Education Day
Something was wrong. As a hero Sekijiro Kan relied on well-honed instincts, and today they had been sounding off alarm bells since he had woken up. He kept looking over his shoulder and found himself jumping at shadows. He half expected villains to be attacking UA by the time he got there, but nothing seemed to be amiss. It was driving him mad.
And then Aizawa entered the breakroom and Kan's blood turned to ice. "You're smiling." It was undeniably a smile, wide and evil looking, the sort of vindictive smile only a villain should wear, but Aizawa wore it better than any villain he'd ever known. "Why are you smiling?" It was unnatural, a warning to anyone who saw it. Kan felt like a rat trapped with a giant cat in the form of Aizawa. He was being toyed with, Aizawa was holding off the killing blow, quietly making coffee as he let the moment drag.
Aizawa waited until he finished brewing his first cup of the day acknowledge him. Kan cringed at the sight of that smile. It was unnatural on Aizawa. "Do you know what today is Kan?" Sensing the trap for what it was Kan didn't want to shake his head, but Aizawa just kept staring. Instincts, honed by countless hours of heroics in the face of certain death, screamed at him. He could answer or flee, but he wouldn't get away from Aizawa, not with his capture collar on. Mustering every ounce of fortitude, Kan twitched, giving the barest shake of his head.
If anything, Aizawa's smile grew as he spoke, and the answer made Vlad King's blood curdle. oh no. Oh no… OH NO!
Aizawa reentered the 1-A classroom to abruptly ending conversations and worried glances being exchanged. They must have realized something was off during the morning homeroom. Unfortunately, that meant he must have tipped them off, which was a pity. He so loved to surprise his students with this. Perhaps he hadn't quite covered his smile with his capture collar, or maybe the crinkle at the corner of his eye tipped them off, but they knew. It spoke well to their instincts, but it wouldn't save them.
"Normally we'd start reviewing your foundational heroics, but this afternoon we have a special guest lecture." He could smell their fear and reveled in it. All of his students had grown to distrust anything he considered special, smelling a trap. Logically, the best way to ensure his next logical ruse would work would be not to trick them at all. He looked through the window in the door and saw just the person he was waiting for, just waiting for their cue. Perfect.
No sooner did he wave her in that the door slammed open. Midnight stepped inside, smiling broadly. She enjoyed this almost as much as he did, and for the same reason, and unlike him, she made no attempt to hide it. She set down the large box with a thump and grinned. Silence, tense and nervous greeted her. Eyes drifted back and forth between her and the bag. He could hear his students' unspoken question. What's in the box? What's in the box?
"Class." He dragged their attention back to himself, and he couldn't help but smile. "Today you will be having a sexual education course." His students began to react, some tensed, some went flushed, a few lit up, turning to Midnight with undisguised glee. Perfect. Midnight's smile widened, growing more predatory as she reached into the box and pulled out a step ladder. She placed it on the ground with the greatest of care, before righting herself. And then she looked at the door.
The students followed her gaze, noticing a nearing rhythmic tapping coming from the hall, growing louder as it drew closer and closer. Midoriya, of course, realized it first, turning to look at him for confirmation. The blood drained from his student's face as he nodded, grinning. And then Recovery Girl turned the corner and walked into the classroom, her giant syringe cane tapping on the floor. "Ah, Midnight, thank you for bringing the demonstration materials." She smiled, "It's been getting harder to bring them myself. Not as young as I used to be."
"No problem at all." Midnight demurred, "Just happy I could help." And then she proceeded to leave, closing the door behind her.
The reaction shifted, tension ratcheted up further, those who had grown flush went white, and those who'd lit up, looked on in horror as Recovery Girl ascended the stepstool. And then, all at once, the class exploded. Hands were raising, excuses began to fly, desperate gambles, pleas to head to the bathroom, sudden claims to have found religion all spilled out. He shook his head, "This seminar is mandatory for Hero Course Students. Anyone who leaves or misses it will have to sit for it again." The life drained from his students.
"Thank you Eraserhead. Could you please hit the lights and turn on the projectors?"
"Gladly." It was the press of a button, the lights dimmed and the projector and screen descended. Aizawa retreated to his in the corner so he could keep an eye on his students and ensure they were paying attention.
"Well then," Recovery Girl started cheerfully, "let's start by going over the main parts of the male and female reproductive systems and how they work." She turned to the screen and pointed. "This, for those of you who are unfamiliar, is a penis."
What followed was an hour and a half of schadenfreude. Aizawa watched his students like hawks, his capture collar working overtime to ensure that they were paying attention. He decided early on that Mineta was a lost cause. The boy was too busy sobbing uncontrollably to pay proper attention to the lesson and would therefore need to repeat the lecture. Kaminari was doing only marginally better, and then only because Jirou swatted him a few times whenever his blubbering got too loud. For her part Jirou seemed bitterly resigned to the whole affair. Sero lacked Jirou's attention and so Aizawa had to provide him aide, snapping his capture collar against the back of his neck to drawing his attention back to the lecture.
They weren't alone in struggling through the lesson. Yaoyorozu, prim, proper and almost certainly very sheltered, was blushing furiously throughout. Mineta's bawling couldn't be helping her pay attention, so he merely guided her back to the lesson when Recovery Girl pulling out a dildo for the condom demonstration proved too much. It was all for naught though, because Todoroki raised a tentative hand and asked if penises were expected to be that long. Recovery Girl handled the question with aplomb, but it took more than a few moments for most of the class to recover.
Iida's studiousness hit a roadblock when she began to explain alternatives to traditional sex, and he stared like a deer in headlights throughout her explanation of anal sex until a swift slap of his capture collar rebooted him. Uraraka struggled through that and the accompanying description of oral sex, looking pale and shooting furtive glances at Midoriya, desperately trying and failing to get his attention. For his part Midoriya looked like death warmed over for most of that lecture, though he still took notes, particularly frantic ones at that when Recovery Girl explained that oral sex could be performed on women as well. The problem child only seemed to come alive again when the benefits and drawbacks of each type of contraceptive was discussed, falling into the safety of one of his mumbling holes as he tried to analyze the combined effectiveness of using multiple methods at once.
Bakugo looked increasingly aggravated as the lecture went on, and Eraserhead found the boy shooting him poisonous glances as if the boy thought he was the reason for this. Eraserhead was tempted to laugh, if only he was this creatively cruel. Ashido was a contrast, she seemed to be enjoying the lecture, giggling to herself throughout, but paying careful attention during the demonstrations and explanation. She also kept ribbing Kirishima, taking great pleasure in teasing him about how manly the male anatomy lecture was, while he clutched his desk in white knuckled terror, and frantically looked between her, Bakugo and Recovery Girl. Hagakure seemed to find almost as much amusement as Ashido, tittering and giggling which only served to further rile up Bakugo, if such a thing was possible.
Aoyama was either paying very close attention or had gone to a special place in his head during the venereal disease discussion. His eyes were focused on Recovery Girl, or perhaps a few inches above her, Aizawa really couldn't really tell; but there was a dreamy quality to the expression on his face that Aizawa couldn't help but find a little disconcerting. Tsuyu's expression hadn't changed either, which wasn't exactly a surprise, though she did raise a finger to her chin when Recovery Girl tactfully brought up and subsequently debunked the theory that people with a heritage of animal based quirks trended towards giving birth like said animals. Hearing from a professional that she very likely wouldn't be laying eggs was likely a relief.
Ojiro tried to remain passive, but his body language betrayed him, the anxious swishing of his tail revealing his discomfort to Aizawa's practiced eye. Shoji was much better at hiding his feelings, though there were moments where it slipped and the blush reached above his mask. Tokoyami barred his arms across his chest in visible annoyance for the bulk of the lecture. Koda had been quietly sweating and panicking since the start. Unsurprisingly all four sat up and paid much closer attention when Recovery Girl began speaking about the passage of mutation quirk passage to children and the difficulties it could cause during a pregnancy, though they were told that they shouldn't think of it as a reason to avoid having trying to have children if that was what they wanted, only that they should keep their partner's health in mind.
Overall, his students seemed to be suffering through admirably, but of course, Aizawa knew the piece de resistance was still coming. Recovery Girl finished up the normal lecture, asked for the lights, and asked if anyone had any questions. Todoroki was bewildered as half the class turned to look at him, but shook his head. No one else spoke either, they were too busy breathing out sighs of relief that it was finally over. Recovery Girl smiled, "There is one more thing to go over." And just like that his students braced themselves. "Usually I'd be asking the boys to leave at this point, but considering you all are in the hero course it would be embarrassing if you came across an unlucky woman on her period during an emergency and tried to treat her for an injury, but I'm getting ahead of myself." She clapped her hands together, "We need to discuss menstruation."
Author's notes: This story was inspired by the second story in a series I *HIGHLY* recommend by the name of: Frequently Asked Questions by Vaimeta. (Check Archive of Our Own!) They referred to Recovery Girl as a teacher in the comments, and, well, my high school nurse taught my Sex Ed course, so I thought why not? Sex Ed is usually embarrassing, and having approximately the world's oldest person being the teacher only adds to the horror. Plus the thought of Recovery Girl pulling out a dildo so she can put a condom on it was too good to pass up!
By the way, this class is actually recorded by the school, and a few teachers will have a viewing party later (namely: Aizawa, joined by Kayama and Hizashi with popcorn) officially to 'help build psych profiles'. It's an absurd lie that absolutely all the teachers are aware of, but Aizawa can't be the only one who wants to watch the students who so often cause them headaches taken down a peg. Unbeknownst to most, Nedzu also finds it hilarious.
As for the students themselves? Poor Momo, she's not as sheltered as Kaguya from Love is War, but her knowledge of sex (or, as she would have referred to it: lovemaking) stemmed from Harlequin romance novels. It did not help when Todoroki, with his abnormal upbringing, missed a few social cues. Also, wouldn't it be entertaining if the reason Mineta gets pushed out of the hero course is because he can't handle being taught sex ed by Recovery Girl?