Loki gazed upon his own reflection intensely. Washed wan eyes stared back at him.
Hopeless.
His slender fingers shakingly swept across the reflection in the mirror. He could barely keep his hand still anymore. So weak. So pathetic. He could see his lips part but couldn't feel them move. A small smile. A small wish it wasn't real.
His gaze shifted, stopping on each and every revolting imperfection on his face. Ever so slowly his hand caressed the pale skin stretched over his bony cheeks. It was stiff. His body was always cold. Never warm like the arms of his mother. But hostile. Uncaring. Unforgiving.
A defeated breath left his lips, his emerald eyes shutting in a last attempt to hold back the oncoming tears.
Why was he different? Why him? Why did he have to be so frail - not a curve on his body. So pale, horrid, vexatious. Could he not he just fit in? Was it so hard to be… Normal?
He mimicked their actions. Attended his lessons; studied hard. Held his head high and walked in a straight line. Talked with a big smile and laughed along. But no matter what he did, he was never good enough. He didn't live up to expectations. They were beautiful. Strong. Invincible.
He was only in the background.
Sure, he would sit with them at meals. Provide what little company he could offer when they hunted in the woods. But he wasn't there. Not truly. He could have disappeared and no one would have batted an eye. No one would have noticed. Worried.
He took another deep breath and gathered himself. If he concentrated hard enough he could do it. He could be like them. He could become one of them.
A warmth surrounded his body like a blanket. The feeling was… unfamiliar. It felt wrong. So wrong. But so right.
With uncertainty, he opened his eyes. He lifted his hand and the reflection did the same. His hands no longer shook with each movement, his skin showing healthy color. Beach blonde hair fell in gentle waves, settling just below the shoulder. Piercing blue eyes sure to make any maiden swoon. His fingers ran along the defined jaw, stubble tickling his fingertips.
His eyes gradually fell down to the hidden abdomen, his head tilted inquisitively. The grey shirt slowly lifted, exposing more and more golden skin. The fabric pulled away. Firm, tan abs prominently stuck out, looking glorious no matter which way he shifted his body. Gliding fingers spread over the muscles, feeling - memorizing every hook, drop, curve.
He briskly shook his head, pushing away poisonous tears once more. Why? All he wanted was a reason as to why he couldn't look like this. Like the Golden Prince of Asgard. The perfect son.
"Brother!" A robust voice cut through the façade of his fantasies. "Where have you gone?"
Loki frantically touched his magic, shattering the warmth that he was beginning to relish - and crave.
"Loki, there you are! I have been searching for you!" Thor tossed his hands in the air in triumph, barging into the bedroom. He grinned foolishly, parading over to the smaller boy. "Why have you been hiding from me?"
Loki could not respond. There was nothing to say. Nothing to do. All his excuses and lies seemed to have vanished from him without a moment's notice.
"Well?"
"I-" Loki swallowed, dropping his head in a dishonor he was all too familiar with. "I was pondering the possible reasons why I look different."
"Different?" His brother's eyebrows fused together, his voice sounding almost offended. "How do you mean?"
Loki turned to the mirror, looking at his reflection once again. "Haven't you ever wondered why you, Mother, and Father have blonde hair? Blue eyes? Warm skin?" He paused for an answer from his brother.
Thor's eyes examined the younger's body. The wrinkles on his forehead deepened. "I can't say I ever have."
Loki closed his eyes, swearing at himself for feeling the painful sting of returning tears. He looked nothing like them. Nothing like any Aesir he had ever seen. His brother was lying.
Thor turned away from the mirror, firmly grabbing his little brother's shoulders. "Do not think of such things." He pulled the younger's face to his chest. "You are a son of Odin and a prince of Asgard. What does it matter if you do not have blue eyes? You still hold the same amount of right to the throne as I."
Loki nodded even though he knew it was not true. Thor didn't understand. He would never know the feeling of being invisible to others. To be discarded as "Thor's little brother." The weaker of the two princes.
"Brother," Thor lifted Loki's face to look in his eyes. The blonde smiled the biggest he had ever smiled. It disturbed the younger.
"I like green eyes better anyway."