It is three days after my firstborn daughter Alessa Sessler's birth when I start to feel slightly uneasy. Nervous would be a better word. Seth and I don't live together nor do we live close. My older sister, Melissa lives three hours away from me and she is occupied with Louis's daughters. The only close relative I have at this point is Ruth with her living one hour away from me. Other than that, I will be home alone with a tiny baby. I'm not being told what to do with her anymore. I'm on my own.

Seth does drive me and Alessa back to my apartment. I am glad I don't have to walk back since I don't feel completely normal. I find myself staring at Alessa strapped in her little carseat. I'm amazed by how alert she is. She is wide awake, squinting and squirming in her cocoon of blankets. Constantly taking in her new environment.

When we park, I grab Alessa out of the car seat and carry her inside. Seth remains by my side, gazing down at her lovingly. "This is your home," Seth tells her, grinning at her. Alessa stares at him, listening. She seems to know when Seth is talking to her.

I smile brightly at him. "Come, let's give her a little tour." I encourage.

Seth smile at me in response.

Even though this is my apartment, I follow Seth through the home with the child as he tells her what each room is. Alessa seems to pay particular attention to him over me. With money from Melissa and my salary from my job at the Fairbook, I managed to afford a three-bedroom apartment in the affluent apartment complex.

In the very last bedroom is the room I made to be the "Art Studio." I always have my art supplies with me. My watercolors, my easels, my brushes, my paints. Hopefully, when Alessa gets older, me and her will indulge in art as I did with my mother.

"This is the Art Room," Seth announces to her.

"Art Studio." I correct.

"My bad."

Alessa doesn't seem to care for our banter and seems particularly interested in the cray pots sitting on the shelves in the room. As we walk into the room, Alessa's eyes light up at a vivid painting I made six weeks ago. A watercolor painting of a colorful meadow that hangs on the wall. She wriggles a little at the sight of it.

"She really likes this room." Seth comments.

We then head silently with her into the nursery, having been through every room in the house. Her little gaze moves to me, as if she's waiting for me to tell her what's happening next.

Alessa is so quiet that I want her to start crying. Because now I'm at a loss at what to do. Melissa suddenly appears in my mind, her stern expression, her glaring eyes, and her ruthless words.

She has long told me since I got pregnant that I was making a mistake. That I was too young to have a baby. I should only be focusing on my career and education. Even though that is helpful advice, Melissa with her abrasive attitude and her outspoken personality, she is not the most benevolent person in the world.

Even though Seth is a first-time parent just like me, Seth is already proving to be a better parent than me. He obviously adores and cherishes Alessa awhile I'm standing here dumbly with a silent baby in my arms.

"You okay?" Seth snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up at his concerned expression and I force out a smile. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" Seth pushes.

"I am. I'm perfectly fine."

Seth brushes a bang out of his eyes. "Well look, unfortunately, I can't stay for long. I have a few deadlines and a meeting early in the morning, so if there is anything I can do, tell me."

"It's fine, Seth. Really. You should focus on your work and not miss anything. I can handle everything tonight."

Seth nods. "Alright, well give me a call if you change your mind, I could try to get more time off."

When I see Alessa closing her eyes, I decide to gently put her into her crib.

"Come on." I whisper as I saunter towards Seth as quietly as I could.

Alessa is remarkably quiet for the remainder of the day.. Seth had to leave my apartment to get ready for work four hours later and when nighttime rolls in, Alessa suddenly began to be fussy. I wake up to a grating wail that quickly turned into shrill screaming.

It is 10:55 pm and I'm half asleep.

I rush into her room and I unbutton my shirt. I press Alessa to my chest and she automatically sucks on my nip hungrily.

Once she pulls away, I put her back into her crib and I return back into my bed to sleep.

Then at 11:10 pm, I jolt awake to hysterical screaming once more. Hobbling to her room, I'm still half asleep as I instinctually scoop up the little girl and press her to me. She sucks on my chest hungrily once more, but even after she pulls away, she starts wailing shrilly.

"You really eat a lot, you know that, right?" I remark. "When you were in me, you didn't let me eat anything at all, but once you're out you're just eating up everything!"

I start waking up a little more as she continues to cry. I check her diaper, but it's clean. I attempt to burp her, but there is no gas.

I rock her back and forth, but she is still fussing. I release out a heavy sigh, my mind foggy with exhaustion. I let out a long yawn as I continually cradled her.

Eventually, Alessa does stop crying after a half of a minute. I assume that she is just cranky and I place her back into her crib.

I hobble out of her room and I think of Seth. But when I'm inches away from my bedroom door, Alessa starts to cry once more and this time, she needs a diaper change.

Then I put her back into her crib and rush back to my bedroom. I think of Seth and I find myself angry.

As I head to my room, I clench my fists as my nostrils flares. "You couldn't stay here for another minute," I grumble. I know that it is unreasonable to be upset with Seth. He does have work, he has deadlines, he must get to work at a certain time, and he works in a different department in Fairbook. But at this moment I'm too exhausted to care.

"Moving closer to my place would not fucking kill him!" I hiss to myself.

I drag myself back into my bed and I'm knocked out like a light.

With every passing day, I realize that my usual carefree routine is over. My days with Alessa are jumbled and chaotic as I try to adapt to her being here. Seth is diligent, but not constant. He would come to my apartment three times a week, sometimes he comes to my apartment late at night if he has a nightshift. Other times, he is stuck in the office, occupied with deadlines.

I appreciate Seth's commitment. When I first met him, he was the new executive editor at Fairbook that I found very attractive. He became quite popular in the office quickly, women swooning over him and men inviting him to hang out with him. I was among those swooning women. Finding him dashingly handsome and charismatic. I still do. But regardless, Seth and I were not a couple, but we did interact with each other and hang out during our breaks. Then four months later, one thing led to another after a few drinks of Chardonnay and a trip to a hotel.

At first, I was terrified. I never imagined myself pregnant from a one night stand. When I told him, Seth was happy and we became a couple when I was eight months pregnant. I wanted to give our relationship a try, but I still have many doubts. Perhaps it was because I was nervous about me getting pregnant or maybe I was just being unreasonable and not giving Seth a chance. But mostly I think it was because of my mother. She passed away when I was nine, but I still vividly remember her to this day. After I was born, my parents broke up after it was discovered that my Father had a long-term affair.

Their breakup affected my mother terribly. My Mother was always a troubled woman. She could barely function properly on some days, spiraling into a deep depression and had revolving mood swings that would range from mild to extreme.

On her good days, she was a loving and doting mother to me. She would spoil me and act like she was my best friend.

But on her bad days, she was a nightmare. Irrational, explosive, and depressive. There were times when she would just yell and scream at me for the smallest transgression.

I never knew exactly what was wrong with her because she never got herself properly diagnosed.

She would have countless boyfriends. Constantly trying to find her soulmate. During that time, my father was not present in my life, so I always tried to form a paternal relationship with my Mother's boyfriends, but none of them paid attention to me.

Her relationships were always brief and the breakups were always explosive. Usually ending with my enraged mother breaking up with them, accusing them of cheating and kicking them out.

I personally didn't want to experience the same experience. There is no telling if Seth and I started dating, we would be happy together. It is not written in stone that we will be soulmates. What if we broke up, how would Alessa be affected?

Would I end up like my mother?

I'm determined to give Alessa a different childhood than mine.

With Alessa, I had my hands full with her. I became used to my constant routine. Alessa would scream and cry in the early morning and into the late afternoon, often wanting breastmilk or a diaper change. She would be finicky throughout the night, barely giving me a wink of sleep.

Of course, I anticipated that a baby would be quite needy. But Alessa proved herself to be a loud and reactive baby. If she's not happy, she will make sure everyone knows it. At first, every time she cries, I scramble to figure out what she wants. A lot of times I fail to understand and I'm stuck with a screaming baby in my hands.

I can only hope that Alessa will mellow out in the future.

It is five weeks later when Melissa suddenly calls me.

"Me and the girls are going to visit you tomorrow." These are the first words Melissa tells me.

I'm standing in Alessa's bedroom, minutes after breastfeeding her. Alessa sleeps peacefully in her crib and I decide to only speak to Melissa once I slip into the corridor.

"Are you there?" Melissa asks.

"Yes, I got a baby now, Melissa," I say sharply. "Got to keep my voice down."

"Well, I'm coming down to you tomorrow. The girls keep asking about you."

I smile at that. "I can't wait for them to meet her."

Melissa's voice suddenly softens. "How are you doing?"

"I'm holding up well," I admit. "Alessa can be a handful."

"Well, that's what I warned you about. Kids are not easy. They're not little dolls, they are breathing human beings with needs."

I roll my eyes, I did not want Melissa's lecturing. "I know, Melissa. Thank you for your input!" I hiss.

Melissa isn't fazed by my harsh tone. "Where's Seth? Is he still around?"

"Yes, he is. He has a job, you know. So he's not going to be around all the time."

"You two should be living together, you two living far away and separated makes no sense." Melissa opines.

I shrug my shoulders. "Melissa, Seth and I are fine. We just started dating and as far as I'm concerned, we're not going to rush it. Seth is really involved and he's been great to Alessa and me."

"Hopefully he actually stays this way," Melissa mumbles sardonically. "You really picked a winner situation, didn't you?"

I'm tempted to hang up on her at that moment. "Thank you for the wonderful advice, Melissa. You are such a help." I say sarcastically.

"Look don't be shocked, if he suddenly stops coming. If he suddenly stops speaking to you and forgets you exist. You had one little fling with this random man and you fully expect him to be a full-time Father. It's plain stupid, Mila!" She castigates. "Don't be naive and be fooled, Mila. I never thought of this coming from you. Having a baby with a random man and you being a single mother. It will not end well," Then her voice flows with palpable disgust. "You are simply this man's baby mama. Nothing else, he's probably being all-loving and nurturing over the fear of child support. What exactly are your plans, Mila? Do you even have one?"

I clench my fists tightly, doing my best to not cuss her out. "I'm going through the motions, Melissa. I am. Right now, currently, everything is fine. Nothing is wrong. Ruth comes over occasionally, Seth comes over whenever he can and I'm perfectly fine with Alessa!" I can't hide the anger in my voice. "Please stop telling me how to live…" Melissa doesn't allow me to finish that sentence.

"Don't get an attitude with me, Mila! You put yourself in this situation, not me! I am trying to help you! Don't forget who keeps sending you money whenever you're low on funds!" She chastises.

"Goodbye!" I hiss, shaking with anger. If I stay on the phone with her any longer, it will be a screaming match. I hang up without another word.

"Well I guess this family visit will be interesting," I mumble to myself.

The next chapter will come soon. Working on updates. Reviews and thoughts.