I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of its related media. The song featured is a parody of "Look Who's Laughing Now" from Batman Arkham Knight, which I also do not own. Do not look it up if you haven't played any of the games in the Arkham series, as it contains spoilers.

This was written for April Fools.


Cloud was never a fan of Loveless, yet here he stood in front of the old theater named after the famous epic. All around him, Midgar was livelier and busier than usual, yet there were no lines for the theater tonight. The man behind the ticket counter, a handsome individual with short auburn hair and clad in red, was sitting and reading a copy of Loveless.

Now that he thought about it, Cloud didn't know how or why he was here. He reached for his phone, but found that it wasn't on his person. He also realized that he didn't have any of his swords or materia on him. He next tried to think back to the last thing he remembered, but his memories were a mess of colors, sounds, and ideas. It was too much like the times he had suffered mako poisoning. Feeling nauseous just thinking about it, he started to walk away with no immediate destination in mind.

"My friend, do you fly away now?"

Cloud stopped and faced the theater once more. Despite the noises of passerby and vehicles, he could hear that voice like it was right next to him. The ticket man made direct eye contact.

"To a world that abhors you and I?"

He snapped his book shut with one hand. Cloud now saw that his eyes had the underlying glow of mako, something only a SOLDIER would possess. He strode up to the ticket counter.

"Do you want something?" Cloud asked irritably.

"I?" The man asked back. "Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess, but she has yet to bestow her gift. You are expected, Cloud."

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"I'm just a side character in tonight's show, and I know because I've read the script ahead of time. You, the star, need only to present your ticket."

Cloud had no patience for this. He subconsciously clenched his fists, only to realize that there was something in his right hand. He pulled his hand up front and looked down at what he had.

It was a theater ticket, its paper shimmering like silver foil.

Something was going on. First the lack of memories to explain his presence here, then the mysterious man with mako eyes, and now the sudden appearance of a ticket that he had never possessed. He made eye contact once more.

"Who's expecting me?"

"The wandering soul knows no rest. You know this person. You are each other's obsession," the man gave a wry smile, "whether you accept it or not. There is only one way to find out."

Cloud slid his ticket through the hole at the bottom of the window. He had a gut feeling on who was waiting for him. He was unarmed and without a way to contact help, but he knew he couldn't run from this. The ticket man nodded and made a simple gesture towards the open main doors. Cloud took a deep breath and crossed the threshold.

"All that awaits you is a somber morrow, no matter where the winds may blow."

The doors slammed shut and Cloud was temporarily engulfed in darkness. Slowly, the room he was in grew a little bit brighter until he was able to make out where he was. Cloud had expected to be in the lobby, but he was in the main auditorium instead.

There were rows of plush red seats in front of and above him on the upper balcony. There was a wide set of stairs leading up to the stage, whose curtains were currently drawn shut. The gold pillars on each side of the stage were engraved in familiar shapes: the masked armor that originally hid the body of Jenova.

Cloud immediately tensed up. He could sense that his most hated enemy was here...but why here of all places? Actually, why could he sense him at all? Sephiroth was dead. He had killed him once at the Northern Crater two years ago, and again just recently when he had temporarily resurrected through Kadaj.

There was a brief crackling of static. Cloud looked up and noticed the intercom boxes mounted on the corners of the ceiling. A familiar voice announced, "Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul. Pride is lost. Wings stripped away, the end is nigh. The show is about to begin. Please take your seat."

Cloud sighed and shook his head. If this was the only way he could see Sephiroth, he might as well find a seat. He chose the edge seat of one of the middle rows. It wasn't too near to be attacked, and not too far for him to attack, and he could react faster if he was sitting on the edge rather than the middle.

The lights dimmed until they were completely extinguished. As the curtains parted, rows of small, circular lights lit up, forming the outline of a grand staircase. The backdrop lit up, portraying an image of Nibelheim on fire. Flashing lights came to life in front of the backdrop, forming the word "REUNION" in big letters. From the limited amount of light, Cloud could see twelve hooded figures shuffling from backstage and forming two lines up on each of the grand staircase's sides.

Cloud could faintly hear the starting notes of music originating from nowhere. He never really paid much attention to music, but he was sure it was jazz...maybe. As the volume increased, something slowly descended from the ceiling. Hanging on wires was a large ring surrounded by five angel wings and one devil wing, with a cloud at the very bottom. A person sat on the cloud. Though the lighting made it appear to be a silhouette, Cloud didn't even have to look to know who was there.

The hanging prop stopped right on top of the grand staircase. Cloud tried to stand up, but his body wouldn't respond. The music paused and he stared right at the silhouette. Many questions ran through his head.

Why was he here? What did he want? Why appear in a theater with this elaborate, possibly pointless, setup? Why can't he move-?

"I can hear your thoughts, Cloud."

There it was: that deep, calm voice that carried with it an underlying sinister intention. Though he couldn't move, Cloud was still able to shout, "Sephiroth! What is the meaning of this?"

"This is a reminder of many things. Remember who brought you to despair. Remember who haunts your dreams and memories. Who you hate the most. Who your master is."

"Cut the crap! You're dead and you can't do anything to me anymore!"

"We both know that's not true. After all…"

Light flooded the stage and Cloud couldn't believe what he saw. It was indeed Sephiroth sitting in front of the ring, but his attire was completely different. He wore a glittering silver tuxedo and top hat and held a cordless microphone in his hand. The figures in black robes bowed.

"...no one can pull your strings like I can."

The music flared up. The figures pulled off their robes with a flourish, revealing silver haired men and women in sparkling silver thongs and bikinis that began to dance in place. Sephiroth stood up and, just when Cloud couldn't get any more flabbergasted, he began to sing.

"Take me on home to the Promised Land.

Never alone in the Promised Land.

I may have lost the battle, but it was wild.

But even then you never smiled.

You never let the past go,

Look who's in control."

Cloud had more questions, but they were all summed up with one word: why?

"Remember in the Forgotten City

I killed that girl, such a pity.

You let your 'feelings' show

Not realizing that I already know:

That you're a puppet, just pretending.

Look who's in control."

Sephiroth began descending the stairs.

"You have your sins to bear and I'm happy.

I'm your worst nightmare and I'm happy.

I'm not going anywhere and I'm happy.

Won't you finally see?

I will never be a memory."

Cloud realized just what Sephiroth was trying to do: infuriate him to the point where he'd drop his guard. He tried to keep a cool head, but he also felt that familiar yearning that he hadn't felt for two years. It was the Jenova Cells inside him, responding to that silent call that Sephiroth was giving: the call for the Reunion.

"I am the Chosen One

And you think you have won.

But I'm part of you, when will you learn

That I will always return?

Your obsession keeps me intact.

Who's in control again?"

He gritted his teeth and resisted. He wasn't going to let anything, especially that stupid song, get to him. Sephiroth, meanwhile, had reached the landing and continued to walk towards the edge of the stage, his mako green eyes never leaving his intended audience.

"I ruined your life and I'm happy.

Your sadness is rife and I'm happy.

I'm inside you, Cloud Strife, and I'm happy."

He chuckled darkly.

"Oh, yes I am!"

"Stop that obnoxious singing," Cloud blurted out, "you're wasting your breath."

Sephiroth stepped off the stage and continued walking on the air, making a beeline for Cloud. He could hear a ringing sound, one that couldn't be drowned out by the music. He knew what this meant, but Sephiroth couldn't control him anymore...could he?

His enemy smiled once that moment of doubt crossed his mind.

"Remember that dysphoria

When you gave up the Black Materia.

That obedient puppet I much preferred

And I only have to say two words-"

"No! Don't-!"

"'Wake up', for you to be mine."

Cloud's thoughts dulled and his resistances crumbled. His body relaxed and his eyes changed to mirror Sephiroth's. The only thing he felt was the call for Reunion. The man in silver stopped in front of him and extended a hand.

"Who's in control again?"

Cloud took it without hesitation. Sephiroth glided backwards to the stage, dragging Cloud with him. As soon as their feet touched the floor, the group of scantily clad dancers gathered around them in a wide semicircle. Sephiroth tossed aside his microphone and top hat and took Cloud's shoulder with his free hand. Cloud, not minding the fact that he was suddenly in a black, Gothic Lolita dress with braids in his hair, mimicked his action.

As they danced the foxtrot, Sephiroth continued to sing.

"Your mother's dead and I'm happy.

Zack Fair's dead and I'm happy.

That Cetra girl's dead and I'm happy.

Won't you finally see?

I will never be a memory."

They moved with perfect synchronicity.

"I ruined your life and I'm happy.

Your sadness is rife and I'm happy.

I'm inside you, Cloud Strife, and I'm happy.

I may have died

But soon you'll be by my side."

Cloud no longer felt anger from hearing the lyrics. Actually, the lyrics hardly mattered to him now. All he cared about was being close to Sephiroth.

"You have your sins to bear and I'm happy.

I'm your worst nightmare and I'm happy.

I'm not going anywhere and I'm happy."

Sephiroth grinned wickedly. Cloud beamed back. The Jenova Cells inside him cried out for their Reunion.

"You have your sins to bear and I'm happy.

I'm your worst nightmare and I'm happy.

I'm not going anywhere and I'm happy.

Won't you finally see?

I will never be a memory."

Sparklers went off at the edge of the stage. The music reached its final crescendo. The dancers deeply bowed towards the pair. Sephiroth lowered Cloud into a dip, their faces inches apart from each other.

"See you soon, Cloud."


Cloud jolted awake in his bed. The first thing he did when he got up was to run to the bathroom and look in the mirror. His eyes were his normal blue, there were no braids in his messy hair, and he was not in a dress. He gripped the counter and lowered his head.

Sephiroth was dead. The Planet, though damaged, was recovering. The Remnants and Geostigma were gone. He had learned to forgive himself. The nightmare was over.

The nightmare that he just woke up from, though, was something he could not begin to comprehend. He had had nightmares of Nibelheim, of Aerith's death, and of the moments where he had lost control of himself, but this...this was just outrageous. He decided to blame it on the performance of Loveless: The Musical that he, Tifa, and the kids went to see last night.

Cloud left the bathroom and got dressed. He was going to follow his usual routine and forget the nightmare he just had. He went downstairs, opting to skip breakfast, and started to leave. He was going to ride Fenrir to clear his thoughts, come back, and start on the first few deliveries.

He opened the door and saw the morning paper on the doorstep. He was about to ignore it, as usual, when the main headline caught his eye. With a sinking feeling in his gut, he picked it up and began to read.

Back upstairs, Tifa woke to the sound of a loud thud. Worried, she quickly put on her morning robe and went downstairs. She gasped when she saw Cloud on the floor.

"Cloud!"

She ran to his side and shook him by the shoulder, but he was out cold. Looking for any clues as to how this had happened, she saw the morning paper inches away from his hand. She picked it up and her eyes widened when she looked at the various headlines.

Final Fantasy VII Remake (Part 1) Coming Soon

Famous Cross-dressing Scene Confirmed

Aerith's Death Now Featured in HD

Astronomers Predict Another Meteor in 5-10 Years

Gackt Impersonator Demands Cameo

The nightmare was beginning again.


This was inspired by one of the Remake's trailers, the one with the Honey Bee Inn.

My God, what did I just write?