RAVEN'S CRY

Hello ! This is my first attempt of writing The Witcher fanfiction. I played the game, I read the books. My favorite character, is of course, none other than Yennefer of Vengerberg. I like Ciri too, but I hate what they did to her in the game. You see, in the book, Yennefer and Ciri's relationship was quite adorable. And sweet. Ciri even called Yen Mother, and Yen, of course, saw her as her daughter. But we saw nothing of the sort in the game tho. What a shame.

Takes place after Vesemir's death. Combination between the books and the game.

Yennefer felt drained. She's been working non-stop with her magic for the past few days, and her head felt like it's going to explode. Magic comes with a price. Every spell she casted has an effect to her body. She's been casting enormous spells non-stop for days and now her whole body felt numb.

The portals. Necromancy spell. Saving Avallac'h. The barrier.

The last spell failed, though. And she blames herself for it. She promised those in Kaer Morhen that the barrier would last. For Geralt. For Ciri. And for their family in Kaer Morhen.

And she let the barrier fall. Putting those that she promised would be safe in danger. Geralt frozen. Ciri almost captured. Vesemir's death. And she remembered Ciri's scream. Her cry of anguish.

And Ciri blamed herself, while it wasn't even Ciri's fault. Yennefer hated herself for making Ciri felt that way.

Despite all her efforts to keep Ciri safe and unhurt, in the end, she always end up hurting Ciri.

Yennefer felt like a failure. Maybe Geralt was right, about her being a bad mother. Maybe she isn't cut out for this. Maybe a sorceress like her is not mean to be a mother. After all, she only bring pain to those around her. Geralt. Ciri. How many time has she caused them pain ? How many times has she failed them both ?

She sat on her bed, cradling her head between her hands. She was trembling, whether it's from exhaustion or grief, she couldn't tell anymore.

There's no sight more pathetic than a sorceress in tears, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She didn't want to cry. She hated feeling like this. The guilt was eating her up.

She felt a soft hand on her back. Geralt. Shit, she didn't hear his footstep coming, she didn't want anyone to see her like this. Not now. Especially not Geralt.

"Yen ? Hey, what's wrong ?"

Yen didn't look up, head still cradled between her hands. She felt Geralt sitting down beside her.

"Nothing, Geralt. I need some time alone, please."

"Yen."

"Geralt. Please."

"Fine." He kissed her head. "Come down and have dinner with us when you're ready ? You haven't been eating and I know you must be exhausted. I don't want you to get sick." Geralt's voice was soft and full of concern. Yennefer felt guilty for going to decline, but she really need some time alone. Plus, she couldn't stay alone in this room that long, it's also Geralt's quarter, after all. Geralt needs to rest.

Also, Yennefer assumed that nobody wanted her there except Geralt. Lambert and Eskel hated her. Maybe Vesemir too. She didn't blame them, though. She wasn't exactly likeable. She didn't want to ruin their evening by showing up. Especiallly when she was the cause of Vesemir's death.

And, as much as it pained her to admit it, she felt like sometimes, Ciri hated her too. Back when Ciri was a kid and Yennefer was still her mentor, they were close, like a real mother and daughter. But now, she wasn't so sure anymore. Ciri didn't even said anything to her when they reunited in Kaer Morhen. She didn't blame her, though. She understand that she's been putting her daughter in danger for so many times, it's understandable if Ciri resented her.

Then she remembered that time when Geralt was stabbed and dying in Ciri's arm. Yennefer and Triss was assaulted in the village nearby, but Ciri had bolted off to find Geralt. She and Triss barely survived, and when they finally caught up to Ciri, she saw Geralt dying. She hurried to him and casted the healing spell. At first, the spell wasn't doing much, because of her wounds and her depleted energy, but she tried. She tried harder every second, she tried so hard that her head was spinning and her hands were trembling on Geralt's abdomen soaked in blood. Her hands were full of Geralt's blood.

Then Ciri said, "Your magic isn't doing anything, Yennefer. What good is your magic if you can't save him ?"

That stung.

In the end, Geralt was saved, though. It took longer than she expected but she finally closed the gaping wound, which felt like forever. Then Yennefer passed out afterwards.

She woke up two days later, with Geralt beside her and tending to her wounds.

She shook her head and buried her memory.

"Thank you, Geralt. But I'm fine. I'm going to take a walk outside." She stood up, cupped Geralt's head and kissed his forehead.

"Eat dinner, and make sure Ciri does too." And walked to the door.

She stopped on the doorstep for a second, turned her head to look at Geralt.

"I'm sorry. I really am." Then she walked out, closing the door behind her without waiting for his answer.

Geralt was staring at the door. Dumbfounded.

Yennefer was sorry ?

Geralt noticed something was wrong when he found her in their quarter, slumped in the corner of the bed, and clearly shaking.

And when he sat down beside her, he knew that she had been crying. He wanted to hug her, wipe her tears, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate it. Not in that state. Yen hate crying. And she hate it when people see her like that. She hated looking weak in front of people.

Geralt understand. But he always think that it's okay to cry. Crying doesn't mean you're weak. It's okay to be sad. Strong people cry too, at some point. But Yen never forbid anyone to cry, though. She was always the one who comforts Geralt when he was down. Heck, he remembered crying in front of Yennefer once, but Yen didn't scold him. If anything, she comforted him, and she knew what to say to make him feel better. And Ciri, too. How many times had Yennefer wiped Ciri's tears, gave her warm hugs, and whispered comforting words ?

Why wouldn't she let them do the same to her ?

Geralt thought that Yennefer was always too hard on herself.

And why was Yennefer apologizing, just before she walked out ?

If anything, it should be Geralt thanking her for helping them with The Wild Hunt. For saving Ciri. The barrier was really something, though he knew that it cost her a great deal to cast the barrier. If it wasn't for the barrier, everything would be a mess. He wasn't even sure if they would survive. Lambert even said that Yen's barrier was-

Wait. The barrier.

Did Yennefer blamed herself for not being able to hold the barrier ? For Vesemir's death ?

He sighed. Everybody knew that it wasn't her fault. She held it as long as she could, she even passed out for holding the barrier that long. And Vesemir's death was the hunts' doing.

He wanted to go after her. But he knew that when Yen said that she needed to be alone, then she needed to be alone.

But Geralt didn't want her to be alone, he hated leaving Yennefer alone with her thoughts.

Geralt was torn between letting her be or going after her.

After giving it a lot of thought, he decided to wait for her to come home. After all, Yennefer would never let herself to be vulnerable in front of anyone. She grief alone. Geralt hated it. But if in this moment she wanted to let it all out, to be vulnerable, Geralt figured he would grant her that moment.

The wind was blowing her hair, cooling her damp cheek. She walked towards the lake far below, gripping and tightening her cloak with her hands. It's cold, but she didn't mind.

She was so damn exhausted, drained. But she kept walking.

Her fingers throbbed painfully. After Vilgefortz's torture, her fingers were never healed completely. And really got in the way of spellcasting. A sorceress' fingers was like, witcher's silver sword. She was having a hard time dealing with it. Her fingers throb painfully everytime she casted a spell. Everytime the weather gets cold. And sometimes, she couldn't even grip properly. Things fall from her grip when she's holding something for too long. Like that time when she was carrying a goblet of water with her right hand, drinking while she was reading her grimoire, when suddenly the goblet fall and crashed into the floor. Then there was this one time when she was brushing her hair, when she suddenly lost grip on her hairbrush.

And she couldn't even sew properly. She tried sewing her torn dress, but she gave up eventually. That's why she sew with her magic.

Sometimes she hated herself for not being able to do a simple task. But self-pity got you nowhere, so she picked herself up and got over it. She's Yennefer of Vengerberg, after all.

Her hands were covered in scars, her fingers stiff and crooked. And the scars on her wrists. That's why she never took her gloves off and always wear long sleeves. A sorceress' hands were delicate, but hers are far from delicate, and somehow discomforting to see. Plus, she didn't want anyone, especially strangers have a glimpse of her past.

She reached the tall tree near the lake.

She sat down between the tree and the lake. She leaned her back to the tree. She looked up at the sky, where the stars are shining, forming a constellation. Stargazing helped her to calm down. Back in Vengerberg, when things were too much for her, she would sneak out and find a spot to stargaze.

She closed her eyes, feeling the winds blowing her cheeks, listening to the animals, listening to the sound of wind blowing the water in the lake.

Ciri was already sitting in the dining room, dinner laid out in front of her. She hadn't eaten much, though. She was slowing her pace, because one person was still missing in the dinner table. She looked at Geralt, who's poking his meal and didn't look like he had much appetite. Lamber, Eskel, Triss, and Zoltan were eating like they haven't eaten for days and almost finished with their meal.

She kept glancing back to the stairs, expecting to see Yennefer walking down the stair and join them. But she never appeared.

She decided to ask Geralt who sat in front of her.

He looked like his head was up far in the cloud, so she kicked his leg underneath the table.

"Geralt, where's Yennefer ?"

He looked at Ciri. He shrugged and said, "She's out."

Out ? That's weird. Yennefer usually spends her time with Geralt and Ciri when Ciri's home. Especially on their daily meals.

"What ? But why ? Where did she go ?"

Geralt averted his gaze and stared back on his unfinished meal. "I don't know. Let her be."

"But I haven't seen her rest or eat since like, yesterday. Is she okay ? How long has she been out ? She passed out this afternoon and you let her walk alone at night ?"

"You think I didn't notice ? About an hour." Geralt's reply was curt and he sounded annoyed. Were they fighting ?

"Are you guys fighting ?"

"No, we aren't. She's taking a walk. Let her be, Ciri. I meant it."

Ciri was staring at Geralt. He's hiding something. But she didn't press. She drained her glass of water in a few gulps and stood up. She's going out to find her mother. She was about to leave when Geralt started talking.

"Where do you think you're going ? Finish your dinner."

"I'm done. I'm going out for a walk."

"No, you're not done. Sit down. Finish everything on your plate. Yennefer asked me to make sure you eat dinner."

"But-"

"Ciri."

"Fine. I'm sure she also told you to eat, not play with your meal." She hurriedly finished what was left on her plate while keeping her eyes on Geralt.

Geralt took a few deep breaths and started eating.

That's chapter 1. Leave a review and tell me what u think ! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

I'm already working on Ch.2 ! I'm trying to finish it as soon as possible.

See ya !