Edward stared longingly out the window of a Greyhound bus as it sped away from Washington state. Town after town passed him by in a blur of banal Americana, he grimaced internally at the insipidity of it all. He wore a saturnine countenance like an old pair of leather pants, Bella had always said that a miasma of 'beautiful despair' always clung to him; it had almost made him smile... He sighed shudderingly at the painful recollection.
The artificially tanned passenger next to him glanced his way upon the eructation of yet another audible discharge of melancholia. He had made himself remember her again.
The passenger occupying's seat 42a said a silent prayer for the heartbroken man beside her. She had just read The Alchemist by Palo Cohello and was trying to become more spiritual...
'He's actually pretty cute' she thought. Rosie blushed and did her best to just observe the scenery rolling by.
'Was it all in vain?' He wondered.
'Vain' he thought, Bella had oft complained of his vanity. In actuality she was the one with the unreasonably protracted morning routine. First she applied moisturizer methodically, caressingly, onto her smooth thighs.
That, of course, was not all Bella did in the bathroom in the mornings, she cleaned her ears daily, terrified of anyone spotting even a quantum amount of wax on them, she then cleaned underneath each and every nail. Bella was a regular Patrick Bateman in the morning; she would spend at least 2 hours cleaning, primping and applying make up, vamping it up for the mirror all the while, her grooming mania held that vital shared space under siege for brazen amounts of time. And yet, Edward had always forgiven her, she was after all only mortal.
Without the scythe of death looming over his head Edward was fundamentally unable to truly understand the human emotional experience. So he had kept to the shadows, the traditional, safest place for his kind. Edward lurked on the fringe of society, he could not partake in the fruits of life. When he met her it all changed. For once he had felt truly engaged, no longer the spectator and mere witness to the bounties of the beating heart.
But then it had all fallen apart..
Edward felt a tear begin to emerge so he pulled out the book he had brought along for the ride in the hopes of distracting the thoughts that recalled him to heartbreak. It was a copy of The Alchemist by Paulo Choello, the same inspirational tome the woman right next to him had read!
"Oh wow, You actually read?" Rosie tried to start a conversation with Edward.
She was obviously interestd in him and he was on the rebound after all...
But Edward doesn't have time to deal with some mouth breathing mortal right now. He had sworn them off hadn't he? After her..
Edward rolled his eyes, "yes. I am trying to read. Some idiots don't understand that a person may not read and carry on small talk at once so it can be difficult at times.." Edward intoned in a bored voice.
Rosie blushed again, yet tried despite herself; "Why don't we-"
Edward didn't leave her time to finish. He left her entirely; got up from his seat and lazily strolled away from the unfortunately chatty plebian he had had the misfortune of being placed near. He went to the bathroom at the back of the bus and waited expectantly for his stop in New York City.
Edward had turned to television to nurse his lonely wounds long ago and there was one person whom he'd watched for years. Decade after decade this shinning one did not age, vitality still danced across that ageless face and Edward knew that one day he had to meet its owner. After all this time he had finally found another immortal, someone he could, just maybe, share eternity with...
Edward finally arrived in New York City and he walked a couple blocks to the Best Western he had arranged he meeting at. Big Bird was already there waiting for him.
"Before we fuck drink this potion," Big Bird told Edward when he walked in the door.
"No Big Bird, I won't drink your potion" Edward says, "I don't want to have sex right now I just came here to meet you ," Big Bird looked sad at that, "Maybe we have sex later okay Big Bird right now I'm sad about a lot of things and want to just talk with you ok." Edward tell him that but Big Bird walk up at him bring him that glass anyway!
"Just drink this potion real quick anyway, then we can talk," Big Bird put the cup of strange blue liquid to Edwards lips and kept shoving it lightly against his lips mushing them around and making him look stupid. As previously discussed Edward is very vain so he doesn't like to look silly, especially when he's meeting a new friend so he drinks the potion and make Big Bird stop doing that.
Elmo was also there on the bed.
"Hello Edward Cullen, I'm Elmo!" Elmo enthusiaticly greeted the vampire. Elmos fur used to be white until Big Bird filed the edges of his beak to a razor point and he likes to sneak up behind elmo and peck! him bloody! Now Elmo has to sleep with the door locked or he cant get a wink and his fur stained red from all that blood too.
"You need to leave this place," Big Bird gravely informs Elmo.
"Elmo want to stay make friends with vampires YAYAYAYAY!" Elmo gets excited and jumped up and down on the bed knocking Big Birds bottle of astroglide onto the floor.
"You are too young to watch me fuck this guy so get out of hear you little retard!" Big bird yells at Elmo!
Big Bird lower his head at Elmo and SNAP SNAP! and PEC PECK! at him with Bir BIrds wings all bent up at a crook in the air in his ferocious and intimidating attack position and Elmo cries out and runs from that room bleeding from a litany of fresh wounds inflicted on him anew...
"Bye bye Edward Cullen," Elmo say, sad he has to leave already as he files out the room, "have fun getting fucked by Big Bird," and like that Elmo is out of there.
Edward this whole tiem was standing there swaying a litle on his feet.
'what was in that potion?' he wants to ask but for some reason he just cant...
big bird smirks at his stupor.
"that potion you drank gives you a learning disability," Big Bird says that as he approaches sexually Edward.
Edward try to back away but his movements are sluggish and restraint as though by invisible chains from the ground, confounding his movements. He staggers in place while Big Birn embraces him, obscuring his slender and pasty frame from sight amidst a blossom of incongruous yellow flowers.
It takes Edward a long time to unnerstan what Big Bird means when he said that.
Edward sways a little more as Big Bird graps on him tighten. "What are you-? What talking about?" Edward now feels like he can't even stand up after he drank that crazy potion!
Big Bird laughs. Ed can feel it rumbling in his big yellow chest from deep inside his mirth. Big Bird tells him; "Didn't you know?"
Now Edward can feel something else of Big Birds and let me tell you.. it aint his laugh...
Big Bird penis press hard up against Edward abdomen. He is frightened at how thick it feels.
"Know what?" The trembling vampire with a learning disability and severe dyslexia finally manages.
Big Bird pull out his penis and show Edward, "Well now u are a retard." Big Bird slaps his meaty cock in his hands and the sharp crack of the thing makes Edward wince in anticipation, "Lucky for you Big Bird only fucks retards."
Big Bird had given Edward his special Retardation Potion that makes whoever drinks it retarded for the rest of their life so he can fuck them.
Big Bird keep stroking his big yellow pecker and Edward sways just looking at it. Big Bird kicks Edwards feet underneath him and so now he's on his knees n front bIg Bird meaty cock. It twitches at him lustily and precum is already oozing out the tip of the thing.
Edward gaps in astonishment and BIg Bird use that opportunity to show him they don' call him BIG Bird for nothin! He put his boner into his mouth.
But while all this was going on big Birds big white eyes, the tiny dark pupil daed center on each; wide open. He has a crazed look, more crazed than usual at leats and his pecker is fully inside of Edwards jaws now and big bird goes absolutely crazy. he start to flap his wings around. he yells and hollers. bigs bird eyes roll back his head. he squack and make bunch of silly bird-noise and he flaps around his wings.
There are now feathers fallig everywhere and since Big Bird is already horny that makes him think about 9/11 and all those people what jumped out of the bulding. Social Darwinism at work as far as he was conserned; if those silly office workers were too domesticated by their cushy desk jobs to take the stairs because the elevators were on fire from the jet fuel burning them then they should just kill themselves!
Big Bird now has Edward the pale vampire gagging on all of the stiff bristly pubes of his.
Edward throws up on Big Birds pubis area because he gagged too muich on Big Bird big juicy cock. Its so filled with cum that its about 12 inches wide and just aboutt burst in at the seams.
"Now I'm going to enter your buthole Edward." Big Bird tells him.
Edward is too retarded now to do anything but lift his anus in the air and Big Bird beign fuck him with his pecker until Edward has a boner too.
Big Bird reach around (his standing behin Edward now fucking him doggy style) and Big Bird feather hand grab at Edward Cock. It is Hard on !
"Eww Faggot!" Big Bird homophobic (AN/ I am not nor do I endorse homophobia; it's just plain wrong but Big Bird is a fictional Chareacter so it's okay here)) "Why u have boner when I fuk u, gross man" Big Bird wanted to still be friends )w. benefits( to Edward but now he doesn't like him anymore because he thinks its gros.
big bird push his pecker in Edward asshole, Edward never bottom before so he didn't clean properly and big bird big yellow bird cock covered in shit. when he pulls out and see that on his Johnson he get pissed off and punch Edward shoulder
"edwar! how u let me get ur shit all over my pecker for?" Big Bird scream Edward. Big Bird mad that Edward didn't tell him he had to take a dookie before he got fucked but it big Bird fault Edward has a learning disability now so he made that happen in away.
"it's just blood tho," Edward tell Big Bird and he run his feather appendage that is like a finger to him along his big yellow Johnson and slick some that shit out old blood onto it. Big Birn bring his feather/finger to his beak edge. He taste.
'Yum, blood!' Big Bird thinks then greedily goobles up the res.
Big Bird wishes he had more blood; sum more to eat and sum to use as astroglide because Elmo koncked his astorlide bottle over when he jumped on the dang bed! The floor is slick with it and Big Bird and Edward almost fall over over and over again!
Plus Big Bird is going in dry and if Edward didn't have retard strength to rely on to increase the resistance in his butthole it would have been wrecked by the ordeal but he's okay just in a lot of pain and seriously turned on by all this!
"Oh yeah Big Bird fuck me fuck me keep going don't stop Edward pant.
Anyway Elmo had to leave because he is only 7 years old so he's still way too young to be seeing all these kind of stuff. Big Bird gave Elmo his retardation potion a long time ago and now he can't wait until Elmo turns 12 because that's the age of consent on Sesame Street and Big Bird gets to fuck him too. Until then he crouches in his nest and bids his time.
Big Bird is still fuck Edward Cullen. Edward cums blood because he's vampire. There is an elaborate cruficix on the wall and the jesus on it cries blood at the same time Edward cums, that always happens with vampres even retarded vampires have an ejaculation and when female vampires get wet a nun lactates blood somewhere...
Big Bird is about to cum, he pulls his yellow veiny cock out of Edwards gaping hole and puts it to Edwards face just as the whole thing explodes in a deluge of cum flying everywhere. That's the way Big Bird ejaculates(with his entire penis exploded to release the semen) because even though he's as tall and can talk words like a human he still cums like a bird.
Some of the cum hardens into eggs and Big Bird feeds them to Edward Cullen later since now he can't take care of himself anymore because hes too retarded. Big Bird gives him a helmet and sends him to technical school so Edward can now learn how to repair slot machines the end.