Some sort of ancient device has shrunken Lt. Col. John Sheppard into a child. Property damage and psychological trauma ensue. Zelenka will never be the same again.

Fluffy-Haired Hellhound

Lorne had a headache and, per usual, it's name was Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Not usual was that he was six years old and his usual propensity to touch things was dialed up to ten.

"I didn't even know worse was an option!" Zelenka immediately started cursing in Czech while a tiny John Sheppard pouted in the seat beside him.

Small John was much the same as larger John, with arms folded and legs spread wide as he leaned back in his chair. His bottom lip was stuck out though, and his floppy hair fell in his eyes, "McKay let's me play!"

That phrase did not calm Zelenka in the slightest.

"John," Lorne pointed his hand at the boy, who met his gaze with a defiant eyebrow quirk. "We've talked about not touching other people's toys right? You have to ask first?"

John nodded. His head lulled to the side, "I didn't MEAN to make it go boom though. It said it would make a pretty light."

"Did you ask Zelenka before you touched it?" Lorne raised his eyebrows and lowered his chin as he pinned John with a look. The resulting squirming answered his question, "And that's why you're in trouble. Dr. Weir will be here shortly."

He dismissed Zelenka with a quick nod as the boy shuffled down his chair to sulk properly.

-.-.-

AR-1 returned from their second reconnaissance mission of the Ancient lab to a jumping Lieutenant Colonel. He was grinning wide and hopping from foot to foot until the wormhole disengaged, then he launched himself at Rodney.

"McKay! McKay! Did you bring me any new toys?!" His fingers gripped Rodney's flak vest as he forced wide, pleading eyes on the stuttering McKay. "Zelenka won't let me have any of his."

Rodney's face pinched, "Why the hell not?" John grinned wide. "But no, no new toys, just information that will help me fix you."

"M-ckay!" John pulled on the vest as he slunk down, "I'm so bored! Fun first, fix later!"

McKay managed three steps with the dead weight attached to his front before pulling John up by his arm pits to carry in his arms. "We can do both," McKay continued walking and began to ramble on about the solution to John's current predicament.

"Lasers are awesome!" John contributed with excessive head nodding and squealing. Teyla and Ronan exchanged a look before Ronon grumbled and followed the chaotic duo.

"I take it he has been a…a handful?" Teyla turned to Weir with a sympathetic smile. "He seems quite energetic."

Weir chuckled, and nodded her head towards the stairs, "That's an understatement unfortunately." The two women sat in Weir's office. "I am beginning to understand why people thought he wouldn't get past captain though…"

"Oh?" Teyla arched an eyebrow as Weir poured them each a glass of tea.

"Let's just say there's been some property damage and some psychological trauma."

-.-.-

"No!" Zelenka stood firmly in the doorway of his lab, with eyes narrowed on Rodney and his small charge. "You bring him. You stay in your own lab!"

Rodney rolled his eyes and looked back at Ronon with a scoff, "Can you believe this?"

"He corrected Zimmerman's math!" Zelenka exclaimed, pushing his glasses up his nose. "He made an ancient grenade explode. And! He got finger prints all over my laptop!"

Rodney's eyes glazed over as the Czech began to swear in his mother tongue. John tugged on Rodney's sleeve before whispering (not very quietly), "Zimmerman's an idiot. He wasn't even using the right equation for linear progression."

-.-.-

"So he has his adult memories and knowledge then?" Weir arched an eyebrow as Teyla explained their discoveries at the Ancient lab.

Teyla nodded, "Yes. The device's purpose was apparently to extend one's life time. The issue is that it reverts your body back to a child-like state."

"Including brain development…" Weir sighed, lips pursing, "Has Rodney got a theory on how to fix it?"

Teyla pursed her lips as well, "Of a sort."

Weir sat up straighter, "I don't like the sound of that."

-.-.-

"So we place you in this chamber and hit you with the exact same laser bursts as the one from the lab, but with their polarities reversed!" McKay clapped his hands together, eyes wide as he looked down at his small companion.

John crossed his arms, bottom lip stuck out, "Reverse the polarities?" He tilted his head to the side, "That sounds more like Star Trek than science, McKay…"

"Star Trek?" Ronon furrowed his brows as McKay scoffed and started to pace.

"I'll have you know that Star Trek has inspired many a technological advances! And some of the episodes even touch on real theories from, well, theoritical physics."

John giggled as Rodney continued to rant, arms gesticulating widely as he paced up and down his lab. Across the hallway, Zelenka could be heard doing the same, in Czech, with significantly more crashes and bangs involved.

"Do I have to be big again?!" John whined to Ronon, head tilted all the way back to look at the Satedan. Ronon blinked.

"No." Ronon shrugged. "You can be small and vulnerable instead. I'm sure Weir would let you off planet again in...oh…ten, fifteen years?"

McKay yelped as John barrelled into his legs, "Reverse the polarities! Reverse the polarities!" John attempted to shake Rodney's shoulders, but only managed to twist himself into a heap in the other man's lap. "I can't be stuck here forever!"

Ronon smirked, "You heard the man, McKay. Get to work."

-.-.-

"I was a perfect angel!" Colonel Sheppard crossed his arms with a huff. The entire mess hall froze, eyes shifting towards Zelenka who sat a table away, muttering under his breath and glaring at Sheppard.

Rodney rolled his eyes and jabbed his thumb in Zelenka's direction, "You've officially broken Zelenka. Even I couldn't do that."

"What was it Zimmerman called you?" Ronon's lips twitched into a smirk. "Fluffy-haired demon?"

"Fluffy-haired hellhound actually," John said with a grunt as he grabbed his fork to start eating.

"Yeah, and then you bit him." Rodney snickered. John stabbed at Rodney's plate, stealing a potatoe. "Hey!"

John hummed, chewing slowly, "Hellhounds get hungry."

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