So I wasn't sure I would write one this week. Sorry people, I am really busy and I am exhausted. When I watched the last episode I had one particular scene in my head that I wanted to write about so I'm gonna start with that and we'll see where it goes. Right now one chapter, if inspiration comes, then two or more.
And as usually we start where we left them.
Andy lied in bed and watched sleeping Robert by her side. He was only half covered with blanket and she had a nice view of his toned body. He slept peacefully and she enjoyed watching him quite a lot. He was a good looking man. She hated to admit it but the first day he came to the Station she caught herself watching his ass as he walked in those dark uniform pants. He was so gorgeous. She had to watch it. He was annoying and she didn't like him one bit back then but boy she liked his ass.
Now it was more than just his ass. Slowly she noticed his hands. She imagined quite a few things about those and she caught herself blushing even now when she remembered. Then he pulled her out of the collapsing apartment and she landed on him, on top of him. And yeah, she could have named quite a lot of things she noticed about him that moment but the only thing that stuck with her was his eyes. He looked into her eyes and for the first time there was something in them she couldn't name or place, she couldn't identify.
Those eyes. No matter what he would say or do, no matter the situation they were in, those eyes always got her. The open and pure unguarded honesty in them made her knees week long before she realized she was falling in love with him. And even when he pushed her away and broke her heart, she could see it in his eyes that he cared about her and it confused her even more.
She also saw the hurt and the pain he wouldn't name and talk about. She saw how it hurt him when she told him to go, when she was mad at him, she knew she was hurting him and when she looked passed her own hurt she felt guilty about it.
And when she came to his door to open her heart to him, to lay it all out for him and let him decide if he still wanted her, his eyes gave him away. He was silent. He let her talk and he smiled at one moment. But his eyes spoke volumes. The wonder and happiness and then something else, something she had seen only couple of times before. He let all his guards down and let her see the pure essence of his soul. And there was only love for her.
He loved her.
He said so and he showed her. The first night they didn't talk much and she thought they would talk later but somehow they didn't manage to talk about the deep issues they both knew they would have to talk about at some point. They talked about the little things and when they couldn't talk they at least called each other or texted.
After the incident with Kyle they didn't talk at all. They made love and they held each other through the night. They just stayed together and neither said a word. And it pained her because she wanted to talk about his pain and about what he said to Kyle, about the deep secret he obviously had and didn't know how to tell her. But she let him set the pace because she had her own secrets and didn't want to talk about them either.
Then in the morning she found him in the kitchen making breakfast and he was dancing. And so she found out he knew how to dance and they talked through breakfast and it was nice and easy.
He stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. And he looked right into hers and she melted on the spot. Without a word she moved closer, kissed him and pressed her skin to his to feel all of him and it calmed her nerves and made her breathe calmly. She was safe. She was... home.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing." She said.
"Oh come on." He scolded her softly, lovingly. "We agreed." He reminded her.
"I know." She replied. They agreed just a few ours ago that they wouldn't keep secrets and that if it was possible, they would try to share more of their thoughts and fears.
"So?" He asked again.
"I was thinking about you."
"Me? What did I do?" He asked jokingly and she grinned at him.
"I was thinking about your ass." She said and blushed for some reason. He laughed. "When you came to 19 and I couldn't stand you, I liked your ass anyway." She confessed.
"Oh, please continue." He said and she swatted his arm.
"I couldn't keep my eyes from your ass." She said and he looked at her longingly.
"Well, that makes two of us." He said and drew her for a deep loving kiss.
"Anything else?" He asked then.
"Your eyes." She told him, dreamy look on her face.
"I love you." He said and she kissed him again. They were snuggling and he was caressing her skin lazily, touching her softly, lovingly.
"I'm sorry about not telling you." He said then.
"Robert..."
"No, really. I should have told you sooner. I shouldn't have kept it from you."
"I know now. That's what matters, right?" She asked him.
"You're here."
"Yes, I am. And I'm not going anywhere." She said and kissed his chest, right over his heart.
Just a couple of hours ago they didn't think they would be at this point. A-shift was having the mandatory sessions about losing Vasquez and Sullivan stayed in his office, he didn't want to leave while they had to be there. When Dr. Lewis was done with the A-shift she went to the beanery to get some coffee and something to eat as she was waiting for the B-shift to talk to them as well. Talking to Captain Bishop's team was extraordinary experience. She had heard rumours about these people but nothing could prepare her for this. By all means they shouldn't be compatible. They shouldn't be so good together. But they were. They were good. And it didn't make much sense at first but when she put the pieces together, one by one, they just fitted and the picture she had was very clear.
She wasn't sure if she should but she decided to pay a visit to Chief Sullivan. She walked to his office and found him there, sitting behind his desk, reading through something. She knocked on the door and waited for him to look up.
"Dr. Lewis." He greeted her and smiled.
"Hey. Do you have a minute?" She asked and he nodded.
"Sure. Come on in." He invited her in and got up to walk over his desk to meet her there.
"Still here?"
"Yes, I'm waiting for the B-shift." She said.
"How did it go?" He asked. "If you can tell me anything." He clarified.
"You were right. It's quite an extraordinary bunch of people." She said with a smile.
"They are. But they're the best."
"I didn't want to believe it."
"Me neither." He said and she grinned. "Are you just checking up on me or do you want to ask me about Rigo Vasquez?" He asked.
"Maybe both."
"Hmm..." He regarded her for a moment. "Thanks for checking up on me."
"Okay. And what about Rigo?" She asked as she sat down to one of the chairs he had there by his desk.
"I'm sorry he died."
"He was one of yours."
"Yes. And there is a part of me that feels responsible. But I guess that's not uncommon."
"It depends on why would you think so." She wanted to know. It took him a moment before he could respond.
"It was a chain reaction. I asked for promotion. Bishop broke up with Gibson. Gibson and Eva Vasquez... well. Yeah. And that caused the issue between him and Rigo. And Rigo didn't listen to him and got injured..."
"And you think you're the first part of that?" She asked.
"It has crossed my mind, yes." He said and she wanted to reply but there was a knock on the door and she turned around.
"Andy." Sullivan said and even though he didn't dare to smile she just saw the happiness in his eyes. He was glad to see her.
"Come on in, Lieutenant." Dr. Lewis said and stood up to stand face to face with Andy.
"I don't want to disturb you." And said.
"You're not disturbing. Did you want to talk to your Chief? Or do you want to talk to me again?" Dr. Lewis asked and Andy suddenly felt something in her snap. She looked hard on the doctor and only felt Sullivan's gaze on her.
"You know what? No, as I said, we're done."
"Andy." Dr. Lewis said but she didn't want to hear anything.
"No. You've said enough. You had me question the only thing in my life that makes sense. You had me doubt my own feelings." Andy said and looked at Sullivan for a moment. He was confused. "You had me doubt something I have never felt before in my life and I let you put that doubt into my mind."
"And do you doubt it?"
"Why are you doing this?" Andy asked, feeling mad.
"It's my job."
"It's your job to make me question if I love someone?" Andy asked disbelievingly.
"It's my job to make you think about whatever is bothering you so you could deal with it and move on. And yes, I came to talk to you about RIgo Vasquez but it looks like the trauma from losing him is connected to something else. For all of you." Dr. Lewis said and Andy just took a deep breath. She hated it that the woman in front of her was right.
"And for the record, you lied to me." Dr. Lewis said.
"What? I didn't lie." Andy defended herself.
"You said you barely knew him but to me it seems like you two were bonding." She replied and Andy blinked away tears.
"Okay, you're right about that. But you're wrong about the rest." Andy said. "You tried to make me think that I'm not in love, that I'm just working through some damn daddy issue." She said and was pretty mad.
"What?" Sullivan asked. He was silent up till now but this had him react.
"The only issue about my father is that I know I have to tell him about loving my Battalion Chief and it scares me because I don't want him to get mad at me again. Not about this. But that's it."
"If you're sure?" Dr. Lewis said. Andy looked at Robert and swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked back at the doctor.
"I am breaking the code and I should feel guilty but I don't because unlike Gibson we're not hurting anyone. There's no protection. Nothing. The only people hurt were the two of us when we played by the rules." Andy said. "And yes, it's electric and exciting but it's not because we're breaking the code. It's because it's new."
"I stand by what I said. Real love makes you feel calm, not on edge."
"But it does. It makes me feel calm and safe and when I'm with him I feel like nothing can happen to me, like nothing can hurt me. I feel strong and loved and like I can achieve anything. I feel... I belong there, with him. It feels like home and I keep on coming back to it, to him. And not because I want to make my father mad or because I seek danger but because I fell in love with him. I know I shouldn't have but I am done fighting it. It happened and I won't let anyone, not even you, to ruin it." Andy said and Dr. Lewis just smiled.
Andy looked at Sullivan. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell her about us. It just slipped."
"You needed to talk about it." Sullivan said.
"Maybe I did. But still, I'm sorry." Andy said and he just smiled. "What?"
"I just wish we weren't here right now." He replied softly and Andy giggled. Oh she wanted to kiss him too.
"Looks like my job is done." Dr. Lewis said and Andy felt embarrassed and didn't know what to say to that. But Sullivan sighed.
"What is it?"
"I need to tell you something. I wanted to tell you before but I didn't know whom the department would send."
"What do you mean?"
"Dr. Lewis is my therapist."
"Your therapist?" Andy didn't understand. "So that's your big secret?" She asked then.
"Andy..." He wanted to say something.
"I'll leave you two." Dr. Lewis said.
"So you knew about us." Andy commented.
"I did. But you didn't know about me and our session was about you, not about him. If you need to talk more, I suggest we find you another therapis though, it that's okay with you because I'd hate to cancel my sessions with your boyfriend." Dr. Lewis said and Robert Sullivan coughed. He didn't think she would say that. Andy just nodded.
"I'm okay with that." She said.
"Take care." Dr. Lewis said and left the office. Andy and Sullivan kept on looking at each other.
"I have to tell you something." He said again.
"I know." She answered.
"Can we not do this here?" He asked her and she nodded. And so they left to change and one by one they left the Station. Outside they decided to walk and when they were out of reach of the Station he reached for hand and she let him take it. Enlacing their fingers he drew strength from it.
"I have a therapist but that's not the secret."
"So what is?" She asked softly. "Does it have something to do with the selfmedicating you talked about?" She asked and he looked at her, a bit shocked. "I know you didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to push but I'm not stupid." She said then and he chuckled.
"No, you're not. I was scared to tell you."
"You can trust me."
"I know I can. Okay so the nerve condition is very painful. Like a lot. And when pain meds wouldn't do anymore, I asked my doctor to give me something stronger. And he have me some heavy opiates. It dulled the pain a bit but at some point I needed more. So I took more." He told her and felt her squeeze his hand. "I took fentanyl. I've been using, Andy."
"Robert." She whispered his name, shocked. He stopped walking and turned her so they faced each other.
"I'm a recovering addict. That's why I have a therapist." He said and she blinked away tears. "I'm so sorry. I lost control. I didn't mean to... I..." He wanted to say something more but didn't know how to continue.
"When did it start?" She asked him.
"When we came back from L.A." He replied and she just nodded.
"So that's why... " It dawned on her.
"Andy... I'm trying to get better. I promise. I asked for another neurologist and she's brilliant. I joined the meetings and I have a therapist.." Robert tried to tell her more but she just put her fingers over his lips.
"We'll get through this." She said and hugged him and he hugged her back. And they walked home. To his home. And they talked through the whole way. He told her about his nerve condition, he told her about Koracick and about Dr. Shepherd, he told her about the pain and about the drugs. He told her about meeting Dr. Lewis.
And she listened to him and was there for him. When they reached his house they stopped in front of the door.
"Do you want to come in?" He asked her.
"Do you want me to come in?" She asked back.
"Yes." He replied. And so she nodded. They came inside and the moment he closed the door he reached for her and kissed her passionately.
"I wanted to do this since you had your little speech in my office." He breathed and she felt shivers run down her spine.
And so they ordered pizza and spent some more time together. Andy was glad she decided to keep some clothes at his place so she could change into something comfortable. And they talked some more through their pizza and the mood was getting lighter and lighter. Andy told him about Rigo, about some of their calls and about the jokes they shared and that she liked him.
Their mood was lifted and when Sullivan turned on the radio and very well known music started to play, Andy came to him.
"Dance with me." She asked him and he agreed with a smile. They both knew they just needed to put some distance between them and the heavy topics they just discusses and they both welcomed the opportunity to spend some nice time together. And so they danced. And they laughed. And when they reached his bedroom Andy was sure that this had absolutely nothing to with her father. She was in love and it was amazing.
When they fell in bed he looked into her eyes and she just grinned at him. Yes, she was right where she was supposed to be.
"There are things I need to tell you too." Andy said and he just waited for her to continue. "But we can talk about anything, right?"
"Yes." He agreed. Andy saw the honesty in his eyes and just smiled.
"There it is again."
"What?"
"Your eyes. I just... " She had the dreamy look on her face he loved so much. And so he kissed her.
"We need to tell your dad." He said some time later.
"Are you okay with it?" She asked.
"Well we should pick some public space but other than that..." He joked and she giggled.
"He's not going to hurt you."
"No, he will tell me I am a liar and that I took advantage of you, he'll do the intimidating quite staring and then he'll make me sweat." He said and Andy laughed again.
"Why would he call you a liar?" She asked as she realized that she didn't understand.
"Because I told him there was nothing going on between you and me." He said. "When he accused me of... well taking advantage of you."
"Oh, don't mind him. He told me I crap where I eat." She said nonchalantly.
"He didn't."
"Oh, he did. And I kept on telling him that he was wrong. But..."
"Well he was. We weren't sleeping together back then."
"And you didn't take advantage of me."
"No, I fell in love with you." He said and she smiled at him gently. Yes, she was in love with him too. When they fell asleep, they both felt calm and happy, safe and secure, ready to face whatever was coming their way, even Pruitt Herrera.