My lady, Han Hui Jae.
I knew she was different from other women, when I first met her. She is like a lotus flower that blooms gracefully in a muddy pond. So beautiful, so charming.
It was a great honor when old Haengsu told me to be her bodyguard. I know the tragic story of her life. Her parents died tragically, even her mother died in front of her own eyes. She holds a grudge, and also a mission. And I, will always be by her side, protecting her with my life.
However, like I said earlier, she's different.
When Ihwaru was attacked, instead of saving her, it was she who saved me. She threw her back, accepting the sword that was about to cut my head off.
I don't know, is she too nice, or too stupid? I thought I would lose my life that night. Because if she dies, I will die too, accompanying her to nirvana.
Since that night, my view of her began to change. I don't see her as a master anymore, but a woman. The woman I want to protect for the rest of my life. Even though I might not have her, because her heart, body, and soul already given to someone.
Hwi, a knight who loved her, and she also loved. Their love is eternal, even though that man is dead.
A year has passed since Hwi's death. My lady underwent her usual activities as Haengsu, doing business in Ihwaru, caring for gisaengs, and sometimes gathering with Hwi's comrades in fighting for this country, Joseon Country.
She still looks elegant and tough, with a charming smile. But no one knows, except me, that her heart is so fragile, like a dandelion that immediately flies when blown by the wind.
I was standing in front of her room, always hearing her sobs every night. I wanted to break the door, pull her into my arms, rub her back to give her peace.
I am the one who bring warm water for her to wipe her face every morning, always see her swollen eyes before she put make-up on her face. I want to tell her to stop pretending to be strong just to please everyone. I want her to live as herself, like my lady Hui Jae from the past.
Just say that you are sad.
Just say that you are still mourning.
Seeing her like this, makes my heart feel like it's being sliced slowly. And what makes me even sad, I am powerless to restore her cheerfulness as before.
We are under a waterfall, with Hwi's friends, and also Hwa Wol who is married to one of Hwi's friends. We are celebrating Hwa Wol's daughter's birthday. While they were all laughing and having fun, Lady Hui Jae approached the lake, staring at the waterfall that was sliding hard.
That back ...
I always looked at my lady's back with a sad feeling. Not only because that back saved my life, but that back implied sadness. My lady's sadness is so deep. I always looked at her back, every time she waited for Hwi to return to her. And now, she seemed to be still waiting. Waiting for Hwi to pick her up, huh?
Without me noticing, my feet stepped, and now I was right behind her back. My hand moves up toward the back. Can I touch it? Can I hug it?
"Gyeol ..."
My heart feels jumping up to my throat. I was really surprised. How did she know that I was behind her?
"Isn't this beautiful?"
What? Who? If what you mean is you, yes, you are beautiful.
"This waterfall."
I nodded slowly.
"I've been here with Hwi. Nothing has changed, this place is still as beautiful as before."
You're the one who changed, Lady.
She sighed, "oh ... how can I forget him, if all the places in this country reminded me of him?"
"No need to forget him, just ... accept the reality," I replied.
"I have accepted the reality and try to move on. But ... sometimes I feel sad when I remember our memories."
"Feeling sad is normal. No need to hold back. "
She turned her head, staring at me with tears in her eyelids. One drop of tears slowly slid down. I could not hold my naughty hand to wipe the tears.
"Thank you. Only you know that I've been crying all this time. But you have never stopped me. Everyone, Hwa Wol, Moon Bok, Park Chi Do, Jung Beom want me not to cry anymore and stop thinking about him."
"You may cry in front of me, if you want."
She chuckled between her sobs. When Hwa Wol called out to her, she immediately wiped her tears, and smiled again, as if nothing had happened.
"Gyeol ..."
Her raspy voice called out to me who was standing at her door. Her face was flooded with tears when I entered. I sat on her side, lent my shoulder to her. I know, today is a hard day for her.
Kite Festival.
Not only Hwi, she also remembered Yeon and Seon Ho. They played kites together at that time, wrote down their hopes on kite paper, then flew them.
Since afternoon I could see her lips trembling, trying to keep smiling even though she wanted to cry. So, before the festival was over, I immediately pulled her home, so she could cry with satisfation in her room.
I held her hand and patted it. She cried to sleep on my shoulder. I wanted to let her in my arms, but tomorrow morning her back would ache if she fell asleep in an uncomfortable position. So I laid her on the mat, not forgetting to cover her body. I lay my body on her side. I know, I shouldn't be like this, but I did it. Just one minute, staring at the sweet face that slept soundly like a baby.
Day by day, my lady often calls me into her room, just the two of us. Not because she wanted to cry, she rarely cried Hwi again. She told me many things, about what happened in Ihwaru, about her disobedient students, about the weather that day, even about the cocoon in the park that had turned into a butterfly.
I like to hear all of her stories. I like hearing her voice when she talks. I like seeing the look on her face when she tells stories. I like her.
Today, I escorted her to the temple. Today is the commemoration of her parents' death. On our way home, we were confronted by a group of mountain robber. I hid my lady behind my back, but this tough girl unsheathed her dagger, trying to protect herself.
My sword danced, swallowed their lives easily. It seems that they are still amateurs, not the professional mountain robber who are being sought by officers.
Lady Hui Jae screamed as she fell and was almost slashed by a robber. I threw my sword, clung to his neck. But at that moment, another robber stabbed a knife into my stomach. Lady Hui Jae screamed again. She drew the sword from the neck of the dead robber, then ran and pierced the robber's heart that wounded me. She looked trembling. Looks like this is the first time she killed human.
"Gyeol, are you alright?" She asked frantically.
I nodded while gripping my stomach which began to bleed. She tore the hem of the inner skirt, closing my wound so that my bleeding stopped. She took my arm, led me home.
As soon as we arrived at Ihwaru, she immediately summoned the best physician to treat my wound. My wound wasn't very deep actually, but she was so scared, as if I was dying. She even cried.
"Am I deserve to receive those tears?"
"Huh?" her brow wrinkled, while her hands wiped away the tears.
"I'm fine, my lady. It doesn't even hurt at all. "
"I think I'll lose the man I love once more."
I choked on my own spit, "love? Me?"
"You are the one who is always by my side. You are my protector. You are my best friend. You are my family. "
I nodded in understanding. The tip of my lips raised, laughing at myself who had hoped for more.
Suddenly my hand was gently squeezed by her.
"I know you have a special feeling for me. I can see it from your eyes, every time you look at me. Am I wrong?
I lowered my gaze. Gosh, is that clear?
"Is it true, that you like me?"
I nodded slowly.
"Can I accept it?"
"What?" I looked at her in surprise.
"Can I accept your feelings?"
I do not know what to say. I am speechless. She shifted her seat closer to me. She put her head on my shoulder, with both hands still holding mine. My heart is racing very fast and I think she can hear it this close.
"I received great love from Hwi, but I don't think his love is as big as your love for me. I know, he loved me so deeply, but I was not in his top priority. He always makes me wait. But I still love him, and always faithfully waiting for him. I don't think I can love another man, because I dedicated my whole heart to him. But getting lots of attention and affection from you, made my frozen heart warm up again. I think hard every day, if I accept your love, do I betray Hwi? "
"Do you think that Hwi wants to see you happy, or keeps falling in sorrow?"
"Of course he wants to see me happy."
I lifted her chin, making her eyes return my gaze, "Will you feel happy if ... accept my love?"
"I think ... yes."
"Then don't think, just do whatever makes you feel happy."
I kissed her sweet cherry lips.
"I promise, I will fill your grief days with everlasting happiness. I will never make you wait, and you will always be first in my life. "
She kissed my lips, deep and enjoyable.
"Thank you, Gyeol. And I'm sorry ... "
"Sorry for?"
"I still love Hwi and will always love him. But I also want to be loved by you. Do I sound like a bitch? "
"Not at all. Why do you think like that? Hwi is your first love. First love will never be forgotten. I understand and don't mind. But you also deserve to be happy. And I feel honored, being the one who gave you that happiness."
Again, our lips melt into each other in pleasure. Our body merges into a warm hug. The winter wind that blows does not freeze us who are burning in a passion that will never be extinguished. I touched her bare back which was not covered by cloth anymore, kissing the elongated scar drawn there.
"I'm ugly ..." she muttered softly.
"I caused it. I will be responsible," I said, pressing my cheek against her back.
"You must also be responsible for what we just did."
"Of course. Marry me, my lady. "
"No way."
I stretched my arm around her waist. I can't hide my disappointment. Am I too fast?
She turned to face me. Her fingers pinched my cheek.
"I don't want to marry you, if you still call me lady. Call me Hui Jae. "
"My lovely Jae."
Her cherry lips kissed me, "Much better."
The first snow that fell this year celebrate our happiness. We are become one. I am hers now, and she is mine.
My lady.
My woman.
My lovely Jae.
THE END