The Girl Next Door is Mine

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

When Buster and Jaylynn both fall for an older girl that moves into Buster's building, it might put an end to their friendship. Meanwhile, Sparky and RK try to find a board game that Wade can't win and dethrone him as the King of Games.

1. The Girl Next Door is Mine Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 16

Airdate: March 29, 2020

"The Girl Next Door is Mine"

Special Guest Stars: Sadie Stanley as Esther, Kira Kosarin as Lynne

#TYH817

SCENE 1

Westboro Complex

Interior Lobby

Seattle, Washington

One afternoon, Buster walks into his building with groceries when he sees a girl sitting near the elevator writing in her notebook. He immediately gets a big smile on his face and slowly walks out of the building backwards.

BUSTER: Okay, am I crazy or is that one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my life? Of course, she is, why would I ask a stupid question like that?

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): You should ask her out.

BUSTER: I can't just walk up to her and ask her out. I don't even know where she came from. Maybe she's visiting family.

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Well, if you talk to her, you'll find out. Just play it cool and don't be so Buster when you do it.

BUSTER: What are you talking about?

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): You know exactly what I'm talking about. Go talk to her, and forget all your natural instincts when you do. Can you do that? Can you not be a dumbass for once?

BUSTER: I really need to get a new brain one day.

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Yeah, well, until that day comes, I'm the only brain you've got.

Buster goes back into the building and walks up to the girl.

BUSTER: Hey. Have I seen you around before?

ESTHER: I don't think so. I just moved in yesterday. You live here?

BUSTER: Yup. Lived here my whole life. And honestly, I think it's great that you're part of this building.

ESTHER: Really? Thank you. I mean, I don't know you, but it's nice to already have someone reach out. My name's Esther.

BUSTER: My name's Buster. I like to think of myself as the welcoming committee. See, when new tenants come in, I welcome them here and I'm...committed to the welcoming whenever I do it.

ESTHER: Hence the term "welcoming committee." Got it. Since you're here, you think you could help me with my short story?

BUSTER: Sure, what's it about?

ESTHER: It's about this one girl that ends up trapped inside her phone, and then she finds out about this group on Facebook that hates her and bullies her. So, she tries to shut down the group from the inside.

BUSTER: Wow. You, uh, you're really into technology?

ESTHER: Yeah, my friends always tell me I use my phone too much, so I thought, why not make something cool out of that?

BUSTER: I don't see what the big deal is with your phone. I use mine all the time. How else am I gonna order Chinese food?

ESTHER: I know, right?

BUSTER: Like how? That's the question at hand here.

Beat.

BUSTER: So, you're into love songs?

Esther gives Buster a weird stare, and Buster flashes a big grin.

SCENE 2

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is talking to Sparky, RK, and Wade while they play a board game.

BUSTER: I'm telling you, Sparky, this girl is the whole package. She's pretty, she's smart, she's funny, creative, pretty, dresses nice, smells nice, she's pretty...am I forgetting something?

WADE: I think you need to emphasize the fact that she's pretty more.

BUSTER: I knew it. You're always looking out for me, Wade.

SPARKY: Buster, I'm glad you found a girl you really like, but don't you need some time to scout her?

BUSTER: Scout her?

SPARKY: Yeah, think of it like sports. When a team is looking for young players to sign, they send scouts to take a look at them. You need to make sure Esther is everything you're looking for before you do anything.

BUSTER: I don't need to do all that. I know I'm going to propose to her one day.

SPARKY: Maybe you could hire a scout.

RK: Wait a minute, hang on here. Your girl's name is Esther?

BUSTER: Yeah, what's wrong with that? You have a problem with that name?

RK: It just sounds gross, like she's a 76-year-old in need of a colostomy bag. *imitating Redd Foxx* Hey, you should see my girl Esther. She can swing the bang bang with the chitty chitty if you know what I mean.

SPARKY: Stop watching Sanford and Son reruns.

RK: I won't. My parents grew up watching it, and my kids will do the same thing.

BUSTER: You know what? Maybe you guys are right. I'll try to get to know Esther a little bit more. That way, I'll know she's not an asshole or a liar or some mutated space alien disguised as a beautiful girl.

WADE: Not everybody is potentially an alien.

BUSTER: You don't know that. It took me a while to get used to Jaylynn not being one. Later.

SPARKY: Later.

Buster leaves while RK rolls some dice.

RK: Yes! I get to move four spaces! Are you sweating, Wade? You feel those little beads of watery acid dripping from your forehead?

WADE: No.

RK: Well, you should. Because I'm primed, I'm hungry, and you're seconds away from losing.

WADE: Please. Sparky, you're up.

Sparky rolls the dice, moves his piece two spaces, and lands on the "Challenge" square. He picks up a small card from the deck.

SPARKY: "You've brought disgrace upon your entire nation. Picking up this card sends you straight to jail." Oh, this is the third f***ing time today!

Sparky takes his piece and places it on the "Jail" square. Wade rolls the dice, and moves his piece to the "Finish Line" square.

WADE: Yes, game point! You feel that, RK? You feel the shame? You feel the pain and agony of losing a battle you gave yourself false hope to win?

RK: Don't steal my bit, I invented that bit! Sparko, make him stop.

SPARKY: I can't do anything right now. I'm in jail for being a national embarrassment.

WADE: Look, guys, it was fantastic playing another game with you. Too bad it had to end the same way it always does. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go home and celebrate with a little George Lopez. Watcha, I'll be like this.

Wade imitates having his feet up on the couch while drinking something from a straw.

RK: What the hell are you doing?

WADE: It's my TV pose. It's way better in action. See ya.

Wade leaves the house.

RK: Man, I'm sick of that boy always beating us at these games. He thinks he's so good, like he's the King of Games.

SPARKY: He actually is the King of Games. Remember? He gave himself that title and we've never been able to dispute it?

RK: Well, that ends now. Wade's 82-game winning streak is going straight to hell next time.

SPARKY: Wait, you've actually kept track of that?

RK: Why not? Sparks, if you're going to succeed at anything in life, you need to be thorough.

SCENE 3

Northgate Community Center

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn is sitting in her car when Anja gets inside.

JAYLYNN: Finally. I felt like I was sitting here forever.

ANJA: You know, you didn't have to wait here for me.

JAYLYNN: I didn't. I drove around, but the last three minutes between you telling me you were leaving and coming here felt like thirty minutes.

ANJA: Yeah, I was talking to Mrs. Rosenblum. She wonders why you won't just come inside and say hi every once in a while.

JAYLYNN: It's been a really long time. I try to stay under the radar, you know? Handle my Jaylynn stuff, you know?

ANJA: No, I don't know. I'll never know.

Jaylynn looks to the side and sees Esther on the steps of Northgate.

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, who's that?

ANJA: Huh? That's just some girl.

JAYLYNN: Some girl? Just some girl? Anj, give me a minute, I need to talk to "just some girl."

ANJA: I thought you wanted to go home now.

JAYLYNN: And I thought you wanted to pay me for being your chauffeur today. But I guess that's not happening, either.

ANJA: I was considering it. There was never any confirmation!

Jaylynn gets out of the car and walks up to Esther.

JAYLYNN: Hey, I think I remember you from somewhere.

ESTHER: No, you don't. Whoever told you they know what I did is lying. Those hot dogs got stuck up there on their own!

JAYLYNN: What? I just thought you looked a lot like this girl I used to know in Portland.

ESTHER: You lived in Portland?

JAYLYNN: Yup, survived there for a couple years.

ESTHER: That's so cool. I hear it used to be really grimy and hardcore, but they lost their edge.

JAYLYNN: Well, you know how it is with white people. Them always...going around, building Starbucks everywhere.

ESTHER: Yeah, we're the worst.

JAYLYNN: I'm Jaylynn. I was actually here to pick up my friend. Her car's giving her trouble so I thought, as her best friend and her hero, that I needed to step up.

ESTHER: Your friend, they're taking a class here?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, a poetry class, why?

ESTHER: I'm new to the neighborhood and I waa looking for things to do at this place. If they have a poetry class, then they probably have a creative writing class.

JAYLYNN: Creative writing? You write too?

ESTHER: Yeah, I do short stories all the time.

JAYLYNN: I have my own comic book!

ESTHER: That's amazing. I'm Esther. You and I should definitely hook up.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute, you serious? So soon?

ESTHER: Yeah, we could hang out and talk about writing. I have a short story I'm working on right now that you could help out with.

JAYLYNN: Great. You have a Facebook?

ESTHER: I do. I'll add you.

JAYLYNN: Okay, it's Jaylynn S. Hernandez. You can just ignore the profile pic, I was going for something artsy.

ESTHER: It's okay. Hopefully, we get to talk soon.

JAYLYNN: Sure. I'll be around. See ya.

Esther waves goodbye to Jaylynn as she walks up the stairs to the entrance and Jaylynn begins dancing on her way back to the car. She gets inside.

JAYLYNN: Man, I'm so glad you needed a chauffeur today.

ANJA: I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work.

JAYLYNN: What? Anja, please, I'm not doing anything.

ANJA: Yes, you are. You think that by talking to this girl, you're going to get really close to her, make her fall for you, and she'll be your girlfriend. This doesn't have a happy ending.

JAYLYNN: Anj, Esther just wanted me to show her a few things about writing, that's it. I didn't even notice she was amazing in every possible way.

ANJA: Uh huh. Hold up, her name is Esther?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, it's a great name.

ANJA: It's so old-sounding. There's nothing hip about an Esther.

JAYLYNN: Well, look who's talking!

SCENE 4

Walgreens

Seattle, Washington

Sparky and RK are in the board games section of the store, looking for a new game to play.

RK: Wade's time is coming. I can feel it. All we need to do is buy a brand new board game.

SPARKY: How's that gonna help? He'll learn the rules in five minutes and kick our asses again.

RK: That's why we have to be one step ahead. We need a game that the two of us can kill, but Wade wouldn't have an answer for.

Sparky looks at a copy of "Thank You, Heavenly: The Board Game" that has pictures of all five main characters on the box.

SPARKY: What the hell?

Sparky gives a confused stare to the camera and tosses the game aside. He tries looking for something else.

SPARKY: RK, this isn't working out. These games are either too easy or Wade's already played them.

RK: That's what you think. Behold!

RK holds up a copy of "Trivial Pursuit: TV Edition 2020."

SPARKY: Trivial Pursuit? We can't beat Wade with trivia.

RK: We can beat him if it's the right subject. Sparky, who has already been established as the TV historian of the group?

SPARKY: You.

RK: And who's already been established as the science genius of the group?

SPARKY: Wade.

RK: See? TV historian, science genius. Historian, genius. Two completely different skillsets.

SPARKY: I guess it couldn't hurt. I mean, how much can a nine-year-old boy know about the history of television, anyway?

RK: Exactly. I'm almost eleven and I have the television history of ten men. Go ahead, ask me anything.

SPARKY: Okay. Who created The Simpsons?

RK: Matt Groening, and I swear to God, if the questions are anywhere near as easy as the one you just asked me, we have nothing to worry about.

SCENE 5

The Newman Condominium

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Buster leaves his condo and ends up bumping into Esther.

BUSTER: Whoa, hey, Esther. What are you doing up here?

ESTHER: I live on this floor. In fact, my condo is right next door to the one you're standing in front of.

BUSTER: Really? So that means you and I are like neighbors?

ESTHER: It looks like it. Maybe I could come over one day, catch the game.

BUSTER: The Game? I don't know, I'm pretty sure that show's not on anymore.

ESTHER: No, the Mariners game. You don't watch baseball?

BUSTER: Of course, I watch baseball. I love the Mariners. It's really hard to love them, but I do.

ESTHER: They try.

BUSTER: You know, it's crazy how we're running into each other all the time now, but I've never seen you before.

ESTHER: Really? I guess Craig Bartlett is bigger than I thought.

BUSTER: Craig Bartlett? You mean, middle school?

ESTHER: Yeah, I'm in seventh grade. You must go to a different school then.

BUSTER: Yup. I definitely go to a different school. It's not elementary school, obviously, but it's middle school all the way. You know what I love? That song, "The Middle." And the cream in the middle of Oreos? Forget about it.

ESTHER: You're something else, Buster. Well, I'm going inside. Don't be a stranger, you should come over sometime.

BUSTER: I will come over. And not be a stranger, because neighbors and strangers? Don't mix.

ESTHER: Words to live by. Alright, see ya.

BUSTER: See ya.

Esther goes inside her condo and Buster goes inside his.

BUSTER: Great. Of all the girls to fall in love with, it's an older woman.

SCENE 6

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster comes inside while RK watches TV and takes notes.

BUSTER: Hey RK, is your brother home?

RK: Sure is. What do you need him for?

BUSTER: It's guy stuff.

RK: Is this about your lady friend with the awkward name?

BUSTER: It's an angelic name, and yeah, it's about her.

RK: Okay, well, he's up in his room doing God knows what. But remember to knock before you come in, I cannot stress that enough.

BUSTER: Thanks for the heads up. What are you up to?

RK: Sparky and I are preparing for our game of Trivial Pursuit with Wade. It's about TV history, so I'm keeping my blades sharp.

BUSTER: Cool. Hey, do you know when the first TV set was made?

RK: No. You think you could tell me?

BUSTER: No, I'm asking if you knew. I thought you were the TV historian, man.

RK has a look of disgust on his face.

BUSTER: I'm gonna f*** off now.

Buster runs upstairs. Cut to KG in his room using his computer when a knocking sound is heard.

KG: Come in, bro.

Buster walks in.

BUSTER: Hey KG.

KG: Buster? I'm shocked. No, wait, RK always forgets to knock, why am I shocked? Anyway, what's going on?

BUSTER: I have this big crush on an older woman and I need your advice since she goes to Craig Bartlett.

KG: Wait, really? Did she say anything about me? Because nothing happened, me and Denise...

BUSTER: No, it's not like that. She's in the seventh grade, she probably doesn't even know you.

KG: Right. So, this girl, what's she like?

BUSTER: Dude, she's everything I dreamed a girl could be. She's even a fan of the Mariners, unironically.

KG: Well, the age difference might be a problem, but next year, you'll be in junior high so it won't be as creepy.

BUSTER: See, that's the problem. I kinda made her think we're the same age.

KG: What? Why would you do that?

BUSTER: Because, KG, this girl is perfect and I want my shot! Is that so hard to understand?

KG: Okay, fine, I get it. Boys will do anything for a hot girl, it's just who we are. The same thing happened to me once.

BUSTER: You had a crush on an older girl?

KG: Try a way older girl. I was in the seventh grade and she was a senior in high school.

BUSTER: Damn, Kev. What happened?

KG: Well, I obviously didn't want her to know my age so I played it off like I was a junior. We would normally meet up at this grocery store, because back in the day, that was the hangout. See, she worked there and a lot of kids would go there to kick back, cool out. You know what I'm saying? That's where the kids were at.

BUSTER: I'm looking for an ending to this story.

KG: I'm setting it up, okay? Anyway, these kids were at the grocery store with the girl and they were talking about this big party. They invited me, so I thought this would be the night I finally get the girl. Everything was going great, but somehow, Trevor got into the party and he exposed me in front of everybody. He threatened to turn the girl in for being a pedophile, we both got kicked out, and I never saw that girl again.

BUSTER: What about the grocery store?

KG: Oh, all the kids who graduated left town and no one hung out there anymore.

BUSTER: This is terrible. I don't have a chance with Esther, and I can't even take her to that grocery store!

KG: Hey, I'm not saying you have no chance. She's only two grades ahead of you, not five. If I were you, I would try building a foundation with her. Laying the groundwork, be her friend first. After a while, if she's feeling it, you make your move. But you have to be patient.

BUSTER: Okay, I see what you mean. At least she lives next door to me.

KG: Wait, seriously? You two are that close in proximity?

BUSTER: Yeah. She just moved into the condo right next to mine.

Beat.

KG: Dude, play your cards right and you'll have her by the summertime. Guaranteed.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, RK, and Wade are in the middle of playing "Trivial Pursuit."

SPARKY: Okay, this question is for Wade. What was the last non-serial drama to win the Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series? Name the year as well.

WADE: Um, that would be...The Practice in 1999?

SPARKY: Correct.

RK: Are you kidding me?! What kind of stupid f***ing questions are these?!

SPARKY: Could you excuse us for a minute, Wade?

WADE: Sure. I could use a little rest, getting all these points wears you down after a while.

RK: You arrogant prick, you little son of a...

SPARKY: This way, psychopath.

Sparky grabs RK and leads him into the kitchen.

SPARKY: On a scale of 1 to 10, how out of your mind are you right now? Get it together.

RK: I can't! These questions are ridiculous. Who could know so much at one time?

SPARKY: That doesn't sound like a true TV historian to me.

RK: Sparky, let's keep it a buck. I'm a simple boy, I know sitcoms. Like I was supposed to know Uncle Jimmy's Kiddie Cartoon Hour only had 14 episodes when it first came out in 1954, but has since gained a massive audience due to syndication. It's unfair!

SPARKY: I mean, you did get a couple sitcom questions wrong too.

RK: Shut up! I can't believe I didn't know what I was getting myself into. That's not a kid, that's a machine. A machine that I can't take down.

SPARKY: It took you 83 games to realize that, but at least you did.

Beat.

RK: Wait a minute. If you can't take down a machine the normal way, you go around the machine to take it down.

SPARKY: What are you blabbering about now?

RK: Sparko, you know what we have to do. If we want to see Wade lose for the first time in more than a year, we need to pull out all the stops. We need to cheat.

SPARKY: What?! You can't beat him straight up, so you're going to play dirty?

RK: Well, if you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it.

SPARKY: Yeah. You can take this loss like a man and accept that Wade is unstoppable.

RK: I can't believe you. Don't you think one of us deserves to be the King of Games?

SPARKY: You know damn well we do, but not by cheating!

RK: Sparks, again, let's keep it a buck. Throughout history, some of the world's greatest men have gotten everything they ever wanted through cheating. Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Lance Armstrong. It's a known fact.

SPARKY: Fine. Even if I decide to cheat, how do we do it without Wade catching on?

RK: Leave that up to me. I have a plan that's so foolproof, Wade will never figure it out.

SCENE 8

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn, Anja, and Lynne are watching TV when Jaylynn gets a notification on her phone.

JAYLYNN: Well, I gotta answer this.

ANJA: It's a text. You can just answer it, you don't need to announce it.

JAYLYNN: If you guys start talking, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you.

LYNNE: You talking to that girl again?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. I'm telling you, she's the girl I always wanted. She's smart, she's artistic, she doesn't just say "lol" at everything I text her.

ANJA: What does that make me?

JAYLYNN: My best friend who has no reason to act jealous?

LYNNE: She's right, sis, you're sending mixed signals when you do that.

ANJA: Look, I know Esther is this amazing person and everything, but do you really think she likes girls? Because if she doesn't, then...then you can't date her and shit.

JAYLYNN: I know that, Anj. And I don't know if she's lesbian, I don't want to ask her about that stuff.

ANJA: Why not?

JAYLYNN: Because it's not my business. You have to build up to the moment. You have to wait your turn, take some time, and strike when it feels good.

LYNNE: Please tell me you're not scared.

JAYLYNN: Scared? I'm not scared, you're scared.

LYNNE: Of what?

JAYLYNN: Of being scared. What else?

LYNNE: My advice? Just let her know you like her and see what happens. You wait too long, you're going to make things awkward when you finally tell her and it will be just like what happened with Anja.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, you're right. That was horrible.

LYNNE: At least you survived it.

JAYLYNN: Yeah.

ANJA: I feel so offended right now.

SCENE 9

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, RK, and Wade are continuing to play "Trivial Pursuit."

SPARKY: Alright, RK. Before The Simpsons surpaased it, which show held the record for the longest-running primetime scripted series in terms of episodes?

RK: Gunsmoke.

SPARKY: Bingo! RK, you just need one more question right and you're the winner.

WADE: This is the greatest comeback you've ever pulled off.

RK: I know, right? It was almost as if I was called upon by the gods to bring my warrior spirit to today's game.

WADE: Okay, sure. Sparky, what's next?

SPARKY: Alright. When did TGIF end its original run on ABC?

WADE: I want to say it was...2001?

SPARKY: Sorry, Wade, that's incorrect.

WADE: You...you sure? You sure that 2001 isn't what's written on that card?

SPARKY: Yes, because I'm reading it. RK, what year did TGIF end its...

RK: 2000.

SPARKY: That settles it, RK wins the game. Wade, you lose. You lost the game, so you're the loser.

RK: I...I did it? I beat Wade? I made it happen?! YES, I'M THE MOTHERF***ING KING OF GAMES, HAHA! You know, Ric Flair said it best. To be the man, you gotta beat the man, and today, that man was forced to choke on his own vomit that was transmitted through a dirty-ass garden hose!

WADE: You're a very disturbed, twisted child. But you put up one hell of a game. Congratulations, man.

RK: Thank you. I don't always feel like kicking somebody's ass, but since I had to, I'm glad it was yours.

SPARKY: You know what? I think we're all winners in our own way.

RK: No, don't do that. Don't try and downplay this, he was defeated. I bested him in combat, I proved I was the King of Games.

WADE: Seriously, man, congratulations. I'm going to head home, think about some things.

SPARKY: What kind of things?

WADE: I don't know, one of my inventions? What I'm planning on doing for Adriana's birthday? I have options. Later.

Wade leaves the house.

SPARKY: You couldn't do it, could you? You just couldn't be gracious in victory, you had to puff out your chest with all that smack talk, didn't you?

RK: I know exactly what I did. Sparky, I have waited 82 games for this moment. That's an entire season of basketball. Believe me, I deserve to puff out my chest a little.

SPARKY: I'm just trying to protect you, man. Wade's an actual genius, he knows you cheated, but he didn't want to take the moment away from you.

RK: You really think he did that?

SPARKY: Yes! Do you not know your best friend at all?!

RK sighs while looking at the front door and pretends to remove a crown from his head.

SPARKY: The hell are you doing?

RK: It doesn't feel so good to be the King of Games anymore. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, my friend.

SCENE 10

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is watching TV when Jaylynn walks in.

JAYLYNN: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: Big Red, how are you doing?

JAYLYNN: Big Red? Where's that coming from?

BUSTER: You have red hair and you're big. Not big, like, you know, your weight, or, like, colossal, you just...*sighs*...I have my reasons, okay?

JAYLYNN: That's cool. I like it. But I came here 'cause I needed your advice.

BUSTER: Really? What about?

JAYLYNN: There's this girl I like. I mean, really like. Imagine the most amazing girl you've ever known and then double that. That's her.

A thought bubble appears above Buster's head showing images of Esther while "You Look Good" by Lady Antebellum plays in the background.

JAYLYNN (O.S.): Buster?

The thought bubble disappears.

BUSTER: Dammit, I love that song.

JAYLYNN: What?

BUSTER: Nothing. Anyway, this girl of yours, she's got you going, huh?

JAYLYNN: You have no idea. But the problem is, I don't know if I should go for it. I don't know if she even likes girls, and if she does, I don't know if she would even like me. I'm a little scared.

BUSTER: Really? You're scared of something? That's news to me.

JAYLYNN: Why?

BUSTER: Because you're like the toughest person I know. Anytime you have a challenge, you don't run away from it, you kick its ass. If this girl is worth it, she'll see that too and she'll love you.

JAYLYNN: So, I should tell her how I feel?

BUSTER: One hundred percent. The worst she can do is say no.

JAYLYNN: You're right. Thanks, Buster. I'm going to go for it.

BUSTER: That's great. And you know what? You inspired me, Jaylynn. There's this girl I'm really into, but I don't know if it's going to work out. She's a seventh grader.

JAYLYNN: Whoa. You're really aiming high with your girl. I don't even know what my girl's age is.

BUSTER: See, I was worried that she wouldn't be interested because I'm not old enough, so I told her I'm in the seventh grade, too. But I'm done lying. I'm going to let her know straight up how I feel, how young I am, and if she doesn't like it, she can kick rocks.

JAYLYNN: That's what I'm talking about. You know what we should do? We should both call our girls up, ask them to hang out tonight, and talk about what happens tomorrow.

BUSTER: That sounds great. Honestly, Jaylynn, I think this is our time. We're both going to get what we want tonight.

JAYLYNN: For real. The universe wants us to win for once.

BUSTER: It sure does.

SCENE 11

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn is sitting in her booth that night when Buster walks into the restaurant.

JAYLYNN: Buster? What are you doing here?

BUSTER: I'm here to see my crush. What about you, you're here to see yours?

JAYLYNN: I am. I swear, you and I are like that, we're always thinking about the best moves.

BUSTER: I know, right? Well, I'll be waiting for my girl over there. Good luck with yours.

JAYLYNN: Same here.

Buster sits in his booth waiting for Esther. At that point, Esther walks into the restaurant and gets the attention of both Buster and Jaylynn.

BUSTER/JAYLYNN: Hey Esther!

Buster and Jaylynn quickly stare at each other with widened eyes after that.

ESTHER: Right. No wonder I got two calls to meet here, you guys know each other.

BUSTER: Yup.

JAYLYNN: More than you think.

The instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background as Buster and Jaylynn look back at each other, then at Esther, then at each other.

SCENE 12

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

Buster and Jaylynn continue to look at each other, then at Esther.

ESTHER: Guys, are you okay? You've been doing that back and forth staring for three minutes and I'm just wondering if I should call someone.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, we're okay. We just didn't know that we both had the same friend.

ESTHER: Oh, I get it. I thought you planned this. If you want, we could all go back to my condo and hang out there.

JAYLYNN: Your condo?

BUSTER: Yeah. She lives right next door to me.

JAYLYNN: Wow. That's some brand new information. Hey Buster, could we go outside and discuss this?

BUSTER: We could. As long as we discuss it in a place where people can hear my screaming, or my death.

Buster and Jaylynn leave their booths and go outside.

JAYLYNN: Okay, so it looks like we're in a real situation here.

BUSTER: Yeah. What are the chances Esther has a twin sister?

JAYLYNN: Buster...

BUSTER: It could happen! I don't want to compete with you over a girl.

JAYLYNN: Me either. You're like my brother.

BUSTER: And you're like my sister-brother. This is terrible.

JAYLYNN: The only good thing about this is we both have excellent taste.

BUSTER: It's a blessing. You know what? I think since we both like Esther, we should let her have the final say.

JAYLYNN: What do you mean?

BUSTER: I'm saying, we don't try to make anything happen. We keep hanging out with her like everything's cool, and she decides on her own who she wants to date.

JAYLYNN: Are you sure about that? That could take weeks, or months.

BUSTER: I can wait for that.

JAYLYNN: I don't know. This whole thing is bullshit.

Esther walks out of the restaurant.

ESTHER: Hey guys, really, it's okay. I don't want to get in the middle of anything, I can go home.

BUSTER: No, Esther, you stay with Jaylynn. We can hang out another time.

JAYLYNN: Are you sure, man?

BUSTER: Positive. Have fun, you two. If I hurry, I can catch the rest of the Fresh Prince marathon.

Buster leaves the restaurant at that point.

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): You're learning as you go on. I like that.

BUSTER: What's your deal this time?

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Of course, you let Jaylynn have this one. She needs to make an arrangement to see Esther. You get to see her whenever you want.

BUSTER: It's not like that. Being friends with Jaylynn is way more important than dating Esther. Even if Esther was created by angels and blessed with the beauty of a thousand Greek goddesses.

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Ugh, you're such a simp.

BUSTER: Shut up, I'm the one with easy access!

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Sparky and Buster are talking near their lockers.

SPARKY: Damn. So you and Jaylynn like the same girl?

BUSTER: Yeah. It's just like that song with Usher and R. Kelly. Except Usher didn't like the girl because she was younger than him, and Kelly didn't like the girl because she wasn't peeing in the cup right.

SPARKY: What? That's not what happened!

BUSTER: Right, I'm thinking about the YouTube parody.

SPARKY: So, what are you going to do now?

BUSTER: I'm going to keep hanging out with Esther and see what her decision is. Jaylynn's doing the same thing.

SPARKY: And neither of you are worried that it could blow up in your face?

BUSTER: Of course not. Jaylynn and I have been friends for years. Pretty girls come all the time.

SPARKY: Well, I have to say, Buster, that's pretty mature of you.

RK walks up to the boys.

RK: Yes, yes, we're all mature here. Sparky, we need to talk about Wade. He knows we cheated at Trivial Pursuit.

SPARKY: Yeah. I told you that he knew after he left my house.

RK: Which is why I can't be the King of Games. Wade's going to expose me and take away my crown, so I'm giving it up before he can do the job.

BUSTER: I'm just wondering, but if Wade beats you 82 straight times and you beat him once, does that really make you the King of Games?

RK: It would have if I didn't cheat! Oh, why did I do this? I don't carry guilt with me well. Like when I ate the last Pop Tart in Jaylynn's cupboard.

Cut to a flashback of RK watching TV at Jaylynn's house when Jaylynn walks in from the kitchen holding a box of Pop Tarts.

JAYLYNN: RK, do you know who finished my Pop Tarts?

RK: No, you probably did.

JAYLYNN: I don't think so. Because I don't leave an empty box in the cabinet. You understand?

RK: Yeah, I understand. I understand you're accusing me of something you can't prove. Your evidence is only circumstantial, and if we were in a court of law, I would hold all the cards. How does it feel, Jaylynn? How does it feel knowing that your own friend is holding you accountable for believing in things you have no way of knowing?

Beat.

JAYLYNN: You're paying me back.

RK: Oh, I got your payback.

RK throws a smoke pellet on the floor and the room is filled with dust. When the dust clears, RK is shown listening to "The Payback" by James Brown in his car. He looks to the side and sees a bored Jaylynn in the passenger's seat.

RK: YO, WHAT THE F***?!

SCENE 14

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster gives Esther a glazed donut that she starts eating.

ESTHER: Wow, this is amazing. You made these?

BUSTER: Sure did. Everybody went nuts for these at the bake sale. And the donuts help people with diabetes feel better about themselves.

ESTHER: Well, nice work. You know, you're going to do great in life if you know how to cook.

BUSTER: Eh, I'm more of a baker. But Esther, let me ask you something: How do you feel about guys who know how to bake?

ESTHER: I think it's great.

BUSTER: Yeah, but is that something you would want in a boy you like? Someone who can make donuts, cupcakes, cookies, and the occasional chocolate pudding pie?

ESTHER: You can make chocolate pudding pie?

BUSTER: Uh huh. The secret is that I add more chocolate pudding than I need to.

ESTHER: We should get married.

BUSTER: I have a Ring Pop. I can propose right now!

Jaylynn walks in at that point.

JAYLYNN: What's going on, guys?

ESTHER: Hey Jaylynn. This is a surprise.

BUSTER: Yeah, I thought you already hung out with Esther last night.

JAYLYNN: I did, but I finally figured out what was missing from Esther's story. Alright, try this out: The phone is secretly the girl's worst enemy. It represents the person who knows her better than anyone, and the person who hates her guts the most.

ESTHER: Her father. Of course, how did you get that?

JAYLYNN: I have a history of parental neglect. See, my father left me when I couldn't even recite my ABCs. Then he comes back in my life years later, and leaves me again.

ESTHER: What a complete piece of shit. If my dad was like that, I don't know who I would be.

JAYLYNN: Well, my mom picked up the slack. God bless her soul. Hey, what are these? Brownies?

BUSTER: They're glazed donuts! How do you not see that?!

ESTHER: Oh no, Buster, it's cool. That was a joke from last night.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, see, me and Esther were walking past this Pizza Hut, and it was classic. You had to be there.

BUSTER: But you didn't even tell the damn story!

ESTHER: Whoa, just take it easy, man.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, bro, chill. You want a cookie?

Jaylynn and Esther begin laughing.

BUSTER: Was that also from last night?

JAYLYNN: You had to be there.

As the girls continue laughing, Buster takes the tray of glazed donuts with a blank stare, drops them all over his head, hits Jaylynn in the head with the tray, and then lays down on the floor. Cut to a shot of him in the living room, revealing that to be a fantasy.

BUSTER: I still don't get the joke.

SCENE 15

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, RK, and Wade are on the couch watching TV.

WADE: Are you sure it's not vanilla?

SPARKY: No, because when I was talking to Woody...

RK: Enough! Enough of this random chitchat, I have something to say!

SPARKY: Didn't have to blindside me like that, man.

RK: Wade, I cheated, okay? I cheated at Trivial Pursuit, you didn't actually lose to me.

WADE: What?! You cheated?!

RK: Don't play the schoolboy act with me. I know that you know, and I'm trying to own up to what I did.

WADE: I didn't know you cheated, honestly.

RK: Wait...how do I know you're not just saying that?

WADE: Because I'm not just saying that!

SPARKY: RK, I think you cheating is unforgivable. Unless you do one thing to make it all better.

RK: What is it? I'll do anything!

SPARKY: I should become the new King of Games.

WADE: Why? You didn't beat me!

SPARKY: True, but I was part of the game as well, and since RK doesn't want the title anymore, I should take it on his behalf.

RK: Wait a minute. You bastard! You made me think Wade knew I cheated so you could take the title!

SPARKY: That's right. I was tired of Wade being a sore winner, but I knew I would get tired of you being a sore winner. So, if you don't mind, hand over the imaginary crown.

WADE: Nothing's getting handed over. Neither of you deserve to be the King of Games because neither of you have won anything in more than a frigging year!

RK: Well, how about this? A triple threat match for all the marbles. Winner becomes the undisputed King of Games.

SPARKY: I like that. Wade, what do you think? You like that?

WADE: I like that. But we can't just decide who becomes the king over any old board game. We need a real challenge, one that's going to test our minds, souls, and bodies.

Beat.

RK: F*** a board game, let's wrestle.

SPARKY: Yeah, we need to take it up a notch.

WADE: I don't care if Bryan Singer is the referee. I'm in.

SCENE 16

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn is watching TV that night when Buster walks in.

BUSTER: I can't believe you. What you did today almost gave me cancer.

JAYLYNN: Look, Buster, I know I barged in there, I know, but I had my reasons.

Beat.

BUSTER: What were your reasons?

JAYLYNN: I just wanted to steal the spotlight, that's it.

BUSTER: Why did you go against our agreement? I thought we weren't competing over Esther.

JAYLYNN: Have you seen her? I can't give you any kind of edge over me.

BUSTER: This is crazy. I finally find a girl I'm really into, and you have to try taking her away from me.

JAYLYNN: Hey, let's get some perspective here. You know what it's like to have a girlfriend. I don't. I put my heart out there once and I got stomped on. Meanwhile, you had Diana, Ashley, Sanna. That's one hell of a resumé, bro.

BUSTER: And where are those girls now? They're either floating in hell or forgetting they ever went out with me.

JAYLYNN: Buster, I know you're crazy about Esther. But this is my shot, so I was hoping you could just step aside on this one.

BUSTER: With all due respect, Red, I'm not moving. Not for you, or anybody.

JAYLYNN: You're making a mistake.

BUSTER: No, you made a mistake crushing on a girl that lives in my building.

Beat.

JAYLYNN: You had quesadillas from the Smiling Taco, didn't you?

BUSTER: Yeah, and they were f***ing exquisite.

SCENE 17

Burger King

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

One day, Jaylynn and Esther are hanging out when Buster walks up to them.

BUSTER: Hey ladies.

ESTHER: Hey Buster.

JAYLYNN: Why are you here?

BUSTER: Oh, Esther told me where you two would be and I wanted to join in on the fun.

ESTHER: Yeah, I mean, you guys are already friends, I'm cool with both of you, and we've never hung out together. It's crazy.

BUSTER: I said the same thing. But that's who Jaylynn is. Whenever she really likes something, she has to have it all for herself.

JAYLYNN: I just know what I want when it comes, unlike some people who go nuts over the first thing they see and think it's special.

BUSTER: Huh? I'm sorry, Jaylynn, I wasn't listening. I was just thinking about what I'm going to eat.

ESTHER: Yeah, I'm starving. Just as long as I don't get anything with bacon.

BUSTER: That's okay. Jaylynn will eat the bacon for you. Isn't that right, Jaylynn? You like to do other people a favor by eating their food behind their back, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Stop saying my name, I know you're talking to me. And the thing is, I have a big appetite. Better that than picking something from the kids menu.

BUSTER: Hey, they give you a crown and a juice box! It's a steal every time!

ESTHER: You guys okay? Come on, let's have some fun.

JAYLYNN: You're right, Esther. Let's have some fun. Hey Buster, since we're having fun, why don't you tell Esther that crazy story about what happened to your first girlfriend?

BUSTER: Jaylynn...

ESTHER: What crazy story?

BUSTER: It's nothing. There was this girl I used to date, Diana. She broke up with me, we had a big fight, and I never saw her again.

ESTHER: That's a crazy story? Jaylynn, you have to make sure you deliver on your promises next time. I was thinking Buster made his girlfriend dress up like a cow and moo in front of the whole school. Not that I know anyone who made me do that.

JAYLYNN: No, nothing like that. He just killed her.

Beat.

ESTHER: Wait, what? You killed your own girlfriend?

BUSTER: It wasn't like that. She was hurting my friends, I was protecting them. And I think Jaylynn knows that since she was one of the people I protected.

JAYLYNN: Okay, you got me there. But then she came back as a ghost and he killed her again. Long story.

BUSTER: I guess Esther knows a lot about me, but nothing about you, Jaylynn. Does Esther know you were in love with your best friend for years and you never said anything until it was too late?

JAYLYNN: Hey, not everybody needs to know about my life. Does Esther know you tried suing PepsiCo because you drank your soda too fast like a jackass?

BUSTER: Does Esther know you destroyed your own group and shit on all of your friends in a video?

JAYLYNN: Does Esther know you tried robbing your friend to get a TV show off the air?

BUSTER: Does Esther know you beat up a Daniel Tiger mascot at the mall?

JAYLYNN: Does she know you had a crush on your best friend's girlfriend and you never told him about it?

BUSTER: Does she know you kept a dog away from its owners?

JAYLYNN: Does she know you're in love with her?

BUSTER: Does she know you're in love with her, you car thief?!

JAYLYNN: Does she know you're in the fifth grade, Mr. I Burned Down My Own Condo?!

Buster and Jaylynn see that Esther is gone from her seat and leaving the restaurant. They stare at each other and try chasing her.

BUSTER/JAYLYNN: Esther, come baaaack!

Cut to Buster and Jaylynn running in front of Esther.

BUSTER: Esther, wait, you have to understand...

ESTHER: What? Understand what?! That you guys just wanted to date me? That you did all that stuff in the past? Or the fact that you two are so petty, you want to tear each other down over me?

JAYLYNN: In a way, we did this because of how much we admired you. It's like we were paying tribute.

ESTHER: Shut up, Jaylynn! I actually thought we were friends, but it turns out, I'm just a trophy. You two are psycho, leave me the f*** alone.

Esther walks away from Buster and Jaylynn.

BUSTER: Wow, I didn't think we would take it that far.

JAYLYNN: Honestly, I was just trying to annoy you until you brought up Jaylynn II.

SCENE 18

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, RK, and Wade are in a wrestling ring preparing for their triple threat match. Bitch Clock is in the middle of the ring wearing a referee's uniform.

BITCH CLOCK: Alright, boys, this is to determine the true King of Games. I want to see a fight. And no hitting below the belt unless it's motivated.

RK: You got your alarm clock to be the referee? Why couldn't we have Anna or Adriana or Halley?

SPARKY: Repeat what you just said.

RK: You got your alarm clock to be the referee? Why couldn't we have Anna or Adriana or Halley?

SPARKY: Now, analyze what's wrong with the second question.

RK: The hell are you trying to...okay, forget what I said.

SPARKY: There you go.

BITCH CLOCK: Okay, wrestle.

WADE: The match doesn't officially start until you ring the bell.

BITCH CLOCK: Where's the bell?

SPARKY: Over there by the timekeeper's area. Come on, Bitch Clock, we held the seminar for a reason!

BITCH CLOCK: Ugh, you demanding f***ing children.

Bitch Clock slides out of the ring, runs to the timekeeper's area, then rings the bell to officially start the match.

("Always" by Saliva plays in the background)

RK starts the match by hitting Sparky with a clothesline, then throws him out of the ring. Wade kicks RK in the midsection and the two wrestle for a bit. Sparky comes back in and dropkicks RK, then knees Wade in the face. He goes for the cover, but Wade kicks out at two. RK and Sparky begin fighting. RK goes for an RKO, but Sparky pushes him into the turnbuckle. Sparky then avoids an attack from Wade and sends him into RK. Sparky then clotheslines Wade while RK is right behind him, receiving the worst of it. Sparky kicks RK multiple times in the corner, then goes behind him and hits a bulldog from the top turnbuckle. Sparky only gets a two-count. Wade grabs Sparky and tries to lock in the STF, but Sparky is easily able to escape and throws Wade out of the ring. He then hits a suicide dive on the outside. With both Sparky and Wade trying to get up, RK climbs to the top turnbuckle and goes for a crossbody, taking everybody out. Bitch Clock is initially confused, then after ten minutes of the three boys incapacitated, he shrugs, leaves the ring, and heads inside.

SCENE 19

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is playing with a tennis ball on the couch when Jaylynn walks in.

JAYLYNN: Hey.

BUSTER: Hey.

JAYLYNN: Is Esther talking to you?

BUSTER: Nope. She hates me now. Chances are, she's going to move out in a week.

JAYLYNN: That's a little crazy, don't you think?

BUSTER: No, it's actually really easy to move into another unit here. It will just be far away from me.

JAYLYNN: Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, she probably hates me more.

BUSTER: Is this seriously a contest to you?!

JAYLYNN: No! Look, Buster, I'm sorry for what happened. I let my emotions take over and I went too far.

BUSTER: You know what? I did, too. I really thought Esther was the one, but I blew it.

JAYLYNN: Maybe that's the problem. We didn't like Esther. We liked what she represented.

BUSTER: And what was that?

JAYLYNN: She was hot, that's all she represented.

BUSTER: You know what sucks the most? We treated each other like shit all because of a girl.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, we did. I mean, if it was RK, I might not care as much, but I always felt really close to you.

BUSTER: Me too. It just goes to show that no matter what people say, you can't like the same person your friend does.

JAYLYNN: Can we promise each other that we'll never let this happen again?

BUSTER: I think so. I love you, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I love you too, Buster.

Buster and Jaylynn hug each other.

BUSTER: So, how do we prevent this from happening again?

JAYLYNN: If we both end up liking the same girl again, we never talk to her again. It will be like she was a figment of our imagination.

BUSTER: I love that idea.

Cut to black.

("Passin' Me By" by The Pharcyde plays over the end credits)

EPILOGUE

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, RK, and Wade are watching TV that night.

RK: Guys, we have a problem.

WADE: We always have problems.

SPARKY: What's the problem?

RK: We never figured out who's the King of Games.

SPARKY: Yeah, because all that wrestling was tiring. How did we even do the KWWE?

RK: Through steroids and cocaine?

SPARKY: What?

RK: Wait, that's the end of a different joke.

WADE: We figured out that I'll always be the King of Games.

RK: No, you won't. You didn't settle it in that ring.

WADE: You didn't, either.

SPARKY: Will both of you guys shut up? Nobody's the King of Games.

WADE: You shut up!

SPARKY: You shut up!

RK: You guys really want to shut each other up? Well, there's only one way to do it.

Cut to the guys continuing their wrestling match in the backyard as "Always" resumes playing in the background. This time, Bitch Clock is nowhere to be found as the referee. Fade to black.

©2020 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS