We Fell

Shaking hands cause the ice the rattle against the crystal tumbler. I was somewhere between the Adderall numbing my mind too fast or too slow. This is what I get for bumming some off of that sketchy kid from the Grill. I was trying to be able to focus after a bender with a gentleman who had somehow convinced me to go out drinking with him the night before. To be honest I feel like it must have been somewhat fun from the blurred haze that I remembered. I just wish I had ended up with fewer bruises. I glance a fruitive look at my brother while adjusting the black turtle neck dress I wore. The part that scared me is that I am quite unsure how I got from the town over to Mystic Falls but I would worry about that later.

The night was hazy in my memory and right now my Adderall that was combating the exhaustion and the hangover rolling around in the background of my numbed mind. I would like to say a bender was out of character but lately, I couldn't really remember what was in character for me. I was in my quarter-life crisis and my choice making had been on par with that of an emotional teenager with access to their parents' liquor cabinet. I grabbed one of the Waterford decanters filled with McCallan and poured it three fingers tall in my glass setting the decanter back on the drink cart. I glanced at my brother's disapproving stare and shrugged adding a splash of seltzer to appease him. What, a highball could be considered a morning cocktail… even if it was 9:30 am.

" You couldn't have come sober," the question hung in the air and I could feel his judgment weighing upon my shoulder.

"Sorry Lo, but this is what happens when you invite me to our fathers reading the night before," I paused drinking in the stiff cocktail," and let me just say if you had told me a week ago I would have been." The tension of being in the same room as my brother already had me on edge. I heard a sigh escape his lips before the coming lecture.

"I didn't think you would," The door opened cutting him off from the pointless sentence filled with fallacy. Logan automatically straightened in the leather armchair he always had to be presentable and his desire to always be at his best irked my fried sensibilities. An older gentleman in a sharp grey suit that strained around the middle of his paunch stepped out from our father's office a glimmer of recognition flash in my eyes.

"Leslie," I cry out stumbling towards the man wrapping the man in a bear hug and humming whilst I rest my head in his chest not noticing I had tilted my glass to the side slightly until I heard the pitter-patter of droplets hitting the floor " oops, sorry Les."

A chortle runs through the man shaking his fat-laden belly like jelly or a well-trimmed Santa. I always had a soft spot for our family lawyer and considered him like an uncle is some ways but better since he wasn't related to me." I am sorry for the unfortunate circumstance we are meeting under but I am glad you were able to come. Logan said you wouldn't be able to make it." I glared at my shithead of a brother and let out a huff as we follow him into the ostentatiously gaudy office that used to belong to my father.

I looked around the office that was had almost every surface covered in mahogany. The pretense of a family man littered the office tastefully enough to set my father's clients at ease. The knickknacks that he had used to decorate were sparse and far between and it very much reminded me of the man we had come together to "mourn" and his interest in our lives. I took a seat in one of the armchairs in front of the desk as Logan chose to stand next to me. I gave him a small smile despite myself and he rested a hand on my shoulder. We may bicker and fight but we were siblings and since dad passed Lo was all I had left.

" Your Father's will is here and it is pretty easy to break down. Logan will receive 75% of your father's equity in the firm and Belle will receive 25% seeing as she will be getting the house. All other monetary affairs will be split equally between the two with Belle getting the Fell jewels and Logan getting the family ring." Leslie looked over his notes and began to further explain things whilst Logan pointed questions on how it was to be decided how the estate was to be split when I started to tune everything out. I looked around the office of this old home not able to believe it was mine. I never want to come back to this town and now I had a home in it. A shiver ran down my spine.

"Fuck." That is all my mind could come up with after all was said and done. The papers were signed and Leslie had gone. I looked up at my big brother and I was at a loss of words. He looked back at me with exasperation in his eyes but I could tell he felt the same. We were in the living room of the craftsman I had just inherited side by side in two smoking chairs staring into the hearth of the hand-carved fireplace.

"Yeah," Logan took a sip of his whiskey that he had acquired through the long affair and just sat there with me shell shocked it almost felt like we were bonding. A ring thundered out from his phone and with a glance, I saw it said work and knew he would answer it. He exchanges words with the person on the line and I could tell he was going to leave me. I didn't want him here but I also didn't want him to go. I wanted a companion to enjoy the misery I dwelled in. I watched as his brows furrow and he hung up on the person on the person on the line. " I have to go cover a story."

I nodded not sincerely wanting to reply right now raising my glass in confirmation of my understanding. Logan stood up buttoned his suit jacket and leaned over to kiss my head." Get something to eat and sober up," and with that, he left.

After an hour my Adderall wore off and the realization I hadn't eaten yet today kicked in. I threw my tennis shoes on not feeling sober enough to drive. The trek towards town was longer than I thought it would be and I was beginning to regret my life choices. The buzz of alcohol tingle on my skin and lips was fading to a hum. My feet and legs were being to ache and I felt like my life was turning into an amalgamation of poor choices.

I had graduate college a year ago at the pristine age of 22 and was highly jobless now at the age of 23. I had finally gotten my first internship the summer before my senior year of college when I was 21 only to find out I hated my major and my future care choice. It was a hard pill to swallow with 3 hard worked years into the career path I had planned to follow for the next 50 years. With no clue what I wanted to do, I just pushed forward. That is what we Fell's always did, I grew up with my father calling over his shoulder to keep strong and persevere It was our family motto and it was so entrenched into who I was it just came naturally. I learn I have a reading disability keep strong and persevere, I place top in class. My best friend goes missing in high school, keep strong and persevere, become Miss Mystic Falls. My mother dies suddenly senior year, keep strong and persevere, graduate high school go to college.

There was something about this time that seemed to break my psyche. I was in no state to continue like all the times prior when I went on autopilot to "persevere" and it seemed like all those previous auto piolets were catching up to me and I felt beyond exhausted. I had floated around for a while listless the last year running together more quickly than I had planned and I was still hadn't moved towards any goal. It felt wrong. I felt wrong.

Now returning to the place that had ignited all my childhood trauma I was reeling. I felt akin to the prodigal son and to be honest it did not feel good. Nobody was excited for my turn like my characterization. I was alone in my return with a brother who spurned me.

I neared town in and my dark thought moved toward my planned lunch. Images of grilled cheese and onion rings pranced across my mind. The cobbled path that leads to the center of town lead me along my journey. The sign of the Grill neared the horizon and reprieve was in my sight. I walked towards the foreign recollection of my youth that reminded me of one too many morose memories. My feet automatically guiding me like a missile with programmed coordinates.

I walked to the door when a gentleman with a leather jacket held it open for me. I may not like this town but I love its southern charm. The Grill was abuzz with activity which made sense for a Friday afternoon. The bar only had a few spots own all next to someone else and glancing around I decided to where to take my perch. I sat down and made myself comfortable bringing my feet up to rest on the stools crossbar waiting for the bartender to take my order. She rounded the corner asking for my order.

"Double whiskey splash of coke, grilled cheese, and onion ring please!" She scribbled down my order and went on her way. I swirled on my stool looking for a familiar face when I glanced at my stools shoulder buddy. I was shocked. "Hey, long time no see!"