Chapter 1: Complicated

Ever since Michelle showed up at the guild bearing a gift from Lucy's father, life was... Different. And not in a good way.

I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. I should've been able to brush this off with ease. Hell, it shouldn't have affected me at all, there shouldn't have been anything to brush off.

What was the problem? No, Michelle wasn't the issue. But her arrival caused it.

My best friend who was like a brother to me, Natsu Dragneel, started spending all his time with Lucy Heartfilia, a semi-new member at our guild.

Again, it really shouldn't have bothered me. The two of them had something of an instant friendship. Natsu had found Lucy wandering the streets of Magnolia, apparently traveling so she could join Fairy Tail which had been a dream of hers for quite the longest time. She was a celestial wizard who could summon powerful celestial spirits using her magic energy. He was a fire dragon slayer ten times more powerful than any of us at Fairy Tail. How they became such good friends, I've no idea. They're vastly different people.

Lucy was your stereotypical blonde girl: curvy and pretty with sparkling brown eyes and pale skin. Natsu had spiky, salmon pink hair, tanned skin, fiery orange eyes. He was tall and thin but very muscular in build, only a couple inches shorter than me.

He loved to fight me. I'm not sure what the deal was. Ever since Natsu and I were little kids, he had always wanted to pick fights with me. Ever since I had joined Fairy Tail he had been challenging me to fistfights and magic fights. Thanks to him, I got stronger. We both got stronger because we sparred on a nearly daily basis. Sometimes we fought more than once a day. We had done it so often that now it was like a regular occurrence in the guild. We would start fighting in the middle of the crowded guild hall without caring who was watching, and nobody would interrupt because it was so normal.

One time I got curious and asked Natsu why he wanted to fight me so often. His response was simple: "I like to fight people who are either stronger than or at an equal level in strength as me. It builds my own strength and experience."

I was pretty sure that, at that point, we were at an equal level. Because we fought so often.

Natsu and I's friendship was special. We fought extremely often, acted like we wanted the other dead, but in reality we really and truly cared for one another. Despite how often we made fun of each other or put the other down for no reason, we wanted to keep each other safe. That was proven when Natsu tried to save me from Deliora. He didn't have to. He could've just sat back and watched, could've just let me handle it. But then I would've died. And he cared enough to stop me from dying.

But all that changed after Michelle arrived. Suddenly his entire life was devoted to Lucy. To helping her solve the mystery of the clock hand her father had given her. He didn't even have time to fight me anymore, nor did he seem to want to.

Let's just say I was really bothered by it.

Despite how easygoing I am around other people, despite how friendly and outgoing I may seem, I'm actually a bit of a shy, quiet introvert. I don't like talking to people unless they're close to me. After a month of this behavior passed, I felt as though Natsu and I weren't close anymore, so I was too afraid to talk to him. Too afraid to admit that what he was doing hurt me.

I felt like we were growing distant. Drifting further and further apart with every passing second and that scared me. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

The day dawned bright and clear, and I was in no mood for such cheery weather.

The sunlight filtered in through the window of my home, spilling out on the floor and on the foot of my bed with gentle white beams of warmth. I slowly sat up, groaning when I realized how stiff and tense I was. I'd had another nightmare, so I was probably gonna be sore and cranky for the rest of the day.

Silently, I got up and took a cold shower (because I'm an ice mage, I prefer the cold) and got changed into my usual clothes: black jeans, a red shirt with white stripes criss-crossing over the chest, and a long white trenchcoat with dark purple trim I usually left unbuttoned in the front so it hung loosely around my shoulders. I briefly combed my messy black hair, but decided it was no use and hurried out the door.

I didn't think of myself as a very good-looking guy. I was tall and remarkably thin, but I was definitely buff in terms of muscularity. Mirajane once told me I had what other guys would call a "perfect body". My skin was alarmingly pale, almost dead white, and my eyes were a deep, dark midnight blue. Mirajane also told me that I always looked extremely tired.

Maybe because I always was extremely tired.

The walk to the guild was uneventful, all the way up until the halfway point where my other best friend, Erza Scarlet, met up with me. She and I had intentionally set up our walking route so that we would meet halfway and go the rest of the way together. She was like my big sister, always looking out for me and making sure I was safe and happy. I loved her like family, and she loved me the same way. She was only five inches shorter than me, with slightly tanned skin, blazing purple eyes, long, perfectly straight red hair, and the lean, athletic build of a professional swordsman.

"Good morning, Gray." she greeted, as she rounded the corner and proceeded to walk with me.

"Hey, Sister Erza." I smiled, happy to see her.

She linked arms with me. Her armor clinked as she walked. "You look tired. Are you okay?" she asked, gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I gulped, reminiscing the nightmare I had woken up from. I could only remember bits and pieces of it, not really enough to make sense of what I had seen.

"Okay. Natsu was wondering if you wanted to go on a job with him and Lucy today. They're leaving Michelle behind this time. Natsu says he's been missing you." Erza looked at me sidelong, aware that she was bringing up a touchy subject. She was the only one who knew how I felt about the spunky fire dragon slayer, so the potential of losing him as a friend was like a stab to the gut. "He told me he hasn't really seen you lately."

"Well, he'd see a lot more of me if he weren't so busy with Lucy." I replied, tersely. "It's his own damn fault. If he misses me so much, maybe he should come talk to me. On his own. Without sending you as a messenger."

Erza sighed and squeezed my arm. "You know... It'll be okay. He's still your best friend."

"Is he? Well... He never talks to me anymore. Never has time for me anymore. Might as well be on the moon." I shrugged, trying to act as careless as I wished I could be. "Let's talk about something else, okay?"

"Alright. I'm sorry." she dipped her head apologetically. "How's Juvia doing?"

"As creepy as always." I smirked. "Fortunately Lyon seems to have a massive crush on her... I'm hoping that'll give her someone else to obsess over. It's only a matter of time before she realizes Lyon is basically an older, cuter version of me and starts following him around instead of me. I can't wait."

It was a well-known fact that Juvia was obsessed with me. She thought she was in love with me, and wouldn't leave me alone half the time. She always followed me around, always tried to protect me, and basically never left my side. I got tired of it after the first few hours of being near her. I didn't like her the way she liked me, otherwise I would've accepted her feelings a long time ago. She just didn't know when to quit.

"Yes, but it seems she views Lyon the same way you view her." Erza raised one eyebrow.

I laughed. "That'll change quickly enough. He's much smoother with the ladies than I am. Hell, I don't even want a girlfriend. So why bother?"

"Because you're lonely, admit it." she laughed loudly and swatted my shoulder with one hand. "You desperately need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Just depends which way you lean, actually."

"What if I don't lean either way? It's not that I'm ace, I'm just... Better off on my own. Does that make me ace?"

"It might. If someone were to ask you out, would you say yes?"

"Depends on who. If I knew them well enough, yeah. Wouldn't matter the gender so long as I trusted them."

"You're a bi demisexual then."

"That was shockingly easy for you to figure out."

"I've helped more than one person figure themselves out before, Gray..."

"Fair enough."

We continued on in silence. I'm pretty sure neither of us knew what to say. Her arm was warm on mine, I really liked walking with her. She had a pleasant smile on her face, and the navy blue skirt she wore under her armor rustled softly as she moved. She was always so graceful and elegant, walking with the disciplined balance of a warrior.

When we arrived at Fairy Tail and walked in through the tall orange doors, we were greeted by the familiar sights and sounds of a crowded guild hall. The tables were packed with familiar faces, every last one of them talking and laughing. Mirajane and Kinnana were quite busy at the bar, serving thirsty guild members with pleasant smiles and kind words for all of them.

Almost immediately upon stepping foot within the hall, my arm was seized by someone with uncomfortably hot skin.

"Gray! Where in hell have you been? I haven't seen you lately!" Natsu exclaimed, getting all up in my face like he always did. The guy had absolutely no idea what personal space meant. "Did you get a girlfriend or something? Is that why you haven't been around?"

"Um, hell no." I growled and tried to shake him off my arm, but he wouldn't let go. "I'm still just as single as I was the last time you asked, flame brain. What do you want?"

"I wanna talk to you, I've missed you!" Natsu pouted, clinging to my arm like it was the only thing keeping me there.

I felt uncomfortable for whatever reason. Here was my best friend, wanting to talk to me. His touch and his voice after a stunning lack thereof for so long should've been pleasant and wonderful. But instead, I just felt this strange, burning ache inside.

"I've... Missed you too." I said, hesitantly.

"Good, I'd be angry at you if you weren't. C'mere, c'mere!" he practically dragged me over to a table on the far side of the room, nearest the crowded bar.

Lucy was seated at that table, her hands clasped neatly in front of her. She smiled brightly when she saw me coming and waved a greeting. I hesitantly returned the gesture, unsure of what to think. Of course she was there. She and Natsu were inseparable these days. It bothered me so much, but I still couldn't figure out why.

"Gray! It's good to see you!" she called out.

"Likewise." I replied, as Natsu shoved me into the nearest chair and bounced into the chair next to Lucy.

"You're probably wondering why I'm dragging you everywhere. Did Erza tell you what I want?" Natsu squirmed around in his seat.

"Yeah. You two want to bring me along on a job you're talking." I nodded and propped my chin up on the palm of my hand, elbow firmly planted on the table.

"Exactly. It's not a very big job because we can't afford to go on a big one right now. It should only take a week tops." Natsu explained, slowly and carefully like he always did when going over missions. "All we have to do is go out, find a treasure chest in a cave, bring it to the client, and come back."

"Why a small job?" I asked, though I had a feeling I didn't want to know.

"Because Natsu and I are gonna get back to studying my father's clock hand when we get back. Michelle wants to help too." Lucy said, cheerfully.

I winced but pretended to cough into my elbow to cover it up. "Oh."

"Yeah, normal stuff." Natsu leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head, perfectly comfortable even in the roughly carved wooden chair he sat in. "We leave later today... Is that alright with you? Do you wanna come?" his orange eyes were sparkling with childlike excitement.

"Ehhh..." I hesitated, staring into those glowing eyes he had for a moment. It was impossible for me to tell him no, so I swallowed hard and said, "Sure."

"Yes!" Natsu sprang to his feet and started running off, shouting, "I'll meet you guys at the train station tonight! Don't be late!"

"We won't! Bye, Natsu!" Lucy called after him.

"What time are we supposed to be there? He somehow managed to leave that part out." I glanced at her.

"Oh, yeah. He's just a little excited, that's all. We leave at seven tonight." Lucy waved a hand dismissively. "We've really missed you, Gray. Natsu told me you've seemed very distant and closed off lately, like a book that's impossible to read. Are you okay?"

"I'm... I'm fine." I frowned and looked down at the stone floor, grimacing in discomfort. I hated being the center of attention, hated it when people asked if I was okay. "If anything, it's the two of you who've seemed distant."

"We have?" Lucy made a face, wrinkling her nose and blinking in confusion. "That's odd. I could swear we've been including you in everything we do."

No. No you haven't. You've been practically hoarding Natsu, trying to keep all his attention to yourself. It's not fair. Now he doesn't even have time for me anymore, thanks to you and Michelle and your damn clock hand you're so very interested in. I thought, but I still plastered on a fake smile and said, "It's probably just a misunderstanding, don't worry about it."

I politely excused myself and got up so I could wander to the other side of the room and get away from her for a little while. I didn't know what was wrong with me or why I was being like this, but I had to get away.

"You alright, Gray-sama?" Juvia asked, rushing over to my side.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit under the weather. But thanks for asking." I kept my responses as short and curt as possible. Promoting a conversation with Juvia was never a good idea because she'd never let me go.

"You're welcome. Juvia is very worried about you." the blue-haired water mage followed me closely for a few short moments before wandering off to go bother Gajeel.

I found my way over to Elfman and sat down next to him. He glanced at me and made a face. "You okay, Gray? You don't look very manly today."

"I'm fine, Elfman." I waved him off. I didn't need or want his concern. Or his sympathy. Or his pity. "What's Lisanna up to? She seems pretty distracted over there."

Elfman and I launched into a discussion about Lisanna's crazy hobbies. I was grateful for the conversation, it was a pleasant distraction from the complicated feelings swirling in my chest that I couldn't understand. It felt like a mixture of hatred for Lucy, a longing to be closer with Natsu, and this painful tangle of self-loathing, neglect, and a deep-seated sadness I couldn't keep ignoring forever. Something was wrong with me. I just knew it. But I couldn't fix it on my own, and I didn't know how to ask for help.

To be continued...

Ah, finally. Another Gratsu multi-chap. I'm looking forward to writing this one, it's gonna be Gray-centric so there won't be any chapters written entirely in Natsu's POV. I don't know if I'll even switch to his POV at all. I'm looking forward to continuing this. Please leave a review and tell me what you think!! (P.S. I'm planning on doing a Stingue [Sting x Rogue] fic in the very near future, it's prolly gonna be angsty as hell but that's who I am so heh. I'll make sure to drop an announcement when this is available to read.)

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