"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other books. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle." Lemony Snicket from 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'.
If this is what love does, then she didn't want it anymore. Her only desire was to stop hoping because it was killing her. Hoping to see his dark silhouette crossing the courtyard with a white shape at his feet, hoping to embrace him one last time. He could be dead for all she knew. This simple fact was almost too much to bear.
Still she waited and waited, but no one came through the gates, and each passing year Sansa's heart broke a little bit more.
Loneliness was her only company. Every soul of Winterfell had died long ago or left at one time or another. And she was chained by duty to this place. She didn't complain, after all, she'd fought and bled for it. For the North. Always.
She was made to rule but when the other half of her heart left, it wasn't the same anymore. She was just an empty shell, waiting for the night just so she could cry herself to sleep.
She was so tired.
But still, she put on a brave face before her council and her people, they didn't have to know that their Queen was heartbroken and that she wished to be miles away from here. In a faraway land where snow was the only thing that could warm her heart.
Tired of waiting for a letter to come, she made a decision, she would visit Castle Black. Perhaps he was just overwhelmed by duty just like her, and didn't have the time to respond to her letters.
So she rode for days and when she finally arrived she didn't know that a broken heart could still beat. She couldn't believe her eyes when facing the abandoned headquarters. Did Bran know? If so, why didn't he tell her? A lump formed in her throat as she made her way to the room she remembered was his. The room where he placed a comforting hand on hers and looked in her eyes before saying those words she'll never forget.
'Where will we go Sansa?'
She could almost feel the ghostly touch of his hand moving from her hands to her face. Sansa closed her eyes remembering his warmth. She missed him. She missed how he would gently place loose strands of her hair behind her ear before pulling her in for a tender kiss. Shadowing memories of him pressed painfully against her chest, slowly suffocating her.
An uneasy feeling made her shiver. This cold and empty place felt wrong. Silence filled every corner of the headquarters and the only noise was her light footsteps on the old wooden floor.
No more crows to fill the air with their cry.
She took a step back to leave the room when she noticed the Stark's stamp seal on some letters by the desk. She opened one of them and recognized her handwriting. It was the first letter she'd sent to him one year after his sentence of exile to Castle Black. She remembered their last conversation on the docks, he needed time and she understood. It was five years ago.
My dearest Jon,
Did you forget the promise that we made?
Can't you see that you gave enough of your life and blood for these people?
You did enough Jon, father would have been proud of you.
I am proud of you.
Come back home.
Yours forever, Sansa.
She couldn't believe it. He didn't even open it, and he had left without looking back. Dumbfounded, she didn't recall calling for a guard to light the fireplace. The man did not say a word as the queen tossed the letter into the fire. She looked lost watching the flames consume the dark letters on the paper.
'Ready my horse.' She quickly commanded, and the Queen of the North never looked back.
Upon arriving in Winterfell she prayed by the Heart Tree. She wished for her feelings and tears to go away but each of her prayers were left unheard.
But not for long.
She was in her study reading a letter from Arya announcing that she and Gendry were coming to visit and that she had something important to tell her. The last she had heard from her sister was when she took off on a ship to explore the world, hair in the air and a serene smile despite the battle scars on her face. After that, Arya only wrote to her once, a couple of years ago. She had sent a brief note from both Gendry and herself. Sansa smiled absently at the memory while writing her reply, her mind elsewhere.
Love, what an odd feeling it was. Once upon a time, when she used to play princess and dragons, she wished to have it all. To love and cherish her prince was all she could ask for and all she could wish for. She probably wished it too strongly and here she was, alone and empty. She sighed and looked out her open window. She stood up slowly to watch the snow failing peacefully on the ground. The Heart Tree was in her line of sight, and Sansa saw something strange.
Little balls of light were floating from the Tree and were making a pathway behind it and through the forest. Curious, she abandoned her parchment and quill and went outside.
'The night is dark and full of terrors,' the priestess Melisandre used to murmur to the flames, but Sansa was not afraid of the night. She'd learned the painful lesson that real monsters were not lurking in shadows. Real monsters put on their most beautiful and charming faces in broad daylight before pouncing on their prey.
'Love is poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same.' Cersei used to say that to her. It was the first time in a while she thought of the deceased Queen and Sansa wished that the woman didn't speak the truth but her heart told her otherwise.
She kept following the little lights which looked like fireflies floating into the forest. Then they stopped abruptly and quickly faded into the night.
Sansa was freezing in her light nightdress. As she leaned on a tree to ease her sore feet, she could hear the echo of someone laughing. It was coming from all the directions, she frowned and searched through the trees but nothing came out. A branch snapped somewhere in the wood and the giggling continued, somewhat closer to her ears. It was definitely a child and Sansa tried to straighten up a bit, but a gust of powerful wind knocked her on the frozen ground.
'Once upon a time you wished for your heart to stop beating,' the little voice whispered. Sansa's heart missed a beat and all of a sudden the ground started shaking, and the earth opened before her. A little creature with big green eyes stretched out its tiny hand for her to grasp.
'Sansa Stark your wish is granted.'
She didn't know what came over her but she followed the creature without a word through the pathways of earth until it stopped its tracks and faced her with a mischievous grin.
'Who are you?' She scrutinized the little form, trying to make sense of its odd earthy apparence. Her sharp eyes didn't miss the dark blade at its belt. Dragonglass? But how?
It didn't respond but instead stepped forward and grabbed her tunic, urging her to kneel to be at eye level with it. She watched the odd green of its eyes, so pale it was almost white, and saw her reflection in them. The pale reflection of what she had become, a scared little pup without her pack. Didn't she promise herself to never feel sorry for herself ever again because of a man? Hadn't she suffered enough? But what they had together was love in its purest form, she was convinced of it. The feelings she had for him were out of this world and she just couldn't renounce them even if at the end they became just a memory.
Could she continue to live with just the memory? Or would it drive her mad, just as it had her aunt Lysa? Driven into madness because of a man she had loved too much.
Wiping the tears on her cheeks, she felt like a little girl again, trapped with the lions without any warm and familiar shoulders to cry on. How many times had she been cornered before being forced to accept the help from people she never asked for? From Littlefinger to the Dragon Queen, she never had her say. They trampled on her as she was just a pawn on their game. But here with this stranger, she can choose for herself.
'Jon,' she whispered for her ears only. His name opened a wound that bleed without the touch of a sword. She started to sob quietly with tears that would never dry. Tears that will drown her in the darkest part of her mind.
'Will it be painful?' She asked, unable to keep the tremor from her voice, her watery eyes fixed on the creature.
It didn't respond but pulled a little stone out from under an enormous root. A beautiful veil of blue light pulsated from it and its shape looked like the point of a spear.
Sansa reached out carefully and touched the stone with the tips of her fingers. It was cold and sharp. She looked at the creature puzzled, and saw that it was pointing its index finger to the stone and then to where her heart was.
'Sansa Stark wants the pain to go away,' it declared with its infant voice. It grabbed the stone with its tiny hand, grasping it with hers and pointing it to her chest.
'I will help you, see?' It put its other hand on her heart. 'Here and Sansa Stark will be free for eternity.'
Free? It's true, she paused in contemplation. She remembered praying and wishing for it.
Sansa looked down at her chest, feeling the prick of the stone through her dress.
Free? Yes, she craved for it.
'I want to be free,' she could hear the desperation in her voice, her hands were trembling from fright and she closed her eyes and repeated with more vehemency.
'I want to be free.'
The creature lifted Sansa's chin up and smiled with an odd glimmer in its eyes before pushing the stone a little more on her chest.
'One moment of pain and it will go away forever. One moment of pain and you will be free for eternity.'
Sansa glanced at the blue stone, the slow pulsation emanating from it was reflected in her blue eyes, making them crystal clear.
'Help me,' she heard herself saying, her eyes transfixed by the stone.
'Help me!' She breathy asked with more determination.
One breath and her heart was pounding fast in her head.
Two breaths and her cold hands grasped the stone with strength.
Three breaths and her scream of pain resonated into the earth and shook the leaves of the trees while the stone was slowly pushed into her heart.
Sansa screamed and cried until blood soaked the earth.
A long cry tore the air that night and the lonely wolf was gone.
She crawled from the earth and stood in the stormy night, her dress tainted in red and her hair dancing wildly with the wind. Far off in the distance, she could see the face of the Heart Tree. The light halo of the Moon reflected on its carved eyes. They were bleeding.
'Thank you,' she whispered through the wind.
Silence was her only response.
An absent smile on her face, Sansa paid no mind to the frosty ground on her bare feet.
She was at peace.
For now.
[AN] Three quotes came from the tvshow so credit to it (the one from Jon, Melisandre and Cersei).
First betareading made by SpiceHoney, thank you!
And second betareading made by Skate815freckles who with her many suggestions helped me improve a lot the chapter !
I hope you guys enjoyed this new version.