AN: this story is available as a podfic on my pat re on (for free)
"SLYTHERIN!" the sorting hat roared.
Ron couldn't believe his ears.
Harry Potter couldn't be Slytherin, Harry Potter was a hero. More than that, though, Harry was a decent kid, most importantly, he was Ron's friend.
The look on Harry's face was one of horror, horror and fear. The look on Draco Malfoy's was possessive. Suddenly Ron was furious. Because who cared if Harry really was evil, or would be some day? That stupid hat had no right to throw him to the sharks.
"Weasley, Ron!"
Ron walked resolutely forward.
The sorting hat fell before his eyes, encasing him in darkness.
"Ah, another Weasley," a voice mused, "Well it's obvious-"
"SHUT UP!" Ron shouted, but only in his mind. Beneath the hat it was like the outside world no longer existed, it was just him and the voice. He could hardly believe his boldness, but he was too angry to be polite.
To his surprise the hat was silent.
"Why did you put Harry Potter in Slytherin?" He didn't really expect a reply, but he had to ask.
"It's none of you're business." The hat's disembodied voice did reply. Encouraging.
"Tell. Me."
The hat sighed. "We won't get anywhere until I do, will we? All right then, I put him in Slytherin because his characteristics fit that house the best, and because I knew he would succeed there, that that house could make him great someday. And no, he isn't evil."
Ron pondered this a second, and it just made his anger boil even hotter.
"What exactly do you mean by "succeed" and "become great"? You're sending a boy without any family, who has lived in the muggle world his whole life, into a group of people that will try to exploit him. Do you want another Dark Lord?"
For the first time the hat sounded hesitant, "I see your point. But Harry can overcome that. Anyhow, this is your sorting. His is over."
"Not if he hasn't got any friends. But if this is my sorting, then sort me. Put me in Slytherin."
"I can't just put you in whichever house you want to be in," the hat huffed.
"But I do get a say, don't I. Because if I didn't you wouldn't bother talking to me at all."
"True, but it's hardly a question. You fit the criteria of a Gryffindor perfectly."
"What exactly are those criteria? What makes someone a Gryffindor or a Slytherin, or any other house? Because I have a feeling that a lot of what I think I know is just stereotyping."
"It's very complex and I haven't the time-"
"I'm sure you can summarize. I have a right to know if my choice matters. How can you expect me to make any sort of informed decision if I don't know what I'm deciding.
"Fine then," the hat said, exasperated, "Gryffindors are brave, when given the choice they tend to put other peoples' lives before their own, and they don't have much respect for authority. Ravenclaws value intelligence and thoughtfulness over anything else. They believe in trying to solve any and all problems they come across, but see action as being less important. Hufflepuffs are accepting. They care about all people and believe that hard work should always be rewarded. They are fiercely loyal. Slytherins have a strong desire to achieve their goals and will do anything to further that end. They protect their own."
"Good. Then I'm a Slytherin."
"No, you are not!"
"Yes I am! I claim Harry as my own, and I will protect him. That is my goal and I will achieve it, even if it means arguing with the sorting hat and joining a house that's turned out hundreds of evil wizards and witches."
The hat groaned. "This is taking far too long, and if I argue with you it will take even longer. So I suppose you'll be...
SLYTHERIN!"
Ron pulled off the hat and grinned at the sea of shocked faces as he walked to sit with Harry Potter at the Slytherin table. He didn't know what being a Slytherin would mean, but he was pretty certain it would at least be interesting.