One day in the John Phoenix Everything Agency, John Phonix was playing go-fish with his uncle Phoenix. As one might might suspect, John Phoenix was kciking ass and taking names.
"Got any 13's?" John asked.
"Heh, not this time John Phoenix, GO FISH!" said Unka Feenie.
But John Phoenix got really really angry! "Uncle! My psychic x-ray vision tells me that you do, indeed, have a 13! YOU LIE!" He slapped the cards off the table and grabbed Phoenix by the neck and held him in the sky.
"YOU CHEATED!"
"NOOOOOOOoooo, I didn't cheat, I just forgot what 13's look like!"
"Guffaw, a likely story indeed, my foolish uncle," said John Phoenix and then he threw Phoenix at the ceiling and his head fell off. But O SHIT wait just a minute, bitches! There was a letter sticknig out of the neckhole!
"Dear person whom read this," the leader said, "I hid this paper in Mr. Wright's head so noone would find it. But you found it, taht means your worthy of receiving my fortune. Take this doorknob tied to the letter and use it to open the abadoned court on the outskrits of town. There, if your logical, yuo will reap a king's randsome in jewels and money. Signed, Proto-Judge"
John Phoenix had no interest in mere worldy posseions but logic was a reward in itself so he drove to the old abadoned haunted courthose outside of town.
"The courthouse is dirty," observed the king of logic. "It is also made of wood. It must be thousands of years old." He climbbed the hill to the courthouse but there was no doorkrob so he knocked on the door with the doorknob that came with the letter. A ghost opened the door.
"What you want, bro?" ghost asked.
"I'm looking for the treasure of Proto-Judge," replied John Phoenix.
"Hahaha, you'll never find it" said the ghost. "Hey wait, where'd you go?" Because, you see, JOHN PHOENIX was in the cortroom naow and he found the treasure. "WHAT THE FUCK HOW!" GHost say.
"Easy, while you were blathering on illogically like a bitch I merely entered the house and found the treasure. It was in the treasure chest, the one location I suspected all along. But that's not all I found, I went into the basement and found a bunch of ghost babies in cages! Your looking kinda suss right now, Mr. Ghost..."
The ghost got scared beacuse he got exposed so he tried to run away but Dick Gumshoe came out of the fireplace in his police car and runned over the ghost.
"Your under arrest, pal!" Gumshoe said. He cuffed the ghost. "Lets see how YOU like being in a cage, you dirty birdy!"
Gumshoe was gonna take the ghost away but John Phoenix stoped him.
"Not yet," John Pheonix sayed. Then he hammered a bullet into the ghost's brain. "Okay, you can arrest him now." So the ghost's corpse was put in prison forever for his sins.
John Phoenix went on to use the haunted treasure of Proto Judge to fix up the ol corthouse and turn it into an orphanage for all the baby ghosties he saved. And all was Wright in the world once again.
Da end