on his forehead. "Are you sure? You look pale. Do you have a fever?"

Dean jumps at Cas' sudden movements, their eyes meeting, and he feels his heart accelerate. He swallows, his eyes traveling down to Cas' pink lips, which look plush and very kissable. Dean stomps this thought away and says, "Cas, I'm fine."

Cas looks at him tentatively, his hand still on his forehead, before drawing his lips in a tight line. "We should head home if you're not feeling well."

"I'm fine!" Dean snaps, pushing Cas' hand off of his forehead. "And can you give me some personal space? Fuck."

Cas jumps, taken aback by Dean's outburst, but complies, taking a few steps back. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, not meeting Dean's eyes, and he feels guilty for having snapped.

Before Dean can say anything else, his phone is vibrating in his pocket. He digs around and finds it, pulling it out to find Sam calling.

"Come on," he says, pocketing his phone as he turns back to the door. "Sam's looking for us."

Dean glances over his shoulder and finds Castiel watching him go, a melancholy look on his face. Dean watches for a second, trying to decipher why Cas looks so hurt, but decides not to dwell on it, positive that this is a conversation neither of them are equipped to have at the moment.

"Are you coming?"

Cas blinks, almost as if he's coming out of a daydream, and nods, following Dean as they open the side door and make their way back into the bar.

"And I keep waiting

For you to take me,

And you keep waiting

To save what we had."

Dean unlocks the back trunk of the Impala and opens it, tossing his duffle bag in before slamming it shut. He and Sam just finished a hunt in Texas, and are now packing up to head home. Dean hasn't said much the entire time, still feeling angry at Cas for leaving just a few days prior. He knows that he's been angry at him for a while, and that he hasn't exactly been welcoming, but he doesn't understand how that prompted the angel to pack up and leave.

When Sam asked him about it, he gave little information ("He left us, Sam. That's it.") and they dropped it. He could tell Sam wanted to ask more questions, but he wasn't ready for that. Dean's grateful Sam hasn't brought it up since, though it's been weighing heavily on his mind.

Dean walks over to the driver's side door, doing his best to keep his thoughts from wandering to Cas and wondering what the angel is doing currently. Sam is standing at the passenger side door, leaning against it, facing Dean and looking at him with his puppy eyes. Dean sighs when he notices this, rolling his eyes.

"What?"

Sam fidgets for a moment, looking around, obviously uncomfortable about what's going to come out of his mouth next, and Dean sighs, knowing what's coming.

"Don't say it," Dean says, lifting a hand up.

"You should call Cas," Sam points out.

"No," Dean crosses his arms, looking anywhere but at Sam. "Absolutely not."

"Why, Dean?"

"Because he left us, remember?"

Sam looks at his hands and lets out a long sigh. "Dean..."

"He's the one who walked out that door. He made that choice," Dean states firmly, his voice sounding much gruffer than he anticipates.

"Listen," Sam starts. "I know how you feel about him."

"No you don't," Dean says with a scoff.

"Oh no? So you're gonna tell me that you're not in love with him?"

Dean freezes, his hand on the door handle of the Impala, tightening. He shuts his eyes, letting out a slow breath. Was it that obvious?

"I'm not-"

"Dean, I'm not an idiot," Sam interjects. "I've seen the way you look at him. I've seen how close you guys are. And I see what him being gone is doing to you. You're in love with him."

Dean grits his teeth, turning his back to Sam as he runs a hand across his face. He's not in love with Cas...right? It's normal to be this close with your friend and to be this sad when they're gone. He definitely hasn't thought about kissing him once or twice or a few times...

Dean tries to push the thoughts away, but he knows there's no use. He's in love with Cas, and has been for years. He sighs and looks up at the night sky, watching the stars. He is in love with Cas, and it's taken him until now to realize it.

Sam's voice breaks through Dean's thoughts. "Listen, man. You don't have to agree, I'm just telling you what I see. And I know you're mad at him, for a good reason. But not forgiving him is tearing you apart. I can see it on your face. You miss him, so you should call him. Let him know you forgive him."

Dean says nothing as he rubs his hands together, processing Sam's words. He was right; Cas being gone was tearing him apart. But Dean's stubborn, and he knows he can't let go that easily. Maybe Sam's right. Maybe he should call him and tell him he forgives him, but there's a part of him that just can't let go of the anger he feels. He wishes it were that simple.

Dean turns around after a few minutes, and opens the driver's side door. "Let's go, Sam," he mutters before climbing in and shutting it. He knows Sam is right, but he isn't ready to call him yet. Maybe tomorrow.

"So I'll make sure to keep my distance,

Say I love you when you're not listening,

How long, can we keep this up, up, up?"

Dean is sitting in the library of the bunker in one of the small, red armchairs, knocking back a shot of whiskey. He's feeling content - Cas is back and he forgave him, they got Jack back, and they have some semblance of a plan ready to take on Chuck - so things seem to be going well for now.

Dean grabs the bottle to pour another shot, when Cas walks in, his trench coat billowing softly behind him with each step. He looks up, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Hey, Cas."

"Hello, Dean."

Dean gestures to the chair next to him for Cas to sit, and he does. Then Dean reaches over for a second glass and pours them both shots, handing one to the angel. He sets the bottle down and looks over, seeing Cas smiling to himself, and his stomach flips. He hasn't told Cas about his feelings for him, getting too caught up in everything that's been happening with Chuck. He knows he should, but he hasn't had the courage to.

"I knew it, Dean," Cas states, pulling Dean from his thoughts. "When I was with Jack's mother, Kelly just had faith that Jack would be good for the world. And I felt it too. I knew it. And when everything went wrong, and God took him from us, I was lost in a way that I never had been before because I knew the story wasn't over."

Dean purses his lips and looks away for a moment.

"I knew Jack wasn't done. I was right," Cas finishes, his eyes shining brightly.

Dean smiles and lifts his glass for a toast. "Well, here's to being right."

Cas leans over and they clink their glasses together, then they both knock back their drinks. Dean lets out a sigh, feeling the familiar burn as he swallows his drink. He reaches over for the bottle, but finds it empty, so he stands, crossing the room to grab the other bottle he has sitting on the table.

When Dean grabs it and turns around, he finds Castiel standing behind him, his faces inches away. Dean jumps and swallows carefully, feeling his throat tighten and his stomach flip. Cas is staring at him, a hint of a smile on his lips. Dean's eyes slide down to Cas' lips, so close, and so kissable.

After a few seconds, Cas lifts a hand and places it gently on Dean's cheek, his eyes searching Dean's for any signs of protest. Dean says nothing, unable to even move, as he can't drag his eyes away from Cas' lips. He lets out a shaky breath, his tongue darting out to wet his suddenly dry lips. Cas leans forward, closing the distance between them, and presses their lips together tentatively, testing the waters.

Dean's eyes slide close and he kisses back softly, his free hand landing on Cas' waist. Their mouths move slowly together as Cas deepens the kiss, feeling Dean's eagerness radiating off of him. Dean pulls Cas closer by the waist, his mind completely devoid of anything that isn't Cas and his amazing mouth. His lips are even softer than Dean's ever imagined.

After a few moments they break apart, and Dean looks away, a blush spreading across his cheeks. Cas is watching him, a wide smile on his face.

"Was that okay?" Cas asks.

"Are you kidding?" Dean asks, looking back up at the angel. "That was more than okay. That was..."

"Amazing?" Cas offers with a smile.

Dean let out a light laugh. "Well, yeah."

They stare at each other for a few moments before dissolving into laughter. When they finally settle down, Dean says, "I just wish that would've happened sooner."

Cas shrugs. "Well, you've always been stubborn. As you would say; you tend to have your head shoved up your ass."

Dean lets out a loud laugh that fills the room. "Yeah, I guess I do."

Cas smiles and leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Dean's jaw. He feels the angel's stubble against his face and his stomach flips.

"It's a good thing I'm patient," Cas says as he grabs the bottle of whiskey from Dean's hand, having been forgotten when they started kissing, and takes it over to their chairs to fill up their glasses.

Dean watches as Cas goes, thinking about his conversation he had with Sam. He's right; Dean is in love with Cas, and he thinks Cas might love him back. Of course, he's not ready to admit that out loud just yet. Maybe one day, after they beat Chuck and things return back to normal.

"Yeah," Dean mutters quietly, watching Cas pour their drinks. "It's a good thing."

"How long, 'til we call this love, love, love?"