(A/N): Happy (late) April Fool's Day everyone! I meant to get it done sooner, but as usual I was behind schedule due to other work on my list. Anyway, yeah, this is a jokefic. Don't take it too seriously. And Lisa fans, please don't kill me.

One mid-March day in Royal Woods, the weather was getting better thanks to it being Springtime. Birds chirped, squirrels chittered happily, and pigeons were fulfilling their daily quota of being assholes by knocking ice cream out of kids' hands. The sun shone through the circular window in Lincoln's room, right in his face. That wasn't what woke him up, though. It was the usual noise coming from the hallway on a Saturday morning. It was practically his alarm at this point.

Lincoln blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes, getting rid of the eye boogers. He let out a yawn and stretched as he rose from out of the sheets. A familiar feeling of pressure filled his guts as soon as he stood up. "Guess I should take care of that first." He thought, changing into his usual orange polo, jeans, and sneakers and was about to head out. He pulled the door open while expecting the usual chaos. Only… this wasn't the kind of chaos he was used to.

Sure, everyone running around like madwomen was normal, but this wasn't the fun kind of running around. No, this was the kind that was a sign of panic. Screams, shouts, growls, yelps, thumps and bumps filled the hallway. Seven of his ten sisters were there, and the only ones he couldn't see there were Lisa, Lily and Lana. He shrugged and started to make his way to the bathroom, but in the first two seconds he got caught in the eye of the storm. He was getting trampled left and right, but he eventually managed to make it to the other side with a black eye and several bruises and cuts. Not unusual for a sibling brawl, despite this not seeming like one at all.

"What on Earth had gotten into them?" Lincoln thought, closing the door behind him. Unfortunately, there was no toilet paper on the roll. The floor was littered with the torn remains of toilet paper and the cardboard husks. "And what happened here?"

He opened the door again and made his way out. Along the way, he shouted, "Mom, dad! We're out of toilet paper!" Big mistake.

The panicked crowd froze in place, instead all facing him. Their eyes locked on target, their fingers curled into claws, and their mouths turned into toothy snarls while they let out throaty growls.

"Uhhh… guys?" Lincoln squeaked, fear filling his very soul.

They suddenly shot forward, bursting with speed and barreling towards the ashen-haired boy. He shouted in surprise and turned the other way, nearly twisting his ankle with how fast he bolted away. They gave chase, easily keeping up with him. He reached the stairs and stopped short. Going down them while running was never a good idea, especially not in such an old house in which the chances of falling through the floor was never at zero percent. That, and it was an easy way to trip. His crazy sisters would catch him at any moment if he didn't go down, and that left him with one choice.

Thank goodness for Lynn's constant requests to spar with her, which weren't so much requests per say as they were orders. Regardless, it gave him the parkour skills needed to grind the rail as if he were on a skateboard. He waved to them in a taunting fashion, only to be met with the end of the rail to the gonads. He yelped in pain, eyes bugging out. The Loud sisters were still hot on his trail, so he hopped off and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He made it to the front door and leapt through the doorway onto the porch, shutting the door right in the pack's face.

They moved to the window and pulled back the curtain, twisted snarls against the windowpane as they shouted and banged on it with their fists. Their shouts were mostly incoherent and mixed together, though Lincoln was able to pick out a few words.

"What do you mean? What about toilet paper? Yeah, there isn't any in the bathroom, what's going on with you though?!" Suddenly, he heard another shout behind him.

"Come! This is no place to die!"

It came from the bunker in the backyard, out of which only Lana's head could be seen. She beckoned him towards her. He walked towards her confusedly, and was caught by surprise when he felt her grab his wrist and pull him inside. She pulled the bunker shut and locked it, then turned on the light.

"Lana? What're you doing here?"

"Hiding from all the crazies out there! It's like they turned rabid or something!"

"How'd you get into Lisa's bunker, though? Isn't it hidden most of the time?"

"Yeah, but she made the password her birthdate. Man, for a nerd like her you'd think she'd come up with stronger passwords."

"Oh yeah. But anyway, what made them all turn feral like that?"

"There's a toilet paper shortage, so now it's every man and woman for themselves. Lola went especially crazy, got this from her after a scuffle." She took her hat off and pushed aside her scruffy blonde bangs, revealing a long scratch that was still oozing with a faint trickle of blood. "She's got the sharpest claws in the world under those dainty gloves, I tell ya." She sighed and shook her head. She let her bangs fall back in place and put her hat on.

"Whoa…" Lincoln gasped. "Over some toilet paper?"

"Yeah, luckily I'm not really affected by it. I've got Old Sloshie and my leaf collection from fall." She pointed her thumb behind her, where a half-full bucket and a pile of orange, red and rust-colored leaves sat in a corner. "Not even nearly the best, but it's better than using my hand. Which I'll probably need to do once I run out of leaves."

Lincoln gagged and covered his mouth, dry heaving a little bit.

"Oh please, it's not like I'm putting my hands anywhere near my face or anything. I mean, I just did to show you the scratch, but that's about it." Lana rolled her eyes at his reaction, stifling a laugh. "So I'm just waiting out here until the whole thing dies down and everyone goes back to normal. I got that box of snacks that mom and dad got yesterday down here and a few gallons of tap water." She pointed to the supplies on the bottom bench.

"That's cool and all, but are you really just gonna stay here? I mean, don't you want to find out what's causing the shortage?"

"Well… yeah, pretty much. What the heck else am I supposed to do? You saw what Lola did, who knows what the rest of them could do if I went back in there?" She sat down on the bottom bench. "And yeah, I want to know what caused it, but there's risks that there's no way even I'm taking. And you're talking to the Queen of Risks herself. You can stay here too if you want, I've got enough supplies for the both of us. Would be nice to have some company."

"Actually, I already had a run-in with them." Lincoln pointed to his black eye. "And that's one reason why I want to put a stop to all this. That, and I really gotta go so I'm hoping we won't be out of toilet paper for too long."

"Good luck with that, bro. If I couldn't last 30 seconds out there… I don't mean to be rude, but look at you. If I hadn't grabbed you by the time I did, they would've broken that window and torn you to shreds by now."

"Where's Lily and Lisa and mom and dad anyway?"

"Lily's with them, and they went to the store for more toilet paper. So far, they've been calling to say that each one they've been to in a 60 mile radius has been out though. And I don't know where Lisa is."

"Listen. I'm going to find out what's behind all this chaos, and whatever it is, I'm gonna fix it. I've been caught up in some wild shenanigans before, I'm sure I can handle a toilet paper shortage."

"Wait!" Lana dug around in the front pocket of her overalls and pulled something out. It was a very small box with a bold "B" marked on the side. "I'm… I'm gonna give you this for good luck. It's my lucky booger. It got me through preschool, maybe it'll help you out too." She smiled at him warmly and trustfully.

Lincoln was slightly grossed out and reluctant to take the box, but one look of her pleading face made him pluck it out of her hand. "Alright, uhh, t-thank you." He put it away in his pocket. "I've got this, I promise." He climbed up the ladder and got out of the doomsday bunker.

"And try to bring me some more leaves when you come back, if you can!" Lana called after him, having also climbed up the ladder. "I'd especially appreciate it if you could get me some soft ones. The leaves I have feel like sandpaper."

"Eeesh, sucks to be her." Lincoln thought. "No need for that, we'll have toilet paper by the time I'll be back!"

And with that, he ran over to the back of the house where he started pulling off his clothes. Underneath them was his Ace Savvy costume, which he always wore under his regular outfit just for situations like this. That'll teach Lisa for making fun of him for that. He then pulled out a walkie-talkie that he also carried around with him at all times. "Come in Mr. Rebound, this is Duke in Distress."

The walkie-talkie crackled with a response immediately after sending the message. "I don't know how you got ahold of this line, but it's for Lincoln and I only."

"Wha- it's me, Lincoln! We've been over this already!"

"Ohhhh. Hey Lincoln! Kind of a weird nickname to choose for yourself, but I won't judge. What's up?"

"My sisters are going crazy because there's been a toilet paper shortage! Well, except Lana who's hiding out in Lisa's bunker and Lily who's with mom and dad. And I don't know where Lisa is."

"Dang, it hit you too? My dads have been panicking since 7 in the morning. They didn't find anything in the stores either. Well, except for Flip's gas station but that stuff's like tissue paper and they said they have standards."

"Okay, to be honest I don't really blame them. But I need you to come here as fast as you can, and wear your One-Eyed Jack costume! Meet me at the back of my house. We've got a case to crack."

"On it. I'll be right there."

Barely even two minutes later, Clyde arrived at the Loud residence. He parked his bike in the yard, letting it lean against the fence. He hurried to the back of the house. "Hey Linc, what's the sitch?"

"Hey Clyde! So, we need to figure out who or what is behind this toilet paper shortage and we need to do it quickly. If things are already bad right now, who knows how much worse it can get?"

"Hmm, well I don't know how important it is, but on the way here I came across a trail of ripped-up toilet paper tubes. There was a few bits of toilet paper on the trail as well."

"Wait, what? Where?!" Lincoln ran to the sidewalk, where there had indeed been such a trail out on the street. It was scattered about, but seemed to have stretched to the left side of their perspective and ended right near the Loud residence. "Follow that trail!" He commanded, pointing in its direction and started running.

"Hey, wait up! Shouldn't we take the bike?" Clyde asked, following him.

"We might lose track of the trail if we're going too fast."

"Oh. You've got a point, I guess."

They followed the toilet paper trail all the way to Royal Woods Community College. Having learned their lesson from trying to sneak into a frozen food company building, they took advantage of any place they could use to hide to get in. And from there, the trail led into the Robotics class. A Robotics class that was empty save for a middle-aged woman with frizzy red hair and a dress decorated with pictures of various tools. She kind of looked like Ms. Frizzle, but older.

"Uhh, excuse me, miss." Lincoln called out.

The woman turned around, having previously been running around in a panic as if looking for something. "Huh? Who let kids into the school? I don't think we're doing tours today either." She asked confusedly.

"We kinda let ourselves in…" Clyde admitted sheepishly.

"Mmm, figured. But what are you two doing here and where are your parents?"

"There's a toilet paper shortage going on, apparently it's happening in all of Royal Woods." Lincoln explained.

The woman seemed to be taken aback by that statement, going by how she clutched her chest and stepped back. "So it's true…"

"Sure is. And since the trail led here, do you know anything about it?"

"Well, I found this note right where I was keeping my pack of mini robot dinosaurs that I brought in as a demonstration for an upcoming project. Which is now gone, so the project had to be cancelled for now." She handed them a yellow post-it note.

Clyde and Lincoln took the note and read it out loud together. "Apologies, Mrs. Ringletty, for I require your miniature therapod-themed droids. Street name, robot dinosaurs. They seem to really like toilet paper and the cardboard tubes, and consider them to be wonderful snacks. Do not attempt to find me, for there will be fire consequences if you do."

"I did give them the ability to eat paper, but only because I thought it was harmless enough. That and it'd make picking up all the scraps of paper, paper balls, tissues and paper airplanes that end up everywhere on the floor after class." Mrs. Ringletty said. "What I don't understand is why would someone want to steal them and have them eat clean toilet paper?"

"I dunno, but I bet whoever took them is behind the shortage! My buddy and I will find them in no time, don't worry!" Clyde assured her.

"But what about the fire consequences?"

"We eat dire consequences for breakfast, ma'am." Lincoln boasted.

"What? No offense, but that barely makes any sense." Clyde objected.

"Enough of that. Let's go!"

And with that, they left the area. They made sure to be just as sneaky with leaving as they were with entering. Best not to cause any trouble.

"Say, Lincoln, remember when I said that Flip's gas station was the only place to have toilet paper?" Clyde asked.

"Yeah, what about that?"

"Do you think that maybe…?"

"...of course! That dirty scoundrel will do anything just to make a quick buck. If he's willing to let my family and I nearly freeze to death over a winning burger wrapper, of course he'd take away the basic human right to comfortably wipe our butts!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that. I heard Bobbie Fletcher got laid off recently though."

"Yeah… none of us broke the news to Lana yet."

"Oof. But anyway, we've got a suspect to interrogate!"

"We sure do. Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, move out!"

The dynamic duo burst through the door of Flip's Food 'N Fuel, Lincoln having kicked the door open while Clyde did a dynamic pose. The bell rang loudly, alerting Flip of their presence. He was currently looking at anime titties on his phone while dipping his toes in nacho cheese. He was also wearing sunglasses despite being indoors.

"Huh? Who's there?" Flip asked, whipping his sunglasses off. "Oh, it's you two. What's with the costumes? You two look like deviantART recolor OCs."

"No we don't!" Lincoln protested and made his way towards the greasy slob. "But we know what you're up to, Flip. If that's even your real name." He leaned in closely, his face only inches away from Flip's. His stench made Lincoln's nose hairs shrivel up and die, falling out like ashes.

"First of all, yes it is!" Flip pushed Lincoln away from him. "And second of all, you're interrupting my self-care routine, so if you're not buying anything then get out. I don't have time for your baby games."

"I'm afraid we can't do that, sir." Clyde went over to Lincoln's side and crossed his arms. "We have a few questions for you."

"I said get-"

"Would you happen to know anything about a toilet paper shortage?"

"Whatcha talkin' about?"

"Don't play dumb, Flip. Remember what happened when we found out you swindled me and my sisters' garage sale money because we were all looking for our baby sister's blanket?" Lincoln threatened, getting close again and pointing a finger at Flip's nose. "You wouldn't want a repeat of that for getting rid of all the toilet paper except at your store just to make everyone have to buy it from you, would you?"

"Yeah yeah, the nerd gave me some chemicals and apparently they were really explosive because they blew up this entire store. Luckily, I had enough money to have it rebuilt from scratch thanks to bein' smart with money." Flip bragged. "And what was that about toilet paper? Not gonna lie, that would be a pretty good idea, though. Wish I thought of it."

"There's a toilet paper shortage and now nobody can wipe their butts comfortably because you took it! Just to make a quick buck off of other people's misery! You left a note at Royal Woods Community College in the Robotics class! This one right here!" He gave Flip the note, who then started reading it confusedly.

"I don't know a Mrs. Ringletty, that handwriting is too neat and curvy, I've never been to any college in my life, and I don't talk like that." Flip said and rolled his eyes. "And I don't know nothin' about no toilet paper eatin' robot dinos. Sounds like something that came straight from a Captain Underpants book."

"Isn't it rather suspicious that your place is the only store in Royal Woods to have toilet paper?" Lincoln asked in an accusing tone. He put his hands on his hips and swayed his hips in a sassy fashion.

"Hey, what's up with that?! What, is my stuff not good enough for a buncha no-good robots?! And who even says 'street name' like that after saying nerdy mumbo-jumbo?"

"Yeah right, you're just- wait…" Lincoln put a finger to his chin in thought. "I only know one person that does that…"

The two costumed boys gasped at the realization. "LISA!"

"So are you two gonna buy anything or can you get outta my face? I'm trying to look at anime titties here."

"Fuckin' weeb." Clyde thought to himself. "Sorry to bother you, sir. We'll be on our way."

"Yeah, thanks for the help though!" Lincoln added in.

"Whatever." Flip called after them as they left. "Now to get back to my waifus…"

Lincoln and Clyde hurried home, running as fast as they could all the way back to the Loud residence.

"No wonder nobody knew where Lisa was!" Lincoln exclaimed.

"But why would she get rid of all the toilet paper?" Clyde questioned.

"I dunno, but what I do know is that she must have tried to frame Flip for some reason!"

"Ehh, maybe the dino bots really were too good for that junk."

"Huh, good point."

As they neared the corner, they saw that the house's roof had already been ripped off. The culprit was very obvious by the looks of things, what with the giant robotic T-rex roaring loudly behind the house. The Loud sisters (sans Lana, Lily, and Lisa) were out in the front yard looking on in horror. Aside from Lucy and Lori, that is.

"Cool." Lucy said with a smile.

"Not this shit again." Lori grumbled and facepalmed. "First it was a possible tornado, then Lana brought her termites into the house even though we're surrounded by trees, and now this!"

"Hey what's with all the noi- ooooh…" Lana climbed out of Lisa's bunker only to witness such an odd sight. Her eyes glistened with wonder upon seeing the giant dinosaur.

And then, something even more wondrous happened - the dinosaur spoke! And it said… "What are you doing in my bunker?!"

"Hiding so that I wouldn't get trampled to dea- wait a second… Lisa?! Is that you?"

"Yes, I am the one operating the dinosaur inside it. I figured out a way to command the mini dinosaur robots to combine into one being that is much more powerful. And now you are all going to pay!"

"What?! Pay for what, dude?" Luna shouted.

"You know full well what you need to pay for! Everyday all of you ridicule me for the same exact thing, making false accusations and jokes at my expense just because I study fecal matter sometimes!"

"Sometimes? You literally burst the bathroom door down when I'm in there after a milkshake!" Lori pointed out.

"Well yes, I need to get samples somehow."

"Yeah but those times are very specific when it comes to me."

"You have to admit that's kind of weird, though. I mean, not even Lana does that." Lola said, pointing to her twin.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" Lana demanded in an offended tone.

"I am sick and tired of the same old nonsense being directed at me! Now who thought it was a good idea to start calling the resident prodigy with a knack for building complex machines of various purposes a coprophilliac?!"

"What the heck is that?!" The twins both asked at the same time.

"But didn't you steal those dinosaur robots, instead of building them?" Lincoln asked.

Lucy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Sigh… who's the clown that decided to provoke her this time?"

Luan was suddenly wearing her clown outfit, makeup, and nose. She honked her red clown nose a couple times and giggled like a hyena.

"It was all of you... " Lisa growled, then pointed at Lynn. "But you... you especially. You are the one that broke me. You made me SNAP with the last thing you said about it!" The dinosaur picked up a large tree branch off of a tree and snapped it in half to emphasize Lisa's point.

"Me?! What the heck did I do?!"

"Really? Okay, then let me take you back to yesterday…"

A flashback began. Lisa was in her room where everything was set up with a camera that didn't show her face, a phone, and a microphone. It was her turn to do an episode on the Listen Out Loud podcast. The phone rang and she picked it up.

"How about 248, Radio Gra- err, I mean Listen Out Loud. What are your inquiries?" Lisa asked.

Lynn's voice crackled from the other end of the line as she attempted a Mr. Atheist impression. "I'm not saying that you're attracted to pumpki- err, I mean scat, Lisa. I'm just saying that we don't know."

Lisa held the phone away from her in an outstretched hand. Her mouth foamed as she sputtered, too full of rage to say any coherent words. Instead, she threw her phone onto the bed, took out a large plastic bag and emptied it. It was full of cans which clinked around as they fell down. She then proceeded to tear through the pile like a rabid dog, throwing them around the room everywhere. It resulted in the loudest and most amusing "cans dot wav" since the time Ghost found out that his dear Teutonic Plague was a brony.

The flashback ended, and while the others were horrified by the wrath Lisa was about to bring them, Lynn was cackling madly.

"You're laughing. You are responsible for what is about to be the destruction of the world, and you're laughing." Lisa said, the venom in her tone taking everyone aback and stopping the laughter. "I am sick and tired of acting calm and letting everyone clown on me about things that are obviously not true!"

"To be fair, Lisa, you didn't answer Lynn's question. How can she know if you don't tell her?" Lola asked.

"I have said time and time again that it's a false accusation! But you all never stop, you can never stop because you never learn. I was going to make an announcement on my CheepCheep dot com, but I cannot hold back any longer. The world is going to end, I already logged off."

"Yeah, but we can fix it-" Clyde offered.

"No! Things have gone too far now, and it's about time that I finally take action!"

"Hey look, a shooting st-" Leni pointed at the sky which had suddenly darkened. Probably because that's what happens when the antagonist of a story gets pissed off and is about to lay down the pain.

"I see what you're trying to do, and it will not work! You cannot delay my plan now that it has been put into action!" Lisa commanded the dinosaur to chase after them, scattering the group about in different directions.

Lincoln and the twins were the only ones that had enough sense to head for Lisa's bomb shelter. Unfortunately for them, the dinosaur leapt over there and blocked the entrance. They ran off in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Lynn was hiding behind a tree. Poking her head out, she called out to Lisa to get her attention. "Yo Lis! You don't have to do this!"

"Yes I do! You had so many chances to stop yourself, but nooooo! You wanted to be like Luan and clown on me!" The dinosaur's mouth opened up wide and several bazookas popped out between its jaws, all aimed at Lynn.

"Okay, maybe I was a bit of a jerk-"

"A BIT?!"

"Okay okay, a lot! I'm sorry, I really am!"

"Too little too late!" The dinosaur picked up the tree with one hand and held it right over its open maw. Its robotic eyes glowed with hatred. Lynn hung onto the wooden roots for dear life.

"Listen, I'm sorry, I really am! Fine, I don't actually think you like scat! I was just trying to get your goat because I thought it was funny! I didn't know it bothered you this much! I-It's just a prank, sis!"

It felt as though time stopped at that moment. The others looked at them with a mix of fear and incredulousness. There was much more of the latter when the dinosaur slowly lowered the tree down and stepped back. It seemed to dissolve as the combined dinosaurs left their bond and went back into a giant jar that appeared out of thin air. In its place was a familiar scruffy-haired young genius. Her glasses were slightly askew, which she fixed as she walked towards the group.

"That's all I wanted to hear." She said, her chin bowed down.

"So this whole toilet paper shortage happened because Lynn trolled you during the podcast?" Lincoln asked confusedly, his head tilted to the side.

"Affirmative." The genius replied.

"WHAT?!" Everyone else barked, absolutely shocked by the entire situation.

"I promise not to make fun of you for that anymore." Lynn said. "Even though you know what they say about hardcore deniers." She muttered under her breath. Luckily, Lisa didn't hear it.

"And for that, I'm glad. I suppose I should go fix this whole mess, and luckily I have a time machine that can do just that." She was about to leave when suddenly, something else happened.

"Look, another shooting star! I'm gonna make a wish!" Leni shouted out, pointing at the sky again. A streak of light shot past the darkened clouds. "Hmm… I wish it rained chocolate milk!"

"WAIT LENI, NO-" Lori tried to stop her, but it was too late. That's exactly what started happening right then and there.

Lisa looked at the sky with her eyebrows arched forward, her teeth bared, and a vein threatening to pop out of her temple. Everyone else but she and Leni wore mortified expressions, having somewhat of an idea of what was about to happen.

"What? I thought you might appreciate a chocolate shower, Lisa!" Leni said happily and unawaredly.

"That's it." Lisa simply said, and snapped her fingers. The dinosaur robots broke out of the jar and came together again, enveloping Lisa. The once-again newly formed gargantuan robot T-rex roared loudly in everyone's faces.

"Ah shit, here we go again!" Lincoln shouted in fright.