It was a really dull day, and Zenitsu was screwed.

Nothing about today screamed romance. Sakura blossoms weren't in season, he hadn't seen a white cat recently, and no lace handkerchiefs found their way into his possession recently (or ever, to be honest). But one of his eyelashes had finally flown off his finger, so it was time to get rid of the tension in his heart and confess already!

"You know," Murata sighed, unimpressed, "you sound like you're trying to convince yourself more than me."

"No shit! I'm freaking out over here!" He tugged on his hair hard enough to rip some strands out of his scalp entirely. Ah, fuck. "LOOK! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MEEEEE!"

His friend flung himself backward so rapidly away from his assault that he fell off his hospital bed with a yelp. "You ripped out your hair on your own! Stop trying to punch me! Why can't you newbies be normal?!"

"I've never been normal a day in my life! Help me, you ass!"

There was a reason Zenitsu went to this guy in particular. Inosuke's idea of romance had more to do with the laws of nature than anything else, Nezuko was asleep, the Butterfly Mansion girls intimidated him, and Tanjirou wasn't an option for obvious reasons. Even so, he would have stewed in his own misery as usual except for one thing.

Murata's tone remained exasperated, but his sound was only fond.

"Can't you ask anyone else? Am I really your best option here? I've never been too lucky in love." The perfectly average guy said as he made his way back up from the floor. Rather than actually get back into bed, he merely rested his head and arms on the sheets while he waited for a response.

"You are! You've got a brain!" Zenitsu replied triumphantly, knowing without a doubt that he'd agree. "And I haven't been either, so we're even!"

The clear note of giddiness rung in his ears. "... Alright, I'll help you. Only a little though!" Out came infinitely more casual words, but being able to hear the flattered feeling behind them made him happy too to match.

"Yes!" He cheered. Pumping his fist was kinda overkill, but he did what he wanted. "Okay! Now tell me exactly what to do!"

Murata blanched at his words. "What do you mean? I thought you had a plan for how to confess to T-"

Zenitsu successfully flung himself at the other boy in time. "Shh! Don't say anything! Anyone could be listening! And I did, but everything's falling apart today! It rained last night, so it's still too wet to do a picnic like I wanted, and I was going to serenade him, but none of the girls have an instrument and they're too nosy about it, so really I'm the victim here and you should feel sorry for me!"

"Did you even breathe during that?" His friend said the moment he pried his fingers off of his mouth. "There's no need to make such a complicated plan. If you want to do something sappy, just get him alone and confess."

Those blunt words instilled dread in his soul. "Are. Are you saying… Are you telling me to talk it out?! I can't do that! Why are you trying to kill me?! I trusted you!" He shrieked, loud enough that anyone watching by could hear them without trying.

Of course, because Murata was Murata, he slapped a hand over Zenitsu's mouth in retaliation. "If you want my help, don't complain about what I tell you!" He removed his hand once he quieted down. "I'm starting to think your definition of relationship involves showing off what you can do for the person you like. The guy you like's friends with you to begin with! You don't need to impress him! You've got to try being honest for a change!"

"But emotional vulnerability is scary! Go easy on me!"

"Being in love's scary!" His friend countered, too sensible for this world. "Besides, you're literally being emotionally vulnerable with me right now."

Zenitsu grimaced. "Ew, don't remind me."

For that, he got a rough poke to his cheek. "I am trying to recover in peace here. Go find him, sit him down, and tell him all about how he reminds you of sunsets and what have you. There, I told you what to do. Now go."

I'm totally, totally dead! He screamed in his mind. "This isn't going to work!" He wailed aloud. "Muraaaataaaa, can't you tell him for me?!"

"It has to be from you! If the words come from your heart, then Tanjirou will definitely listen and give you an honest answer!"

Cliched novels would have the object of his affections show up at that moment to ruin everything. Luckily for his continued existence on the material plane, the redhead was still training outside, none the wiser. "Ugh! Are you sure? Really sure? I really have to?!"

"The worst he can do is say no. Go on! Shoo! This sort of thing was made for you!" Murata waved him off while finally climbing back to his bed. Cowed by the other Slayer's insistence on ignoring his nonsense, the blond gave up and walked away down the hall. Encouragement helped, make no mistake, but he was still very much screwed.

See, Tanjirou was… well, Tanjirou. Stubborn, too happy about throwing himself into dangerous situations, and unable to lie successfully, he still managed to win Zenitsu's poor anxious heart by virtue of being one of the most incredible people he had the fortune to know. Kindness, humility, and a comforting spirit defined Tanjirou too, and like so many other people, he was helpless in the face of it.

Just tell him? Get real! He scoffed under his breath. Stuff like that had to be simple for guys like Murata, who were normal to a T, but not him. How could he seriously present his heart to someone right off the bat, especially when his emotions were a whitehot mess? Jeez! I'm not perfect! Cut me some slack!

But…

Nothing about today felt romantic at all, but Zenitsu wanted to confess anyway. He couldn't spend forever mooning after one of his best friends, no matter how much the thought of being rejected again ached! If he wanted to achieve a nicer future, taking the first step was on him! It'd make a good story to tell people in the future! All he had to do was go outside, walk up to his friend, and say three simple words.

"PLEASE LOVE ME!"

"Huh? What do you mean?" A cocktail of perplexment and embarrassment from the other boy crashed into his ears. Still, Zenitsu didn't dare to look up. He kept his eyes trained on the floor and his back bowed, face turning more and more red by the second.

"Taaanjirou, please listen to me! You're the best! We don't always get along, and I don't always understand you, but that doesn't change how much you make me feel like I can keep going forever! Even when things are hard and my fingers want to fall off! You're just that powerful!"

"Zenitsu, wait-"

"NO, LET ME FINISH!" He cried out. "I'm not going to finish if you interrupt me! Look, I try not to idealize you, but I can't deny how much you push me to be a better person! You're amazing, and knowing you's one of the best things to ever happen to me! I don't ever want to leave your side! So please love me!"

By now, the familiar pinprick of tears had returned, but so did the unfamiliar sensation of fingers cupping his face. "Zenitsu." His friend's voice coaxed. "Look at me? Please?"

Staring directly into sheepish red eyes made his heart stutter in his chest. "Yeah?" He muttered, mouth dry.

"If I really do get what you're saying, then it's going to be hard to do." Tanjirou always spoke with a plainness that everyone turned to listen to. "After all, I already love you, so I can't start now."

"You do?!" Zenitsu blurted out before he deflated his own balloon of hope with a needle of cynicism. "Ah, as a friend."

"No, that's not what-"

"As a brother?! Stop trying to force your big brother complex onto other people!"

"Zenitsu! Let me finish too!" He pulled a disgusted face. "Not that way! I'm in love with you!"

Constant dreams about this moment did not prepare him for how utterly nauseous he felt. "Don't pull my leg. I won't forgive you." He croaked. This was quite possibly the worst confession he had ever done.

Tanjirou nodded, entirely too patient. "I'm not. I have no intention of leaving your side! In fact, I'd like-"

Zenitsu proceeded to throw up all over their shoes before he could finish. In the end, they both pretended like the whole thing never happened and went with a picnic - complete with serenading - instead.