Would I, could I make you happy?
Summary: While on a trip for supplies, Nico di Angelo and Leo Valdez get captured. With nothing else to do, they begin to talk. A past gets revealed, secrets get to be told and there's a difficult choice to be made. A choice neither of them are willing to make. Not if it results in one of them dying.
Valdangelo/ leico
A/N: Hey everyone :) This is my first fanfic and I must say that I'm pretty surprised that I even managed to finish it. I have so many ideas, but it takes so long to write. So when I heard this song, I immediately got an idea and started writing things down, thinking this would be a short oneshot. Yeeaah, I got a bit carried away, so it doesn't really have that much to do anymore with the song lyrics. But despite that, I hope you enjoy :) This is loosely set during the events of House of Hades or between that and MoA. You could say that this in an AU, sort of.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Percy Jackson or Heroes Of Olympus series. Everything you recognize belongs to our Uncle Rick. The mentioned songs belong to Billie Eilish (and the original by Rob Dickinson) and Mumford And Sons.
TW: Implied/referenced suicide (Not that prominent, but just to be sure)
If the end of the world was near
Where would you choose to be?
If there was five more minutes of air
Would you panic and hide
Or run for your life
Or stand here and spend them with me
If we had five more minutes
Would I, could I, make you happy?
- "The End Of The World" by Billie Eilish (originally by Rob Dickinson)
Nico didn't know what he had expected, but it certainly wasn't this.
When he'd agreed to get supplies for repairs for the Argo II, he thought it would be a short and easy trip. Not one that resulted in being stuck with Leo Valdez in some sort of small cave, probably underground, with no doors or windows and no way out.
The only sound in the room was the rhythmic tapping of Leo's nimble fingers against his legs, which were propped up due to the cramped space they found themselves in. They had confiscated his toolbelt and Nico's own weapon, his Stygian Iron sword, had been taken too, so he had nothing else to do than to listen to Leo's frequent and slightly irritating taps. He had gone quiet a while ago and Nico wasn't sure if he felt relieved or worried about that.
Over the past few weeks, he had gotten to know the Latino better, and was able to change his perception of the happy-go-lucky teenager that would never shut up. In the beginning, after they had rescued him from that awful jar and they had fallen in literal hell, there had been so many times that he'd felt the urge to punch said boy in the face. Preferably with a chair. His unnecessary and insensitive jokes were too much for Nico to bear after the hell he went through and Leo's constant happiness was insufferable. It had seemed like he didn't even care that two of the most important members of the crew were in there and probably on the brink of dying.
But in the end, it was Leo who probably cared the most.
One night, when Nico awoke from yet another nightmare of Tartarus, drenched in sweat and scared out of his mind, he decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up and see if he could take Jason's watch, since he knew he wouldn't go to sleep again anytime soon. However, on his way to the bathroom, he noticed that the light in the engine room was on. Nico wondered who could possibly be awake at this time of the night, as everyone was normally sound asleep, tired from another day of fighting various monsters or from a shift they recently had to take.
He decided to investigate and creeped closer to the door, avoiding the creaky wooden floorboard in the middle to not alert the person of his presence. With his ear pressed against the door, he could faintly hear a melody coming from inside the walls. It was a soft voice, but it was definitely male.
Due to the pressure, the door opened a bit and Nico's body went rigid, afraid that the person would know that someone was listening in. When he noticed that the melody continued and the male still hadn't noticed his presence, he let out a breath of relief.
That spared him one awkward conversation, and the gods know how bad he is with social interaction.
He decided to pay more attention to what the person was singing, now that the door was slightly more open, and Nico found himself mesmerized by the emotion and softness in this boy's voice.
"But it was not your fault but mine.
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I my dear?"
Nico recognized the song, but it was sung a lot slower and more sad than the original, making him a tiny bit emotional, if he had to admit. He peaked through the creak in the door and was a little shocked about who he saw there.
Sitting in the corner of the engine room, curled up in a ball and softly singing to himself, was none other than Leo Valdez. The Latino's voice began to waver a bit and his shoulders were shaking.
He was crying.
Nico realized that he had never seen the son of Hephaestus cry before and it hurt him to see the boy that way. He decided not to confront him, because he wasn't that good at dealing with emotions. This moment of weakness felt too private for the Ghost King, so he decided to retreat to his room, nightmare forgotten and with the fire boy on his mind.
The next day, it was as if nothing had happened and the Latino boy was as happy and irritating as always. However, during the day, Nico noticed things he hadn't before. Whenever someone would comment on Leo's immature behavior or snap at him, his mask would crack, and if you looked closely, you could see the pain in his eyes.
Only in his eyes.
The rest of him stayed happy and relaxed as he took in all the mean comments and curses the rest of the seven sent his way.
But during the night, there would always be a light in the engine room, accompanied by the sound of crying. During the night, the joker let his mask down, and it pained Nico. He understood why he joked, understood why he acted happy. It was Leo's coping mechanism. As long as he acted happy, everyone would think he was. They wouldn't know how sad he was, how broken he felt inside.
But not everyone was fooled. No, Nico di Angelo saw through the boy's façade and heard him every night through the door of the engine room, sitting with his back against it, too scared to confront him. He heard every sob, every song, every self-destructive comment and it tore him apart.
"I should be the one in hell, I should've helped them, I should've been faster, it should've been me..."
" it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault..."
But one night in particular, that one night, Nico had almost confronted him. The pain in the Latino's voice and the message it conveyed was so heartbreaking that Nico almost kicked the door to the engine room open to hug him, and the gods know how much he hated physical contact.
Leo had been talking to Festus, who's system was connected to the room. His voice was scratchy due to the hours of crying before. "Hey Festus, do you think…" He hesitated for a bit. "Do you think they'd miss me if I'm gone?"
That question had been new to Nico. It pained him that Leo even needed to think about it. The masthead responded with a series of creaks and squeaks, seemingly upset, if a machine could even have emotions.
"Yeah, yeah, I know you'd miss me, but… would they do?" It was quiet in the engine room for a while, except for the shaky breathing of the Latino inside. "I wouldn't, if I were them" He let out a dark chuckle. "You know, I get why they hate me. I hate me too. They're just not brave enough to say it to my face. They're just pretending to like me, and you know, Festus, I don't even know if that's worse or not."
Those words hit Nico differently. He understood Leo. He knew where this was coming from. He'd felt like that too, for a long time. Heck, even now he felt like that sometimes. Like he didn't belong, like everyone hated him. Being the son of Hades and on top of that being gay was seriously raising his self-loathing to a whole new level. He had reasons to be feared, to be hated, to be the outcast. But not Leo. Not Leo Valdez, the funny, intelligent, hardworking, brilliant son of Hephaestus. The one who keeps the team together, who cheers them up and constantly lifts their moods. Without him, the rest of the seven would fall apart and constantly be at each other's throats.
His thoughts were abruptly cut of.
"I can't do this anymore, Festus, I can't, I can't, I can't."
Nico hadn't even realized that Leo had stopped talking until his voice returned, like a quiet whisper, slightly raising in volume at the end of the sentence.
"All it takes is one more push. One more insult, right in my face, and I'm gone." It wasn't those words that left Nico crying, it was the one he added afterwards.
"Forever."
Oh, how much of a coward he was to not go in there, to not shake some sense into the broken boy, to not scream that he was loved, that he was cared for, that he was needed. But Nico was too scared. Yes, the mighty Ghost King, son of Hades, Lord of the dead, was scared. Too scared to admit what he felt deep inside for the Latino boy.
He ran to his room, Percy's room to be exact, but this time not to worry over him. He made sure not to make too much noise when he shut the door, sliding towards the ground with tears flowing down his cheeks. He knew what that word insinuated. That forever. He remembered the times when he thought about it too. When the sadness and pain became too much to bear and it had seemed like there was no way out.
'One more insult, right in my face, and I'm gone. Forever'
Nico stayed on the ground, thinking about Leo.
During all those weeks on the Argo II, after the first night of Leo's breakdown, Nico had begun to pay more attention to him. He'd tried to start conversations, to the surprise of the rest of the seven, who thought he hated the Latino boy, and after a while Leo had begun to warm up to Nico, and Nico to him. They'd hung out, had talked about everything and nothing and Leo had even managed to make Nico laugh (it's a miracle!), but he never, ever confronted him about those nights.
He still stayed on his spot every night, with his back against the engine room door, silently conveying comfort to the crying boy, too scared to go in there.
And so it went on, night after night after night.
Staring at the ceiling, with his back on the cold wooden floor, Nico swore to make the boy feel happy again, like Leo slowly did to him those past few weeks.
Before it was too late.
But then that little quest happened, and now they were stuck in this dark, cramped space, solid rock fully surrounding them, no chance at escaping by fire or through shadows, as something, or someone, was restraining the Ghost King's powers over shadows. Nico was thinking. Now would be the time to tell him, no, to just say anything, because the silent tension was killing him.
He didn't exactly remember how they got here. Something with store owners who turned out to be some ugly monsters he couldn't remember the names of. Leo and him had been a tad too late to figure that out and they had almost immediately been knocked unconscious, not before the former had scorched one of the monsters' ridiculously purple arm hair off, in an attempt to kill them.
Speaking of Leo, Nico had noticed that the rhythmic tapping had stopped and had made place for another sound, much more worrying. His breathing had become uneven and he was clutching his chest.
Leo was having a panic attack.
"Leo, are you alright?" Of course he's not alright, you idiot. Way to go, king of social interaction.
"Y-yeah… Just not really a fan of … small spaces and stuff", the latino answered, still breathing rapidly.
"Hey, hey look at me, Leo." Nico turned towards him, scooting closer, a bit hesitant to touch him. "It's okay, I'm here. Just...try to copy my breathing, okay?", he said, trying to remain calm himself, as he too wasn't that comfortable in the cramped space as a result of his time spent in that jar. But he had to try, for Leo.
Eyes already adjusted to the dark, he saw the tiny Latino slightly nodding, still breathing unnaturally fast. "Okay, good. Breathe in...", he said, remaining calm, "and out. Good, in…. and out."
After a while, the son of Hephaestus managed to steady his breathing again and Nico sighed in relief. He just now noticed how close their faces were, but for some reason, he didn't move away. Nico noticed how beautiful Leo's eyes were in the dark. Although there wasn't any light in the cave-like room, he spotted tiny flecks of reddish golden light shining in them, as if the fire within him shone through Leo's eyes. The son of Hades felt a feeling of safety and calmness washing over him looking into those eyes, recalling the times he sat by the warm fireplace with his sister, huddled together in a fuzzy blanket, when everything was still simple and he'd felt safe.
"Thank you", Leo whispered, hesitant to ruin the moment. It was then that Nico realized he was staring. He quickly composed himself and averted his eyes.
"It's nothing. I'm just happy you're okay again", he replied. He was planning to move farther away again, but Leo's voice stopped him.
"NO." Nico jumped from the sudden volume. Then the fire boy added quieter, seemingly embarrassed: "No, please. Can you… can you stay here? I need someone to remind me that I'm not… there anymore."
Nico was shocked for a minute. The son of Hephaestus was not really the type of person to ask for help, reassurance or physical contact, let alone from him, the scary Ghost King.
The boy took his quietness as a bad sign. "Please?", he whispered with a desperate undertone. That shook Nico out of his stupor and he moved closer to the boy again. "Of course! Sorry, I was just…"
"What?"
"Nothing. Is this okay?", Nico said while hesitantly putting his arm around the son of Hephaestus. "Yeah."
Leo looked really small and fragile huddled in his arms. He heard quiet sniffs coming from the boy. He looked like a helpless little kid, nothing like the usual confident joker everyone gets to see. Unless you see him late at night, when he lets his mask down.
"Do you think the others are looking for us?", the boy in his arms asked. That question was so similar to the one he heard him say a while ago, that Nico couldn't help but think of that night. "Yeah, I think so."
"Hmm", came the reply, but he heard that Leo didn't quite believe him.
"Do you wanna talk about it?", he decided to ask. Leo lifted his head up to him. "About what?"
"About what just happened. Your claustrophobia." Nico noticed the panicked look in the fiery eyes and hastily added: "You don't have to talk about it, but I heard that talking helps. Besides, we don't really have anything else to do anyway."
Leo let out a small laugh, but that was enough to wake the butterflies in his stomach. Not the time, Nico, not the time!
After a moment of silence, the fire boy finally replied.
"I guess you're right. I just never told anybody about it before. I never really had someone I trusted enough to tell." He traced the veins on Nico's hand with his nimble fingers. Nico kept quiet, waiting for the Latino to continue.
"I think it was my third foster home", he said quietly, "I was already labeled as a 'bad kid' then, after running away twice." He took a breath. "So the government decided to place me under a woman's care. A woman who was known for disciplining difficult kids. Her name was Teresa." Nico noticed that Leo had trouble with that name and he hugged the small body a bit tighter to reassure him.
"On the outside, she looked like the perfect citizen. With perfect clothes, perfect make-up, a perfect house. But as perfect as she looked, as rotten she was on the inside. I had a horrible life there. She would … she would…" Leo began to cry, overwhelmed by emotions. "Shhh, it's okay, I'm here. You don't have to continue if you don't want to", the son of Hades said, slightly rocking him. "No, no, I want to", he managed to reply, pressing close to Nico. He took a deep breath.
"She would hurt me, in the worst possible ways. Not only physical, but also mental. She told me that I was a worthless brat, that I couldn't do anything right, that I was a waste of space, a disgrace to the world." Leo's voice grew more bitter with each insult he recalled.
"And then there were the beatings. Let's just say that those are the reason that I don't wear belts anymore", he said sadly. Nico thought of the scars on his back he saw a glimpse of a few times. He shuddered. How could a person be so cruel? How could the government place a little kid under the care of that monster?
"But those are not the cause of my claustrophobia." The fire boy was still silently crying, fire completely doused by all the tears. "One day, she was in an even worse mood. I think I dropped a plate or something, I can't really recall. I was just so scared of her. In a fit of rage, she dragged me to the attic, threw me in a small closet and locked the door." By now, Leo was full on sobbing. It broke Nico's heart."I was in there for almost a week. No one came for me. I was so scared I was gonna die there, Nico, so scared."
Nico pressed a kiss on the boy's head. "It's okay, she can't touch you anymore. You're with me", he said, with wet eyes himself.
"The neighbor ultimately found me. He was already getting suspicious for a while and when he noticed that the kid Teresa fostered was nowhere in sight anymore, he called the cops and broke into her house to look for me." Nico took a mental note to thank the man later, if they got out.
If they even survived this.
"They immediately rushed me to the hospital, extremely shocked that something like that could happen in a seemingly perfect foster home." Leo let out a bitter laugh. "A fault in the system, they said. Would never happen again. Let's just say that they were completely wrong. There's a reason why I ran away six times."
There was a moment of silence, both processing the story. "I'm glad you told me, Leo", Nico finally said.
"I'm glad I told you. At least I got that off my chest before we're gonna die", he replied, still snuggled in the arms of the Ghost King.
"Hey, don't say that! We're going to get out of here alive. That's what we demigods do. We get in difficult situations, we improvise, we get out."
"Yeah, maybe. But…"
"What, Leo?"
He was hesitant to say it. "Maybe all of this is pointless."
"What do you mean?"
The son of Hephaestus let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know, I just… don't really contribute anything to this world. I'm just a screw-up. I delay everyone."
Nico knew where this was coming from,he heard it multiple times during those nights, but Leo never directly talked about his insecurities to him.
"That's not true! We need you!" I need you. "Without you, this whole quest would have failed already. Who built and designed this magnificent flying boat? And you know that no-one else could have done what you did!", he added when Leo opened his mouth to retort. "Without you, Jason and Piper would be dead. You saved them in the cyclopes' lair. You saved us all multiple times, so don't belittle yourself." There was so much more that the Ghost King wanted to say, but he couldn't find the right words. Not while the other boy was looking at him with sad and searching eyes.
"Why do you do this?", he asked, his voice a broken whisper. Nico gently brushed a tear away with his thumb, which was rolling down Leo's cheek. "Because I care about you. We all care about you. Even if we don't show it all the time."
"Oh", Leo said, looking down at his hand on Nico's. The son of Hades decided that now was the time to tell him about those nights in the engine room. He was just about to open his mouth, when suddenly another voice cut through the small space.
"Oh, how sweet."
The voice resonated through the whole cave-like room, coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once. "The two outsiders, both casted out by their loved ones. Both underestimated, feared, ignored, finding peace in each other's arms. How romantic, really." The two boys immediately sat upright, recognizing the voice.
"Gaia", Nico spat, "What do you want with us." The primordial laughed, sounding like two giant rocks scraping against each other while a few pieces of debris fell from the low ceiling.
"Nico, Nico, Nico. My little angel. Always the feisty one, no? I see that you have a soft spot, though. Look at our little firebug, our little lion. Or should I say 'mi leoncito'" Leo whimpered and Nico immediately became protective of the boy, knowing what meaning those names had to him. "Don't touch him, you filthy bi-"
"Now, now, Nico, such a foul mouth. What would Bianca say about that?", Gaia teased, with enough sugar coated venom in her voice to poison a fully grown hydra.
"DON'T say her name! I will destroy you! I will tear you to pieces limb by limb!", a heated Nico said, having enough of her taunting. He was getting ready to send a stream of curse words her way, wherever that may be, when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked at the owner of the hand and saw Leo gently shaking his head, silently telling him to calm down. He took a deep breath and laid his own hand over Leo's.
"Oh no, I don't think so. You see, you're in my posession now, in my realm. You can't leave." The son of Hades squeezed Leo's hand, trying to remain calm. "I need a boy and a girl as a sacrifice to fully wake, so I must say that my trap was not that successful. I thought that that Aphrodite spawn would accompany you." The disappointed sigh that followed that statement made Nico fear for the monsters who would face her wrath. It brought large chunks of rock and earth raining down on the duo, huddling together to protect the other one.
"However, this can still be amusing. I'll make a game out of this. Seeing as you two are very close, this could work out just fine." Nico would be lying if he said that he didn't feel a little bit scared, and noticing the slight tremor in the fire user's body, which he was holding onto, he was scared too. They were completely helpless.
The earth mother continued: "The rules are simple: one of you dies, gets to be my sweet little sacrifice, and one of you gets to live. I know, I'm feeling generous today. Choose. One of you two. You have seven minutes. Fitting number, don't you think?
Oh, and if those minutes are up, you both die."
Although she was done speaking, her voice lingered in the room and resonated in both of the boys' heads.
"You go", Leo suddenly said. "You have someone waiting for you. You have an important mission, I can't take that away from you" Nico whipped his head around to face the boy. "Don't be so stupid! We both know you're far more important than me!"
"Well, I'm not! Let me die, at least then I can do something right for once. I want you to live!", Leo retorted, with tears gathering in his eyes.
"And I want you to live! Don't you know how heartbroken everyone would be if you died?" Nico was getting emotional too, hating this stupid argument. he didn't want to scream at the tiny Latino. He cupped leo's head in his hands and stared into his eyes.
"I would never forgive myself if you died for me. Never."
The intimate moment was suddenly intruded by Gaia's voice. "You have five minutes left. Choose, my little heroes."
If we had five more minutes of air to breathe
Leo began to panic. "What are we gonna do, Nico? I can't leave you here!"
And we cried all through it
"Me neither, Leo. We'll both get out of here, I promise. Or we die trying." They were both fully sobbing now from the stress and the premise of possibly losing each other.
But you spent them with me
"Okay, okay. Any ideas?", Leo asked, trying to remain calm. Nico racked his brain for something he could use. His shadow travel was off limit, he already tried that. Would his power over earth still work? He looked up.
"How deep are we underground?", he frantically asked the son of Hephaestus, as time was slowly running out.
"I don't know, what are you getting at?", the boy answered, looking at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was.
He looked back to the Latino. "Your fire still works right?"
"Yeah, but I can't just burn our way out! It's solid rock!", Leo all but screamed while banging his fist against the wall.
"The first layer, yes, but all the rest is earth. I can feel it."
Yes, Nico decided, weighing out the pros and cons of his plan, he was crazy. "I have a plan, but we might die", he said facing the fire boy.
"Great, that plan is better than nothing. Tell me, di Angelo", he answered, standing closer to Nico.
On our last few drags of air, we agree
"Tick tock, two minutes left. I would choose if I were you. Whatever you plan to do, you'll fail anyway."
Jumping slightly, but deciding to ignore the voice, Nico took Leo's hands in his and asked: "How hot can your fire go?" Leo's eyes stood panicked.
"I don't know!"
"Okay, we'll have to hope for the best then. Here's the plan: I'll try to split the earth above us, and you have to try to burn everything up. Every rock, every earth chunk, every stick, understood? Together we'll cause an explosion to make our way out of this hole."
"Are you crazy?! There's almost no chance we'll make it! We'll be buried under tons and tons of earth and no-one will ever find us." Leo was pretty terrifying when angry, fire burning brightly in his eyes. Nico stared right back.
"We'll die anyway! It's the best chance we've got."
Leo averted his eyes and after an agonizing few seconds, he finally answered, now confidently looking up. "Okay, we'll do it."
Nico took a breath. "On the count of three, unleash all your powers, let all your anger fuel it." The son of Hephaestus nodded in apprehension.
I was
Nico di Angelo and Leo Valdez stood back to back, eyes closed in concentration. "Ready?"
The room began to rumble.
And you were
"One ... two … THREE!"
Happy
The earth exploded.
A/N: Do they die? Do they get out? Who knows :)
Thank you for reading this fic! I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, you could always leave a nice comment or something :) - X CrescentMoonfire