a/n:

originally published in ao3 last march 1, 2020

scenario: set after 10 years just like in lnd. whole scene is based on 'devil takes the hindmost'. pretend that raoul still didn't know that erik was still alive by this time. he didn't encounter meg at the bar. nothing happened between erik and christine ten years ago. and no, no stupid bet took place in that bar. just really angsty stuff. also, yes, the premise of erik bringing (kidnapping) the de chagny family to phantasma is still there.

also, if it helps, i based raoul on simon gleeson's lnd raoul. as for erik, think of anyone tall and old enough who played the the role (poto or lnd) just because i am a huge sucker for height difference.

"Did you hear me? Another drink!" Raoul snapped at the bartender. He felt the alcohol rise up in his throat, rough and unpleasant. He already had too much but he still couldn't drown the pain.

Another one. He needed another one.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" He shuddered at how familiar the voice was. Even intoxicated, he could recognize that voice anywhere.

His head turned towards the source of the voice. Instead of the bartender, his gaze landed on a masked figure in front of him. He stood proud and tall, not like how he remembered him that fateful night in Paris. Raoul let out a weary sigh and chuckled to himself.

"Why would you care?" Raoul snarled at him and gulped the rest of his drink down. He winced at the unpleasantness it brought to his throat.

Erik observed the drunken fool in front of him, underwhelmed at Raoul's dismissive reaction. He was expecting he would stare at him in disbelief, cower in fear, or anything other than that, at least.

Erik was not aware that for Raoul, it was just another one of his drunken hallucinations.

It has been almost a decade since he saw Erik. The real Erik and not some figment of his imagination. It was quite peculiar to see Erik much older and jaded, when his brain would usually make him appear exactly as Raoul remembered him ten years ago. He commended his brain for being realistic, at least that was something new.

Erik has once again decided to visit and torment him.

Raoul couldn't care less.

He despised him. He was not real.

Erik is dead.

Yet he would often dream about him. He still heard him. He still felt him.

He still wished he was alive.

This wish—which he refused to acknowledge—would sometimes come true by means of some fabricated reality.

"That's quite enough," Erik's voice thundered in his ears and seized the glass out of his hand. Raoul shivered when he felt the coldness of his fingertips, startled that this Erik was able to touch him.

"I drown myself to forget," Raoul stood up and reached over the counter for his glass. Erik did not let him. "But why is it that the more I drink, the more you seem real?"

Erik finally understood that Raoul thought he was a product of his insobriety.

"I am here, Raoul," Raoul laughed bitterly and shook his head. Erik reached out a hesitant hand. The sound of the bar stool echoed as Raoul stumbled out of his seat. He did not allow Erik to leave yet another burning sensation on his skin.

"No, you aren't. You left. You left me," Raoul snarled. "You're dead and you still won't leave me alone!"

That was what Erik wanted everyone to think, after all.

Raoul leaned on the chair. His head was pounding, too tipsy to even stand up. Erik walked over to the other side and grabbed hold of him in order to support his weight.

"Get your hands off of me, you bastard!" Raoul pushed his hand away and stumbled away from Erik.

"I despise you," Raoul hissed as he put the bar stool between them.

Not like it mattered. Erik could not hurt him. Not anymore. No more.

"You used me."

"You wanted to break me and I let you," he roughly wiped away the hot, angry tears running down his face. "Are you finally satisfied to see me in such a pathetic state?"

"And what of you, de Chagny?" Erik asserted as he took a step forward. "You knew she left a piece of her heart and soul with someone you never imagined could be loved. Let alone be loved by her."

"You were that desperate to obtain what little I had of her," Erik threw the bar stool aside. Raoul flinched as Erik closed the distance between them. "You were as greedy as I was for her love."

Raoul aimed his fist at Erik's face and stumbled forward. Erik used this opportunity to grab him by his collar and pull him close until Raoul's face was only a few inches away from his.

"You already had everything. You could have anyone else you wanted and you still chose to take her from me," Erik gritted through his teeth, the taste of venom in his mouth. "I should have killed you long ago when I had the chance."

"You already did," Raoul breathed in exhaustion. Everything started to turn hazy. Raoul masked his pain with a small laugh. "Did that night even mean something to you?"

Erik's yellow orbs wavered. "You have given me something no one else was willing to," Raoul knew that was all he could get from Erik, but it did not mean Raoul did not want more from him.

"Yet you still wish it was her who held you," Raoul murmured. Erik did not deny this, and Raoul felt the gnawing sorrow in his heart. He already knew the magnitude of Erik's feelings for his wife, Christine. Why did it still feel like a slap on the face?

"You pretend as if you did it out of love," Raoul fell silent at this remark as Erik roughly let go of him. "Was it not to boost your own ego that you have gifted a monster something he always yearned for? Did it feel good that you have done your duty as a noble man and gave to those who had nothing?"

"Did you not do it to gain some sort of favor from me?" Erik tilted Raoul's jaw with his finger, a cruel smirk forming on his lips. "Did you not hope that this pitiful creature would be grateful enough to leave the two of you alone?"

"Damn you!" Raoul hurled himself at Erik, sending both of them on the floor. His trembling hands found its way around Erik's neck as he straddled him.

Raoul did not know why Erik let him.

"If that was what I wanted, I would have killed you before in that pitiful state and you know you would have let me!" Erik watched as Raoul's tears descended on his own cursed face. That time, Erik no longer had any reason to exist, until Raoul let him feel what it was like to be wanted. What it was like to be alive.

He longed to touch Raoul's anguished expression. Such a miserable, beautiful face. When Raoul did not shrink away, he finally let his fingers touch his cheek, catching one of his tears. It trickled down inside his sleeve. It might have been his imagination but he felt Raoul lean closer, as if he never wanted his touch to leave him.

"When you disappeared, I would look for you night after night. Your home. The graveyard. Dark alleyways. I was driven mad," Raoul's voice quivered. "I would hold Christine in my arms at night and be consumed with guilt when I knew that my body longed for another man."

"You're no longer here and I still think about what could have been. Don't you dare imply that I did what I did for something as shallow as that!" Raoul roared, seething with rage.

"Raoul," the younger man responded by tightening his hold around Erik's neck. Erik knew Raoul would never hurt him. He would have done it long ago if he could. He laid his hand on Raoul's arm in an attempt to calm him down. Raoul gasped at the contact and immediately loosened his grip, frightened of what he himself intended to do with Erik.

"Take me with you," Raoul pleaded. "I am...tired."

Raoul took Erik's face in his hands, closed his eyes and laid his forehead on his. He felt the coolness of the mask against his face. Raoul smelled of alcohol and the perfume he always wore which Erik has grown fond of.

"I want to be with you. Please, Erik," he murmured wearily.

"I am already here with you," Erik assured him once more.

"Stop saying that or I will eventually start believing you," Raoul mumbled sleepily.

"Then believe me."

"Are you staying?" Raoul asked, hopeful. Erik found it hard to miss the desperation in his voice.

Before Erik could respond, he felt Raoul's body go limp and weigh down on him as the alcohol and fatigue overtook him. Raoul's hot breath on his neck was a strange yet very familiar sensation. He laid a hand on his back and let the other tangle with his silky blonde locks. He pulled him closer just as he did that moonless night.

Erik sighed in resignation and regret. "Yes."

He was staying.

He was staying for another man's wife.

a/n:

i must admit that was quite painful to write.

inspired by beneath a moonless sky, where instead of christine, raoul was the one who got some diqué! some sad diqué action...?

also as you may have read at the end, just like in lnd, yes, erik is still after christine. raoul sweetie you deserve better.

thank you as always for reading! please don't hesitate to let me know what you think!