The Menagerie

Rush and Young get captured by aliens. They bicker. (Yes, I've just re-watched TOS' episode 'The Menagerie' and I couldn't resist an SGU take on the tale...)

"I blame you for this Rush!"

"Me?!"

"Yes YOU! If YOU had gone back to the ship with the rest of them then we wouldn't be prisoners now!"

"I didn't ask you stay with me. I am fully capable of getting back to Destiny before she jumps. I had plenty of time!"

"You call ten minutes plenty of time?! You scientists are all the same; completely impractical the minute you see a shiny object with buttons on it... I HAD to stay with you or you never would've made it back before the jump!"

"Well as it turns out neither of us made it back, Colonel. Satisfied?!"

"What do you think they're going to do with us?"

"Well they haven't hurt us..."

"Yet."

"...and they seem... friendly."

"Friendly?!"

"Well I did think that purpley one smiled at me earlier."

"Purpley? Is that a sciencey term?"

"I'm glad you still have that patented Youngian sense of humor, Colonel."

"I just wish I knew what they were saying. All those clicks and whistles sound more like Morse Code than a language to me."

"Well maybe you should tap out dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot with your foot and see if they let us go..."

"Very funny Rush." Young sighed, "I really wish I knew what they were saying right now..."

"Well there's always the universal translator." Rush pulled the control pad out of his pocket and started fiddling with some settings.

"Wait... it can do that?! Why am I just learning about this now, Rush?!"

"Do you want to complain or do you want to know what our captors are saying?"

"Fine. Just make it quick. I don't like the way they're looking at me. You may see smiles, but I see teeth. Sharp sharp teeth."

Rush twiddled one more setting and as if by magic the clicks and whistles became an understandable and thoroughly upsetting conversation...

Purpley Alien: "If all goes well we should rendezvous with the mother ship in twelve hours."

Pinkish Alien: "The commander will be pleased when I tell her we found another pair of humans for our menagerie. My hatchlings and I have so enjoyed watching them paddle about in their enclosure..."

"Menagerie... enclosure?!" Young squawked, "Rush they're going to put us in some kind of zoo!"

"Good. At least that means they plan on keeping us alive."

"They said they found another pair of humans. Does that mean they've captured more of the crew?!"

"Well we are the only humans in this part of the galaxy so it stands to reason." Rush said, "But it sounds like they've had this other pair for some time so that could only mean...of course. It's Curtis and Palmer."

"I always wondered what happened to those two..."

Pinkish Alien: "I hope our power and atmosphere hold out. We have expended too much energy searching for more specimens and these humans do require a thicker atmosphere to breathe properly... they are just so... delicate."

Purpley Alien: "Yes. I hope we don't have to kill one of them. It would be a pity...make sure you double check your figures Second..."

"Not good." Young stated the obvious for some reason. "I hope their math is good. I'd hate to die because of a clerical error."

"We all have to die sometime." Rush muttered.

"Well I'd rather live to be a hundred if you don't mind!" snapped Young.

Pinkish Alien: "This male is much feistier than the other." it said nodding at Young.

Purpley Alien: "This female is feisty as well! Should make for good viewing and their hatchlings should be very lively..."

"What?" Rush whispered to Young, "What female?!"

"They must mean you, genius. I guess they can't tell the difference between human genders. At least not with our clothes on."

"Well I'll show them a thing or two...!"

"No!" Young held Rush back from confronting the aliens, "Are you crazy? They're happy now, they're taking us to their ship! What happens if you tell them they haven't captured a new breeding pair after all, but just two useless males?"

Rush sighed, "They might kill us. One of us anyway. To save on air."

"There now...do you want to risk them picking you as the excess baggage?"

"Fine let them think I'm a woman. Then we'll see who they pick to jettison if they run short on power. Everyone knows females are more valuable to the long-term propagation of the species."

"Sure so they can take YOU back to be Curtis' second wife? What a great break THAT would be for you. I'd rather be jettisoned."

"You know what?" Rush grinned, "Me too."

Epilogue

Using the universal translator Rush managed to communicate to the aliens that there were power stores and more human specimens back on the planet and that they'd really look like heroes if they came back with even more humans for their zoo, a prospect that Rush somehow convinced them (s)he was looking forward too. Once back on the planet they were able to outwit their goofy alien captors and gate to another planet which as luck (and their contracts) would have it was right in Destiny's path.

Now Young was of the opinion that they should tell the crew about all of this so they could make plans to go and rescue Curtis and Palmer, but Rush pragmatically pointed out that they had no idea where this menagerie actually was and that while the aliens they'd just met were easily fooled, they did possess some rather large space guns (which was how they captured them in the first place) and that they would now be unlikely to fall for the same trick a second time.

They'd also looked really mad when Rush and Young knocked them down and ran for the gate. Really really mad.

"Well I guess Curtis and Palmer are probably fine." Young decided.

"Fine as a fish in a fishbowl." Rush muttered.

"I thought you wanted to leave them alone and get on with Destiny's mission?!"

"And I thought you military types never left a man behind?!"

"You know what, Rush! You... you... you are a lot of work!"

THE END