A/N: AuraCat has no idea what she is doing.
Madeline took her eyes off the screen in front of her for the first time in what felt like hours, glancing at the watch on her wrist with a sense of nervous frustration. She had been sitting on her bed in this position for so long that she could feel a tingling numbness creep up her right leg. The lump in her throat that she had woken up to had stuck around through the morning and late into the afternoon.
"You don't have to do it, you know," a voice said from across the room. Madeline turned towards it and saw a familiar figure sitting next to the window. The girl could have easily been mistaken for her sister, were it not for the girl's long purple hair contrasting to Madeline's shade of red.
It had been exactly one year since they had first met on Madeline's journey climbing Celeste Mountain. One year since she had taken her first steps in accepting herself for who she was. One year since she had looked into the mirror and seen something more than just her reflection staring back at her. It had made her feel like she was able to fly.
"And we could always do this some other day. I know how important this is to you, but-"
"No," Madeline interrupted, softly but maybe a little too firmly. She took a deep breath. "It has to be today."
The girl paused for a second, smiling nervously at Madeline and nodding slightly, before turning to stare absently out at the last glimpse of the winter sun lighting up the forest outside.
Madeline bit her lip, looking back to the words she had agonised over for the past year. It had been hard to write even the few short sentences she had managed, and she had read and re-read them so much over and over that they had lost all meaning to her. This morning, Madeline had woken up knowing that she was ready, but now it felt so difficult to remember why that was. What she wished more than anything was that she could be more like the girl - so confident and so proudly authentic.
She sighed, lying back and staring at the plastic stars on the ceiling. When she had reached the summit of Celeste Mountain, it had all seemed so easy. Theo, Mr Oshiro and Granny had shown her that she could be accepted for who she was, but real life had gotten in the way of that acceptance following her back home. Returning back to her normal life came with what felt like an endless series of new challenges, and an endless stream of questions from those who didn't seem to understand. It was almost too much to take on its own, and losing Granny as well so soon after Madeline had left had been a shock. She felt the distance between her and Theo now more than ever.
It wasn't until she had tried talking to her parents about what had happened that the last of her confidence left her. Back on the mountain, she had been in her element, but in that room with her parents, it had felt impossible to get more than just a few words out. She could still remember the look on her father's face as she had tried to explain. She was sure it was a memory that would be impossible to forget.
Sinking further into her bed, Madeline began to feel the tell-tale signs of an anxiety attack. It had happened without her knowing it, her breathing and her heartrate suddenly uncomfortably and uncontrollably fast. Eyes tight shut and turning onto her side, she tried to focus on her usual breathing exercises, but the feeling was overwhelming. She was so tired from having to live for other people, to alter everything about herself to meet what they wanted her to be. All she wanted was to be allowed to be herself.
"I'm here. I promise it's going to be okay."
She hadn't noticed the girl coming over, but now Madeline felt her presence next to her, her hand gently stroking her hair. As she stroked, the hair in her fingers shimmered, slowly changing from its normal soft red shade, to a light blue colour. Madeline pictured her breaths raising the golden feather that Theo had taught her about, and the tension in her body began to dissipate as she slowly started to relax.
After what felt like forever, Madeline opened her eyes.
It had gotten dark outside, but Madeline could just make out a sheet of paper that she had pinned onto the wall beside her bed. It was the last letter that she had received from Granny, pinned up next to a photo of the last time they had been together. The last line was illuminated by a beam of soft moonlight that shone in through the window.
You'll always be my granddaughter. I'm so proud of you, Madeline.
As she read the words again for what felt like the thousandth time, her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was a text from Theo, a reply to a message she had sent him earlier that morning.
I believe in you, and I'm happy that you feel comfortable sharing this with the world! I'm so glad to be your friend, Madeline.
Madeline sat up, and took a deep breath. Her laptop was still open in front of her. Her arm shaking slightly, she used the trackpad to move the mouse over the "post" button.
"I know you can do this," the girl next to her said, smiling warmly at Madeline. "I know we can do this."
They pressed the button together.
Hi everyone! I've been meaning to make this post like this for a while now. For the longest time, it felt impossible that I'd ever be able to accept this part of myself. Before last year, I thought that I would always have to see a stranger staring back at me whenever I looked into a mirror, but now I'd like to let everyone know – my name is Madeline, and I am a trans woman.