Hello, ProxyEdgy here.
This is a small gag thing that contains crass language and silly hijinks. Terumi is our butt-monkey for the night, because torturing him is my favourite pastime. Enjoy!
*A Beach Day*
Ah, yes. A sunny summer day, not a single cloud in sight. Only the endless blue sky, stretching all the way to the far horizon. Hazama held his hat with a tight grip as he looked out the window, to the sparkly sand and the beauty of the Pacific Ocean. The air smelled fresh, with a hint of salt.
"Ugh. Can we go home already?"
Correction, many hints of salt. "Don't be like that, Terumi-san. Look around, it's a beautiful day outsi—."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Beautiful day outside, birds singing, flowers blooming and I just want nature to fuck the hell off." The ghost sighed, hiding himself a little more under the shadow of his hood. "I just know I'm gonna have a bad time. I can feel it."
Hazama sighed, not feeling up to the task of lifting the other's spirit. Unless it was in the literal sense, in which case he would gladly go the extra mile and throw Terumi-san out of the moving van. "We decided it fair, so stop your whining."
"'Fair'?" Terumi scoffed. "Say that to the hostage over there on the back."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Hazama replied with his most professional tone, turning to the back of the van. "Aren't we all here in agreement?"
"Sure thing, Hazama-san." The young boy replied with a polite smile. "We're just here to have fun at the beach."
"…"
"…"
"See? Sis and Mother agree."
"I'm glad to hear that." With an ever-widening smile, Hazama looked at the masked man through his slit eyes. "And you, Colonel?"
Relius Clover, being held at the mercy of both automations and a very trigger-happy child of his, nodded solemnly. "I am here of my own volition."
"Sure you are. The other option is death."
"Terumi-san, did you say something?" The mumbling ghost showed his teeth in a growl, but did not answer Hazama's question. "Well then, it seems we are all in agreement—"
"Nu wanted to come to the beach too." The white-haired girl at the driver's seat raised her voice.
"…Despite whatever opinions our designated driver may hold."
"Hey! Nu just said she agrees with you!"
"Nobody asked what you wanted, young lady. Now, please keep your eyes on the road, thank you very much." Hazama sighed, shifting a little in his seat and covering his face with the black hat. "Why does she even talk? Isn't she supposed to be an emotionless robot girl?"
"I think you may be mistaking ours for Kokonoe's knock-off, 'Lambda' something or other."
"Geez, so many lookalike faces, it's so hard to keep up…" Relaxing a bit, Hazama resumed smiling as usual. "Anyways, I'm terribly sorry, Terumi-san, but you'll have to accompany us in this small vacation."
"Why." It wasn't a question as much as it was a cry for mercy. Sadly for the ghost, he would not be spared that easily.
Why, indeed. Hazama was much chipper than usual today. Far from his usual politeness, he was actually looking forward to a day of fun and games. An intermission, in a sense. Yet another reality that would be forgiven and forgotten soon enough. And he just so happened to want to take everyone else down that path with him.
No matter how they felt about the whole ordeal, of course.
Soon enough, the van was parked side by side with a vintage motorcycle. Hazama didn't notice that at first, but he realized it very quickly when Terumi-san kindly busted the van's door open with a kick, hitting the other vehicle and making it fall over.
"Oops." Guilt being a foreign concept for the ghost, he merely jumped over Hazama, the broken door and the motorcycle on his way to be the first person to get out. "Oh well. Guess I'll have to find a place to watch you dumbasses from a distance."
Hazama was quick to leap over the mess and follow after him "I'm sorry to fail your expectancies, Terumi-san, but you are coming with me."
"What!? No, I'm not!" The sneaky serpent tried to flee, but Hazama held him by the cloak. "We're at the damn beach you wanted to visit so much, what do you even need me for?!"
"I have some activities I'd like to try today, but unfortunately for you I require assistance."
"…activities such as?"
"For one, I want to try burying someone in the sand and you seem like a good candidate."
"Hell no! Go screw around with Relius or that little brat! I will not be your little toy!"
Said people had just managed to circle around the mess the ghost had caused. "That's rude, Terumi-san. His name is Carl." Hazama replied with a wide smile. "And he is long due for some nice, fun and friendly time with his family, so I'm afraid I can't possibly deny the boy his precious moment."
He said that just as their gazes met, and Carl Clover politely nodded back at Hazama as he and the puppets dragged his father along.
Terumi was none too happy about the sight. "Well, what about Thirteen then?!"
"Nu-13 is staying here to fix the door you just broke." Hazama declared, to a very loud whining. "It's a very important job that really isn't appreciated enough, so let's just leave her at it and go, shall we?"
"I'm gonna… stay and… help her out! Yeah! That's what I'm gonna do." The ghost pulled back his cloak, trying to free himself from Hazama's grasp. "I'll be very busy, so just find someone else to play along with your antics, okay, Hazama-chan?"
"Terumi-san."
"…yeah?"
"Since when do you ever help someone else fix your own messes?"
"Huh… since… today. I've just grown a conscience. Like, at this very moment. From our very… educational trip all the way here."
Hazama slightly opened his eyes in disbelief. "Have you now?"
"Y-yeah… Of course…" The ghost was really doing a poor job to sell the act, and he was well aware of that. "I mean, I must help her, otherwise I'll die from this extreme condition."
"Oh, really?" Hazama played along, showing a hint of concern. "How unexpected. This needs to be treated right away!"
"Yeah, so you should just—"
"Tell me more about this sensation you're having, Terumi-san."
The ghost was taken aback by the request. "The sensation…?"
"Indeed. Why, if it is that strong, we may need to cancel today's plans and get you and Colonel Relius back as soon as possible. We must fix any ill that falls upon your fragile being, after all." Hazama even managed to get a hint of kindness in there for good measure. "So, what are you feeling? Do tell."
"Oh…" Terumi-san smiled for a moment, before twisting his expression. "I mean, ouch, my head is pounding. And I feel the butterflies in my stomach." At least he was semi-decent at pretending the part. "It must be the effects of guilt taking over my body. My heart is beating so fast, you can't even imagine."
"Oh my, is it that serious?"
"It is. It sure as hell is." Being loud and dramatic truly suited him best. "Hazama-chan, I feel I don't have much longer."
"Are you feeling lightheaded?"
"Yeah." He said, nodding vigorously.
"Is your vision blurry and hard to focus?"
"Yep." He declared, not once averting his eyes.
"Do you also feel your cheeks flushing?"
"Huh? Yeah, sure?" He replied, pale as paper.
"My God, Terumi-san. Your condition is much worse than you think." Hazama declared with utmost concern, which caught the ghost off-guard.
"It… is?"
"Yes! Going by what you just told me, which is all one-hundred-percent true, for you would have no reason whatsoever to lie about your condition…" Hazama took out his hat in a polite gesture to the soon-to-be departed. "I'm sorry to say there's no hope left for you."
"What!? Why?!" For a moment he almost seemed to forget it was all imaginary. But surely it was merely a trick of the light. "What deadly disease do I have?!"
"You appear to be… in love." Hazama even managed to shed a single tear, with the help of some eye drops he'd just used while the other was too concerned to notice. "I'm sorry, but it's probably terminal."
"In love?"
"It was nice meeting you, Terumi-san."
"I'm not in love, I'm fine! Actually, no, I'm actually sick!"
"To grant your final request, we shall have an incredibly fun day so you can forget all about your lethal condition."
"I made no such request!"
"Now, if you please, follow me to the beach." Hazama pulled the ghost by his arm. "Look, the young Carl and the Colonel were nice enough to set up our chairs while we talked. How kind of them."
That one of the four chairs just had a suspicious gadget planted underneath it was but part of the fun. "I hate my life." Terumi mumbled as he was dragged away.
"So do I, Terumi-san." Hazama admitted to himself in a low voice. "So do I."