Call Him Mine
...
Author's note: Wow! It's been a while since I posted anything. My goal was to start this song-fic-inspired project a lonnng time ago. But I got side-tracked with life. As you do. Better later then never right? Haha. Enjoy! (: This is a 2-part series.
Song: Call him Mine – Tata Young
...
On a dimly lit back alley in Karakura Town, sounds of frantic footsteps echoed on the cold pavement.
She didn't know how long she ran for. All she wanted to do now was just to get away. As fast as she could. Orihime didn't care about where she was going, or how strange she looked, running aimlessly, with her newly-bought dress torn, her hair in tangles and her usually glowing, radiant face now frighteningly pale, with lines of mascara intermingled with her tears flowing down her cheeks. She pretty much looked like a train-wreck.
But at this moment, it didn't matter. All she wanted now was to run. From what she saw, heard and... felt. Just like a broken record, her mind cruelly replayed the details she didn't want to remember. Right from the beginning, she knew she didn't own his heart. Their relationship was a lie. A lie built on pretty sugar-filled hopes and cotton candy sweet promises.
She confessed.
He accepted.
They started dating.
She could still remember that day as clearly as ever. Yet, even as she recalled that day, all it did was to make the pain she now felt worse.
It wasn't that Ichigo treated her badly. She never doubted in his care and concern for her.
He cared for her deeply, defended her vigilantly and protected her with all his strength. He would do anything to keep her safe and protected. She was his princess, and he was her knight.
Yet...
It was in the small things really.
Like how he still calls her Inoue, even after her multiple attempts to get him to drop the honorifics. Or that whenever he smiled at her, his smile never reached his eyes. Or when he still tenses a little before they kiss.
Little things.
She always the first in saying 'I love you' at the end of every phone conversation. The first to kiss. The first to hug. He was always the gentleman. He never tried making a move on her. Even that once, in a desperate attempt to get a reaction from him, she wore a tight fitting-hugging, low cut black dress that she borrowed from Rangiku with a vividly red lace bra peeking through.
Still nothing. He only frowned slightly and passed her his parka because he thought she might be cold.
Such petty things.
Sometimes, Orihime felt guilty - she should be satisfied with what she had! He was a wonderful boyfriend. He walks her home, tolerates her weird food concoctions (as long as it was for her and not him), holds her hand when watching scary movies and listens to her ramble on about little blue men. He even remembers her favourite drink she orders at the cafe near her apartment!
Or well... he tries really hard to remember.
She should be happy with that.
But sometimes... as she looked towards Tatsuki and Chad... She wanted that connection.
That warm, tender look in Chad's eyes as he looked towards Tatsuki as she elbowed him playfully in the stomach. That slight comforting touch on the small of her back when Tatsuki tenses up. The subtle possessive pull of Chad's hand on Tatsuki's waist when a couple of guys walk down the street.
Orihime sighed wistfully. Deep down inside, even as she refused to admit it, she knew that he didn't love her. Not in the way it mattered.
Foolishly, she thought she could change him, change his fondness and protectiveness over her into close affection, or perhaps (could she hope?) love. She tried so hard! She cooked for him all the things he liked and even restricted herself from adding red bean paste into any of it. She would always stay up late waiting for him to come home even it was close to 4am in the mornings, listen to him when he grumbled about work, cheered him up with her silliness when he was feeling down and gave him space when he needed it. She gave him all of her love.
Completely. Unconditionally.
Tatsuki said it was stupid of her. To give her heart to him so easily when he didn't even return the same measure of feelings.
Yet... earnestly, almost desperately, she still clung on to that sliver of a hope, like steady water droplets hitting the rock surface, that he would….
somehow...
grow to love her.
But she was wrong.
Tonight... the truth was shown as clearly as it ever was. No matter how hard she tried to deceive herself.
It was an ordinary night. Both of them were eating dinner with Chad and Tatsuki. It was a pleasant evening where they all had their usual fun and laughed about random things.
Till she walked in.
Everything changed that instant.
Their relationship shattered in that one fateful moment. All it took was just one glance from him to her and Orihime understood.
It was always 'her'.
It was never 'you'.
How easily he dropped her hand . How quickly his eyes lit up, as he straightened his posture and his lips immediately crafted into that smile.
That smile.
That smile that reached his eyes.
That smile that he never once showed to her in all the 391 days they were together.
"Rukia," He said.
Her first name.
Her world shattered. It was as if someone stuck a knife through her gut. And twisted it. Hard.
Her mind cruelly whispered, 'He was never yours, you foolish girl.'
'He was only ever hers.'
She let out a strangled sob and sank onto the ground, unable to run any further. Her tears flowed uncontrollably down her cheeks. Trembling, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and crouched low, her head almost reaching the ground.
She cried out everything.
Her pain, her frustration, her disappointment.
Her dreams and childhood fantasies of them walking down the aisle, exchanging rings, having cute, orange-haired children with that adorable scowl ...
never to be realised.
'I guess you couldn't call it over when it wasn't even there to begin with.' Orihime thought as she smiled bitterly. Wiping away her tears, Orihime took a deep breath and stood up from the concrete floor. The back of her stiletto heels cut deep into her ankles, making it sting painfully. Steadying herself against a nearby lamppost, she feebly took off her heels and sighed wearily at the bleeding cuts on the back of her ankles. 'I doubt that I'm even going to get home in this state.' She thought resignedly.
However, at this point, she didn't really care if she ever made it home.
From afar, she could hear footsteps getting close. Ichigo? Her heart twinged painfully. She didn't want to see him at the moment. Not yet. Not when everything was still so raw.
The footsteps stopped. "Inoue-san?" A voice called out. Orihime recognised that voice. "Ishida-kun?" She looked up in surprise.
"What are you doing around here?" She asked, forcing herself to smile and pretend everything was alright.
"I had just gotten some snacks from the convenience store. " Uryuu said as he lifted his carrier bag. "But what are you doing here? Where's Kurosaki?" Uryuu asked, frowning a little as he examined her.
Orihime blinked back fresh tears that threatened to spill out at his name. "Um, w-we had dinner at Chad's place. I wasn't feeling too good, so I left earlier."
"I guess red bean paste doesn't go well with blueberries and fried chicken afterall!" She laughed weakly. Unable to stop herself from rambling on, she continued, "I, I thought it would be a good m-match though! I mean, the three primary c-colours! It should taste like the rainbow, hehehs. B-but maybe I overdid it?"
Uryuu's eyes narrowed. Something was off. He knew she wasn't telling the truth. After watching her for so long, he knew her as well as he knew himself.
He didn't have to look at her feet to know that they were bleeding. Or that the insides of her fists were tiny red fingernail marks, or the inside of her lips would be a deep red from nervous biting.
… and that her heart was most probably broken.
By that worthless idiot.
He sighed internally in frustration.
Slowly and gently, as if afraid to startle her, he came close and embraced her lightly. Surprised, Orihime stilled for a moment before gripping on to the front of his shirt, trembling slightly, unwilling to let her tears fall.
"It's okay, Inoue. " Uryuu whispered softly as he stroked her hair. At that, Orihime burrowed her head into the soft cotton of his shirt and allowed herself to cry. As her tears started to dampen his shirt, Uryuu's heart clenched as pain shot, hard and fierce . Gritting his teeth, he fought to keep his anger down as he pulled Orihime closer and stroked her hair soothingly. He was definitely going to make that idiot pay for making Orihime cry. After a while, she lifted her head away from his shirt and loosened her grip and whispered softly. "She's back."
With just those words, Uryuu understood. As he always had.
Orihime wasn't one to share her troubles or problems with anyone. Ever since high school, she would always put on a cheery smile, laugh, act idiotically to shrug off any pain. But for Uryuu, he always knew it was just an act, a facade to fool everyone around her that she was fine, perhaps even she wanted to fool herself. At first, he found her slightly annoying. Her loud, bubbly character made sitting next to her, tiresome. As a man valuing peace and quiet, her antics were, loud, foolish and indecipherable.
However, through their various interactions at school, in battle and in life, he saw her in a different light. Her courage, her quiet strength, her inner beauty. The things that made her who she is. Uryuu fell hard in love with her. Yet she was always looking ahead, to the orange-haired substitute shinigami, the front-liner in battles, the hero. And never to him, the one on the sidelines, the support, watching her as she watched Ichigo.
At first, when she announced that she was in a relationship with that idiot, his mind went blank for a moment and his vision turned white. Anger, disappointment and jealousy, all these emotions came in a rush, all at once. He wanted to shoot something, anything. Or even use his pointy needles to stab something. But yet, somehow, all of those emotions dissipated as soon as he saw her beautiful smile that tugged at his heartstrings.
"Are you happy?" He remembered asking her that.
"Yes!" She answered in reply, her eyes sparkling with dizzying excitement, as she proceeded to jump around like a child at a candy store. "So SO happy!"
He gave a slight chuckle at this and petted her head lightly. "Your happiness is what matters most to me."
But to see this usually carefree woman reduced to this state by him.
He gritted his teeth and forced himself to control his reiatsu as he didn't want to frighten Orihime.
After a few minutes, Orihime slowly loosen her grip on his shirt and took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "I'm okay now, Ishida-kun. Thank you." Her smile, although weak, was genuine.
Suddenly, as if he'd only just realised how bold he was in hugging her, he quickly released her and stepped back, blushing slightly. "Oh, ah" Uryuu coughed to hide his discomfort. "You're welcome."
"Do you want me to walk you back to your apartment?" He offered.
Orihime's eyes widened, "Ehh? No, it's okay! It's not that far from here. I can go back myself!" Orihime said, shaking her head furiously.
Uryuu frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea. You can barely walk in those heels right?"
Orihime smiled sheepishly. "Eh-hehehs…"
"Furthermore, I just eliminated a hollow a few minutes ago; there might be more lurking around." He frowned, crossing his arms.
"Ah…" Orihime looked around uncertainly. "If it isn't too much trouble for you…" She added hesitantly.
Uryuu nodded. He walked in front of her and stooped down slightly, motioning for her to get on his back.
Hesitantly, Orihime slipped off her stilettos and gingerly hooked her arms around his neck, blushing slightly at the contact. As she pressed closer to his back, she could smell the fresh, clean soap that he used, along with faint scents of mint and lavender. It was soothing, comforting… like lying amidst a field of lavender flowers blooming in the early morning sun. It was unlike Ichigo's smell of toffee, sandalwood and- Orihime cringed. She wasn't supposed to be thinking of him at this time! She burrowed further into Uryuu's back and closed her eyes, not wanting tears to leak out and betray her.
Sensing something amiss, Uryuu asked, " Are you okay? Inoue-san?"
Orihime shook her head lightly and said softly, "I'm okay. I just need to rest for a bit."
Uryuu nodded and after he made sure she was secure and comfortable, he started to walk towards her house. Slowly, lulled by the gentle rhythm of his walking, she soon fell asleep.
Once Uryuu sensed her arms go slack and her breathing turn deep and steady, he let out a small sigh of relief.
With her so close and her scent enveloping him , it was difficult to prevent his true feelings for her to show.
He didn't know when and how he came to be so in love with her. Her smile, her laugh, her nonsensical brand of logic that just weirdly makes sense. However paradoxical that might seem. Or her eyes that seem to pierce straight through your heart, see the past, your nightmares and scars and still accept you just as you are. Her kindness, naivety and purity was like a breath of fresh air compared to the cold, judgemental pressure exuding from his father.
He was contented to protect her from a distance, loving her from afar as it is. As long as she was happy, even if he wasn't the one giving her happiness, he was fine just being in her life. Nothing more. He didn't have to be her number one; even though she was his reason for living. That's why when she got together with Kurosaki, he accepted it. Of course he threatened Kurosaki that should he ever make Orihime cry, he would be dead. Come to think about it… it was time to deliver good on his threat. He smiled wryly.
But first… he glanced at Orihime's face over his shoulder. There was something more important he had to do.
…
A couple of minutes later, Uryuu arrived at Orihime's apartment. As Orihime was still asleep on his back, he didn't want to just wake her to get her apartment keys. So he figured that as naïve as Orihime was, she would have kept her extra set of keys under a potted plant or some object nearby. Sure enough, her keys were hidden underneath the 'welcome' mat on her door step. 'She should really learn to put her keys in a more secure position.' Uryuu thought absent-mindedly as he opened the door and switched the lights on.
He then proceeded to carefully lay Orihime on her bed, keeping her stillettos away and wiping her face free of make-up smudges and dirt. Seeing that her feet were indeed blistered and bleeding as he suspected previously, he took a clean, wet cloth and cleaned her cuts and plastered them. He would have dressed her in her pajamas too, but he figured that it would be a bit too much.
Once done, Uryuu sat on the chair next to her bed and looked at her. Even asleep, her brows were knitted together as she mumbled Kurosaki's name. His heart broke as he stroked her brows smooth.
"This will be the last time that anyone will hurt you." Uryuu said softly as he swept the stray strands of hair from her face.
…
Orihime woke up to bright sunlight streaming in from her window. She squinted as her eyes gradually adjusted to the light. Yawning slightly, she sat up in bed and grimaced in pain when she tried to get up. As she looked at her aching feet, she remembered yesterday night. Orihime took a deep breath as her feelings threaten to overwhelm her.
'You can get through this, Orihime.' She thought. 'No more crying.'
As she moved to get out of her bed, she realised that the back of her ankles had plasters on it. 'It must have been Ishida.' She smiled gratefully. She walked towards the bathroom and freshened up. As she headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast, she notice that that was already a plate of toast, cut fruits and almond milk on the table. She picked up the note that was sitting next to it.
It read, 'Enjoy your breakfast. There's some red bean paste, butter and cheese at the side too. I'll check back on you later. Ishida.'
Orihime laughed lightly. She knew she could always depend on Ishida even when her world turned upside down. After breakfast, she picked up her phone and sighed. One message from Tatsuki asking if she felt better. Another message from her boss at work.
Nothing from Ichigo.
Orihime cast her eyes down. She didn't know why she felt disappointed. It wasn't like this was the first time. But yet, even now, after yesterday, she still hoped.
'What is wrong with me?' Orihime laughed at herself. She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts. She knew what she had to do. She scrolled her contacts until his name appeared.
After hesitating for a few seconds, she took a deep breath and resolutely pressed call. It was time to stop this self-deprecation. Stop deceiving herself and break this cycle of self-torture.
To end this. For her. And for him.
…