Look at me trying to contribute once again to the ZoTash fandom. (￣ ▽ ￣ *) ゞ
This time, I wanted to go full angst because I woke up in that vibe hahaha.
Again: everything happens after Punk Hazard, but with little relation to the current canonical arc.
A quick reminder that English is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes.
And our daily disclaimer: obviously, I don't own anything in One Piece.
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It was her blood pouring out nonstop and what it represented that kept him from thinking rationally.
If there was one thing Zoro was proud of, it was his ability to analyze any situation and be able to stay calm on critical occasions. Just like this one.
The difference was that he was doing quite the opposite of what he was trained to do because it was her blood pouring out nonstop and what it represented that kept him from thinking rationally.
Zoro's hands were red and sticky from pressing the wound on Tashigi's back. The bright red blood, the strong smell of iron and the sound of every drop running down his hand and dripping on the floor were starting to make him sick, his stomach twisting as if his body wanted to throw out everything he ate or drank in the past forty-eight hours.
It was her blood pouring out nonstop and what it represented that kept him from thinking rationally.
Tashigi was already in a half-awake and half-sleepy state, but Zoro couldn't, under any circumstance, let her close her eyes. One hand continued to press the wound to her back and the other held her face. Now it was the bright red blood, the smell of iron, the sound of every drop dripping on the floor and her face dirty with the fresh blood that was in his hand that made him sick again, but she needed to pay attention, she needed to look at him.
"Oe, four-eyes, don't you fucking dare to die on me."
The words were harsh, but the situation was critical and he was unable to stay calm. With every desperate step from Chopper, every weeping from Nami, every yell from Smoker, every gasp from Robin, every curse from Sanji was making the swordsman lose his fucking mind. With each passing minute, it was as if all those noises were slowly muffled and only Tashigi's shallow breathing remained.
Her eyes didn't seem to focus on anything and neither did his. He could only hear her whispering disconnected phrases and every time Zoro told her to not be stubborn at least once in her god damn life because if she kept talking, more blood would come out and God (or any divine entity that exists in this world) knows he was about to lose all sanity.
"I… hurt… Smoker-san… guys… I…"
"For the last time, just keep quiet, four eyes. I'm just asking that of you, damn it. Can you fucking do this just once?"
Zoro really didn't want to swear that much, but all of his brain efforts were focused only on making that woman not close her eyes and, at the same time, continue to stop the blood until Chopper managed to do something.
After getting out of her stupor, Robin also started using Hana Hana no Mi to help him with the task. Because he only has two hands and no one was stopping the blood that spurted from the wound in Tashigi's chest.
Zoro was never a religious man and he doesn't even believe in anything divine, but what he wouldn't give now for his prayers to be answered. Please don't let her die, please please.
But how do you survive a sword through your chest?
He doesn't know anyone who has survived. But who knows, maybe Tashigi will be the first.
Tashigi. Honored captain, defender of justice, admirable swordsman, co-leader of the Navy revolution, war heroine, daughter of Wano, Kuina's older sister.
The woman who has no regard for her own life if it meant protecting others.
The woman who just sacrificed herself to save his life and his crew's.
The woman he argued the day before and said so many bad things was now on her knees in front of him with a sword stuck in her chest and blood spurting everywhere.
Tashigi was losing consciousness and was losing fast.
"Hey, hey, hey, just keep looking at me, Tashigi."
She did, but he could see that her eyelids were getting heavier and heavier.
Please don't let her die, please please.
The lips that he wanted to kiss so much but didn't have the courage now were stained red and heaven knows how he preferred it to be lipstick and not death. Every time she tried to say something, she ended up spitting blood and his face was already soaked, but Zoro couldn't, for anything in this world, care about it.
Robin released him from the task of stopping the bleeding and he managed to put both hands on Tashigi's face to force her to look at him. His hands were completely painted red and he hated to wear her blood - hands, arms, face, chest, everything. It didn't suit him well and he was really about to lose his fucking mind.
She blinked heavily but was managing to maintain eye contact and Zoro let himself be hopeful. Chopper ran around, trying incessantly to control the situation, but the swordsman could see how his little paws were shaking and how his eyes were red from crying.
If Chopper said there was no solution, it was because it was the end.
Please don't let her die, please please.
Not her, please, please.
There was so much he still wanted to say, she couldn't leave now. He wanted to say good things, not the bad things he spat on her face. Instead of saying that she would never be as good as her sister, he wanted to be able to say that she became so strong that she became his rival and that he was so proud of her that the feeling couldn't fit in his own the chest; he wanted to say that she was an incredibly strong woman and that standing her ground after everything she had been through in life was admirable, but instead, he called her weak.
He vomited so many mean words because uncontrollable anger washed over him when she volunteered for a suicide mission. Wano's war was nearing its end, but they lost so many people in so many bloody battles. Zoro did not want to lose her. My God, not her.
Death, take someone bad, not her. She's too good. Please.
He hurt her. It was the first time that Tashigi didn't argue back and Zoro found it very strange. But if that was what it took for her not to go out the door and return in a coffin, it would be worth it. She might hate him for the rest of her life, but she would hate him alive.
"After all, I thought you didn't think that way about me anymore. Too bad because I don't think the same about you anymore."
Zoro never saw such sadness overflow in her eyes as at that moment. Not even when she told her story to the Straw Hats - and that sadness was similar to what he saw so often on Robin's face. But what she expressed right after hearing his angry words was as if someone was putting a knife in the swordsman's heart and spinning. She knows that pain now.
"Oe, four-eyes, you're doing well. Just keep looking at me, okay? If you keep doing well, how about I let you train with Wado or Enma? You are now like a sword goddess here in Wano, right? They all obey you, so what do you think?", Zoro knew he was being a blabbermouth, but he needed to keep her awake and maybe talking about swords could keep her focused on him.
"Sandai… don't… obey me… you… only master…"
"I know. You found her for me, remember? Do you remember, Tashigi?"
The swordsman looked at Chopper out of the corner of his eye and saw the little reindeer crying copiously on Usopp's lap. Then, Zoro realized that he had no solution. That was the end.
His heart just stopped beating and he couldn't think of anything else. His mind was empty with just a white noise in the background.
No no no no no. Please don't.
Zoro was sure that he must be looking like a maniac, with extremely wide eyes, frowns and a completely unformed smile. Smiling might make her endure a little longer, so he tried, but it was in vain.
Tashigi could no longer lift her head and Zoro could feel the life being drained from her. He held her face tightly as if that simple act could prevent her existence from leaving this world.
"C'mon, four-eyes. Hold on a little longer…"
"Ro… ronoa…"
"Come on, there's still so much for you to do-"
He felt someone's strong hand on his shoulder, but he felt no comfort at all. This person didn't want to say that everything would be okay - the gesture was asking him to accept and let go.
No, no, no.
"Zoro. There's… there's nothing else we can do."
Sanji's voice sounded as choked up as his. Zoro was sure that the cook was crying and then realized that the blood that was running down his face didn't come from an injury. It was his own tears melting it.
Tashigi spat violently again and he understood that she wanted to say something.
"G-guys, I…"
Zoro already had a scold on the tip of his tongue, but Nami grabbed his arm. The girl bit her lip to keep from crying, but she was failing miserably. She sobbed desperately in the same way as Robin and Chopper. Sanji, Usopp, and Franky wept silently. Torao watched with a frightened expression, not knowing how to react and Smoker did the same.
Zoro didn't even want to think about Luffy's reaction when he found out.
Over the past few months, Tashigi has stood by the Straw Hat by Smoker's order to fight on behalf of the Navy revolutionaries for Wano - her home that has been denied to her for so many years. The captain was extremely suspicious at the beginning of the alliance, but Luffy always manages to unite any type of person and Tashigi was no exception. She fought alongside them and for them.
Her courage seemed to know no bounds.
That's probably why it didn't take long for the crew to fall in love with her and consider her one of them. And being considered part of the Straw Hats meant that she'd have all the treatment that anyone in the crew did. It meant that they would all protect her no matter what.
So where did they messed up so that Zoro was holding a nearly dead Tashigi in his arms?
"Guys… thanks for taking care… of a weakling like me…"
Zoro couldn't believe the words she had just said. She was dying and that was what she thought? How idiotic were they to make this woman so kind to think that until the last seconds of her life?
"No, Tashigi-chan! Y-you're not weak! If it weren't for you, this war wouldn't be w-won!", Nami screamed and with eyes filled with tears.
"Y-y-you're our m-m-mate, Tashigi-chan! I don't w-w-want you to go!", Chopper cried like a baby and it was almost impossible to understand what he was talking about.
"Y-you are o-one of the m-most brave person I have ever m-met, Tashigi!", Robin's voice was completely choked.
They all gathered around her, hugging her and holding her tightly, trying to keep her there, with them. Everyone hoping for some miracle, anything that would make her not leave them.
Zoro continued to hold her face while everyone cried and sobbed hysterically. In the midst of all the suffering, in one last effort, her eyes met his and she smiled. A sweet smile she reserved only for him.
She whispered with great difficulty, but no one seemed to hear.
Zoro did.
"I-I… I re-really wanted… to be more… than… a copycat for you… Zoro."
The swordsman's eyes widened and his heart ached as if it was squirming inside his chest. But no, he wouldn't let it be that way. He had been a coward all these months, never admitting any feelings for her and always admiring her from afar as if the mere thought of getting close to her was wrong.
And now what he has left is a feeling of guilt and regret.
He could have lived so many things in the past few months, but he had been a coward.
He wouldn't be a coward now. She deserved much more than his cowardice.
Zoro leaned in and kissed her lips. Their foreheads touched and whispered in a shaky voice.
"You're anything but a copycat to me."
She was almost gone, he could feel it. He kissed her again.
"You are everything."
She was crying silently, but couldn't speak anymore. The only thing he had in those last moments was her smile.
"You too."
Zoro opened his mouth to speak, but the sparkle in Tashigi's eyes had already faded. He only held the shell where she lived and he never thought he'd feel so much pain in his life.
It was unbearable and suffocating.
Zoro howled and cried desperately along with his companions. He hadn't cried like that since Kuina's death and even so, now it was so much more. He didn't know how to stop and he didn't even know if he wanted to stop.
His head was heavy, his body ached, his chest looked like it was going to explode, he couldn't feel anything but suffering, but he was able to hear clearly when Luffy cried out Tashigi's name in anguish.
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"Zoro, her funeral is today. You coming?", Sanji's voice was so hoarse that if it weren't for the years they spent together, he wouldn't have recognized the cook.
Zoro remained silent, his eyes fixed on the waves breaking lightly in the ocean. Probably a considerable amount of time had passed because Sanji spoke again cautiously.
"I think she'd like you to go."
It had been three days since Tashigi's death and Zoro had entered a cycle of monstrous violence. No one survived against his swords and no one was able to stop him.
Not even his crew.
The captain's death raised indignation inside everyone's chest and even those who had given up fighting decided to step on the battlefield once again. The woman had become a symbol of resistance and neither Kaido nor Orochi would be able to contain the rebellion.
Because this war had taken a woman pure and just. There was no way to forgive that.
Since then, Zoro has survived on sake. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he didn't say anything, he just fought. Until Sanji decided to stop this rampant train of self-destruction before it was too late. The cook confronted him ("You're doing everything contrary to what she wanted! She died to save us and you want to kill yourself!? Fuck you, Zoro!") and this resulted in a nasty fight between them. Not even Luffy was able to intervene.
Sanji always had that collected manner about him, but he was also in a rage, just like Zoro. The swordsman noticed by the abrupt way he spoke and the bad words he used. But he also realized afterward that Sanji's real intention was to get him to expel all the accumulated anger before it grew to alarming levels. It was better for him to blow up on Sanji now than to blow up on the entire crew. They wouldn't stand a chance against Zoro's bloodlust. Then the cook withstood all the blows, returned all the attacks, sometimes allowed himself to be a punching bag and other times he just screamed at him. Sanji was trying to tire Zoro at all costs.
When neither of them could stand it anymore because of so many injuries, Zoro let out a cry so painful that Sanji ended up hugging him. He understood the swordsman's despair because Tashigi had become a great friend of the cook. The tiredness won and the two could only cry. Soon after, the two felt Luffy's embrace and tears and when they least realized it, the entire crew enveloped them in a huge hug.
Zoro didn't know how much time they stood there in that way because everything looked like a blur, but when he came down from his numb state, he noticed Sanji was holding out a large plate of food for him.
"Please, Zoro, eat. Things are going to get harder now because her death was a huge blow to us and we're going to need you."
That was the day before. The two ate together and Zoro needed to thank him because Sanji had been, in fact, very patient and, despite suffering too, was willing to help him. Despite always bickering with each other, the swordsman knew that Sanji was a very valuable friend and one who understood him the most.
"I'll go."
Sanji nodded and kept silent. After a while, he spoke again.
"They'll grant her the maximum ranking. It should be Vice-Admiral, but they want her to be remembered as an Admiral."
The cook lit his cigarette and after just one drag, Zoro snorted.
"As if she'd care about that shit."
"Yeah."
Tashigi never cared about ranks and Zoro knew that. The only thing that mattered to her was protecting people. For her and Smoker, ranks were just names to inflate empty people's ego.
"Come on, Zoro. Everyone must be waiting for us by now."
"Yeah."
Halfway he stopped and Sanji did too when he realized that Zoro wasn't following him. He looked confused and his expression was one of inquiry.
"Sanji."
Zoro noticed that the usual eye covered by the blonde bangs widened for a fraction of a second, but then he just nodded, telling him that he was paying attention.
"Thanks."
Sanji smiled slightly and turned away, walking towards Sunny's exit again.
"Come on, moss head."
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The funeral was pompous, but it had great honor in the whole ceremony. Zoro couldn't say what it was, but he felt as if everyone present had a huge regard for Tashigi. Hiyori asked for the woman to be buried in her country of ancestry and the Navy granted the request. Luffy asked Smoker for him and Zoro to carry her coffin and the Vice-Admiral had no strength to deny it. Thus, Smoker, Rear-Admiral Hina, Luffy, and Zoro were the last to see Admiral Tashigi's face before she was delicately delivered to the soil.
Zoro was so numb that he didn't even feel his fingertips. Beside him, Nami and Robin were crying profusely - the first hugging Luffy as if her life depended on it and the second had the face hidden in Franky's neck. The two were the ones who became closest to Tashigi and Zoro could imagine the pain they felt for the loss of their friend.
He knew it well because he had lost a friend, a rival and the only woman he loved (and would love) in his entire life.
After the whole ceremony was over, Zoro waited patiently for everyone to say his last goodbye to Admiral in front of her tombstone so he could say some last words to her.
I don't know if there's this afterlife shit, but if it does, I hope you'll listen to me, Admiral Four-eyes.
All of the Straw Hats were gone and the last one in front of the tombstone was Smoker. Zoro decided to approach.
Smoker probably noticed the swordsman's presence but chose not to recognize it. The two remained in heavy silence and neither moved. Until suddenly, the marine looked at the sky and grunted.
"You know, that idiot was completely head over heels for a pirate."
This caught Zoro's attention. Smoker lit only one cigar.
"She did some crazy shit because she said she needed to reach and overcome the damn pirate. She trained her finger to the bone and whenever I asked why he, she always replied that it was because he was the best swordsman she had ever met."
Smoker took the cigar out of his mouth and held it between his fingers. Zoro bit his lip because he didn't want to collapse in front of the other man.
"She also told me once that he and his crew saved her and made her see how wrong we were."
Zoro clenched his fists so hard that he was afraid of tearing his hand. Smoker continued.
"She said that this pirate was different. That the bastard and the crew were different and that she'd protect them at all costs."
The Vice-Admiral continued to stare at the cigar in his hand.
"Tashigi usually had a bunch of imbeciles drooling over her, but she never gave them the time of day. She told Hina that although she hated the fact, she had already been swept off her feet in Loguetown."
Zoro's shoulders were shaking and his eyes started to water. Smoker sniffed but the swordsman gave the marine privacy. He took the cigar and put it in the base of the tombstone. The pirate seemed to have lost his voice during the Vice Admiral's monologue, but now, in the silence, he seemed to find it again to make one last request.
"Smoker. Can I have Shigure?"
The man answered nothing, just took the sword from his back and handed it to Zoro. The swordsman held Shigure with both hands and for some reason, he could feel Tashigi. Now you'll be with me, four-eyes. Smoker rubbed his face and turned to go. Before actually leaving, he seemed to hesitate, but stopped and put a hand on Zoro's left shoulder.
"Stay safe, boy."
And with that, he headed for the exit of the cemetery, leaving Zoro with his chest hurting more than the healthy limit. He sat down, crossed one leg on top of the other, rested Shigure on his thighs and meditated, focusing only on the presence of Tashigi and the longing that suffocated him. He doesn't know how much time he spent there, in that position, with the wind blowing through his hair and swinging his three earrings, but meditation helped to calm his heart.
When his breathing seemed to ease, he decided to throw words at the wind.
"Seriously, how stupid I was… do you forgive me, Tashigi?"
Your sister was my friend, but you were… the most important woman to me.
Zoro looked at the sky and remembered the day when the two decided to have a truce and how Tashigi slept so close to him that she was able to warm him up in the cold night.
"Is there such a stupid thing as another life, Tashigi?"
Zoro covered his face with his left hand and swallowed all the misery.
"Can I meet you in another life?"
The swordsman fought bravely so that no tears would even come out, but judging by the sight that turned into a blur, he must have failed miserably.
"My dream is for you too now."
Zoro decided to stay for a while, but he knew he was just delaying the final goodbye. Nothing would bring her back, but Shigure would stay with him forever. He even wondered whether his body would support the weight of yet another sword, but he would manage. Finally, with swollen eyes, he untied the black bandana he always carried on his arm and stuck it with a knife Tanto in the base of the headstone.
He got up and headed for the exit. Life needed to go on and it's not like he was going to forget about her. He didn't even know how it would be possible to forget her.
Me too, four-eyes. Since Loguetown.
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I admit that I'm crazy to see Tashigi sacrificing herself, but not dying. This story here was just to satisfy my angst vibes hahaha. And honestly, I think that if the two create a bond, Zoro would suffer a lot, but in a different way than it was with Kuina. Besides, he is softie as we all know.
Another observation is that we don't know anything about Tashigi's past, but I believe she may be Kuina's sister or cousin, whatever. And I have my headcanons in relation to her past and her importance in Wano, but I only commented superficially.
Taking into account that I'm sleepy as hell, it's possible that I'll come back to make some changes, but in general, I'm happy with the way it turned out. Remembering that the beauty here is still in the process of learning how to write. (⌒_⌒;)
Thanks for reading!