Title: Intermission
Main Characters: Beck, Jade, mentioned!Tori
Summary: Ten seconds were way too short to discern about what has been a two year relationship. In the time they had been apart, they learnt to understand. Post TWC – TFBAJ.
He was tired of putting on mask in front of his friends.
After two rounds of the card game, he bid them goodbye and simply walked around the block – not yet feeling like going back to his RV where some of Jade's belongings, and the memories, still scattered around at every corner.
He replayed the scene in his mind again – her echoing countdowns, his inner turmoil, the pros and cons he thought rapidly about going after versus going out of the relationship… Ten seconds were way too short to discern about what has been a two year relationship.
All he knew is that he hated fighting with Jade. He hated the person he became when he lost control over his emotion. He hated raising his voice and throwing her vicious insults back at her. He was tired and he was not happy.
But now with a calmer mind he decided that their relationship deserved so much more than that awful break up. He'd rather a closure. A proper end. He had to talk to her one last time.
Beck went to Jade's home and nervously knocked on the door, hoping not to be thrown scissors the second she opened her door, but her mother said she had not gone back home yet.
Maybe she thought the same thing? Maybe Jade was waiting in his RV, hoping to talk to him one last time too.
He hailed a cab and headed home.
True enough her car was in the driveway, and the door of his RV was wide open.
He found her sitting on the floor, her back against the foot of his bed. Jade looked startled at his arrival, and for a moment she looked unsure.
Beck observed her face silently. She did not look angry nor sad, no smudged mascara nor bloodshot eyes. She just looked tired, and defeated. He thought it did not suit her at all. He breathed a heavy sigh and sat a couple of feet opposite her. "You're here," he started, with no malice in his voice.
She made a face that's basically saying thank you, captain obvious. But she also held no ill will for she let it slide and just shrugged. "I went straight here after… earlier. Spent the last few hours just analysing our relationship," she began, straightforward to address on the elephant in the room. "I've been wondering what happened to us. What has changed? Why are we always shouting at each other recently? But I came to the conclusion that I have not changed, and you have not either. We've always been who we are since the very beginning..."
Beck frowned in disagreement. "But I wasn't bothered by your insults before. I wouldn't raise my voice and lost control in front of everyone. You wouldn't pick fight with me all the time. Something must have changed."
She just gave him a glare for interrupting. He nodded, gesturing her to continue.
"I'm thinking back to why I said yes when you asked me to be exclusive with you..."
Beck winced. He didn't think he could bear hearing that Jade regretted their relationship.
Her eyes were on him but she did not look at him, as if she was staring at somewhere in the past instead. "I liked you because you were not scared of me. I found you interesting. But what made me say yes was because I realised you did not push me away like everybody else. You accepted me for who I am. I thought I'll always have a place at your side. I find home in you. I can be who I am, I can be mean, I can be kind, I can laugh, I can not care when I am with you – and you would never leave."
These were words that Jade West wouldn't have said to anyone. Not even to him in any other circumstances. But here they are. At the brink of everything, she bared her soul one last time.
Their eyes met now. Beck felt like he was dissected and inspected thoroughly, and was helpless about it.
"You liked me because you found me different from other girls. I did not worship the ground you walked on, and you found that interesting. But Beck, interesting never lasted."
She paused and closed her eyes. "I love to sing," she said, making Beck confused at the sudden shift of topic. "I can express myself through singing, be vulnerable, and I love music so much I pursue it so hard even against my dad. I hate it when someone try to take it away from me. Even if the industry gets tough, the competition is crazy, and even if I have to quit one day against my will – I can be certain that I'm never gonna stop loving ...the music."
She loved him like she loved the music.
She opened her eyes and stared at him. "Beck you are good at acting, no one is as good as you." Beck internalised that, translated to his own heart. I am good at handling her. No one is as good as me. "Acting brings out different sides of you. You said it yourself on The Wood's audition; Acting is not about acting. It's about letting the emotions inside of you come out and blah blah…" She quoted him in that deep man voice she liked to use when impersonating him. Beck would have smiled and found that adorable if things had not gone this way. Right now, he just wanted her to get straight to her point.
"I brought different sides of you. I made you let your emotions out. But unlike when acting, you did not like that, because it's real and not something that you can control."
Jade brought out of him to be upset, angry, bitter, shouting, losing control… all the things the normally calm and collected Beck would never do. And yes, he loathed it.
"When it gets tough, you hate it. You hate fighting with me. You start to hate my jealous reactions. You start to hate on me insulting your friends. You start to question. And you quit on me, you let me go..." she hardened her look and gazed straight at him. "You did not change, Beck. You just have not found any further reason to love me beyond me being interesting. You did not like who you became when you were with me like I did with you. And it looks like you don't know me well enough if you want us to just 'stop fighting'." She made an air quote and used that deep man voice again.
He was at loss for words.
Ten seconds were not enough to analyse a two-year relationship. But Jade had done it for them in the past couple of hours she'd been here. Beck felt ashamed, but he had to concede that she was right, at least partially.
But she did not know him well enough either to understand that Beck loved her beyond reasons. He loved her truly despite hating some things that are basically part of the deal. If things were by his choice, he would still rather not break up with her. Instead he wished they could talk things through, probably made some compromises, made some adjustments for each other so that things work out better. If only they could do that without being at each other's throats the moment they speak…
It still surprised him himself when given the ultimatum of only ten seconds, apparently he chose to let her go. He did not know whether he would have made the same decision when given a chance to think. Probably not.
He looked at her again. She was still looking at him as if daring him to rebuke her analysis. He would not.
"If you would not quit on me yourself, why did you threaten to end things?" Beck found himself asking. A small despicable part of himself would still blame her: you started it. "I never said I want to break up."
"God, Beck!" she hissed, raising her voice. "You said you weren't happy about the relationship! You said you don't want to be my boyfriend if we are fighting all the time. We're always gonna fight! Did you not hear anything I've said just now?" She gritted her teeth, fuming. "If you had come after me I would think that you want to give us another chance. Talk things through every time we fight. Make some compromises. I don't know! Maybe we can't and we'll still end up breaking up anyway."
Oh God. Didn't he just think that those things are what he wants?
But they didn't know whether it'd work. And what's done is done when you were not even sure you wanted to change that.
Beck nodded, accepting that answer. She had said so much. He had not needed to say anything else.
Few minutes passed between them in silence. Until they looked at each other again, and somehow uttered at the same time, "I'm sorry."
They were both stunned momentarily. Then Beck started a small chuckle, and she joined in laughing too. They were both breaking inside, but they also treasured this moment that they could share a laughter together. Maybe it would be their last. Who knew whether they could be good friends after all this? They never knew how to be friends with each other. The moment they laid their eyes on each other the attraction was already pulling them close.
Even Jade herself admitted to not ever gonna stop loving him.
He didn't think he would either.
They were so dysfunctional but love was never their problem. At least that was what Beck believed.
"It's getting late," she said eventually, moving to stand up. "I'll collect my stuffs some other time." Jade glanced around the room and sighed. It'd take her a long time with how messy the room was and how many items she had placed around. She walked towards the door and said without glancing back, "Goodbye, Beck."
"Drive safe, Jade."
And so she was gone.
The RV was awfully silent after Jade left. Beck did not like that, so he put on some music on.
Her words would replay in his mind if he did nothing but to lay on his bed. Beck did not like that, so he got busy.
He gathered Jade's things in a box, thinking he's just being helpful so she would have less trouble collecting them at 'some other time'. It took him longer than he thought, as there are a number of items he couldn't even recall being his or hers. He put them inside the box anyway. He made so much a mess of his room searching for everything that when he was done, he began cleaning up his room – not wanting to cause Consuela too much trouble. It 1 AM when he was done and he felt confident he was tired enough to go straight to dreamland.
Some might say he was afraid to face his own feelings. The first stage of grief is denial after all. Probably true, but he did not care, not tonight.
That was when the radio played Big Time Rush's song called "Intermission", stopping him in his track.
"Curtains open up the scene. Spotlights shine on you and me, tonight
Pretending for the crowd below. We put on a real good show, but it's a lie
We can't help but cause a fight
It's the same old drama every night
I walk offstage cause this whole play is more than I can take
Woah, I don't want it to be over, but we need a break before you break my heart
Oh, we can't live this scene forever, right now you and me are better, better off apart
But I'll still love you when the lights come up, for our intermission"
Her words rang again. He saw everything in analogy now. If Beck was the acting and Jade was the music, then their relationship had been the play. Everything that happened a moment ago was like the last scene.
Had this really been an ending? Or only an intermission?
This was not the first time they broke up, after all. Their love had led them back together before.
Groaning, Beck went back up to clean his fish tank and washed his car. He so did not want to think about all this tonight. He passed out at three o'clock in the morning.
When he saw that Jade had updated her The Slap's profile to be not in relationship he thought the play had officially ended.
When he and Jade could not really be friends and she kept on bickering bitterly with him he thought the play had ended with no chance of encore.
He tried to kiss Tori because he thought he was at the last stage of grief – acceptance. The play of Beck&Jade had ended – he needed to try and move on. Only that night Tori rejected him out of respect respect her kind-of friend, and he realised he would have just been using her as a rebound. Screw acceptance, he had not even felt anger yet.
When he heard that Jade and Moose made out in her car that night he saw red. Tori did not want to date her friend's ex, and here she was casually hooking up with her ex's friend? There was anger he knew he didn't have the right to feel. And Beck thought he felt jealousy for the first time but he savoured the feeling. It hurt. But he tried not to hate these new emotions she brought out of him. This was after all, a feeling Jade that felt all the time. He thought he could relate better to her and it gave him clarity that he too – was never gonna be able to stop loving her. He sincerely hoped that the play had just been in long, painful, but necessary intermission.
In the time they had been apart Beck had not really found any other reason to love Jade – he still loved her beyond reasons. But he was determined now to never let her go again. He now knew how awful it had been without her, to watch her getting taken away by someone else. He had tried going out with "easier" girls, and he hated it way more than simply fighting with her.
Jade had said neither of them had changed since the very beginning. Maybe they should, shouldn't they? To be better for each other. To compromise and make adjustments and all those things. He just needed to convince her to begin again.
He hoped time had made her realise the same thing at her side. The acting and the music had always been in sync, after all.
The day she sang to him and he got her back in his arms on the stage, Beck was relieved because the play had resumed. May it never end.
"Somewhere we fell off track, but I know love will lead us back."
-End-