R and P's Romance Guide

June 1st, 3014, World Airy Wing Pattern Three.

Sadly, it has been a while since I updated this journal. We have once again awakened the Wind Crystal. The joyous shouts of the people of Ancheim can be heard even from where I stand. As I have written in previous entries, the people of the desert rely on wind to turn their huge windmills and gears. But with the crystal consumed by darkness, the winds had stopped, forcing the people to get their energy from manual labor, and lots of it.

Ah, but I am rambling. As I said, Agnes, Tiz, Edea and I had just awakened the wind crystal. Before continuing our journey, we chose to visit Ancheim and stock up on supplies, for the distance between there and Florem was not to be taken lightly, even if one had a flying ship.

We came across a little girl, dressed in an odd looking cat suit, and holding an Asterisk to our surprise.

She wouldn't wake up to any of our methods. (Agnes gently asking her to get up, Tiz giving her a shake, Edea plain shouting in her face,) but when it came my turn, knowing that an Asterisk was a thing not meant for children, I gently palmed the jewel from her hands and stuffed it in my pocket.

I will tell the rest later, I thought, And when the time comes that we need another Asterisk's power, I'll bring it out in triumph.

Still there would be complications, but that never worried me. We left the girl sleeping in her catsuit and continued with our shopping.

Knowing full well that Edea would go on a shopping spree, and also knowing that if I was around, my pockets would be emptied, I left the area as inconspicuously as possible.

If it hadn't been for that spoilsport Tiz I might have had some fun, but he called after me before I could get out of sight.

"Make sure to grab a good amount of potions, Ringabel!"

What a bother. Everyone would be expecting me to get healing supplies now, and if I didn't, we wouldn't have any for the trip ahead. Then it would be 'It's Ringabel's fault.' again.

But as it happened, I wasn't about to have absolutely no fun. Slipping into a side street, I pulled out the Asterisk I had deigned borrow from the cat-girl before.

Activating it, I found myself in an outfit rather similar to the girl's, save mine was a larger male's version.

Black cloak and tie, rather comfortable jeans, an odd cat hood at my back.

I reached up to scratch my head, only to find with slight horror, that the Asterisk had added an extra detail to my hair.

Cat ears, it seemed. Shaped out of my own hair, and sticking out on each side of my pompadour. I prayed that they wouldn't mess up my pompadour after the fact.

I hadn't thought to bring a mirror, so, unequiping the Asterisk, I headed out into the streets, deciding to mess with the jewel later, and with adequate preparations.

It happened that I came upon a cat. An orange cat, wearing large boots and a hat with a yellow feather and a small belt and sword around his waist. He was sitting in the shade of a nearby tree, scribbling earnestly in what I took to be a journal or notebook.

A cat, wearing boots, sitting on his hind legs and writing in a book?! What an odd sight!

I came over cautiously, not at all surprised to hear him muttering things to himself. You might wonder why I wasn't frightened out of my wits, but I suppose it was the Asterisk that was behind it all. Either that, or it was all just a dream.

The cat's pencil lead broke, and he threw it down in frustration.

Cautiously, I picked up the pencil, and sharpened it with my knife, being at a loss for other things to do.

"Your pencil?" I said, holding it out to him.

The cat sighed, and took it back, muttering a thank you.

He put his head in his hands and leaned forward, becoming the utter picture of futility.

"Is something bothering you, friend?" I said, ignoring my doubts for the moment in an attempt to figure things out.

The cat sighed and took off his hat, wiping his brow.

"I do not know." he replied, "I accepted what I believed to be an easy challenge, but after an hour of trying to make it work, I find that it is incredibly difficult." he put his hat back on with a flourish of his hand, (Or paw?) that seemed to have become a habit. "But I cannot back out of the challenge. It would be such a shame to my reputation!"

I looked down at the book he held, "And what is that challenge?" The cat replied with such a flurry of words that it took a moment for me to register what he had said.

"I have to write a book about all the many ways to charm a lady within a day, so that the jeweler will let me have a diamond ring, that I can give to a very good friend of mine because if I don't get her a good one when I propose, she will leave me with a slap and the cryings, and our friendship will be ruined!"

He pronounced his S's with an extra 'Eh' at the beginning, which communicated to me that he was foreign. But for a moment, I forgot that I was talking to a cat, and stood up. There was nothing that could have made me more excited.

"My friend, this is your lucky day." And sweeping my usual elaborate bow, I said, "They call me Ringabel. A pleasure. It just so happens that I am not only knowledgeable in the many ways of romance, but am also a devoted journalsman."

The cat eyed me suspiciously, but then stood up and drew his sword.

"I am Puss in Boots!" he proclaimed, "I need no help!"

I pointed at his book and replied, "Give me a trial run. I want nothing in return." Especially since it was probably just a dream anyway.

The cat looked from his book back to me and sighed.

"I… suppose it could not hurt if you helped, just a little… But that is all you may do! Just a little!"

"Terrific!" I cried, and pulling out my own journal, I began to write.

"Guide to Romance

By Ringabel…

"And Puss in Boots." The cat said, interrupting me. I shrugged and wrote his name in there.

"The biggest part of romancing a lady, is to build yourself up. It is required that one have an ample knowledge of strutting and flourishes in order to succeed."

"Of course, one may go to a fancy school for this." The cat wrote in his little book while saying the words aloud. "But some of the best ways are learned on the field."

"Ah!" I cried interrupting him, "The important thing is to keep trying. If you fall off of one horse, get on another horse and use a different method. When you find you have your flow, you're good and clear."

The cat tapped his lips and said, "Of course, this does not apply to all cases. If you find that you cannot succeed, consider giving up and going to a fancy school."

I nodded and continued writing."Here is a general list of Do's and Don'ts for when one is taking a lady out."

"Do's and Do Not's?" the cat said, "That works. Very well amigo, let us do just that."

"Do; approach the lady with grandiose and flair,"

"Do Not; Ask her how old she is.

"Do; Tell her intriguing tales about yourself."

"Do Not; include any tales about your romancing with other women."

There was a pause. I frowned, unable to think of anything for a moment, but then the cat said;

"Do; Invite her out to dinner."

"Do; Make a reservation in advance."

"Do Not; go there without a very fancy bouquet or gift."

"Do; Ask around town and find out what her favorite color or flower is."

Another pause.

"Do; Take a shower beforehand."

I nodded. "Do."

"And! Do; comment her hair and fashion."

"Do Not; grimace when she laughs in a high pitched voice."

"Don't; Forget to hold her chair, and take her coat/scarf/hat."

"Do; Let her order whatever she wants."

"Don't; be surprised when your wallet is suddenly empty."

"Do Not; Point out/chase after a mouse while she is eating."

I remembered it was a cat sitting next to me, and gave him an odd look. He ignored me, however, and continued on.

"Do Not; cough up a hairball in front of her.

Do; Let her get desert as well.

Do Not; lick your paws when you are done eating."

I swallowed, and said. "You lick your paws and chase mice when escorting a lady?"

The cat shook his head and laughed, "Only when I was younger. The first few dates are the ones to remember."

I shrugged "True." and continued.

"Do; When dinner is done, arrange for a comfortable ride home.

Do; forget her coat, so that you can give her your own coat."

"Do Not; make any comments about how far her belly is sticking out."

"Do; laugh if she makes a joke."

"Do; If all else fails, resort to the big eyes trick."

"You mean the dashing hair flick?"

"No, I meant the big eyes trick."

To prove it, the cat showed me the big eyes trick, and I had to admit, it was pretty impressive.

"If at any time, you say something to offend the lady, do your best to cover it up.

Sometimes, one can fix it by sweet praises or a handsome flick of the head. But you will know if you have failed when the sting of her hand hits your cheek."

"When this happens, it is best to call it a loss and move to another town. For if you stay, all the lady's friends will be throwing pots and pans at you by the end of the next day."

"When…"

"Ringabel!"

I swallowed and stood up. My beloved Edea was coming at me from across the street.

I would like to be able to say she came to me with a warm smile, and promptly placed a kiss on my cheek after sweetly telling me that I was wanted… but the truth is quite different.

She came at me, wearing a scowl so milk-curdling that one could see the flowers wilting around her.

"Ah! Edea! How can I hel…"

A smack so hard I couldn't feel my face anymore, and a demand so loud, everyone in the square could hear it.

"WHERE IS THAT ASTERISK?!"

I gulped and fumbled with the stone in my pocket.

"Ah… I was only borrowing it for a moment. You see, it…"

Edea snatched it away as soon as it came in sight.

"My friend, do you require assistance?" The cat said, standing and placing his hand on his sword hilt.

Edea seemed to ignore him, and said, "And where are the potions? Hmm? Tiz and Agnes have been waiting for you in the square for over an hour! And I find you here… wait."

I stood up, and hastily tried to make up some excuse, but it was too late. She grabbed my journal and held it up.

In moments, her frown had deepened and her face turned bright red.

"You… You creep! This is what you've been doing with your time?! Hanging out with an alley cat and writing self-help books?!"

The cat fumed at this. "I am a purebred highland fold! How dare you!?"

Edea stared at the cat, frowning, as if something wasn't right, then promptly turned on her heel and left the area, obviously too mad to say anything else.

I rubbed the sore spot on my cheek and shrugged. "I apologize, friend. She is very, hmm… excitable. But, moving on to other matters…"

And I handed him the pages I had already written.

"Use this however you want. I hope that you can get that ring for your lady-friend."

The cat bowed and took the papers with a triumphant cry.

"But before you go," I continued, "A bit of advice?"

The orange cat paused and nodded, "Yes?"

"Don't tell her about the book."

"Ah… that does sound like a good idea."

The cat turned and carried the papers away, struggling a bit with the weight of it all.

I turned to leave, but then noticed an item at my side. I stood and called;

"Wait! Master Puss! You forgot your sword!"

But he was nowhere in sight. It was odd, as I had just seen the him walking down the lane, and a cat in boots is kind of hard to miss in such a place.

But the people now gave me looks like I was queer, and I came to the realization that minutes ago they had just ignored the cat and I as they walked past.

Feeling as if I had been in a dream, I turned back to my journal. There was no evidence that the cat had been there in it, only my own hand writing. The cat's journal was gone too.

No evidence. Had I just imagined the whole thing? But then I moved my hands up and examined what I held.

A small silver sword, adorned with a feline face at the hilt. Too small a handle to be wielded by anyone with hands bigger than a child's.

I had a feeling that the Asterisk had something to do with it, but I couldn't figure it out. Had the cat been real? For I held the evidence right there in my hands. Or had it been a dream or illusion, created by the jewel I had stolen?

There was no way to know. But, either way, I decided I would keep the sword and hope to meet up with the cat another time to give it back to him. For if I left it there, it would surely disappear the next day, and my evidence would be gone.

But I still had a job to do. Potions, supplies, and a hasty lie to the others about what I had been doing all this time.

Probably best to think of something that was believable.

"Let's see… I saw a pretty girl and…"