Axel lay in his room at Organization Headquarters, dreading the meeting that was about to happen. Xemnas had rightly guessed that Axel was no longer loyal to the Organization. He'd stopped caring the second Roxas left, and he hadn't exactly tried to hide it, shirking off mission and talking back to Xemnas at every opportunity. He'd heard rumors they were going to turn him into a dusk, but his concern over that was far outweighed by what he feared might happen to Roxas. Axel had overheard Xaldin and Xemnas talking, and while he didn't know the details, he knew enough to be sure things weren't good.
Still, he had a few minutes left before the hammer would fall, so he allowed himself to reminisce back to one of his favorite memories of Roxas. It was their first real date and Axel had taken Roxas to a viewpoint overlooking San Fransokyo and kissed him under the stars. Then, in typical Axel fashion, he managed to upset Roxas almost immediately with veiled talk about Castle Oblivion. It was then that Roxas had looked into his eyes and said the words, "I could never hate you" just before he kissed Axel for the first time. Not to say it was their first kiss, but it was the first time that Roxas had kissed him instead of the other way around. Axel derided himself for translating "I could never hate you" into a confession of true affection, but there was something about the way he said it that made Axel hopeful, even now, that he could win him back.
He thought about the first thing he would do when they were reunited. They'd run to each other and Axel would hug Roxas, spinning him around like they were in a romance movie, and they would kiss and laugh, and they wouldn't be able to stop smiling. Roxas would blush, and Axel would take him away for a long talk alone, catching each other up on all their adventures. Roxas would admit how much he'd missed Axel, and Axel would tell Roxas that he couldn't live without him.
Then came the part of his fantasy that drove Axel absolutely wild, something he had to stop himself from thinking about almost constantly. In all their time together, he and Roxas had never had sex or even gotten close to it. Part of it was Demyx's insistent warning about Roxas's young age, part of it was how guilty Axel already felt for leading Roxas on at the same time he was ruining his life in Castle Oblivion. The largest part was the sheer nervousness that he felt because sex with Roxas felt important, and Axel just hadn't wanted to mess it up like he had everything else.
But that didn't stop his imagination from running wild. He pictured Roxas's petite but muscled frame and his innocent blue eyes. All it would have taken was one word or move from Roxas, and Axel wouldn't have been able to stop himself, but Roxas had remained Roxas, superbly innocent and naive. Now, Axel thought, it was for the best, because when they finally fucked, they were going to do it right. Axel had a thousand fantasies, but their first night, he would be romantic and sweet. He imagined drawing a bath and spooning Roxas from behind, planting tiny kisses on his neck, stroking him under the water, whispering all the things he'd wanted to do to him since they'd met. Then after Roxas came, Axel would teach Roxas to do the same for him. Just imagining those hands, unsure at first, grasping his cock sent a jolt of electricity through his entire body.
He heard a knock at the door. It was Xaldin, commanding him to come to the meeting immediately. He rolled his eyes but complied. He would have to play it cool and not make a scene if he wanted to save himself and Roxas. Just act like you used to Axel. Act eager and sycophantic, like you give a fuck. It would be frustrating as hell to suck up to Xemnas like he used to, but at least he was a naturally good liar. In a way, he'd been preparing for this his entire existence.
As he sat facing the other members of the Organization and heard Xemnas's first words, he was thankful for the resolution he'd made.
"One of you must infiltrate DiZ's alternate reality and bring Roxas back, or, failing that, destroy him. You must do it before the restoration process is complete. I need it done quickly and discreetly," Xemnas commanded.
"I'll do it," Axel responded.
"Are you sure, Axel? I know you have a fondness for him. Can we trust you with this task?"
"Any fondness I had left when he did," Axel replied.
"Fine. But you have one chance or I'm passing it onto someone else."
Axel struggled not to roll his eyes at the patronizing tone Xemnas always directed at him, (and everyone else for that matter). He also tried not to pay attention to Demyx who was almost falling out of his seat trying to get Axel's attention. Axel knew he'd be hearing about this later.
As the Organization meeting finished, he hurried out, hoping to avoid Demyx, but knowing it would be impossible. Demyx hadn't been given many missions of importance lately due to a few major mistakes he'd made, and he had a lot of free time, much of which ended up being spent in Axel's presence.
"Axel! Don't think for a second I'm not following you right back to your room!" Then whispering, "You have a lot to explain, and I'm not impressed with whatever that was, and this will not happen on my watch."
"Fine… fine!" Axel grumbled, opening the door to his room and gesturing for Demyx to enter.
The explosion began, just as anticipated. "So now you want to kill Roxas?! What happened to the Axel from a few months ago who swore he'd find Roxas and bring him back, who wouldn't stop talking about him every minute of every day?"
Axel was blistering under the surface, but tried hard not to provoke Demyx any further. "Do you think I'm happy with all of this? You think this was the reunion I've been planning?"
"Oh, is that right?! A job you volunteered for. I feel so bad for you, Axel," Demyx fumed.
"Demyx, I'm not going to make nice with you right now. I just don't have the time. You heard what Xemnas said. I have to do it now, but Demyx," he pleaded, his voice (and temper) softening, "Don't you think it should be me? Maybe he'll come back if it's me. I mean, no one else would bother to talk to him. They'd slaughter him in the crudest way possible and not lose any sleep over it." Demyx was surprisingly quiet, though Axel couldn't tell what might be under the surface of his sudden calm.
"What if you have to kill him? You'll regret it, Axel."
"No, I won't let that happen. Besides, Xaldin and Xemnas have already been questioning my motives since Roxas left. Xemnas wanted me to volunteer for this. He told Xaldin as much. It's going to happen, whether it's me or someone else, and I'm sure he'll come back with me, so that's why I'm going," he finished. Truth be told, Axel was becoming less sure by the second.
"This is so reckless and stupid. Typical Axel making risky moves with no real plan, telling everyone it will all work out somehow because you have confidence. As if that would stop the Organization from destroying you. You know what? Don't bother talking to me when you come back."
"As if you could stay away from me. Who will you babble to?" Axel smiled gently, taking a step closer. He had experience winning Demyx over, even at his angriest.
"Not this time, Axel. You're going too far. I don't care what you say. This could lead to the end for you and him. And it's Roxas, Axel. What if he won't come back with you? I mean, given the way you left things - I'm sorry to say it, but… I don't think he'll be happy to see you, Axel." Axel met his eyes and whatever Demyx saw there made him add a gentle, "But I hope I'm wrong, Axel. Honestly."
"No fond farewell for an old friend, then? Very well," Axel said, speeding past a finally silent Demyx and towards Xemnas's quarters.
Xemnas had his back to Axel, standing in front of a roaring fire.
"So how do I get in?" Axel asked.
"It's all taken care of. I'll open the portal and you do what you can to convince the boy. Don't forget my instructions - be quick. None of your antics. If he won't come with you, destroy him. That's it. I don't like to think about what would happen if you hesitate." His tone was characteristically menacing as he opened the portal with his right hand. "I'll be watching you. Don't forget it."
Axel walked through without a word and ended up in the heart of Twilight Town. It was an almost perfect replica, yet he could sense, (though not say why) it made him feel uncomfortable. It was like a once-familiar place visited in a dream.
His first task would be to find Roxas, and he wouldn't worry yet about what would come next.
He heard a booming voice off in the distance. "And now, the match you've been waiting for: Roxas vs. Vivi!"
Already? Axel thought to himself. He had expected he'd have time to do some sleuthing and think about what to say to Roxas when they reunited for the first time, but he couldn't resist an obvious clue like this without risking Xemnas's ire. He followed the sound of the cheering.
His first sighting was the back of Roxas's head as he faced off with a small creature in a wizard's cap. Strange world I'm in, Axel thought, chuckling nervously to himself. Seeing Roxas, it was hitting him with full force. This was Roxas, and besides a new outfit, he hadn't changed much at all. It was when he turned and Axel saw his profile that he really felt it, a strange, visceral mix of pleasure and fear.
And suddenly, everything stopped, literally stopped. Everything but he and Roxas. The things he wanted to do in this moment, the distance he wanted to close, and the things he wanted to say…. The worn-out anger he'd been feeling after the bluntness of Roxas's rejection faded in an instant. Axel just wanted him back.
But that's not the reason you're here, he reminded himself. You're here to put on a show for Xemnas and get Roxas out. Quick-witted, aloof sarcasm was Axel's chief area of expertise, and thankfully, he could still turn it on just like that.
"Roxas. All right. Fight fight fight!" He walked towards Roxas with a well-practiced look of derisive amusement. The perplexed expression on Roxas's face threatened to ruin Axel's facade. He looked at him as though he were a complete stranger.
Before he could catch himself, Axel said, a bit pathetically: "You really don't remember. It's me. You know, Axel?" He felt momentary relief as he realized he was still wearing his hood. Of course he doesn't recognize me. He removed it to see the same look as before.
"Axel?" Roxas asked.
Axel struggled for words. Just be cool, he thought to himself, the lameness of the sentiment eating away at him as he uttered the dumbest thing he could possibly say. "Talk about blank with a capital 'B.' Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one," he joked, trailing a string of awkward and unconvincing laughter behind it. He was going to lose control of the situation, and fast.
"Wait a second," Roxas cried. "Tell me what's going on!" Roxas's urgency and desperation brought the gravity of the situation back to Axel. Think.
"This town is his creation, right? Which means we don't have time for a QA. You're coming with me...conscious or not!" He added the last bit for the boss as he summoned his chakrams. "Then you'll hear the story." As he said it, he noticed a dusk pass by and couldn't stop the next words from coming out of his mouth as he realized DiZ must be manipulating their reality, something Axel was not prepared to combat. "Uh oh."
Roxas threw his keyblade down and watched it return to his hand. "What's going on?!" he screamed. He really doesn't remember it, any of it, Axel realized.
"Number 13. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one," Axel said more tenderly than he should have, and he knew Roxas noticed the weakness in his voice. He had to overdo it from here on out or they'd both be dead. His eyes turned cold, and he poised himself to fight.
"Okay fine! You asked for it!" Roxas responded, summoning his weapon. He should've been upset to see Roxas looking at him with rage, but Axel found it a refreshing difference from the Roxas he used to know, the one who got disappointed and despondent instead of angry. The old Roxas had emotions that Axel couldn't manage, but anger he understood.
He smiled at Roxas "That's more like it!"
Axel quickly realized that Roxas was no longer the fighter he once was. It was obvious he hadn't been brushing up on his skills since leaving the Organization. He was weak, though tenacious, and Axel had to put on a show to make it seem as though they were locked in a fair battle. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Roxas and ruin his chances of convincing him to come back.
After a brief period of fighting, Axel pretended to bend over with exhaustion. "Not bad, Roxas," he said, as he stood back up and grinned at him. Axel had flirted enough in his present and past life to assess the look on Roxas's face. Axel couldn't imagine what he had done to elicit such a response, but he could tell Roxas was most definitely interested in him.
Axel felt a rush of elation and relief wash over him. He may not remember you, but he'll fall for you again. You can start over, and you won't make the same mistakes this time, not again, and the past will stay in the past. His hopeful thoughts were interrupted as DiZ appeared in front of him.
"So it was you," Axel said, happily throwing a chakram at him.
"Roxas, this man speaks nonsense," DiZ bellowed.
"Roxas, don't let him deceive you," Axel countered.
As they yelled at him, Roxas put his face in his hands and screamed a series of unfamiliar names. Suddenly Axel was thrust back into Xemnas's study with a force that almost knocked him to the floor.
"What happened?" he asked Xemnas, who did not look at all impressed.
"DiZ kicked us out."
"Well, yeah," Axel said, "I figured that part."
"You know I don't enjoy your little comments. We need to get you back there. Just let me try a few things," he said as he summoned and closed a series of portals in quick succession.
As he did, Axel tried to focus on the urgency of the situation, the importance of what would happen next, but all he could think about was how Roxas had looked at him just a few moments ago. There was chemistry between them that a complete memory wipe couldn't erase. This was going to work out. Axel hadn't felt hope or joy since the day Roxas had left, and now he couldn't stop thinking about the future.
"Pay attention, Axel! I've found it. You know what to do. And do try to be more convincing. I can tell Roxas is still your weakness."
"You're wrong," Axel lied as he entered the portal once more to see Roxas surrounded by dusks. Let the show begin.
"Look what it's come to," he boomed, forcing his usually slouched posture to mimic the tone of his voice. "I've been given these icky orders to destroy you - if you refuse to come back with me."
Roxas stares at him, puzzled, "We're best friends, right?"
Axel scratched the back of his head, a habit he unconsciously exhibited when he felt uncomfortable or confused. Noticing what he was doing, he forced his hand back to his side.
"You remember now?" He felt his heart fall and tried very hard not to show his disappointment. He should be happy Roxas remembered him, but the hope of a new start had been so seductive, it was hard to let go.
"Yeah..." Roxas's voice was hesitant, and Axel could sense it.
"What's our boss's name?" he coaxed, trying to figure out if Roxas was telling the truth, but Roxas just stood there silently, helplessly, as a cloud of dusks surrounded them. As Axel summoned his weapon to help fight them off, his body froze mid-throw, and he was thrust once more to Xemnas's side.
"You know I've done everything possible to avoid turning you into a dusk, but at this rate, you're really asking for it. This is my final word - you must kill Roxas before we get permanently removed from DiZ's system. Do it now. If you fail, I will make sure neither of you survive," Xemnas warned as he pushed Axel forcefully into another portal.
He tripped into the grand entrance hall of an empty mansion. He could hear sounds coming from somewhere downstairs. He pushed Xemnas's words from his mind and reminded himself he could handle this. He could get Roxas out. He had made it this far in the Organization doing difficult things for causes he didn't believe in. Saving Roxas should be easy.
He followed the sounds to the basement and saw Roxas battling off another crowd of dusks. As the last one disappeared, he spoke. "Simply amazing, Roxas."
"Axel?" When Roxas said his name this time, he could tell there was genuine recognition. The tone in his voice was happy, not angry. It was the very last thing Axel expected.
"You really do remember me this time?" Axel felt all the old feelings rush back, the feelings before Castle Oblivion, before everything was ruined - their first kiss, the first time he'd slept with Roxas in his arms, blowing off their missions to kiss in hidden corners and talk for hours. Axel froze, staring into Roxas's eyes, and Roxas blushed and broke his glance, his eyes moving to the floor where they stayed. What did it mean? Axel had to know. He was closing the distance between them to ask when he was thrust back once more to the study.
"Axel, there is no time. I am calling on Xigbar right now to finish this. I would hate to dispose of you and Roxas. If you do not destroy him, Xigbar will. Consider this your last chance to show your loyalty to the Organization and save your own life."
He was going to have to put on quite a show to get them out of this. Back in the room with Roxas, he summoned an all-consuming world of fire that surrounded them both in literal flames. "You're too late, I'll make it all stop!" he shouted loudly enough for Xemnas to hear over the thrashing of the fire. He knew Xemnas would have difficulty seeing or hearing what was happening through the small portals he was using to monitor Axel's every move.
He closed the distance between himself and Roxas and whispered urgently, "Roxas, you have to leave with me right now. I'm not loyal to the Organization anymore. I'm just here to get you back, and we can't hesitate. This is all I've wanted since you left. I'll tell you the rest later." He opened a portal and took Roxas's hand, willing him to walk through it.
"No, Axel. I can't," he sighed, staring at the floor and moving his hand away.
"You're about to be killed, Roxas. You have to go, we have to go."
"I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you again," Roxas stated, finally looking into Axel's eyes. "I have to face my destiny on my own, without you Axel. I'm sorry."
Out of nowhere, Axel felt a crushing weight hit him, and his head crashed against the floor. His vision was blurry as he opened his eyes to find Roxas staring at him in horror.
I'm dying, just like Xemnas promised. This was his last chance to talk to Roxas. "Let's meet again in the next life," he said, smiling at Roxas's bewildered expression.
"I'll be waiting," Roxas replied as he took Axel's hand and smiled back at him.
Axel chuckled, delirious. "Silly. Just because you have a next life." And with that everything turned white.
*Author's note: Thanks for reading! This story is very near and dear to my heart. It's the sequel to a fic I started 10 years ago at the age of 19 entitled "More Confused Than Ever." You don't have to read that story to enjoy this one, but it might explain certain plot points better. I must say a huge thanks to my best friend for helping edit this fic. She's been reading my writing since we were 11 years old when we used to pass notes to each other in class, and I couldn't be more thankful for our long-lasting friendship and her killer editing skills.