"Death and the dice level all distinctions."

—Samuel Foote (from brainyquote·com)

Preface

Traditionally, I've written a parody of a This is Madness tournament featuring Star Wars characters. However, with athletic competition of all sorts suspended due to the current (at the time this was written) outbreak of COVID-19, I wanted to write something else that had a tournament format that moved quicker.

Hence, my decision to conduct a 16-player tournament involving characters from L. Frank Baum's Oz books. Game play will be a modified version of the old game show High Rollers (a variation of the dice game Shut the Box) with the following rules:

» Instead of players answering questions for control, the lowest seeded player plays first and continues until they can no longer play. The highest seed then has to tie or beat their score

» Scoring is determined by the sum of numbers not removed from play. For example, 1, 4, 5 left on the board sums up to 10. Lowest scoring player wins.

» All double rolls earn insurance markers as they did on the version of High Rollers hosted by Wink Martindale. Insurance markers must be played following a bad roll (one that removes no numbers from the board).

» The following criteria will be used in order to break any tie final scores:

(1) Fewest digits remaining (leaving 9 would be better than leaving 4 and 5).

(2) Say what you see scoring (14 beats 23 when both 1+4=5 and 2+3=5).

(3) Roll-off between players with the highest roll winning. Repeat as needed until someone wins.

A blank bracket has been posted on my Twitter Account.

Acknowledgments

Most, if not all, of L. Frank Baum's Oz books are public domain. Nevertheless, I am grateful to him. Should any Oz locations or concepts be from other authors, I am equally grateful to them.

Special thanks also go to MGM Television, the current distributor for the game show High Rollers.

As the game board lit up with the numbers one through nine, the offstage announcer spoke.

And now, a game of risk where every choice is a gamble and every move could be the last... Ruby Rollers! And here's your host with all the action, Henry Gale!

A dapper Uncle Henry stepped on stage with a pair of red dice.

"Hello, everyone and welcome to our inaugural Oz Madness Tournament where these unpredictable red dice determine who advances today and which of our 16 participants wins the championship. The goal is to roll the dice and eliminate the numbers off of the board. Barring that, whomever gets the lower score wins a game and advances.

"Let's meet the first two of our four players here in the Munchkin District. First, we have our twelfth seed, Mombi."

"I can't believe they paired me with a mangy looking mutt," Mombi muttered.

"Well, anything is possible here in Oz. You should know that by now. Our fifth seed is a trustworthy dog that happens to belong to my niece. Let's greet Toto."

Toto wagged his tail in response to the munchkin audience applause.

"Mombi, because you're the lower seed, you get to go first. Here are the dice, go ahead and roll them."

"The things I do these days," Mombi lamented as she rolled the dice.

"Double three!" Henry exclaimed as a sound effect played. "That sound means you get an insurance marker in case you roll a bad roll later on. Now, with the six you have a number of choices. You can take the six or any combination that adds to six such as 1-2-3, one and five, or two and four."

Mombi studied the board and replied, "Just give me the six for now."

"Very good. The six is gone, but all rolls are good. Go again."

Mombi nodded and rolled a seven.

"Once again, you have choices including 1-2-4, three and four, two and five, or the seven."

"I'll take the seven."

"Mombi is playing it safe. The seven is out of play, but all rolls are still in play. Go again."

This time, Mombi rolled a five.

"With a five you can work on the top row: one and four, two and three, or the five."

"The five is probably best."

"I'd agree. You've taken off three numbers but all the rolls are still good. Roll again."

The audience looked on as Mombi rolled a three.

"You have two choices, Mombi, but I have a feeling you want the three and not the one and two combination."

"Gee, you know me so well," Mombi quipped.

"And the best part for you is that with the one, two, four, eight, and nine left in play, every roll is still good. For our first game, you seem to be a pro."

"I have a thing for magic numbers," Mombi said as she rolled another five.

"The one and four go off the board. Now, your good rolls are two, eight, nine, ten, and eleven. Roll again and hope for one of those numbers."

"Let's get one of those big numbers."

"Seven. Mombi, that's not a good roll," Henry informed her. "However, you do have an insurance marker. We will take that back and you get one more chance to roll one of those numbers. If you don't get it, your turn ends and we'll total up your score."

Mombi rolled again – a three and a one.

After a buzzing sound, Henry said, "Four is another bad roll, so your turn ends. With the two, eight, and nine left, your score is 19. Now, Toto plays and has to score lower than 19. Being a dog, we will put the dice into a cup that Toto can tip over with his nose in order to roll. We'll reset the game board real quick. With that out of the way, Toto can take his first roll."

Toto prodded the cup with his snout, tipping it over and spilling the dice into the playing area.

"Nine. We've rigged up a pad of numbers for Toto to press to make selections. I see he'd chosen the nine, so that goes off the board before the next roll."

Total eagerly repeated the rolling process, rolling a five and a one.

"Six. I see six being selected so that comes off. All rolls are still good, and you need to remove at least 12 points off the board to win."

Toto barked as if to convey understanding and rolled a three and five.

"Eight. Interesting, Toto has selected the one, two, and five this time. So, those numbers come off the board. Toto only needs to take off four points to win, but the five, six, and nine are bad rolls."

Upon rolling a two and four, Henry announced, "A six is a bad roll. Toto, that means your turn ends. With the three, four, seven, and eight left, your score is 22. By just three points, Mombi is our winner."

As Mombi's name light up behind her, the audience cheered and applauded.

"Mombi, you can go backstage and relax. You will come back later to play the winner of our next semifinal. Toto, you did your best, but it came up just short. We'll have some parting gifts to thank you for being part of our tournament."

Total barked as he jumped form his podium and left the stage with Mombi.

"We'll be right back with our next semifinal."

⁂

Back from the break, Henry said, "Let's meet our other two semifinalists. First, we have a kindhearted, well-polished guy. Our thirteenth seed is the Tin Woodman."

"I really hope I have the mettle for this," the Tin Woodman deadpanned, drawing squeaks and chuckles from the audience.

"At least he has good humor. Next, we have a tireless animal who seldom horses around. Our fourth seed is the sawhorse."

"I'm glad to be here, wouldn't you know," the sawhorse replied.

"I can see this is going to be a fun group. Gentlemen, you saw how the first game played out and we reviewed the rules before we started. So, let's begin. Our lowest seed is the Tin Woodman, so he rolls first."

"Excellent. I hope I'm not too rusty at this," he replied before rolling a seven.

"Seven gives you plenty of options. Which would you choose."

"I'll take the seven, right in the middle."

"Excellent. All the rolls are still good, so go again."

The Tin Woodman nodded and rolled a nine.

"Nine. You also have multiple choices."

"Let's go with the nine."

"Once again, we have a player going conservative. All rolls are good for the next one."

Everyone watched on as the Tin Woodman rolled a five.

"You have a knack for odd numbers. You can take the one and four, two and three, or the five."

"Five is my best choice," the Tin Woodman replied.

"Once again, he's trying to keep as many good rolls available. Even with the five gone now, all rolls are still good."

Next, the Tin Woodman rolled another nine.

"Nine again. You can take one and eight, three and six, or the 2-3-4 combination."

"Hmm, I'll take the three and six."

"You've got it. You only have one, two, four, and eight. However, all rolls are still good," Henry informed him.

The audience cheered to see double three be rolled.

"Double three! That gives you an insurance marker which could be very helpful now. Six is a good roll and we'll remove the two and four. You're going to need a nine to clear the board because you can't roll a one, and rolling an eight will only get ride of the eight and leave you stuck with the one."

"Here goes nothing," the Tin Woodman stated.

"Nine! You did it, you cleared the board and shut the box. And you didn't even need your insurance marker."

As the audience cheered, the Tim Woodman said, "Wow, that was amazing. I wish I could cry, but my oil can is backstage."

"We don't want that, but we now turn play over to the sawhorse. Unfortunately, your only chance to stay in the game is to clear the game board and force a tie where we'd go to our tie-breaker. As with Toto, we have a cup you can knock onto the playing area to allow you to roll the dice."

"I'll give this my best shot," the sawhorse promised before taking his first turn.

"We have a five. This sure is deja vu," Henry announced. "What do you want."

"I'll play it carefully, too, and take the five."

"The five is gone and you can again."

Everyone watched and saw a seven rolled next.

"That seven can be played several different ways."

"Henry, let me take the seven."

"The seven is gone, and all rolls remain good. Doubles might be helpful since you still have to clear the board."

"Let's hope for doubles then."

"Another seven. You'll have to make a tough decision here. You have one and six, three and four, or the 1-2-4 combination."

"This is tough. Let me try the one and six."

"Okay, those are gone. With the two, three, four, eight, and nine left, all the rolls remain good surprisingly enough."

"That's good to know. Let's roll doubles this time!"

"Nine! You can take the nine or the 2-3-4 combination."

"Nine, please. I have to keep my options open."

"It's gone and all rolls still remain good."

"Let's get doubles. I need a double!"

"Five. Your only choice is the two and three so those numbers go. Now, things get interesting. You need a four or eight. Rolling 12 would clear the board and tie the game. Any other number that's not doubles ends the game in favor of the Tin Man."

"That makes it easy," the sawhorse conceded. "I need a four, eight, or twelve here."

"Unfortunately, another five does not help you. The game is over and the Tin Woodman wins."

As the audience applauded, the Tin Woodman respectfully patted the saw horse on the head.

"You'll stay where you are and compete in our district final against Mombi in a moment."

"That could be interesting," the Tin Woodman replied.

"Sawhorse, you played well, but you had your work cut out for you when Tin Woodman cleared the board. We'll have a consolation gift for you later."

"That sounds like fun. I was glad to be here."

"Alright. We'll be back with today's final game to see who advances to the semifinals of Oz Madness."

⁂

"Welcome back to Munchkinland for our district final between the Tin Woodman and Mombi to see who advances to the semifinal round and a chance to go to the Emerald City for the championship," Uncle Henry told everyone. "We already know how the game is played, so let's start now. The Tin Woodman is still the lower seed – 13th to Mombi's 12th – so you'll play first."

"Let's get another perfect score," the Tin Woodman stated as he rolled a six and four.

"A ten means you get to choose at least two numbers to eliminate, or you can be brave and knock off one, two, three, and four."

"I won't be greedy. Let's take away the one and the nine."

"Those numbers are gone, your current score is 35, and all rolls remain good."

"Very good . Let's get another high roll."

"Double four! That sound means you get an insurance marker. You can take away two and six, three and five, or the eight."

"Just the eight for now."

"Your score is down to 27. All rolls are still good, so you can roll again without worry."

"I don't need any heart palpitations, that's for sure. Let's get a great roll, now."

"It's 11. There's several ways to do it. Besides five and six and seven and four, there's also the 2-4-5 and 2-3-6 combinations."

"I'll take the five and six."

"Very well. Those come off the board. It looks like your only bad roll is an eight that's not doubles."

"Let's not get that then. Let's clear more numbers."

"Double five!" Henry exclaimed. After the audience applauded, he added, "That's your second insurance marker. Your only option is to knock off the three and seven, so those go. Now, your only good rolls are two, four, or a six that would clear the board again and put you that much closer to winning again."

"Let's get an even number here then."

"Five and one make a six! You did it again! Another cleared board."

The audience cheered loudly as Mombi shook her head in disbelief.

"Mombi, you'll have a tough act to follow," Henry told her. "It's not impossible, but you'll have to play smart."

"If I can defeat a dog, I can win over a junk man," Mombi boasted. "Give me those dice."

"Here you go, and good luck."

Mombi rolled the dice, earning a two and three.

"That's a five. What will it be."

"Take the five."

"The five is gone. Take your next roll."

Mombi rolled a double one.

"Snake eyes. That earns you an insurance marker, and the number two comes off the board. Two is technically a bad roll now, but since it's a double, you'd simply roll again. So every roll is good for now."

"That's good to know," Mombi said before rolling again.

"Another roll of snake eyes. As I just said, you'd normally get an insurance marker, but since two is a bad roll now, you won't get one and you'll have to roll again. It's basically a do-over."

"I'll gladly take a second chance. Let's go!"

"Two and four make six. What will you choose?"

"The six."

"Six comes off the board. A non-double six is now a bad roll."

"Let's keep getting numbers!" Mombi exclaimed.

"Twelve! That's a double and a good roll. You now have two insurance markers and a chance to remove more than one number."

"Hmm, let me have the nine and the three."

"Very good. Three, seven, and non-double ten are now also bad rolls," Henry informed her.

"I can do this. Let's clear more numbers."

"You just rolled a five. That's a good roll. The one and four come off. You're down to the last two numbers: seven and eight. You need either one, or doubles. You also have two insurance markers to help you. Good luck."

"Yeah, yeah, let's get this next roll done," Mombi replied.

"Six and four for ten doesn't help. You'll cash in your first insurance marker and try again."

Mombi sighed and took another roll.

"Nine is also a bad roll. However, you have one last insurance marker. Now, you need seven, eight, or doubles to stay in the game."

"I've been in tougher situations before, my good man."

"Seven is a good roll. That comes off the board. Mombi, you need an eight to clear the board and force a tie-breaker – or doubles to stay alive."

"Eight, eight, give me an eight!" Mombi called out as she rolled the dice.

"Five is not going to do it. The Tin Woodman wins the game and he'll be one of the four semifinalists."

The audience applauded and cheered. Meanwhile, Mombi somewhat reluctantly shook the Tin Man's hand to make it look like she was taking her loss like a good sport.

"The Tin Woodman will compete in the semifinals later one against whomever wins the Gillikin District featuring Aunt Em, the Shaggy Man, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow," Henry announced.

"That's an interesting group. It should be fun," the Tin Man said.

"Mombi, you did manage to win one game, which I hope was fun, and we have parting gifts for you. Tell what she and the others defeated in district play will receive."

Sure thing, it's a toaster. Start your day off with this toaster that can toast anything from bagels to bread. And, we also have the Ruby Rollers home game. Play solo or against friends – or perhaps enemies as well.

"Next time, we'll be coming from Winkie Country where district play features Tik-Tok, Eureka the kitten, Button Bright and the Wizard. We want to thank everyone who made our day here in Munchkinland a success, and we hope you join us next time. See you until then."

The audience cheered as Henry mingled with them while the closing credits rolled.

Ruby Rollers is a Mallet Media Production. Portions not affecting the outcome have been edited for broadcast.