Hi there!

I don't usually post in English, ever. However, I decided that my very first fic about Ace Attorney deserved that honor.

WrightWorth is implied.

TW: Mentions of suicide/attempt of suicide/fake suicide.

This story was inspired on two prompts:

The main reason was inspired by certified.weirdo's post on IG: "i headcanon that phoenix is a fan of lana del rey. i always wondered what the fuck phoenix was doing when he was not taking on any cases after he thought miles game ended himself (...)" Then, this is going to be set after 1-5 with slight changes on dialogues.
The set for the initial and final scenes are inspired by brittlebirch's comic, in which we can see that Phoenix tries to kill himself at Edgeworth's office. The final slide is going to be extended in this story.

This is supposed to be an angsty one-shot, so a not-really happy ending is in order.

It took some time but the pills were starting to make effect. He could feel how his body started to get numb, and at the same time, he felt the need to throw up. But Phoenix used all the will power he had left and stayed on the floor, just like he had been for the past half-hour, crying with the most hurt face he had ever made in his entire life. Not even discovering Dahlia's true nature and her attempt at murdering him made him feel such pain.

His hands were restless from desperation, traveling from his hair, who's usual spikes were undone; then covering his face trying to hide his painful sobbing, wetting his palms in the process, either with tears or snot or even the saliva that escaped his mouth as he breathed raggedly; then to his throat, squeezing and scratching the soft skin; then for a few moments he would hug himself while burying his fingers on his harms, trying to take away the pain; finally going to his chest… Oh, how it hurt, feeling his heart filled with pain and regret; maybe if he were a better friend, Maybe have he had taken better care of him, Edgeworth wouldn't had committed suicide, leaving that dreadful note: "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death". How could Phoenix dare to call himself Edgeworth's friend -best friend- if he couldn't even manage to help him when he needed him the most? And now? It was all over. Edgeworth was gone for good; he would never see him again… Maybe in his dreams, but that wouldn't suffice him.

Phoenix wanted to be able to just open his chest and rip his heart off so he could stop feeling that immensely huge pain that went through his entire body, destroying each cell it would encounter in it's way.

However, he couldn't do that. That would've been easy.

Miles was dead and there was nothing else that he could do. What was he supposed to do without him? Without the very reason of the existence of his attorney's badge? Without his friend?

He couldn't. Phoenix couldn't think of a future without Miles, because it wasn't supposed to be this way. Miles was supposed to be ok, to work on himself and keep going with the help of all the people who loved him: Phoenix, Maya, detective Gumshoe, Larry, Franziska… But, he didn't. Miles chose another path… So Phoenix could only think of following him, because without him there was no future, as simple as that. Was it creepy? Yeah, probably. But Phoenix didn't cared. He just wanted the pain gone.

So he went and searched for the most potent drug he could find. Antidepressants combined with sleeping pills was one of the options he could get. It may be difficult (he had to take a lot after all) but he took them and waited, while bawling his eyes out, filled with regret… Not for choosing to end his life, but to had failed to save the only person he cared the most.

His hands were once again mangling his hair when he heard distant voices. He didn't cared, maybe they would just pass the office and wouldn't mind him at all. He was feeling more numb when the door opened so he couldn't identify who was at the entrance of the office. A distant "NICKY!" and an "Oh my god, call an ambulance, pal!" was shouted.

"No!" Phoenix thought, "don't do anything, just let me die". All of that didn't mattered when a strong body kneeled before him, and his blue eyes -now red, injected with blood-, puffy and filled with tears stared back at the body. It was Gumshoe ("of course, nobody else says 'pal' that nonchalantly even in a situation like this") who looked worried and troubled, eyes wide with surprise at the bottles scattered on the floor, next to Mr. Edgeworth's desk.

Did Phoenix Wright seriously try to commit suicide? It was unbelievable to Dick Gumshoe, it made no sense. Phoenix Wright was one of the strongest and bravest person he knew. Mr. Wright was a very resilient guy, he was filled with passion for his job and life and his only goal was to uncover the truth for his clients sake's. What would had manage to break him down like this? Although it was pretty obvious (after all they were on Mr. Edgeworth's office, but at the moment he couldn't think about that), it was Phoenix himself who cleared the defective's doubts.

"Gumshoe… He's gone. I thought… I thought I had saved him, that he was… Was going to be ok… This… This wasn't s-supposed to ha-ha-happen". Phoenix's voice was ragged, and he couldn't talk straight without having to cut himself due to the hiccups that interrupted his speech.

"Shhh, calm down pal… It's going to be ok…Mr. Butz went for help and you are going to be just fine" Dick wasn't entirely sure that he was saying the truth, but what else was he supposed to say in a situation like that?

"N-no… I'm a ho-horrible friend… It is my f-f-f… MY FAULT! W-WHAT KIND OF F-F-FRIEND I AM?!" He could feel that stabbing pain once again, while he placed his hands on detective Gumshoe's shoulders for support, while shouting as loud as his lungs could manage.

"Shhh, shhh… Try to breath, pal" Dick did all he could to stay calm while covering Phoenix's body with his own, embracing him as tight but delicate as he could, trying to comfort him while praying to god that the ambulance got there fast. He was incredibly stressed but he knew he had to keep Mr. Wright as calm as the situation allowed it for him to receive proper help.

"He was back… I've just got him back, and now… H-He's gone again… and I… I..." Phoenix could feel Gumshoe's heart beating incredibly fast while he embraced him, and somehow that gave him a new thought "he's so worried… I'm sorry, Gumshoe…"

Phoenix passed out due to the stress but before Gumshoe could worry, Larry arrived with the paramedics. "You are going to be fine, pal" he said to Phoenix while he was being carried away in the stretcher.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

When Phoenix's blue eyes opened, he felt pain once again. But this time it was more physical than emotional. His arm was connected to a catheter that provided him fluids and medicine, the room smelled like alcohol and bleach. He hated hospitals, probably because he spend quite some time there his entire life, being prone to accidents.

He turned his head a little to catch Gumshoe and Larry speaking. While they were trying to be discrete, it was like Phoenix had his sense of hearing fully awake and heard them speaking.

"So what do we now, man?" Larry asked, with a few tears on his eyes. The thought of losing yet another friend terrified him.

"I dunno, pal… Doctor won't let him leave without having a "Psychological check"…" Gumshoe looked really troubled and worried. That brought a tiny smile to Phoenix's lips. At least there were people out there worried for him, and he could appreciate that.

However, he didn't want to stay longer in the hospital. He wanted to be in his crappy apartment on his own, to mourn in peace. But if Gumshoe's words were truth, that wouldn't be easy.

He was sure he could get committed to a psychic ward even against his will.

"Guess it's time to bring back my old acting skills" He thought to himself. He didn't really wanted to be committed in a psych ward for god knows how long when he knew which was his problem. He just had to convince the doctors that it was a spur of the moment and nothing like that would happen ever again. Hell, he would even suggest the self-commitment if that helped to cement his story. He could even claim ignorance and say that he didn't remembered what happened, but that would probably be worse. So he decided to go with the flow and pretend that, since nothing like this ever happened before, he would be fine.

He would be just fine.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

2 weeks later

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

It wasn't easy, but Phoenix managed to convince everyone that he was fine. That what happened was just a tiny lapse of judgement, but that he was fine enough to go back to his place. The doctor was wary, but seeing that Gumshoe and Larry were there, confirming that they would take care of Phoenix, he signed the discharge and Phoenix was able to return to the longed loneliness he craved.

It wasn't easy to distance himself from both Gumshoe and Larry (they were even willing to stay in his tiny apartment just to keep an eye on him) but he assured them that he was just fine. He even promised to call every single day so they wouldn't worry, which he did. Wearing that hurt, yet calm mask was easy. He just had to remember his brief time on the theater lessons, and since both Gumshoe and Larry had their jobs to attend, a 5 minute phone call was enough for them, and perfect for Phoenix because he would just spend 10 minutes convincing them, and next he could have over 23 hours for himself to do whatever he wanted with his destroyed life.

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know that baby,

You are the best

The sky was already an infinite mass of blackness with tiny stars, and the city was just as woken as if it was midday. Shiny lights were sparkling between the buildings and the advertisement boards, giving the city a purplish bright, accentuated with the light rain that was falling that night. If one stoped for a moment, it could marvel at the beauty of the city.

However, while Phoenix's eyes were open with tiredness, staring at the window in his room, he wasn't even paying attention to the outside view. His mind lost in his thoughts while his mp3 played a song that reminded him of… Well, for the past weeks, everything reminded him about Miles. Tears flowed from his eyes and he did nothing to stop them. His once blue shiny eyes were now dull, ice blue that lost all sign of willingness to… Well, do anything at all. He was covered up until his neck with the sheets, listening to the soothing woman's voice that seemed to sing only for him, as if she was trying to take away his pain.

Oh my god, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above

Are sizzlin' like a snare

Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere

Nothin' scares me anymore

"Hah, if only… Although, I guess she's correct. I feel a fire everywhere in my body, trying to destroy each part of me…" more tears flowed as he breathed raggedly. "And also no, I don't think nothing scares me anymore… What could scare me now? Dying?"

Phoenix felt complete and utterly lonely. Not even the brief visits of Gumshoe, Larry and Maya would cheer him up, nothing would do. He knew this was bad, that he needed the help he tricked into not getting, but he was… Tired. He didn't wanted to get up never again, which is why he barely ate or drank water. Just the necessary to be presentable when either of the guys visited him, to keep fooling them. It wasn't that he didn't wanted to live anymore (at least not like when he took all those pills anyway) but definitely he didn't needed a constant reminder that life must go on, or it's just a natural process of life ("what's so natural about suicide anyway?"); in short, he didn't wanted to get patronized and wanted to grieve as he wanted without being judged. Yes, he made a horrible selfish mistake, but he wouldn't do that again. But then again, if people knew how he was coping with Miles' death (barely going out for a few supplies and food, eating the bare minimum and sleeping at a very unstable schedule) they would try and force him to go to therapy or go out in the wild or god knows what. He knew their intentions were good and out of love for him, but in that moment he didn't exactly cared that much.

He was so lost in those tonights that didn't noticed when the last song finished and a new one began. He only noticed because the lyrics was some of the ones who hurt him the most. He was panting at that point, so he turned the volume up to fill his brain with the lyrics once again, felling how his throat closed in pain.

And there's no remedy for memory your face

Is like a melody, it won't leave my head

Your soul is hunting me and telling me

That everything is fine

But I wish I was dead

As tears flowed faster, he brought his hands to cover his face, hoping that this time his fingers buried in his eyes would help him forget Miles' face. Of course, that didn't worked as planned, neither the previous hundred times he did that, while listening to the same song. All he could do then was press his palms in his eyes, opening his mouth into a howl filled with pain, lips bleeding out of the effort of stretching them while being completely dry, and crying harder and harder.

He could feel his body shaking violently, his face sweating and his throat suffering from being forced to work so hard after not being used for hours, not even for a tiny whimper. But none of that mattered, he wanted to release himself from all that suffering that kept crawling in his mind and heart. He wanted to be at peace with the fact that he would never see Miles ever again, and he thought that this would help. It kinda did it, but only for a few moments before his brain comprehended the song, and he was once again lost in the suffering.

Every time I close my eyes

It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

They were days in which Phoenix contemplated the idea of suicide once again. He even thought of which one would be the best way to do it, but then refuted all of them as if deep down in his heart of hearts knew that wasn't the way. Hanging? He didn't even had a place to hang the rope. Cutting himself? Uh-uh, too much of a burden. Besides, his landlord wouldn't appreciate that stunt. Shooting himself? No, first of all, he didn't think he could get his hands on a weapon, he certainly didn't know how to use it and once again, his landlord wouldn't be happy about the mess. More pills? Nope, too hard to find the right ones.

That was extremely bad, he knew it. But that didn't stop him from thinking that maybe if he did that, Miles would be waiting for him on the other side. But, as the song said, he was also scared that he wouldn't be. So he didn't, and instead spend his days crying his eyes out, waiting for the pain to subside on his own.

It was all he could do anyway.

Lay down, cry and letting the music fill his senses. Only that.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

He spent at least 3 months with the same routine with little changes (except when Gumshoe visited by to check on him), and it only stoped because his bank account was starting to get extremely low with the payments he had to do for the office and his apartment. So he decided it was the time to finish this and start living his life once again.

It was going to be extremely difficult, because even if he grieved, he never found absolution. Since they never found Miles' body, there was no grave to visit and cry on, so in his mind he never had proper closure. But he had to keep going anyway, because he could fool everybody for so long only.

So he fresh himself up, cleaned his apartment, took a long warm shower, shaved and dressed in a black suit with a purple tie he had laying around in his closet. It wasn't his usual blue-red tie suit but that would have to do until the blue one was out of the dry cleaning.

He then went to open the Wright and Co. Law Office and began a new chapter of his life, in which he would had to continue with his mask in front of the world. He was still broken inside, but he couldn't afford to lose more time suffering alone in his apartment, so he had to keep going and pretending he was fine. Sad? Yes, of course, but fine enough to keep living just as they wanted him to.

It was so, so hard to do it. Because he had to keep smiling and pretending he was fine, just losing his act from time to time, just long enough for Maya and Gumshoe to remember that it was Phoenix's best friend who died after all, and that he was allowed to miss him.

He only allowed himself to completely lose it in the intimacy of his apartment. He would cry for a couple of hours just like when he spend the entire day doing it, but now he would set an alarm to stop and go to sleep. Make up could only cover his eye bags to a certain extent, so he had to be careful to not raise more suspicions over him.

Of course, he would still listen to his music while crying, sometimes even moving a part of his body at the rhythm of the song. Not always, as usual the would just stare at the ceiling or howl while pressing his hands on his face.

Will you still love me

When I'm no longer young and beautiful?

Will you still love me

When I've got nothing but my aching soul?

I know you will, I know you will

I know that you will

Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

Oh god, how it hurt hearing stuff like that. Because then his mind would travel far, far away, imagining endless possibilities that couldn't be fulfilled, not anymore.

"Why? Why, Miles? Wasn't I enough for you to stay?" He would ask himself night after night, with no answer.

"I wanted to be there, with you. I would had never left you… I could have fight with you…"

"Why did you left me?..."

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Over a year had passed since Miles' suicide, and he still felt numb sometimes. But now it was not the time to allow himself to drown on those thoughts. Maya was kidnapped and he needed to be focused on her and the current case. He could not allow de Killer to… No! Not this time! This time he was going to save his best friend, nothing could stop him.

.:.:.:.:.:.

He was at the Criminal Affairs Apartment, just in the middle of a discussion between Gumshoe and Franziska when Phoenix heard his voice... He was THERE! How could that be?! Wasn't he supposed to be dead?! And why Franziska didn't seemed shocked about it? She knew… Of course she knew…

All that pain, all that grieve he felt up until that moment was worthless… Why? Why would Miles would do such thing? The past year flashed through his eyes in a painful blurry streak, remembering how he felt while crying completely alone and listening to songs that reminded him of what he could never have… Because no, even if Miles was alive, safe and sound breathing and hearing and tasting, things would never be like they were before, never.

Even when Franziska (who struck him with her whip once again) left and Miles and Phoenix talked about the case, Phoenix just couldn't avoid taking his frustrations out on Edgeworth.

"It'd been better for everyone if you never came back from the dead, Edgeworth!" He shouted, trying really hard to hide the tears on his eyes while turning around to give his back to Miles and heading out with Pearl behind him. Before heading out, he crossed his sight with Gumshoe for a brief moment, who frowned with sadness and worry.

Before Dick could do anything, Phoenix grabbed Pearl in his arms and left as quick as he could. Gumshoe wanted to follow Mr. Wright and try to calm him, but Mr. Edgeworth stopped him with a disturbed look.

"Detective Gumshoe, what's Wright's issue? He seemed quite ill-at-ease" Dick wasn't sure he should speak, it was Mr. Wright's privacy after all. Although he wasn't sure how long that could be kept as a secret, since they shared the same circle of friends and acquaintances.

"It's… A long story sir…" Dick tried to avoid the subject, but unfortunately Edgeworth wasn't going to let it go so easy.

"Then start speaking, Detective. What happened with Wright?" Edgeworth crossed his arms in his chest, tapping one finger in his left arm, awaiting for an answer.

"I… I'm not sure I-" Gumshoe seemed really uncomfortable and tried to avoid the answer giving excuses, but Edgeworth was not having it. He glared at the detective before growling a "detective" as a warning. Finally, Gumshoe sighed in defeat, asking Mr. Edgeworth to please follow him into an empty office. While Edgeworth seemed confused about the request, he still complied and followed the big man.

Once they were in private, detective Gumshoe sighed once again, working up some courage to explain what happened with Mr. Wright.

"Well sir… When you left over a year ago, we didn't expected you to be… how'd ya say… 'Metaphorically speaking' about the whole 'choosing death' part. We were sure you… Well, that you had taken your own life, sir" He began. He could see that Mr. Edgeworth's eyes widen a little, before turning his head with a small blush in his cheeks.

"I… Do apologize for that. My thoughts were not as clear in that moment as they are now, I did not believe my words would have been taken literally". Miles bit the inside of his cheek to avoid saying anything else.

"Yeah, we know that now… However, back in those days we were all sad about it… Mr. Wright specially. He blamed himself because he…" Gumshoe paused, feeling a pinch in his chest while the memories of that day flashed though his brain, closed eyes and a slight rapid breathing. He needed to calm down, Mr. Wright was ok and he had a motivation now… He wouldn't do that again, not now. And Dick wouldn't leave him out of his sight this time.

"He what, detective?" Edgeworth encouraged the black haired man, with a strange feeling on his throat.

"Sir, first I… I need you to promise you will never repeat what I'm about to say to anyone, especially not to Mr. Wright. Please sir, I don't doubt you, but I still need your word" Dick thought that this way would be easier. He didn't wanted Mr. Edgeworth complicating Mr. Wright's mental state with judgement or even mockery.

"What is this detective? If this is so severe then how can you expect me to-" Edgeworth wanted to refute, but was interrupted by Gumshoe.

"Sir, please. Either give me your word or I'll walk out and you'll have to figure it out somewhere else" He knew he was testing Mr. Edgeworth's patience, but Phoenix's well being was a stake here.

"… Fine detective, you have my word that I shall not broadcast what you are about to tell me. Will that suffice?" Miles was disgruntled, but he also though over that everybody's reactions were because of his mistakes. So he complied.

It was then when Gumshoe took a long breath and confessed in the spot.

"Mr. Wright blamed himself for your death, sir. He thought that if he were a better friend and took care of you, none of that would've happened. So he went into your old office and…" Dick's voice cracked but gathered enough courage to keep talking. "He went to your office and took a bunch of pills… He wanted to kill himself because he felt guilty…"

Edgeworth's face seemed calm, but his eyes were wide open with utter surprise, not entirely believing what he just heard. "Wri- Phoenix tried to commit suicide?! That wasn't possible… He was practically indestructible! How could he…?" His train of thoughts was interrupted by Gumshoe's voice.

"Mr. Butz and I were lucky enough to find him in time, so we called the ambulance and he made a quick recovery. He was at the hospital for a few days, they only let him go because Mr. Butz and I promised to take care of him… But I knew he was lying…" Dick's eyes burned a little with tears, but he wiped them with a harsh move of his hand and continued. "He said he was fine just to be able to return to his apartment and grieve as he wanted without us bothering him… I wasn't comfortable leaving him completely alone, since Miss Fey was back in Kurain at the time, so I asked a friend of mine to keep an eye on him and… turns out Mr. Wright never left his apartment. He stayed there all day, all week, for three months. He barely went out, just for a few essentials and then kept the same routine… He didn't ate, didn't drank water… He left himself go, sir… And he hid it from us, because he would call us (Mr. Butz and I, I mean) in the mornings to tell us he was just fine, and then he would cry for literal hours. My buddy once told me that he was smiling softly while talking with me on our daily call, I remember he always told me he was fine, just sad and tired but that it was nothing, and I almost believed him… Until I was told that, as soon as the call ended, he would start sobbing once again, laying in bed and listening to music. It was always the same, all day, sometimes until noon when he finally fell asleep over the exhaustion, or sometimes at night when he had grabbed a bite, or even in the mornings after our call. I couldn't say anything to anyone because it was Mr. Wright's privacy, and I knew Mr. Butz would only make matters worse (he's not precisely careful), so I had to be quiet… That's… That's what happened, sir…. If you excuse me…" Dick quickly left the office, almost running to the bathroom to throw up… All the emotions packed in his chest, his stomach swirled with anger and regret.

He definitely wasn't going to let Mr. Wright out of his sight, not this time.

When Miles was left alone in the office, all he could do was sit down in one of the chairs while trying to recompose himself. He was shaking badly in distress, almost as if he was on an elevator or in the middle of an earthquake… No, it was like he was on an elevator and in the middle of an earthquake at the same time.

Why would Phoenix do such a thing? It boggled his mind, it's just unbelievable…

He could feel tears in his eyes, which he left flow down his cheeks in an attempt to clean his regret... How could he, Miles Edgeworth, provoke something like this in a most strong, brave, stubborn and great man like Phoenix Wright? How could he not thought about it before? Hell, why on earth he didn't send even a miserable letter to him to set things straight? He was an imbecile, a stupid selfish bastard…

While crying in pain, Miles Edgeworth decided that this life would not be long enough to compensate Phoenix for his pain.

Miles Edgeworth had a very, very, very long way ahead of him, but he was certain: He would dedicate his entire life to Phoenix's well being until his last breath.

With that in mind, he exited the office, filled with resolution.

Hope you liked it!

Links of inspiration:

weirdo certified: http (s): /www . (instagram) p/B-Sqr2oDkxk/?igshid=kfgmev1aba5f

brittlebirch: http (s): /www . (instagram) p/B95UJA6H44p/?igshid=1rskykde3rq14