Dragon Age: Origins

Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to BioWare and EA Games; it's their sandbox - I'm simply destroying the sandcastles.

Title: Break Up?

Author: Jade-Max

Author's Note:So, none of the dialogue options when you go to 'break up' with Alistair happened to be the one I wanted to see most - to see him fight for the woman he later claims to love; so that's what this fic is. It'll be mostly dialogue since that's the intention behind it, but maybe with a little something more. I wrote this ages ago and never posted it; during a recent play through of Dragon Age, I found it bothered me again, so here we are.

I used the default human female character name [Elissa] for the purpose of this fic.

Break Up?

Walking away from Wynne, the Mage's words continued to run round and round in her head. About duty and honor and the likely inevitable choice that was soon to be presented to her.

A healthy, hale, living Alistair - or the rest of man kind.

Could she do it? Could she give him up, sacrifice him for the good of the world? The very thought was like a knife to the chest, diving straight to sunder her heart the way Sten sundered oponents weapons. It hurt far more than she'd ever believed possible - and that was just the thought of it. What would the reality feel like? To have him only to lose him - was it worth the risk, the eventual pain?

Or was Wynne wrong and she and Alistair might beat the odds, both coming through this alive?

There was no denying that Alistair had come to mean something to her that was more than companion, more than just a lone surviving Grey Warden and a connection to the order. No, painfully bashful and awkward Alistair had somehow wormed his way past her guarded heart, a heart that had been bleeding and torn since the Howe's betrayal of her faimily and its masacre.

Somehow, knowing he was mourning Duncan as she mourned her mother and father was comforting - gave them a shared pain that helped diminish the sting of the losses.

And in doing so, had bonded them without her truly realizing it. Alistair had become her family; more precious to her than even her own brother - if he was still alive - and it was difficult to imagine a future without him in it. True, any current future had set them on a crash course to battle the darkspawn and face down the archdemon dragon - if it even was a dragon - but it was impossible to imagine facing that battle without Alistair at her side.

And beyond.

Crossing the camp, deep in thought, she paced to the small pond where the dwarven merchants had set up camp, but shied away from their company. Walking the perimeter, she could feel the gazes of her companions upon her; all but Morrigan. The shapeshifter would be studying Flemmeth's Grimoire, hard won at the old womn's death, and paying the rest of them little heed.

As quickly as the thought flitted through her mind, it disappeared. Shifting away from the prying eyes, she sidled to the far side of the pond, keeping the wagon between her and her companions, needing the solitude and seclusion. The forest at her back was familiar, comforting in a way the manor she'd grown up in had never been. Selecting a pebble, she skipped it across the pond, watching the ripples, and once again hearing Wynne's wisdom.

Wisdom she couldn't be quick to discount, knowing as she did that the Mage didn't mean to be hurtful with her words of caution. Still, the fact remained; what if Wynne was right?

What if this path she'd chosen with Alistair ended in heartache for the both of them? There was every chance that one or both of them might not make it out of the coming battles alive. Death was a reality in their chosen profession and she wasn't naive enough to believe the Maker would shine His blessing on all of her companions. Some would die, the most likely the front line fighters, which included herself and Alistair.

The thought again made her heart squeeze painfully, the image of his dead body springing to mind and her knees buckled, her gaze staring blindly into the water. Alistair; funny, shy, adorable Alistair might fall before they had a chance to get to the archdemon, leaving her to face it without him.

What if it wasn't Alistair that died, but she? Would her death hurt him? Cripple him? She was his first major relationship; his only major relationship thanks to the Chantry, and having it stolen by death... she didn't know what he would do. Was it kinder to end it now, before it went beyond the semi-seriousness it had become and into something-

"Elissa?"

The object of her thoughts broke into them, drawing her attention away from the pond.

He stood by one of the trees to the right of her, his face in shadow, but she would have known him anywhere. Not just from the gleam of his well-cared for armor, but it was his stance, his vibrancy that made him impossible to confuse with anyone else. She'd never met a better person in her life.

As her gaze met his, she saw him stiffen and he came to her, was beside her in two strides before dropping to one knee even as he lifted gloveless fingers to brush away the tears she hadn't realized she'd been crying. The gesture alone made the tears fall harder, but they were silent tears, the kind one sheds at the deepest of wounds.

"Are you alright?" His expression was concerned, caring, and it made her ache all the more.

She shook her head in answer to his question.

"What is it?"

"Alistair..." She looked away, breaking the contact, before reaching up to rub her hands over her face, as much to rid herself of her tears as to hide from him. "I think we need to end this."

"Oh...I see" he paused for a minute, and she could hear the hurt in his voice, the confusion. "Do you mind if I ask why?"

For a long moment she couldn't find the words, Wynne's comments continuing to flit about in her brain, the wisdom behind them undeniable. "Because Wynne is right."

"About what?"

Her hands fell to the ground, digging into the soft earth at her sides as she marshaled her strength, but was unable to look at him. "About everything."

"I conceded the point that Wynne is older and far wiser than I, but pardon me for saying so, that doesn't mean Wynne is always right. And that still doesn't answer my question. What is she supposedly right about?"

The fact he hadn't just accepted her comment or made light of it bespoke of just how much he'd come to care for her. Swallowing hard, she clenched her hands about the damp earth. "We're Grey Warden's, Alistair; we've a duty to the people of this world and we accepted that when we accepted this path."

"I know that; you've heard me say it enough. But I still don't understand what that has to do with anything - what that has to do with you and me."

Unable to bear the pain in his voice, she closed her eyes and bowed her head. "We have to put their lives ahead of ours; sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. I don't..." swallowing hard, she continued, "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you; if we let this go much further, your death would cripple me."

"Never." One of his hands covered hers, the warmth and strength of his essence a soothing balm that stung at the same time. "Elissa, you're stronger than that; you've had to be. If my death saves the people of this land, it shouldn't be a cause for grief."

Finally turning to look at him again, she knew the tears had resumed falling, but couldn't quench them. "Isn't it? If I... loved you, only to lose you..." shaking her head, she pulled her hand away. "We have to end this now, Alistair."

"Just who are you trying to protect - you or me?"

Staring at him, she realized he didn't fully understand. "You care for me, more than anyone you've ever cared for in your life; can you deny it."

"I wouldn't even try; though right now I'm having a hard time seeing why."

"What would my death do to you, Alistair? If I were to fall in the upcoming battle, a heroic death like you dream of, would you not mourn me?"

He was silent for a heartbeat. "You know I would."

"Then how can you ask any less of me? If this continues, I know myself well enough to know I'd not only mourn you, I'd follow you into death. Better that than life without you."

"Don't say that," he caught her hands, pulling them from the ground. Disregarding the dirt, he covered them in his own, his expression pained. "Never say that."

"I'm falling for you, Alistair; harder and faster than I can keep track of and it terrifies me. Losing my family was hard enough; you've taken their place. How can I even consider-"

His lips touched hers, silencing her unexpectedly, his hand cupping her face ever so tenderly. Ever since that first kiss when she hadn't turned him away, he'd become more and more confident in the intimacy of the act. This, unlike anything else he might have done, only proved it.

"Don't," he urged softly against her lips. "Don't consider it. We've here and now, Elissa; if you were to fall tomorrow, a week, a month or even a year from now, it would tear me apart."

"Then don't you see why we need to distance ourselves?

"Sometimes I forget that at the heart of this beautiful, strong leader is the tender heart of a woman; a woman I've grown to appreciate more and more every day. You've taught me a lot of hard lessons... and one of those is that we need to live in the here and now; that we can't let our past, or what might be in the future, dictate our choices."

"Alistair..." she'd never heard him so eloquent.

He shook his head, only the faint blush on his cheeks an indication of his discomfort. "This feels right, Elissa; this feeling that's growing between you and I."

"But we're Grey Wardens-"

"We're people, first and foremost," his thumb caressed her cheek. "And we're entitled to feel, no matter what others might think."

"That's the problem, don't you see?" Unable to bring herself to move away from his touch, her hand cupped his. "Our feelings for one another might... they... I can't promise I'll put my duty as a Grey Warden first, Alistair. If the choice comes down to you or the world-"

"Then you'll do what's right, as you have been during our travels. As will I; as you've shown me how to."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I trust you to; because it's what you do. You wouldn't be the woman I love so much otherwise."

Having shocked her into silence, Elissa didn't know what to say, her lips slightly parted as she stared at him, his words echoing within her. He'd said he loved her.

They stared at one another for a long moment before he brushed the last traces of her tears away. "You asked me once, a while ago, if I'd share your tent; do you remember?"

"You said you weren't ready."

"I don't think you were either."

"I mostly asked just to see if you would," her sheepish admission made him chuckle softly. "The ensuing conversation was... enlightening."

"Sure, tease the virgin."

She squeezed his fingers against her face, grateful now more than ever for his ability to make light of himself. "As long as you'll let me; it's one of my daily highlights."

He smiled before becoming serious. "I adored you, great lady; I'd rather have the here and now than the promise of a thousand tomorrows that might never be. So I'll ask you; will you join me in my tent tonight?"

"You don't have a tent."

"A mere formality; I'll commandeer yours."

"Are you sure? After everything we discussed?"

"Especially now; I need to be close to you tonight, to-"

Leaning in close, she silenced him with a kiss this time, pulling back with a smile. "I thought you'd never ask."

He stared at her for a long moment before sweeping her into his arms as he stood and spinning them around. She clung to him, feeling fragile and womanly - a far cry from the blood smeared Grey Warden committed to ending the Blight. Bending his head, Alistair captured her lips again. "You won't regret this."

"Never," she agreed, stroking his face. "If you're willing to fight for us, than so am I. I only have one condition."

He stopped, looking at her and arched his eyebrows. "Just one?"

Her lips curved into a smile. "You let me walk to my fate beside you."

"As if I could stop you..."

They shared a laugh that quickly dissolved into silence... and from there much, much more.

fin