A/N So, this is my fic for the Glee Potluck Fic Exchange, written for Lady Divine. I was petrified when I got her name, because she is one of my favorite Fanfic authors! I kept asking myself, how could I write a story for her that would be good enough! And then I remembered, she also loves Good Omens! Ah ha! Problem solved. Combine two of my favorite things, Klaine and Good Omens, which also happen to be two of her favorite things!
So, here you go, Lady Divine! I hope you enjoy Kurt and Blaine binge watching Good Omens! (Of course, this means I have to re-binge watch Good Omens myself. I guess I'll just have to suffer through it! What we authors do for our craft! ;P )
Thank you, lilyvandersteen, who Beta read this for me! I hope you all enjoy!
Reviews always welcome!
…
"Michael Sheen!"
"No way, David Tennant!"
"Oh please! He's such a skinny bean pole!"
"What are you two arguing about now?" Kurt asked, coming back into the living room with a tray of tea and cookies. Rachel and Santana looked up at him. They had stopped by to help him plan his husband's surprise birthday party.
"We were talking about which Good Omens actor we thought was hotter," Rachel said.
"Oh, please, not you, too!" Kurt said.
"What?" Santana said.
"That's all anyone has been talking about at the theater this week! It's been nothing but Good Omens this and Good Omens that!"
"What's wrong with that?" Rachel asked. "It's a pretty good show, actually."
"You watched it?" Kurt asked, incredulously.
"Of course! I think you'd like it."
Kurt scoffed. "You know I don't like anything with a religious connotation."
"Oh, but that's exactly why I think you would like it!" Rachel said. "It mocks what people think of religion and good and evil."
"Besides," Santana added, "there are major homoerotic undertones. And most of the actors are hot!"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Can we please get back to planning the party?"
…
Later that night, as Kurt finished doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, he heard Blaine laughing at something in the living room. Setting aside his dishtowel, Kurt poured two cups of coffee and carried them out of the kitchen.
"What are you laughing at?" He set one of the cups on the side table next to the shorter man and moved around to sit beside him. Blaine was watching something on his laptop.
"Oh, it's this show everyone has been talking about at work. It's quite funny!"
Kurt looked at the screen. "What's it called?"
"Good Omens!" Blaine said cheerfully. "I think you'll like it!"
Kurt huffed. "Oh my god, they've brainwashed you, too!"
Blaine frowned at him. "What do you mean?"
Kurt crossed his arms sullenly. "Everyone has been trying to get me to watch this!"
Blaine was still confused. "So?"
"So, you know my views on religion!"
"I know, that's exactly why you'll like this! God is a woman, and the angels are all pricks!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Come on, I'll start it over from the beginning. I'm only halfway through the first episode anyway. If you don't like it, you don't have to watch the rest, deal?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. One episode!"
Blaine restarted the stream, and they settled back on the couch, cuddled together. Kurt had to admit, Crowley was kind of hot, but there was something about Aziraphale's bowtie that had him wondering what the actor looked like when he wasn't dressed as a fop. Not that there was anything wrong with dressing like a fop. Nothing wrong with being a little over the top. He'd worn similar outfits before, although in more flattering colors.
"That is supposed to be the archangel Gabriel?" Kurt asked, skeptically. "He seems kind of… slimy, which is saying something when you look at that Hastur demon."
"He does remind me of a snake oil salesman," Blaine observed. "And he's a real ass, too. You'll see in later episodes."
Kurt just grunted noncommitedly, and continued watching.
"So, basically, the Satanic nuns screwed up, and gave the baby to the wrong couple?" he asked about halfway through the episode. He wasn't about to let on that he was actually enjoying it so far.
"Yes, but just wait! It gets funnier!"
"Is he dressed as a woman?" Kurt asked a short while later.
"Yes, Crowley is gender-fluid."
"How do you know so much about this show? I thought you said you'd only seen the first half of episode one?"
His husband blushed. "Well, I might have seen bits and pieces at work, when others were watching it." In other words, he'd probably watched the entire thing by now.
"Okay, but no more spoilers!"
They watched the rest of the episode in silence, until they released the Hellhound. Kurt flinched at the snarling beast, and almost couldn't watch the scene play out, but burst into laughter when the tiny dog raced into the clearing. "That's the beast that is supposed to guard over the antichrist? The terror of hell?"
"He's so cute, isn't he? We should get a dog like that!" Blaine laughed. "So, want to watch another episode?"
"Maybe just one more."
Blaine laughed, knowing the pale man was hooked.
As the opening scene played out in the second episode, Kurt couldn't help frowning. "I thought he was the archangel. He can't be that stupid, can he?"
Blaine just shook his head. "He's so out of touch with humans, he thinks they are complete idiots. Smarmy bastard if you ask me."
Kurt rolled his eyes, but the next scene actually made him mad. "Are they saying that War is a woman? That's so wrong! Men start wars, not women. That's just bull!"
"I think they just did it for the shock value, but you're right about men being the cause of wars."
Kurt grunted, but continued watching. "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery? What kind of twisted name is that? Who were his parents? Thou Shalt Not Steal and Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife?"
Blaine giggled. "Some of the names they came up with for the characters are either brilliantly ironic or outlandishly silly. I mean, Agnes Nutter? Of course people are going to think she was completely insane."
"Anathema? Doesn't that mean someone or something that is disliked?" Kurt asked.
"I think so, I'm not sure. Oh! Wait, this is funny! Dick Turpin!"
"What on earth?" Kurt had no idea why the darker man thought it was funny, but decided not to ask, much like the woman on the screen.
"Why does that guy look familiar?" Kurt asked a few minutes later.
"That's Michael McKean."
Kurt frowned. The name rang a bell, but he couldn't figure out where from. Blaine must have noticed his confusion. "You ever watch the show Laverne and Shirley? That's the guy who played Lenny."
"Oh my god! My dad used to watch reruns of that show all the time."
Blaine blushed. "So did I. I used to have a crush on Carmine Ragusa."
"And now I understand your love of pull-over sweaters."
They watched in silence for a few minutes.
"Oh my god, please tell me they don't show her in the dominatrix get-up. I'd have to bleach my poor gay eyes!" Kurt wailed.
Blaine just chuckled. "Don't worry, they don't show anything that will leave you permanently scarred!"
Kurt relaxed a little. "Not that there's anything wrong with that type of thing," he said defensively. "It's just not something I want to see."
Blaine smiled and patted his knee, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "My poor baby penguin!"
Kurt huffed at the nickname, but just continued to watch.
As they were properly introducing Adam's friends, Kurt couldn't help reminiscing. He could actually relate to each of them. Brian was the Finn of the group, while Pepper was a cross between Rachel and Santana. Wensleydale looked like Artie, but reminded him more of Britt. Actually, when he thought about it, Anathema reminded him a lot of Tina, Quinn and Mercedes, too.
Kurt refrained from commenting again until they got to the paintball scene.
"I'd be upset too if someone messed up my favorite coat. That's sacrilege!" Blaine laughed at the pale man beside him, but didn't comment.
"Oh, my," Kurt said a couple minutes later when Crowley pinned Aziraphale to the wall. Blaine noticed his husband squirming a little in his seat, and had to admit the scene between the two characters was hot, especially since the angel seemed to be staring at the demon's mouth the entire time, and was so focused on Crowley he didn't seem to register the interruption right away.
They finished the second episode, and Blaine closed the laptop.
"Hey!" Kurt said. "What are you doing? I thought we were going to watch another episode!"
"Kurt, it's getting late, and I have to be up early for work. We can watch more tomorrow night."
"But…"
Blaine stood and pulled him to his feet. "Come on. If you're good, I'll let you pin me to the wall like Crowley pinned Aziraphale," he whispered seductively into the pale man's ear. He let out a bark of laughter when Kurt dragged him down the hall to the bedroom.
…
Kurt had sworn to himself that he would wait until Blaine got home to watch the last four episodes. It was his day off, and he had so much to do for Blaine's surprise party the following night.
The laptop sat there on the kitchen table, mocking him, tempting him as he finished eating breakfast. Okay, fine. He'd watch just one more episode.
As the opening montage of Aziraphale and Crowley's encounters over the millennia played, Kurt found himself identifying more and more with the red-headed demon, questioning everything. The crucifixion scene was especially hard to watch, given how on point it was.
He wondered when Crowley had fallen in love with the angel, and when the oblivious Aziraphale would realize his own feelings. The angel reminded him so much of Blaine. The whole 'You go too fast for me, Crowley' line reminded Kurt so much of that Valentine's day when he'd admitted to Blaine how he felt about him, and Blaine had admitted he didn't want to screw things up between them.
When the episode ended, he didn't even hesitate before clicking on 'Next'.
Gabriel and the other angels reminded him of the jocks in high school, bullies and Neanderthals. Why had he been so resistant to watching this show?
He felt sorry for the delivery guy. That was so unfair.
And what the hell (pun intended) was up with Hastur? That guy was seriously insane! And who the heck was Dick Turpin and why was the car named after him? So many questions!
He started the fifth episode.
More questions! Was Aziraphale really dead? Would Adam destroy the Earth? Why does Madame Tracy have so many stuffed animals on her bed? Why was Shadwell obsessed with nipples? And how the hell did Crowley drive that car that far while it was on fire?
What? They left it there? No way! He had to watch the last episode!
He cried when the Bentley blew up. He laughed so hard at the 'lick butt' line. He cheered as Pepper, Brian, and Wensleydale defeated War, Pollution, and Famine. He rolled his eyes at Gabriel acting like a spoiled child who hadn't gotten his way. He groaned when he learned why the car was called Dick Turpin. He was laughing again when Crowley asked for a rubber duck, and demanded Michael miracle him a towel.
He got absolutely nothing accomplished, having started the series over from the beginning, and was still sitting there watching when Blaine got home. His husband just smirked as he realized what Kurt was watching.
"I told you you'd like it!"
Kurt grumbled at being caught, hating being proven wrong in any situation. "Okay, fine, I liked it! But not for the reasons everyone kept saying I would!"
"Oh?"
"It reminded me of us. Not just you and me, but Finn, Rachel, Mercedes, Santana and everyone. And yeah, Michael Sheen and David Tennant are hot, and I almost got off when Aziraphale said it was a pity he couldn't be in Crowley's body, that they'd probably both explode. You know Crowley wanted to tell him to do it anyway."
Blaine laughed. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Come on, let's make dinner."
Kurt nodded. "Just let me stretch for a moment."
Blaine nodded and went into the kitchen to get things started. Kurt sent out a hasty email before following the other man.
…
The next night, after the surprise party, as Kurt and Blaine were getting ready for bed, Blaine kissed his husband. "Thank you for the party! I love that you had everyone dress as the angels and demons from Good Omens!"
Kurt smiled and kissed him back. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I'm glad you talked me into watching the show! Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves."
"That's because we have such amazing friends who love us and would do anything for us, just like Adam and his friends, and Aziraphale and Crowley."
Kurt smiled and kissed the darker man, toying with the tartan bow tie that almost exactly matched Aziraphale's. "I love you, and I would face Armageddon with you."
Blaine smiled back, fingering the thin tie that looked so much like Crowley's. "I'd face Armageddon with you, too. I love you!"