A Screenplay by Random Stories Generator
INT. JABBA'S BARGE - AFTERNOON
Whiny Jedi JEDI ANAKIN SKYWALKER is arguing with senator PADME AMIDALA. ANAKIN tries to be clingy again, but PADME shakes him off.
ANAKIN
Please Padme, don't leave me.
PADME
I'm sorry Anakin, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
ANAKIN
But Padme!
PADME frowns.
PADME
I'm sorry, Anakin. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
PADME leaves.
ANAKIN sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, local annoyance C-3PO (CYBORG RELATIONS) barges in looking flustered.
ANAKIN
Goodness, C-3PO! Is everything okay?
C-3PO
I'm afraid not, master Skywalker.
ANAKIN
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
C-3PO
It's ... a Hutt ... I saw him pass by on his sail barge, glomping womp rats!
ANAKIN
Defenseless?
C-3PO
Yes, defenseless womp rats!
ANAKIN
Bloomin' heck, C-3PO! We've got to do something.
C-3PO
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
ANAKIN
You can start by telling me where this happened.
C-3PO
I was...
C-3PO jerks around to see if it's safe to speak.
ANAKIN
Focus C-3PO, focus! Where did it happen?
C-3PO
the deck! That's right - the deck!
ANAKIN springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
ANAKIN rushes along the street, followed by C-3PO. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. THE DECK - SHORTLY AFTER
JABBA, a moist Hutt is on his barge.
ANAKIN, closely followed by C-3PO, rushes towards JABBA but suddenly stops in his tracks.
C-3PO
What is is? What's the matter?
ANAKIN
That's not just any old Hutt, that's the Hutt!
C-3PO
Who's the Hutt?
ANAKIN
Who's the Hutt? Who's the Hutt? Only the moistest Hutt in the universe!
C-3PO
Goodness gracious, Anakin! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the moistest Hutt in the universe!
ANAKIN
You can say that again.
C-3PO
Goodness gracious, Anakin! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the moistest Hutt in the universe!
ANAKIN
I'm going to need some sort of piddly little blaster, lots of piddly little blasters.
JABBA turns and sees Anakin and C-3PO. He grins an evil grin.
JABBA
Anakin Skywalker, we meet again.
C-3PO
You've met?
ANAKIN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago... in a galay far far away
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young ANAKIN is sitting in a park on Tatooine watching womp rats fight, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees Jabba. His jab drops in fright.
JABBA
Would you like some sand?
ANAKIN's eyes widen in horror up, but then he studies JABBA more closely, and looks uneasy.
ANAKIN
I-I don't know, you look kind of moist.
JABBA
Me? No. I'm not moist. I'm the least moist Hutt in the world.
ANAKIN
Wait, you're a ...Hutt?
ANAKIN runs away, screaming.
EXT. THE DECK - PRESENT DAY
JABBA
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
C-3PO
(To ANAKIN) You ran away?
ANAKIN
(To C-3PO) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
ANAKIN turns to JABBA.
ANAKIN
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
ANAKIN runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
ANAKIN
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with piddly little blasters!
JABBA
I'm not scared of you.
ANAKIN
You should be.
EXT. DUNES - LATER THAT DAY
ANAKIN and C-3PO walk around searching for something in the dunes.
ANAKIN
I feel sure I left my piddly little blasters somewhere around here.
C-3PO
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly piddly little blasters.
ANAKIN
You know nothing, goldenrod.
C-3PO
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, JABBA appears, holding a pair of piddly little blasters.
JABBA
Looking for something?
C-3PO
Oh my, Anakin, he's got your piddly little blasters!
ANAKIN
Tell me something I don't already know!
C-3PO
The earth's diameter from top to bottom is about 10,465 km.
ANAKIN
I know that already!
C-3PO
I don't like sand... It's coarse. It's rough, and it gets everywhere.
JABBA
(appalled) ...Dude!
While JABBA is looking at C-3PO with indignance, ANAKIN lunges forward and grabs his deadly piddly little blasters. He wields them, triumphantly.
ANAKIN
Prepare to die, you moist Jogan fruit!
JABBA
No please! All I did was glomp a bunch of sand!
PADME enters, unseen by any of the others.
ANAKIN
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those womp rats are defenseless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Anakin Skywalker defender of innocent womp rats.
JABBA
Don't hurt me! Please!
ANAKIN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these piddly little blasters on you right away!
JABBA
Because Anakin... I am your father.
ANAKIN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
ANAKIN
No you're not. I don't have one, you slime!
JABBA
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
JABBA tries to grab the piddly little blaster but ANAKIN dodges out of the way.
Unexpectedly, JABBA slumps toward the ground.
C-3PO
Did he just faint?
ANAKIN
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly piddly little blasters.
ANAKIN crouches over JABBA's body.
C-3PO
Be careful, Anakin. It could be a trick.
ANAKIN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... JABBA the Hutt is dead!
ANAKIN
What?
ANAKIN
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
C-3PO claps his hands as best he could with his metal body.
C-3PO
So your piddly little blasters did save the day, after all.
PADME steps forward.
PADME
Is it true? Did you kill him?
ANAKIN
Padme how long have you been...?
PADME puts her arm around ANAKIN.
PADME
Long enough.
ANAKIN
Then you saw it for yourself.
PADME
Then the womp rats are safe?
ANAKIN
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable womp rats, looking bewildered.
PADME
You are their hero.
They begin fighting each other.
ANAKIN
I seek no thanks anyway. The knowledge that the Hutt will never glomp womp rats ever again, is enough for me.
PADME
You're humble as well as brave!
One of the womp rats passes ANAKIN a laundered Imperial Cred from JABBA's barge.
PADME
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
ANAKIN
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
ANAKIN
Well, if you insist.
ANAKIN takes the Imperial Cred.
ANAKIN
Thank you.
ANAKIN turns to PADME.
ANAKIN
Does this mean you want me back?
PADME
Oh, Anakin, of course I want you back!
ANAKIN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
ANAKIN
Well you can't have me.
PADME
WHAT?
ANAKIN
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Hutt to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
PADME
But...
ANAKIN
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, C-3PO.
C-3PO grins.
PADME
But...
C-3PO
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
PADME
Anakin?
ANAKIN
I'm sorry Padme, but I think you should skidaddle.
PADME leaves.
C-3PO turns to ANAKIN.
C-3PO
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
ANAKIN
Of course you are!
Suddenly C-3PO stops.
C-3PO
When I said I don't like sand... that it's coarse. It's rough, and it gets everywhere, you know I was just trying to distract Jabba don't you?
(You made it to) THE END
A/N Congrats for surviving my first completely random fic. Is your brain mush?
PS: Now hiring beta readers