This is mostly going to be a nonlinear story, but it is based on the concept of Donna leaving Harvey to work at Louis' desk in S5. While there he introduces her to his new client Thomas Kessler. They hit it off and life kickstarts for them. All of this means it is an AU so some things are going to vary + timeline will change.
The present-day in this fic is around 2022.
I have been working on this fic since November and only have this chapter done but am desperate for some feedback/love, please be patient with me.
Title from 'don't give up on me' by Andy Grammer.
Lastly, a HUGE shoutout to Zivits who not only helped create this scenario but has dealt with me throughout the process, offering guidance and support. It's been a while, and my memory is bad, but I know I sent very early versions of this fic to a few other people. If you read this early thank you so much for letting me send it to you and thank you for reading!
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we'll make it to the other side –– part one
He could remember the last time he saw her, three years ago, like it was yesterday. It drifted in and out of his mind, taunting him, living as a reminder of the decisions he made. Harvey supposed it could have been longer between sightings—by a long run—if they didn't have common friends. They only saw each other at gatherings it wasn't socially acceptable to not show up for. Not that Harvey had ever cared about what was socially right or wrong. But, this was their last unmarried friend, finally tying the knot, and Harvey realised he had taken every other engagement party and wedding for advantage. This was it. The last time there was an organised event where he knew she would be there. He'd downed four fingers of Macallan 18 before leaving the house just to prep himself, like this was a final goodbye in a six-year farewell tour. It didn't matter how much liquid courage he stowed away, nothing could or ever would prepare him for spotting Donna in a crowd.
She was beautiful, as always, red hair striking in the mid-afternoon sunlight catching his eye from a distance. It was incredibly hard to miss her, even when he was trying to avoid her altogether. He wanted to say that he had forgotten how radiant her smile was, but he hadn't. It was the one thing that refused to budge from his memory, not fading or blurring around the edges. It took his breath away regardless, Harvey glued to the spot as he watched her beaming at Louis. She was congratulating their friend and simultaneously pumping him up, trying to rid the man of undoubtable nerves. He wanted to join her, to make a joke about Louis before comforting the man, but that hadn't been Harvey's place for a long time. Although, maybe today the circumstances were different now that she was maid-of-honour and he was the best man.
Where the heck is Mike? He said he would be there; Harvey had double and triple checked more than could be deemed normal for a single man in his late forties who was attending a wedding alone. He just needed to know his best friend was going to be there, in town and in attendance to provide a buffer between Harvey and Donna.
Resigning to the fact that neither Mike nor Rachel were currently present in the moving throng of guests, Harvey sucked in a deep breath. He had to steady himself before taking a step towards Donna and Louis, deciding it was better now than being cornered into it later.
'Getting cold feet?' He teased, forcing a large grin as he smacked the back of Louis's shoulder with a hearty hand. His friend chuckled; the sound full of nerves as he shook his head.
'Hi,' Donna breathed, the sound barely there all while simultaneously making Harvey's heart stop.
He let his eyes flicker towards her, hoping they didn't betray more than he was willing to let on; 'Hey.' His smile felt genuine, if not pained as he took her in up close for the first time in a long while. He hated that things came between them, that they fell apart like this and he did nothing but continue to distance himself from her. Just like the sun, you can't get too close without being burned and every day with her after was excruciating. 'You look beautiful.' The comment was both customary and truthful. She was stunning in a simple baby blue gown, an off the shoulder number that tied itself in elegant bows just above her elbow.
Donna smiled, the shape of her lips shy as her lashes fluttered before she met his gaze. 'You scrub up pretty well yourself.' The tux wasn't all that different from what he usually wore to events, the same ensemble Donna had seen him in a thousand times over but the glasses were new. He wondered if she would comment on them, strong black frames now sitting on his face. It turns out, when Donna left him his eyesight started to fail. He felt warm thanks to her compliment no matter how standard the remark. It came from Donna of all people, her eyes travelling over him in a way that seemed to make his skin hum.
'Where's the top hat?' Louis interrupted, inserting himself into the pleasant warmth of their quiet moment with his blubbering jowls.
It was Louis's wedding, yes. And yet, Harvey couldn't help but roll his eyes in Donna's direction before answering: 'I'm not wearing the hat'.
'But you have to wear the hat.'
'Louis,' Harvey started, facing his friend head on. 'I'm not wearing the hat, it's ridiculous.'
The groom stopped, took a step back and stared at Harvey before his hands lifted to flail in the air. 'That's the whole point, you look ridiculous on my wedding day. The one day Harvey Specter ––my best man––isn't allowed to trump me.'
'I can step down.' Harvey shrugged, nonchalant about the position and more than happy to back out if Louis wanted to be particular about it.
Donna scolded him on a quiet breath, old banter wiggling to the surface of the years she had to force him to tolerate Louis. 'No,' He was quick to stop Harvey. 'You look fantastic, as always.' The hat was both forgotten and forgiven with a flick of Harvey's charm that was irresistible to so many. He threw a cheshire cat grin in Donna's direction, looking for her support and the familiar eye-roll she used to admonish him with.
It was right there, her eyes moving and smile tugging at her lips as mirth spread between the three of them. It was familiar and comfortable as if no time had passed, as if she had never left.
'Mommy!' A young girl barrelled into Donna's legs, arms wrapping around her skirts as she tilted her head up and called her name a second time. Molly Paulsen-Kessler. He had to step back to fully take in how similar the girl was to the woman who had given her life and how much she had changed since the last time he saw her.
She had only been two or three then, still toddling around and squawking half gibberish demands. She was taller now, lanky, higher than her mother's hip but no taller than the bottom of her ribs. Her hair was strawberry blonde, fair and light, like it hadn't quite made up its mind on taking her mother's colouring or not. She seemed so much like a young human as opposed to the pudgy toddler she had been.
It had been three years since he stepped away from watching that little family grow without him. Harvey had locked himself out with one bad decision and an inability to tell Donna how he felt. He had failed to cherish her while he had her and because of that she had strayed from him, seeking out her own happiness without his aid.
Harvey wondered where Thomas was in all of this. If Donna was there, her daughter too, her husband wouldn't be far behind. She had married Thomas Kessler, a new client of Louis's not long after she left Harvey's desk. It seemed only fair that the businessman would be enamoured with her, like they all were. Six months later she was pregnant and not long after that, a dazzling engagement ring adorned her finger.
He would need another drink before the wedding started.
Thomas was nice enough, but Harvey couldn't help but get the feeling that the other man knew exactly what he had taken from him. Donna was one of a kind and Thomas had beat him to the punch.
Donna excused herself, giving Louis an excited grin as she took her daughter's hands and stepped away from their small huddle, the bubble long since burst. Harvey took his leave, clapping Louis on the back as he told him he had things to do.
Another scotch wasn't the most important thing he should have been doing before he helped his friend get married and yet, the bar was calling for him. The attendant there had been hesitant, telling Harvey they weren't supposed to start serving anything until the reception had started. Harvey had glowered, slid the twenty-something a bill and asked again for his scotch. 'Harvey.' Mike's voice was a familiar comfort seeking him out amongst the growing mass of wedding guests finally ready to start the celebration. Harvey turned from the bar where the bartender had reluctantly poured him a second drink. He embraced his friend, firm arms hugging the younger man tightly as a smile spread across his face. It had been two years and he still missed Mike like crazy.
'Where's Rachel?' Harvey was looking eagerly for her, happy to see yet another familiar and friendly face who would embrace him with joy.
Mike shrugged, 'she's helping Donna with the kids. They're great, just it's been a big day already for them. I had to escape when Micah started having a meltdown.' He forgot often and on purpose that she had a second child, Micah, who still had to be little if Harvey's memory served him right. He had made himself scarce from their social circles almost the second after he found out she was pregnant again. The sight of her rounding belly, expanding for the second time only filled him with dread. It was the final straw for Harvey, the reminder that this was permanent, and he needed to start getting a grip on the reality that was waiting for him.
What did he expect would happen when she married Thomas Kessler and had his child? It was as if Harvey always thought she would come back to him and when she didn't, time and time again stretching herself further away he felt stung, damaged, discarded. Thomas not only married her, he had the right mind to make Donna his COO, a position she not only deserved but was destined to thrive in. It was only natural that a second baby would join their little family and likely a third, if that's what they wanted. Nevertheless, Harvey removed himself, purposefully not turning up to events he was sure she would be present at in order to avoid the ache of his broken heart and the salt that liked to grind itself into his wounds.
He was going to be forced to look at them while he stood at the altar with Louis, Donna radiant in the pews, her kids sitting like wiggling worms trying so hard to be good and patient beside her. He couldn't stop looking, she was where his eye landed every time, his aching heart crushed up inside of his chest as his eyes wandered towards her again and again. She could have been his––those kids, his––had he not ruined everything they had. If he just didn't say it they wouldn't have been here, she would have stayed at his desk, she never would have met Thomas Kessler, had his babies or married him.
It would have been so easy to keep his mouth shut, just a little while longer. Instead, Harvey told her he loved her, before he was ready to commit to the confession entirely and it had pushed Donna away.
[...]
The reception was in full swing, music playing above the din of voices as couples danced. Harvey had found himself a quiet corner to people watch, scotch in his hand, eyes on his friends in a small huddle just near to the centre of the dance floor. Donna was part of that group, swaying alongside Mike and Rachel, her son on her hip as her daughter, Molly, twirled in circles, letting her skirt balloon with the movement.
They all looked so happy, peaceful and content with their lives exactly where they were in that moment. He was happy for them, even as his heart gave a squeeze that he didn't have this for himself.
He lost himself to a daydream for a little while and the next time he zeroed in on his friends dancing, it was only Mike and Rachel, wrapped in an embrace, laughing at Molly trying to mimic their dance with her little brother. The redhead was gone, making Harvey's brows knit together as he squinted, trying to spot her. She must have excused herself for some reason or another, disappearing into the mass of people in attendance, Harvey content with his assumption until a fresh glass of his favourite scotch was placed beside him and the redhead herself settled in the free chair to his left.
'I thought maybe you could drink that and then we could dance.' Her smile was warm, shy but present as her eyes shimmered with a fondness that made his heart ache harder.
'Where's Thomas tonight?' He found it odd the man wasn't there, celebrating the night away when his wife looked that stunning.
Donna hesitated, fingers playing with her own drink as her eyes averted Harvey's. 'We got divorced … about six months ago.' Divorced. Part of him felt heavy, the air held in his lungs, heavy and remorseful. The other half felt relieved, it was over. He told himself this would be her forever and here she was telling him that wasn't the case.
Harvey Reginald Specter had a second chance at proving he loved Donna Paulsen. He knew now, the things to tell her, the ways to answer her questions. Seven years of watching her find happiness with someone else finally gave him the words he needed. He shouldn't have felt so giddy, light at the prospect of fixing his one wrong move. She just got divorced. He needed to give her space.
'Shit.' Was all that managed to come out, his hand lifting the scotch to his lips.
Donna shrugged, 'It was for the best.' She gave him a smile, hazel eyes meeting chocolate brown. 'Honestly, we were struggling before Micah, held together for him but it just wasn't worth losing our respect for each other. I love him, he's the father of my children, but we couldn't let it get nasty. Not for the kids.' Last he heard; Donna was still working with Thomas. She likely didn't want it to head to a bad place because of her job as well.
'I'm sorry.' He felt it needed to be said. He was sorry, they had been good when he saw them. He was jealous not only because Harvey wished he occupied Thomas' space in her life, but also because they seemed to be the fairy tale so many aspired for.
'Don't be.' Her smile widened. 'Some things aren't made to last.' He could respect that. Seven years ago, Harvey had been battling with a similar concern. It was why she left him to begin with. In a weak moment, a scared moment, he told Donna he loved her and when he couldn't commit to how or why––frightened that it would tear them apart––it destroyed them.
It felt out of place to be sitting there with her now, divorced, like the world was holding a door open for him and he just had to step through it. Over the last few years, he had convinced himself that they would have been unstoppable if he had just been able to find the courage to tell her how he really loved her. It would have been them getting married, having babies and living as the embodiment of romance everyone else strived for. Instead, he faltered––hesitated––let his nerves get the better of them. History wrote them a different story.
'How's Scottie?' She asked, quiet and gentle trying not to pry but dropping the hint that she knew. Of course, she knew about Scottie, he should have expected that. Their friends didn't tell him much about her anymore, but he wasn't sure how far that extended in the other direction. He doubted they needed to tell her at all. 'We ended things a few weeks ago.' The timing here was everything.
'How have you been?' She looked concerned like she thought that without someone Harvey would let go of the tether holding him up. Harvey shrugged, what version of the truth did he give her? His smile was weak, barely there, like his heart was tearing itself from edge to edge right there on his face. He didn't have much left to lose anymore. 'Honestly, I've missed you.' He missed having her in his life in the simplest of ways. He missed hearing about her. Mike and Rachel stopped giving him information on her, Louis too, and from there he had felt the emptiest he had been in years. They used to bump into each other here and there, sometimes at the office, events, parties their friends were throwing. Before that, she used to invite him to things. Her own wedding, baby shower, dinners stopped long before she and Thomas started dating. It was something. He missed her in every possible way. Even when it hurt. Even when he knew he would be tearing himself up inside to see her happy with her family, he wished he had never stopped attending the things they were invited to. A glimpse of her was better than nothing.
Donna pulled her chair towards his, the two of them almost sitting knee to knee. 'I never went anywhere, Harvey.' He was the one who extracted himself. 'You were always welcome.' He just didn't want to sit in the living room of a home she bought with her husband while her baby nursed in her arms or napped in the other room.
'I have realised now, letting you go was the stupidest thing I've ever done.' He hoped she understood what he meant, letting her go in the broadest sense, in all the tiny little ways. Harvey could see it on her face, the recognition, her soft smile faded just a little as her eyes brimmed with barely-there tears.
Donna opened her mouth to say something, her body reaching towards his just as a small blonde head appeared at her hip, bright cheeky grin beaming up at her. 'Hi, baby.' Donna softened immediately, her smile more relaxed as she lifted the little boy into her lap and kissed his cheek. Her hands fluffed with his hair, trying to tame unruly curls as he buried his head against her chest. 'Hey, Micah, this is Harvey.' She tapped his cheek, head bent to talk to him as she used the same hand to point at Harvey sitting across from her.
He had always been Harvey never Uncle Harvey like the rest of them. He wondered what he had done to not deserve that title, tried not to let it bother him.
'Can you say 'hi'?' She asked her son, voice gentle in a way that made Harvey swoon. He had never thought about it before she found herself in this position, but somehow, he knew she would be a great mother. Harvey couldn't help but beam watching her, waiting for Micah to turn his face towards him.
As if his batteries had been replaced, Micah sat up straight, his jaw hanging low as his tongue lolled from his mouth. The little boy was panting, puzzling Harvey for a second before he barked and the whole charade made sense. Donna flushed, cheeks turning bright pink as she tried to chide the boy who didn't listen.
'It's a phase.' She explained, embarrassed, trying to brush it off.
Harvey only shook his head, chuckling as his arms reached out for the barking little boy in his mother's lap. Micah transferred easily, looking up at Harvey, still panting. 'Funny, when I was told you had a boy, I didn't consider he might have been a puppy.' Micah barked at him, jumping in Harvey's lap and almost headbutting him.
'Micah.' Donna warned.
Harvey laughed. 'No, no, Donna, you're mistaken. This is Max, not Micah.' He tickled the boy, hands swift under his arms as he began to squirm, easy giggles bursting from his chest. 'Hello, Max.' Harvey teased, still tickling the boy who only laughed harder before he started to giggle:
'No, no, no, Micah!'
He stopped his assault, hands still at the boy's sides as he looked up, assessing Harvey as Harvey studied him back. 'Oh, sorry it is Micah.' He threw Donna a lopsided grin, waiting for the boy to settle. Micah only squirmed, restless toddler energy seeping from within with every giggle. 'I thought you were a puppy.' Harvey teased, laugh rumbling in his chest as he grinned at the little boy trying to pull himself into a stand on his lap. 'You know, it's kinda funny, your Uncle Mike used to be a puppy too.' Not two seconds after Micah was steady, he reached eager little hands towards Harvey's face, body wobbly in a stand on his lap as Harvey tried to keep him from toppling over while ducking from overzealous toddler fingers. He felt small fingers against the rough of his stubble, sticky hands sliding up his face in exploration as Harvey squeezed his eyes shut to protect himself.
Despite his best efforts, Micah still managed to pluck Harvey's glasses from his face, frames almost poking him in the eye as they slid across his temples. Little fingers pressed themselves all over the glass as Harvey blinked once, twice, eyes adjusting momentarily.
'Micah,' Donna scolded, 'Harvey needs those'. Harvey laughed, waving her off as her mothering hands tried to pry his glasses from sticky toddler fingers.
'He's fine.' Harvey gave Donna an encouraging smile as Micah put the glasses on his face upside down. 'Who do they look better on, me or him?' He still held the boy under his arms as Harvey pressed his cheek to Micah's, offering Donna a broad grin as she sat back in her chair. She watched them with something Harvey hadn't seen in a long time, the contemplation that told him big thoughts were rolling around in her head, difficult ones. The same look she wore when she nervously told him she was pregnant with Molly and again when she announced Thomas' proposal in the quiet tension of Harvey's office. But Thomas wasn't in the picture anymore, they had divorced and unless she was about to tell him she was pregnant for the third time, Harvey didn't know what he should have been anticipating.
Donna smiled, lips pulling up shy and slow. 'I don't know, he has youth on his side.'
'You are not that much younger than me.' His response was playfully defensive, dimple pooling in his cheek. Micah giggled, hands pulling at the arms of Harvey's glasses, dragging the frame down his nose where the bridge smacks his chin. Harvey turned to him, checking his glasses and the boy were okay, bright green eyes beaming at him as if the child had achieved something marvellous and was thrilled to share it with a watching Harvey.
Micah, beaming, pulled Harvey's glasses away from his chin and thrust them towards the man, Harvey narrowly missing a chubby fist to his cheek. He righted his glasses in Micah's hands, turning them up the right way before leaning forward, letting the little boy slide them back into place. 'Thank you, Micah.' Harvey praised despite the lenses now marked with sticky fingerprints, the frames feeling slightly loose against his head as if they had been stretched or bent the wrong way.
'Tah!' Micah gave him, eyes still shining in a way that only seemed to pull Harvey in. The boy tapped his cheek, fingers on the beginning of a beard he was contemplating keeping.
'The whole circus is here,' Donna chimed as Harvey lifted his head away from her son and back towards the call of her voice. There standing by her side, head leaning on her mother's arm, was Molly. It floored him, how much she looked like her mother. Standing together or apart the similarities were endless, little details chiselled here and there like a perfectly crafted sculpture. For five, she looked mature––or as mature as a five-year-old could look––with her stern expression and worldly hazel eyes.
'Do you remember Harvey?' Donna asked, hand stroking down her daughter's strawberry blonde ringlets. Molly shook her head, lips pressed in a firm line. Despite Molly's hesitation, Micah settled further into Harvey's lap, his back heavy against Harvey's chest, small body slumping as he ran Harvey's tie through his fingers. 'He's a friend from a long time ago, friends with Uncle Louis, Uncle Mike and Auntie Rachel, too.'
'Why didn't he come to Thanksgiving?' She tilted her head up, asking her mother the question as if it was all so simple. If he really was a friend, he would have been there.
Donna baulked. 'I had to go see my family this year.' Harvey supplied a quick answer, not involving the fact that he hadn't been invited to a Donna related event in three years and even if he had, it was likely Harvey would not have shown his face.
Molly watched him with a calculating stare. He couldn't count on both hands the number of times Donna had stared him down like that, watching and waiting for the real answer to slip from his lips. Molly straightened, shoulders in an even line as she pulled away from her mother and pursed her lips. 'Uncle Mike says you broke Mommy's heart.' A beat passed between them, Harvey could feel his heart hammering against Micah's back, the boy none the wiser in his lap. 'How do you break someone's heart?' She asked, blinking at him with an innocence that made his chest hurt.
Fucking Mike.
Donna's mouth opened, her hand squeezing Molly's arm, but nothing was said. Nothing squeaked out. Harvey met her eyes, hazel gaze shining with a warning of the territory they didn't usually cross.
He leaned forward as much as he could with a heavy toddler sitting in his lap, boy tugging on a tie that would only choke Harvey if he moved too far. 'You hurt their feelings, really badly. So bad they can't ever think of forgiving you because it hurt so much.' So bad that they leave, marry another man because you pushed them too far and the tether snapped. He knew he hurt her––hurt himself––but Harvey had never considered it a heartbreaking move.
'Did you say sorry?' She asked him, a little girl in a stuffy formal dress playing more mature than what he had back then.
Harvey shook his head, 'No. I didn't.' That word didn't exist in his vocabulary unless she pushed him into it, unless she teased at his open edges, fingers finding all his soft places. He took 'don't apologise for who you are' to a terrible level where everyone hurt because he was a selfish jerk, too emotionally stunted to accept that he had well and truly hurt her this time. All he did was let his guard down, the two of them hovering far too close, like moths and the flame that burned them.
'You should try saying sorry.' Molly answered, light and impossibly sweet. How easy things were in her world. Say sorry and all would be fixed. It didn't always work that way with adults, not in the heat of a moment and likely not years after he had hurt her. That didn't mean it wasn't worth a shot. He lifted his head, gaze meeting Donna's once again, hazel eyes swimming with a vulnerability he was too scared to touch. 'Are you going to break her heart again?' Molly asked beneath their locked eyes as Harvey felt his focus zone in on Donna, everything else around them melting away.
'Molly,' he started, 'the last thing I want to do is break your mom's heart. I wouldn't dream of it.' He could only hope she understood how sincere he was being as he mouthed 'I'm sorry' over Micah's blonde head. Did that win him any points? Oh God, was he trying to win points? Was he desperate enough to make a move not twenty minutes after he found out she was divorced? Harvey wanted to throttle himself, but Donna only smiled, that brilliant electric way she did that made his heart hop, skip and jump.
'I'm cold.' Molly interjected, tugging on her mother's dress. 'And Uncle Louis said there was more cake.' The moment broke, eyes sliding away as their attention was drawn to Molly, forcibly shaking in front of them.
'Where's your cardigan?' Mother asked and daughter shrugged, five-years-old and all too forgetful. 'Do you mind?' Donna turned to Harvey; her finger pointed at Micah in his lap.
Harvey shook his head, 'No, go find her cardigan. We're old buddies now.' He smiled, tickling the boy under the arms a little to entice the little boy back into his wriggling form with peels of laughter.
'Are you coming with me?' She asked Molly, hand outstretched, fingers dancing for her daughter to take a hold of. Molly shook her head, stepping towards Harvey, her hand on the arm of his chair. 'I'll be ten minutes.' Donna levelled Harvey with a stare, much like her daughter's gaze as if she was assessing how accurately he would handle two children in his care.
'We'll be fine.' He gave her a reassuring smile. 'Mike and Rachel are just over there.' And they were the couple slow dancing in each other's arms on the outer layers of the dancefloor. Donna gave him a short nod before leaning over to run her hand through Micah's hair and kiss the top of Molly's head. 'It's just for ten minutes.' He teased her, likely less. All she was doing was getting her daughter's cardigan from wherever it had been discarded. He couldn't help but watch her as she walked away, the skirts of her dress swaying with her movement. 'Can you get me another piece of cake too?'
'You're pushing it, Specter.' Donna called, flashing him a smile over her shoulder.
It didn't hit him until Donna was out of sight that he was sitting in a quiet corner, alone, with two children. Molly was staring at him, watching the way he handled Micah who was kneeling on his lap now, arms reaching for Harvey's glasses once again.
'That's my brother.' She told him as Harvey tried to dodge Micah's hands.
'He sure is.' Harvey beamed at her, watching as she settled herself on her mother's chair, little legs in frilled white socks dangling off of the floor in delicate white shoes that were starting to stain from the grass.
'Hims name is Michael.' Harvey nodded, evading a second grab for his glasses. He tickled Micah, making him wobble, hands clutching at his shirt instead of reaching for his glasses. 'He wants your glasses.'
'I know.'
'You should give them to him.' The air of authority she spoke with, despite her age, amused Harvey. Only Donna would have a stubborn little daughter, making heavy-handed suggestions to people she barely knew.
Harvey chuckled, 'why's that?'
'Mommy says that we gotta look after Micah extra nice because he was borned so little he's extra special.' He didn't know that. A pain pierced him in the heart, there was nothing he could have done now or then to make it easier but to know that Donna had experienced something less than perfect hurt him. She deserved so much more than that. He had let her go in the hopes that she wouldn't know pain, suffering or misfortune.
Micah's fingers found the lenses of Harvey's glasses, smudges making his vision worse. He smiled at the boy, watching him past widespread fingers with a goofy grin. Micah giggled, mouth spread wide in his own mimicry of Harvey's expression, toothy and charming. He tickled the boy in response, making him wobble as Harvey kept him in secure hands, the boy only giggling louder.
It wasn't a minute later when a caterer brought two plates over, each carrying a slice of cake and a fork. The girl said nothing, only slid the plates onto the table beside Harvey and stepped away. Molly watched the dessert with blown-wide eyes as if the dishes would disappear by magic had she not taken it upon herself to stare them down.
'That one's for me.' She announced, hand sliding up from her side to slither across the table, index finger pointed strong and true at the one slide of decadent chocolate cake. Harvey eyed her light-coloured dress, no different to her mother's. What would her mother say about the dark, sticky, crumbly cake and her daughter's formal wear? The other slice was vanilla, or what looked like it, the icing a dark coloured buttercream decorated with flowers that felt safer than the option she really wanted. He felt a sweat build up on the back of his neck, his brow damp at the thought of this being his decision. Where was Donna? He looked around as he resettled Micah in his lap, sitting the boy down and holding him there. He was hoping to see her approaching, Molly's cardigan in hand. But, amongst the crowd of people still dancing and celebrating the Litt/Sazs wedding, Donna was nowhere to be found.
'Ah,' he started, head still turned away, now hoping to spot Mike or Rachel, someone who had some sway over these kids and could make a better call on this than him. 'I don't think your mom––' Molly was already digging into the cake when he turned back to address her, chocolate smeared across her cheeks, her mouth full and her eyes gleeful. '––would want you to eat that one.' He finished, dejected that he had not foreseen her actions.
''It's yummy!' Molly grinned, lips lined with icing and cake crumbs. Her eyes shone with a childlike glee Harvey couldn't find himself to be irritated with. Instead, he felt his chest shift, expanding a little at the joy he found on her face, cake soaked into her cheeky grin. 'You can have that bit.' She offered, granting Harvey permission he didn't need.
It was good fortune that Molly giggled when she did––a warning that he had let his guard down too soon––as Micah was in his lap, leaning toward the table with his small hand extended towards the last plate of cake. Although the warning had helped, he was too slow in stopping toddler fingers from grabbing a fistful of dessert.
'Not so fast.' His reflexes managed to catch Micah's hand before it flung anywhere else, covered in icing and moist vanilla sponge. God, Donna was going to kill him. 'Watch your hands, okay?' He didn't know what he was more concerned about; his suit or Micah's, the little boy wiggling in his best attempt to get his hand sloppily in his mouth while Harvey held his wrist. He watched him struggle, determination on his little face, tongue poking out in concentration as he tried to get his mouth closer to his hand. 'You know what, you got it, you deserve it.' Harvey reached for a cloth napkin sitting on the table and spread it across Micah's lap before he let go of his wrist.
Fist collided with mouth; green eyes wide with a sugar rush as Micah giggled around his victory. He offered his cake-filled fist up to Harvey who could only laugh. 'I'll pass, thanks.'
Harvey watched the children, Donna's children, with a lightness in his chest that bubbled into an offset feeling of joy. They were ridiculous, chaotic and even though he felt a high level of stress just watching them for several minutes, he couldn't have found himself happier anywhere else.
'You know, if you don't eat that, I will.' Molly announced, precocious as the woman who raised her as she waved her fork in the direction of Harvey's half massacred slice of cake. A lump formed in his throat thanks to how much like her mother she looked in that moment, staring him down with an all-knowing glare that swore to take no prisoners in its warning.
'Well, shit, I better dig in then.' He kept an arm still tight around Micah's middle, ready to turn towards the table before a voice interrupted them.
'Don't say shit in front of my kids.' There was a laugh there, humour sparkling in her eyes as Donna approached, smile wide. 'I see you got the cake.' She was trying to purse her lips together, playing for stern as Molly ignored her presence and Micah turned to her with a cheeky grin, still working away at sucking icing off his hands. 'They didn't cause you any trouble, did they?' Donna draped Molly in her cardigan, tapping the girl's hip to get her to stand before she took her seat and hoisted her daughter into her lap.
Harvey shrugged, 'they're kids'.
'That doesn't answer my question.' She brushed back Molly's hair, watching her with a cautious eye as Molly scooped another forkful of cake towards her. 'Be careful with that.' Donna warned.
'Harvey gave it to me!' She beamed, tilting her head back to show her mother her joy.
'Is that so?' Donna eyed him with a curious smirk.
Harvey gave her a lopsided shrug, 'she asked for it?'
'Did Micah ask to eat with his hands?' She passed him a napkin, fighting a smile and pointing at a mark on his tux jacket as she did so.
'No, but I wouldn't have been opposed.' He joked, knowing how well Donna would see right through him. Harvey couldn't find a place to be mad at the cake on his clothes. Micah's grin made it worth it.
'Some?' Micah asked him, arm extended to Harvey's face once again, still covered in cake. The little arm waved, unsteady in the air like a tall skyscraper. He didn't know what it was that compelled him to take the plunge, accepting the toddler's sticky fingers against his face and the proffered piece of cake held between little fingers.
'Yum. Thanks.' He hummed to the boy, surprised he wasn't cringing as he flashed Micah a wide smile.
When he turned back to Donna her smile was radiant, beaming from ear to ear with a fondness he sorely missed. 'Who are you and what have you done with the Harvey Specter I used to know?'
Harvey's shrug was noncommittal, a slide of the shoulder that answered her question with an I am as puzzled as you are. The truth was, age had made him soft, had made him long for the things he should have had by now. He had always been good with kids; Donna just never saw that side of him. Things might have been different if she knew that, hell, they had a chance to be different now.
That smile still sat in place, almost dreamy as she looked at him with brand new eyes. 'You're good with them.' She persisted, something in her eyes shining as she watched him.
His stomach rolled, a confession sitting on the tip of his tongue that his mind couldn't decide whether to release or not. He chose the former. 'Would you believe me if I told you that the reason Scottie and I ended things was because I wanted kids and she didn't.' Donna's movements stopped, her hand poised halfway between them, a baby wipe clutched in her fingers for Micah's sticky hands. She blinked; the movement caught in disbelief. 'Hard to believe, right?'
Donna shook her head even though he knew the answer was yes. 'Just unexpected. I didn't know you wanted that.'
He gave her another noncommittal shrug, his grip on her son tightening as Micah continued to lick the remnants from his cake victory off his hands. 'Neither did I until we thought she was pregnant, and the test came back negative.'
'Harvey,' Donna sighed, the sound of her heart breaking spilling through her words.
'We couldn't find a way to compromise.' He took the baby wipe from her without meeting her pity filled gaze. 'It was going to happen sooner or later.' He busied himself with gently wrestling Micah for control over one sticky hand, mostly licked clean of cake crumbs while the boy snacked on the other.
'It doesn't make it any less unfortunate. Maybe she'll come back, change her mind.' Donna offered, trying to be hopeful. He knew what she was thinking, he and Scottie had always been magnets. They always came back to each other, eventually.
'I don't want her to change her mind.' She wasn't who he was looking for and even though he had moments of certainty that Scottie was the one, he didn't want to force her hand on something she didn't want. She knew, as much as he did, that even though the years had been easier for them and Harvey had made miles of progress in therapy. The heart wanted what it wanted, regardless of it was available or not. They chose to split amicably so Harvey could find someone who would one day––soon––would want to have babies with him and so Scottie could continue on child and guilt-free.
'Is there more cake?' Molly asked, voice reaching between the adults who had somewhat forgotten her presence.
Donna laughed, chuckle bubbling from deep in her chest. 'Oh, I am sure there is but you have had more than enough.' She turned to her daughter, wiping a persistent smudge of chocolate off her cheek. 'It's bedtime, sweetheart.' Molly's mouth opened, her joyful little smile morphing into a frown as she started to whine. Donna levelled her with a pointed look, the girl stopping her noise not long after she started. 'Why don't you go say goodnight to Auntie Rachel and Uncle Mike?' The suggestion was full of encouragement, Donna's pointed stare softening into a gentle smile to temper her daughter's mood.
The upset of bedtime melted quickly at the thought of a few extra minutes to say goodnight and the curiosity towards whether or not Mike and Rachel would help her convince Donna of another dance or slice of cake. Molly skipped, her steps exuberant, towards her aunt and uncle, strawberry blonde locks bouncing behind her as she went.
They watched as Molly crossed the clutter of half-empty tables until Rachel spotted her, aware that the girl was heading in her direction. 'She's a lot like you.' Harvey grinned, a fondness stirring in his belly. Donna deserved this, a precocious little daughter an exact mini of herself. The world deserved this, not that he was sure anyone was ready.
'She's pretty great.' Donna turned back to him, the corners of her mouth pulled up into a grin so joyous and proud he couldn't help but feel it. 'They both are.' Her eyes drifted towards Micah still in Harvey's lap, hands as clean as he could get them. 'I'll take him.' Donna stepped toward, arms reaching out for her son, his eyes fighting to stay open.
'Your dress––' Harvey tried to protest, knowing full well Micah wasn't entirely clean from his stolen dessert.
Donna shrugged before she was in his personal space, hands wrapping around her little boy and lifting him into her arms. 'Comes with being his mom.' Micah settled, his head against the freckles of her shoulder, his body slumped against her chest. She kissed the top of his head, taking a step back as Harvey rose from his chair in front of her, one hand covering hers on Micah's back.
'Are you sure?' He just wanted to help; she was divorced now but that didn't mean she had to wrangle two kids on her own. Besides, he hated to see such a pretty dress get ruined. Donna gave him a nod, her smile still soft and warm, glowing at the edges in a way that made his chest ache. He didn't want to pull his hand away, to let go of Donna or her child, just like he didn't want the night to end just yet. It felt too soon, too early despite the fact that she had children to put to bed.
Donna gave him a warm smile and calm, motherly tone, that supplied her reassurance. 'We have a room on the estate, it's fine.' She didn't need help corralling the children's scattered items or packing them into a car for the near two-hour drive from Southampton back to Manhattan. There was no chance for him to offer to drive her home, using the excuse of a long day to steal another few hours with her, kids fast asleep in the backseat as they took to the highway. He wasn't going to have the opportunity to watch her in the passenger seat, highway lights flashing across her face as they drove, Harvey keeping the speed steady, just slow enough to buy them a few more minutes before they got closer to the city.
Instead, she only had to walk across the grass from the main house with the large outdoor patio that hosted Louis' wedding to the additional buildings that housed accommodation. Harvey felt like he was losing his chance, the words bubbling up inside of him, hovering at his peripheral but not quite there for him to reach, not yet, he needed just a little more time.
When he looked up, Molly was leading Mike and Rachel back towards them just as panic started to stir in his chest. He wasn't ready to let go of this just yet, not her, not when he felt there was a chance he just needed to make himself move, needed to realise that this time, like every other time before it, would leave him behind if he couldn't keep up.
Mike had a smug look on his face when he approached, holding hands with Rachel as they followed Molly through the throng of wedding guests. He knew the younger man had something to say but was biting his tongue, for once. 'Molly said it was time for bed.' He announced instead, leaning in to half-hug Donna as he dropped a kiss to her cheek. 'Be good for your mom, namesake.' Harvey watched, an unknown puzzle completing itself in his head as Mike ruffled the short blonde curls on Micah's head.
Donna named her son after Mike and the younger man had failed to bring it up in conversation since the boy was born and named.
'Are we still on for tomorrow?' Rachel asked, arms wrapped around Molly's shoulders as she gave the girl a last squeeze before taking over her husband's position in hugging and kissing her friend goodnight. 'Oh, he's going to sleep so well.' She giggled, kissing the back of Micah's head, the boy's eyes already closed against his mother's shoulder, his body sagging in her arms.
'We're going to head to the bar for another round, you coming?' Mike turned his question to Harvey, a slight pang pulling in his chest. Donna had wished them goodnight and with a slight readjustment of the sleeping boy in her arms, took Molly's hand and started to lead her away. There was a tug, something out of his mind and body that pulled him towards her while he stayed perfectly still. He wanted to follow, wanted to have more time before she walked away. She didn't want help, Donna had made that abundantly clear and Harvey was desperate not to fuck things up. He wouldn't push, except that he really wanted to push, to insist with his chivalry that he help her take her kids to bed in the absence of her now ex-husband. But Mike was there asking if he wanted another drink and Harvey felt like he had barely seen and spoken to his friend all night. Harvey knew the choice he had to make.
'Yeah, your shout?' He nodded, beaming towards his old friend as he tried to throw a nonchalant night in Donna's direction.
Harvey barely made it a few steps closer to his friends when he heard Molly whine. 'My feet hurt.' The sound was pitiful, caught in distress as her mother told her she would have to walk. 'They really, really hurt, Mommy.' She keened; the sound wet in the low sound of her plea.
'Micah's sleeping, I can't carry you, baby.' He heard Donna reply, quiet and tired before he turned to cross the distance between them.
'I can carry you, Molly.' He offered, sounding braver than he felt as Mike and Rachel stopped, realising he wasn't following, and Donna started to sputter you don't have to do that. He told his friends he would catch up, Mike and Rachel rolling their eyes with fond smiles. Despite her mother's objection, Molly was standing with a sad little smile, her arms stretched up towards the night sky as he bent slightly at the knees before picking her up and hoisting her onto his hip. 'I bet it's those shoes, hey?' Harvey offered, falling into step as if this was the most natural thing in the world for Donna and him to be doing. He tapped the side of Molly's small shoe, listening to the thud it made with a smile for the little girl. 'Your mom used to––well,' he dropped a look towards her feet, 'she still does––wear these really tall, really expensive shoes and her feet would be hurting before lunchtime'. He could still remember all the times she would pout at him from her desk, telling him to go fetch his own lunch because her new Louis Vuitton were fighting to be worn in and she didn't have it in her to go out and run errands for him. 'Must just be a Paulsen thing.' He mused, jostling the girl on his hip as they crossed the grass.
'And I did a lot of dancing.' Molly added.
'That is true,' he could hear Donna chucking beside him in the dark away from the noise and light of the party. 'I saw you doing a lot of twirls, they must have made your feet so tired.'
'They did!' She agreed, hazel eyes round and wide as she beamed at him inches from his face.
'Good thing it's bedtime, hey? You can climb right in and let those feet rest before they fall off.' The way Molly half threw her body across his chest, trying to catch her mother's eye with a frightful expression.
Donna laughed, smile bright even in the dark. 'Your feet won't fall off.'
The little girl huffed, settling back into Harvey's arms as a frown pulled down on the corners of her mouth. 'It feels like they will.' She jumped from panicked to defiant in half a second, crossing her arms over her chest, her body leaning heavily into his for support but trusting him all the same to keep her upright.
'Oh-o, I think you're right!' Harvey chuckled, his free hand closing around Molly's foot as he began to rattle it, aware of how loose her limbs were under his touch. 'It's falling off!' Her foot slid in the shoes she wore, shaking from side to side with Harvey's movement as Molly began to giggle, her arms wrapping around his neck as he started to shake her shoe with a little more vigour.
Molly squealed, her grip tightening as her little Mary Janes started to come loose. 'Mommy!' Her voice called with laughter, body twisting in Harvey's arms. 'My feets are falling off!' Her words were giggled between gulps of air, laughter consuming her as Harvey grinned and Donna rolled her eyes.
'What is it with men riling up the babies before they go to bed?'
Harvey shrugged, 'I don't know what to tell you, Donna. But her feet are falling off, I'm just trying to keep them on.' He shook Molly's foot with a little more animation, dimples pressed into his cheeks as he fought to school his features.
'I'm calling you when she refuses to sleep an hour from now.' Her smile was still there, a joy glistening in her eyes despite the darkening night around them.
Harvey grinned, beaming back at her. 'I'll gladly take that call.' Molly's shoe slipped off her foot and into his hand, Harvey only beamed harder, sheepish but unafraid. He wouldn't back down, not now, not when he needed to prove he could and would do anything.
'Famous last words, Specter.' Donna teased, their bodies drifting closer as they walked, her arms readjusting the child sleeping on her chest.
He could only watch her, hair shining in the moonlight, skin glowing. She was different now, but not so much from the way he remembered her. She was still Donna. He had changed too, Harvey knew that, he felt like a completely different man to the one she had left all those years ago. He hoped she saw that, needed her to see it. Her departure had torn him down to the bare basics and Harvey had spent years building himself back up again, ensuring he was worthy and ready if ever the opportunity for them arose.
It was easy being caught up in the sight of her, Donna's presence otherworldly to his senses. It even felt easy managing her kids who, naturally, would be as buoyant and lively as she. They were exhausting, but effortless, even as Molly kicked her other shoe clad foot into his palm, giggling that like the other, this one was ready to fall right off. He did to the second what had happened to the first, shaking and twisting her shoe until it came loose, leaving her socked feet free to the air.
'Can I do the key, Mommy?' Molly's attention jumped as they turned the corner on a little cottage that faced a quiet lake away from the noise and the lights of the party.
'Do you remember how to do it?' Donna asked, motherly and controlled as she fished the key out of the bag hanging from her shoulder. Seeking the key, Molly wiggled to be put down, shoeless feet making contact with damp grass as her little fingers curled around the key and sprinted towards the door, porch light on and waiting for them. 'Molly!' Donna tried to call after her daughter without raising her voice loud enough to wake the boy sleeping in her arms. From the now open doorway, where Molly had disappeared the second it pushed open in the cottage, the girl reappeared. 'What do you say?'
'Goodnight, Mr. Harvey.' She gave him a toothy smile before trying to curl around the door again before her mother could make any other demands.
'Pyjamas, teeth, bed please, Molly.' It was questionable whether or not her daughter heard the words she called out to her, a light switching on inside the cottage, barely flooding the small entry, her daughter's body gone. Donna sighed, turning to Harvey with a soft and tired smile as she reached with an open hand for her daughter's shoes. 'Thank you for walking us home.' 'Her smile was addictive, Harvey nod ready to give it up now that he had it again. 'You should go back to the party, have another drink with Mike and Rachel.' He could feel that familiar panicked beat of his heart, thudding out a beat from years ago. He still couldn't bear to leave her just yet. He watched her step towards the door, seconds from walking inside. 'It was nice seeing you again, Harvey.' He watched her chest stutter beneath the body of her sleeping son, pause filling the air. 'For the record, I missed you too; all the time.'
'Have dinner with me?' The question was out, faster than he could overthink it as it leapt from his throat and hopped across the grass between them.
'Harvey.' Donna sighed, weighted, heavy.
He shook his head. "No, I know. It's ridiculous, but if I didn't ask you now, I don't know if I would ever find the time to ask you again.' He filled his lungs, seeking out the strength it took him six years to find. 'Can I take you out to dinner, please?'
'We never did get that dance.'
'I'll take you dancing.' He stepped closer, ready to fall to his knees and beg. Truth be told, Harvey didn't care what they did so long as he got the opportunity to see her again.
Another sigh, another stab to his chest. 'Harvey, it's been six years, I'm divorced, I've got two kids. I'm not who I used to be.'
'Neither am I.' His knees felt weak, already buckling under the pressure of his heavy heart. 'Even with all of that, you're still you, still Donna. That's all you ever need to be.'
He felt it so easily, like it was the loudest, most obvious thing to him now. She was technicolour to his life, the heart and soul of who he wanted to be. Harvey had tried to be himself without her for the last six years and although he had changed, for the better, there were so many parts that had laid dormant without her. Parts he was sure laid somewhere inside of her that felt the same, waiting for another connection, a spark, but they were the only two compatible to the other.
If she felt that he was wrong, if he was wrong, Harvey could take it, but only after she gave him a shot to prove there was something there between them that had lived like that for well over a decade. Waiting, even in absence.
There was a fragment of a smile trying to burst past her bitten lips, dimple pulling deep into her cheeks as she fought it. 'Okay.' She breathed and the air seemed to fill his own lungs. 'Dinner. Next weekend?'
The nod that came from him felt mad, feverish as he rattled the insides of his head around, shaking his thoughts as if he couldn't quite grasp that this was real and true. He would do whatever she asked, whenever she asked of it. This date could have been set months from now or hours and he would have felt happy and sated with the response.
'I'll call you.' He grinned, voice calm despite his internal thoughts.
'Mommy!' Molly's voice was back again, filling the gaps around her mother, small head popping up beside her hip. 'I need help.'
'Okay, just a minute.' Donna shuffled her back inside, hurrying her daughter along before she turned to address waiting Harvey. 'I look forward to it.' Her smile broke through her control, toothy and wide, unable to contain her joy and anticipation. 'Now, go, have another drink with our friends, please.'
He left light walking across the grass from the cottage to the party, the night air cooling around him, pulling goosebumps on his skin. Harvey didn't mind, he was caught up in visions of red hair and electric smiles, his heart beating once again.
Mike was covered in a knowing smile, cocky remarks practically oozing out of him when Harvey approached. 'Did you get a kiss goodnight?' He teased, handing Harvey a glass of scotch that had been waiting for him.
'How about we save that for after the date next week.' Mike and Rachel beamed, smiles triumphant and proud as they downed their drinks without another word of the redhead and the lawyer who loved her. They knew where he had been and the path he took to get here. There was no need to warn him of hurting their friend, least they hurt him in return. Everyone knew what the costs were just as everyone knew Harvey wasn't willing to ruin this a second time. He hadn't been read then, but now; he could not have been more prepared.
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