If I owned Familiar of Zero, I'd show off more of Louise's good side.
If I owned He-Man, I would bring it back properly.
This is a semi-crack fic one-shot for April Fools, don't take it too seriously.
The Tristan Magic Academy was a magical place! It was the place where noble boys and girls grew to be nobler men and women. Magic was the Founder's gift, so it was obvious that those gifted with power over the elements should naturally be leaders of the people!
Or so the culture went.
It wasn't as if the peasantry had any complaints in the matter. In fact, they didn't have much to say at all. With all the power concentrated in the noble bloodlines, all the less fortunate could do was follow the whims of their betters and pray for the best.
And where else could "the best" be produced than none other than the Tristan Magic Academy? Even nobles outside the country would send their children to Tristan to be accepted to the prestigious academy. For students native to Tristan, it was almost unthinkable to go anywhere else for their education. After all, it was unparalleled in its esteemed faculty and wealth of knowledge. Graduating from the Tristan Magic Academy guaranteed young nobles a position in whatever industry the wished to pursue.
However, if one were to, hypothetically speaking, be expelled from the Academy… the horror! Their entire family name would be besmirched. To alleviate some of the dishonor, the young mage would probably be disowned, cast aside like a child's broken toy.
Fortunately, such a thing was a rare occurrence. After all, passing the Academy standards was possible with a good amount of diligence and study. Only a lazy, unworthy student would be unable to accomplish the bare minimum required to graduate. Or someone with no talent for magic, unable to pass any magic exams despite diligent study in magical theory. But such an occurrence was nigh impossible, for even an inexperienced mage would be able to manifest at least a basic conjuration or manipulation of their primary element.
All expect for one little girl.
A poor, unfortunate soul, who had shown no talent for any of the four elements.
But her explosive failures were the talk of the academy! The currently hottest gossip was about her!
"Louise destroyed another classroom yesterday."
"Again? Are they finally going to kick her out of the academy?"
"Nope, they didn't even punish her."
"She's such a disgrace."
"I know, right? I can't believe we have to breath the same air as her."
"But you know, the Familiar Summoning Exam is coming up tomorrow."
"Isn't that a required exam?"
"She'll fail it for sure."
"Finally, we won't have to deal with Louise the Zero anymore."
If the gossiping students had turned around, they would have seen the most adorable pink-haired loli glaring daggers at their backs. If looks could kill, they would have been drawn, quartered, charcoaled, and atomized several dozen times over. Sadly, they did not, but they did feel an inexplicable chill rise up their spines. The group gave a collective shudder and hurried down the halls.
Rosy pink eyes watched them scurry away like terrified mice. "I will summon a familiar," Louise the Zero vowed as she clenched her tiny hand into an equally tiny fist. "My familiar will be the strongest, most power familiar anyone's every seen. Believe it!"
"Talking to yourself, Little Louise?"
The pinkette whirled around to see a redhead, a bluette, and a blonde walking up to her. Kirche, Tabitha, and Montmorency, three students that stood out among her year. Montmorency was skilled in potions and her family was in favor with a powerful water spirit. Tabitha was a silent but powerful triangle class wind mage who specialized in ice magic. Kirche von Zerbst was, for a lack of a more fitting term, Louise's arch nemesis. When it came to Louise's failures, Kirche was quick to find them out and mercilessly tease the shorter girl about them.
The two were as opposite as day and night. While Kirche was not afraid to be loud and impulsive, Louise carefully maintained a mask of aloof serenity. While Kirche was a talented mage, Louise was a Zero. While Kirche was a deeply tanned Germanian, Louise was delicately pale Tristan. While Kirche was tall and built with curves that drew the eyes of anyone around her, Louise was the size of an adolescent child with an equally underdeveloped figure to match.
"What are you doing here?" Louise asked the trio with thinly veiled disdain.
"Walking, why?" Kirche asked. The smile on her face clearly stated that she knew why Louise was annoyed, but she wouldn't acknowledge it. "Is it a crime for students to take a walk through the academy."
"No."
"Then you shouldn't have anything to say to us," said Montmorency. "But who knows, after you fail the upcoming Familiar Summoning Exam, maybe we'll have something to say to you."
"I won't fail," Louise vowed.
"Really?" Montmorency asked dubiously. "You need to summon a familiar to pass, and I don't think your explosions count."
"Don't be rude," Kirche said in mock admonishment. "And explosion familiar would suit Louise perfectly. Loud and fancy, but useless and short-lived. Lacking in every noticeable way. Sounds like it fits Louise perfectly does it not?" The two girls laughed and walked away as Louise silently fumed.
Tabitha followed them, her focus never shifting from her book.
"I'll show you," Louise vowed to their retreating backs. "I'll summon the most impressive, powerful familiar that anyone's ever seen. One that has never been seen before. It'll be so impressive that you'll all be speechless! Just you wait!" Hearing their laughter continue as they walked farther away, Louise's voice dropped to a low whisper. "Just you wait."
"Well done, Mrs. Montmorency," said Colbert, the balding and bespectacled professor overseeing the exam. "A frog familiar perfectly suits your affinity as a water mage. Is that the last student?"
"Not yet, Professor," said Kirche with a smug smirk as she pointed a finger towards a stoic Louise. "Louise has yet to summon her familiar."
"How could I forget! My apologies," said the professor. He suspected that he was finally getting old. Going through a magic exam for this class without Louise causing something to explode was entirely unheard of. To have missed such a crucial event spoke wonders to his lack of memory. "You may begin whenever you are ready."
Louise took a deep breath as she stepped forward and raised her wand. This was her moment, her final chance. Do or die, it was time to shine. "My familiar that exists somewhere in the vast universe! My divine, beautiful, wise, and most powerful servant, by the power of the pentagon of five elements, answer my call and appear before me!"
The thunderous boom of an explosion did not phase anyone in the courtyard. Sure, it was a bit louder than normal, but the noise and accompanying smoke were par for the course when it came to Louise.
The girl's face dropped when she saw the result of her spell. She couldn't bring herself to even look at her professor or classmates. Instead, she peered into the cloud of smoke, as if staring at her failure would bring a powerful familiar into existence.
Louise's eyes widened as a shadowy figure became outlined in the grey wisps of smoke.
Her classmates were similarly astonished, communicating in hushed whispers as they watched with awestruck gazes.
"Is that a person?"
"Who is it?"
"So big…"
"So tall…"
"…Yeah, that's what I meant."
Standing tall amidst the smoke was a hulking, imposing figure. The muscles of his body looked as tight at iron coils. Every perfectly sculpted muscle was on clear display, as his body had a minimal amount of covering. His arms only had a golden cuff on each wrist, leaving his barrel-thick biceps completely exposed. Perfectly chiseled abs reflected the late morning sun, each as perfectly molded as a rod of iron. His chest was wrapped by the straps of an armor brace that connected at the center of his chest. But their convergence only covered the center of his ribcage with a solid metal square marked with a red cross. The strap also intersected across his back. There, a sheathed sword lay strapped, leaving the rest of his back free to be gazed upon.
His lower body was equally as scarcely clothed. A golden belt sat at his waist, and loincloth made from the hide of a beast just barely covered his family jewels. The only other clothing her wore were boots that reached halfway up his calves. Like his loincloth, they were made from the brown hide of an animal. Legs as thick and sturdy as tree trunks gleamed in the afternoon sun, every sinew displaying power without looking out of place.
"Are you my familiar?" Louise asked breathlessly. She struggled to focus on his handsome face, but her diminutive size and treacherous eyes left her gaze drifting down to his impeccable exposed body.
The man gave her a polite smile. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean, little one," he said. Louise opened her mouth to protest, but the words died in her throat. Looking into his kind eyes, she could not muster the will to rebuke him for his casual insult to her height. The muscular man looked around, surveying his surroundings with the discerning eye of a seasoned warrior. "Where did Battle Cat go? I was sure we jumped through that portal together."
"Battle Cat?" Louise asked.
"Yes, my companion," the man replied. "Did he fall somewhere nearby? He's green with orange stripes, about this tall—" He indicated just below his broad shoulders "—He's half tiger, half dragon and wears a helmet and a saddle."
The bizarre creature the man described did not ring any bells to Louise. "Is he your familiar?" she asked.
"Again, I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean," he replied. "What is a familiar?"
"A familiar is a mage's partner and protector for life," Professor Colbert explained, stepping towards the two. He approached the newcomer with caution. While the man's only armament was the sword on his back, Colbert could sense impressive magic and sheer power radiating from him.
"Well, I can't say that I have any exceptional talent in magic, but that does describe the relationship between Battle Cat and myself."
"You're not a noble?" Louise asked in surprise. With the presence the man held, it was unthinkable that he could be a measly commoner.
The man gave her a curious look. "My apologizes, I haven't introduced myself. I am He-Man, Hero of Grayskull and Protector of the Realm of Eternia."
While Louise didn't hear an official noble title in his introduction, she could feel the authority in his voice. She gave a small nod and courtesy as she returned the introduction, "Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière."
"And I am Professor Colbert," her teacher added. "It is a pleasure to meet you He-Man. Pardon my asking, but is that your given name?"
He-Man gave the smaller man a wry smile. "No, it is one granted to me due to my position," He-Man replied. "My real name is kept secret due to the problems that would arise if my enemies new my true identity."
"You conceal your identity without covering your face?" Colbert asked.
He-Man shrugged his powerful shoulders. "For some reason no one recognizes me when I change into my actual clothes. I suspect there is some enchantment here which makes it harder for people to recognize me." While He-Man pointed to the crest that was strapped over his chest, Louise couldn't help but notice that his toned abs and meaty pecs did a good job distracting anyone from his face. Her male classmates stared at his body in envy, and her female classmates were trying—and sometimes failing—to avoid drooling every time a twist of his torso accentuate his rigorous curves.
"Now," said He-Man as he looked to the surrounding students, "Would anyone happen to know how I got here?"
Everyone immediately pointed at Louise. The young mage cringed under He-Man's gaze. She considered blowing them all up with a series of explosions but decided that such an action would not show proper decorum worthy of a Tristan noble.
"You were the one who made the portal?" He-Man asked her.
"Yes," Louise squeaked unintentionally. "I'm sorry for doing so without your permission. It was not my intention to offend you."
"Don't worry, accidents happen," said He-Man gently. "Now, I have to find out where Battle Cat ended up, but once I find him, if you could reopen the portal that would be an enormous help."
Louise let out another squeak.
"Is there something wrong?" He-Man asked in concern.
"I'm afraid that the ritual is only designed to call a familiar," Colbert interjected. "Summoning a human familiar or sending a familiar back is unheard of. I'm afraid it would take some time to find a way to send you back."
"I see."
"I apologize for the inconvenience I have caused you!" Louise exclaimed as she bowed low to He-Man. "My failure has caused you to be separated from your familiar and your home, I will take whatever punishment you deem necessary."
The crowd held its breath as He-Man extended a battle-hardened hand towards Louise. The hand reached under her chin, and with surprising gentleness lifted up her head. "Don't worry about it," he assured her. "I have a friend who's very adept at magic. Once she notices I'm gone she'll look through the universe to find me. It helps that I have the Sword of Grayskull with me." He paused to pull the sword out. It had a double-edged blade and a curious lack of a pommel. Instead, each side had an inward curve that was ended in rounded nodes. "As long as I have this, I know she'll find me eventually."
"Thank you," Louise said in relief. "You are too kind."
"It would be wrong of me to punish you for an honest mistake," said He-Man kindly. "Now, I believe you summoned me because you needed a bodyguard companion of sorts."
"That is correct."
"Seeing that I am already here and have no other responsibilities at the moment, would you still be willing to have me as your familiar for the time being?"
Louise's jaw dropped. "I couldn't possibly impose further!" she protested. "You're a noble, and I'm not even a proper mage yet."
"I'm a Hero, first and foremost," He-Man corrected her. "My lineage has no effect on my duties."
"And a familiar is supposed to serve their mage for life!"
"Hm…" the man scratched his perfectly sculpted chin. "That does present a problem. Very well, I won't be your familiar, but I will serve as your Guardian until the time comes for me to return. Is this acceptable?"
Tears struggled to escape Louise's eyes as she nodded, unable to form words.
He-Man knelt down on one knee planted his sword into the earth. Even knelt down, his presence still towered over the girl he knelt to. "I, He-Man of Grayskull, pledge my service to Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière. I will maintain my sworn duty to Eternia, but as long as I am in this land, my power belongs her."
A blinding light emanated from He-Man left hand. "What is this?" he asked curiously as symbols appeared on his skin. As the light faded away, he examined the new markings on his skin. They looked like runes, but they were unfamiliar to him.
"Familiar runes?" Colbert said in shock. "But that's impossible, the ritual wasn't properly completed!"
"It looks like destiny says otherwise," said He-Man. Despite the confusing circumstances, he wore a grin. "Well, Louise, it appears that I will be your familiar after all."
"But your duty!" Louise protested.
"I will have to return home," He-Man admitted. "But if you ever have need of me, you can summon me again, can you not?"
Louise blinked as the realization came to her. "You're right," she said, an elated grin breaking across her face. "Thank you, He-Man."
"You are welcome," he said, ripping his sword from the earth as the runes on his hand glowed again. "That's new," he commented. "It seems these symbols react to my sword. Magic attracts magic, I suppose." He swung his sword over his back to slide it into its sheathe.
A whistle cut through the courtyard as an arc of wind shot over the heads of the surrounding students, ripped a clean line into the walls of the courtyard, and traveled into the horizon, rippling the clouds as it flew away.
He-Man paused, his hand still resting on his partially sheathed sword.
Professor Colbert adjusted his glasses, unable to believe what he just saw.
The students gaped, unable to comprehend the amount of power they just witnessed.
A perverted old man jumped up as he felt the wards that preserved the castle walls be ripped through like wet paper.
Louise stared at her familiar with wide eyes as she realized just how accurate her summon had been.
"I summoned the most powerful familiar in the universe."
That's all folks!
I've been considering what would happen if Louise summoned a muscle-bound hero with obvious authority. I remembered that I liked watching the old He-Man cartoon (reruns, that was my dad's generation). So I decided to have Louise summon our favorite hero of overt masculinity, He-Man!
This was my first time writing without having to worry about the plot reaching a real conclusion, so my writing ended up looking a bit different from normal. If this is the first of my stories that you're seeing, feel free to check out the other ones on my profile! Louise Summons is a series of Louise summoning different servants from across the multi-verse!
If you liked this story, please leave a review! If you didn't, tell me why. I like writing, and seeing responses makes me want to write even more! Remember, reviews are food for a writer's soul!