- A Diamond in the Rough -
Oh, I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam. Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home! Where the wind's from the east and the sun's from the west and the sand in the glass is right. Come on down, stop on fly, hop a bison and fly on another Arabian night!
Arabian nights, like Arabian days. More often than not, are hotter than hot, in a lot of good ways. Arabian nights, 'neath Arabian moons, a fool off his guard could fall and fall hard, out there on the dunes.
Ah, salaam, and good evening to you, my worthy friends! Please, please, come closer! Ow. Okay, not that close. There. My name is Sokka and I'll be your host for tonight.
And, now, introductions. Welcome to Agrabah! City of mystery, enchantment, blah blah blah, and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on now!
Oh, take a look at this! Yes, the best satchel you will ever find! Resistant, I can tell you. It used to be mine. And it has a long story behind it. You see, Katara, Aang and I were going to this village and… Oh, right. I'm not supposed to… Whatever.
Here's something else! I have never seen one of this intact before! This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware! Listen…. Wait, it's empty. How do they expect me to sell this piece of crap- Erm, I mean…
No, no, no, don't go! I'm not done yet! I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think, then, you would be most rewarded to consider… this. Don't be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, what matters is inside and all that jazz. So, are you buying it?
No? Then you won't get to hear the story behind it… A young girl who liked this lamp was more than what she seemed. A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear her tale?
Then, pay.
Yes. Hey, what do you think I make a living of? You're not paying for it? Fine. Then for-get it.
All right, all right, I'll tell ya!
Ahem! *in spooky tone* It begins on a dark night, where a dark woman waits, with a dark purpose…
The night was clear, but moonless. Only the dim light of the stars let Royal Vizier Azula see anything around her, amongst the dunes. A light breeze was blowing, raising tiny grains of sand that hurt the skin, but Azula's strong legs were protected by her heavy cloak.
"He's late. I told you, you shouldn't have picked him."
"Shut it, Ty Lee. I know what I'm doing."
"Suit yourself," the acrobat singsang, as she began to walk on her hands.
Ty Lee was bored.
She admired, and feared Azula enough as to follow her anywhere and help her with her plans, but waiting at midnight in the middle of the desert was almost more than she was willing to stand. Besides, as amazing, smart and bright as Azula was, she could still make mistakes sometimes.
In Ty Lee's eyes, tonight was a terrible mistake.
Not that she would dare to tell Azula, but she'd see for herself soon enough, anyway. The guy Azula had chosen was good-looking, Ty Lee could give her that, but as soon as he opened his mouth she knew he wasn't what they were looking for: He was just too arrogant.
It was so sad that that was the way Azula liked her men.
"Ah, I think there he is," Azula suddenly said. Ty Lee made a noise of joy, eliciting a frown from the Royal Vizier. "Keep it quiet, Ty Lee."
"Right."
Less than a minute later, a tall, handsome man climbed the dune over which the two ladies were waiting. His spiky black hair warned them of his presence before he got the chance to flash his dazzling smile at them.
But Azula wasn't in the mood to fall for fake smiles. "You're late."
The man widened his smile. "Yeah, I had to slit a few throats here and there."
Azula's voice remained cold as steel. "Did you get it, yes or no?"
The man displayed a small bag. "Of course I did. If you can't trust a Fire Fighter, who can you, eh?"
The Royal Vizier rolled her eyes for all answer and reached out to grab the bag, but Jet pulled it back with a small wink of complicity at Ty Lee. "Uh-huh. The treasure first."
Azula's eyes shot daggers at the man, and Ty Lee understood that as her cue to act before Azula could unleash her rage over the unsuspecting Jet. She somersaulted behind the young man and snatched the bag out of his hands.
"Hey!" The Fire Fighter tried to catch her, but Ty Lee was fast. She was out of his reach in a second, and, giving him a sly smile, she delivered the package to Azula. Jet frowned and drew his hooks, but Azula gripped his wrist in an iron fist before he could do anything. She glared a death threat at him, and Jet wasn't stupid enough as to underestimate her abilities.
She didn't need to say anything. Jet put his hooks back in place.
"Well, would you look at that," Azula crooned, pleased. "The peasant has learnt to behave. Good. Now let's see what you brought me."
She murmured at him as she peered into the bag. "You'll get what's coming to you, trust me."
Ty Lee laughed behind her. "'What's coming to you.' Good one, Azula."
Jet didn't like either woman's attitude, but he had lost his prize, so he waited. They better give him what they had promised, because a Fire Fighter never forgot an offense.
Royal Vizier Azula pulled out from an inner pocket half of a heavy, golden medallion with the shape of a scarab, and the other half from Jet's bag. With a smirk at Ty Lee, she joined both pieces of the scarab. Before their stunned eyes, the scarab began to glow, and a second later, it buzzed out of Azula's hands and flew away, towards the dunes.
"Quick! Follow the trail!" she ordered as she jumped onto the horse that was waiting at the foot of the dune. Ty Lee did not take the time to do that. She raced after the scarab, not losing sight of it. They had finally found the other piece of the whole, and she wasn't about to let the scarab disappear and let the Cave of Wonders sink into oblivion. Jet, on his part, ran after both women. He didn't want to lose his part of the promised treasure, either.
The scarab flew a small distance over the desert, until it reached a particularly large dune. There, it split in two halves and they plunged inside the dune, disappearing from sight. As Azula and Ty Lee exchanged a worried glance, though, the halves of the scarab began to glow from inside the dune.
Heavy wind began to blow, slapping their faces with sand, as the dune began to grow bigger and bigger, taking a definite shape, until the face of a huge turtle-lion was staring down at them, looking furious, the light from the halves of the scarab serving as glowering eyes.
"At last, after all my years of searching, the Cave of Wonders!" Azula whispered.
Ty Lee mouthed the words "Cave of Wonders", too much in awe to look at anything but at the mouth of the turtle-lion opening before them.
"Spirits!" Jet gasped behind them.
Azula turned to him, and spoke very close to his face, her golden eyes piercing into his. "Remember, bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!"
Jet swallowed hard, and gathered courage. He drew his hooks and walked slowly but determinedly towards the turtle-lion, his eyes glimmering in anticipation. But when the mouth of the monster opened, he was almost swept away by a sudden gush of wind.
"Who disturbs my slumber?!" the turtle-lion crooned, a line of impressive sand teeth, taller than the young man, glinting at an interior golden light.
"It is I, Jet, the Fire Fighter!"
"Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough."
Jet looked over his shoulder at the women, confused.
Ty Lee waved her hands, gesturing him to move forward. "C'mon, go!"
Jet stared at the eyes of the beast for another second, and then strolled forward to the cave.
Cautiously, he poked at one tooth with his hook, but nothing happened. Then, he lifted one foot and very slowly, touched the interior of the turtle-lion's mouth. When nothing happened, he swirled his hook around and flashed a smug smile at the ladies way behind him, taking a comfortable strut inside the cave.
But he hadn't given three steps when a deep roar filled the air and the cave began to tremble.
Jet immediately turned around to leave, but the mouth slammed shut before he could escape. With another horrible roar, the monster's head collapsed into the desert sand, turning into another harmless dune again.
The halves of the scarab slid down the dune, towards Azula and Ty Lee's feet, ceasing to glow.
"Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough…" an echo of the turtle-lion's voice faded into the silence of the night.
The acrobat rushed forward to pick the halves of the scarab before the night wind buried them in the sand.
"I told you he wasn't worth it! Oh, we're never gonna get hold of that stupid lamp! Azula, I swear, if I have to spend one more night in the middle of nowhere, getting my hair full of sand, and-"
"Well," Azula checked her fingernails with a carefully crafted air of carelessness, "clearly Jet wasn't the man for the job."
Ty Lee turned to look at Azula with a sweet smile that hid her anger. "No kidding! Who told you that before? Oh, yeah, yeah, I know… Me!"
But Azula was staring at the two halves of the scarab, too immersed in her thoughts to react at Ty Lee's misplaced anger. "We're so close."
"All I have to do is find this… diamond in the rough."
Notes: Well, as I said in the summary of the fanfic, this is mostly crack!fic, a retelling of the movie Aladdin, with the A:TLA characters as the characters from the movie. Obviously it's Zutara based, and meant to follow the plot of the film we love so much.
In fact, I started writing this around four or five years ago, and now I found it sitting in the folder of the shit I write and I figured, why not give it a shot?
Let me know what you think. I remember a few years back I genuinely cracked myself while writing this, don't know if it's that funny anymore but whatever. If you got cool ideas, I might write them into the text, so, don't be afraid to review!