Among the Bulls

a novel by winnie

1494.

The tension in the dining hall was particularly thick that warm mid autumn evening, the florentine breeze sending fresh air into the room. Along with it, the sounds of revolution outside their doors. Distant sounds of clamoring and voices made everyone on edge but none dare show it in their faces, for if they showed it then it became real. The sombre mood could only be explained by the gran maestro's forced hand to put up resistance to king Charles of France which was met with little support, most people defecting to Savonarola. Now Piero, who would later be known as unfortunate, was put between a rock and a hard place ; those of which were the Florentines and the king of France.

Young Cosima knew it was not her place to speak just yet, after all dinner had only begun, the evening could not be ruined so soon but her heart yearned to tell her brother that he had done what was not nearly the best even if it was the only sane option but no words escaped her lips. Even though she was merely sixteen, only a few years his younger, she was still the youngest of her siblings and still felt inferior among her fellow Medici. And that inferiority sent coldness down her spine. In secret, Cosima had always been envious of her brothers, Giovanni and Piero. "My love, do not be so taken with this. All will be well in the end." She heard the sweet silk of her sister, Alfonsina Orsini, who spoke softly to her husband, clutching his hand on the dining table.

"No. as soon as the public gets wind of my neutrality, they will uproar. I fear for our families safety.`` Piero whispered in a hushed, frantic voice. Cosima felt a wave of nerves wash over her, she hadn't realized the stakes of his actions to their fullest extent. The Medici have held rule over Florence as either de facto or as a gran maestro since the age of Cosimo De Medici, the very man she was namesake of, they surely could not let their dynasty crumble now.

"Then what would you have us do, Piero?" She finally inquired, her future now unsure this feeling more dire for her own speech to be spoken.

"Well," The gran maestro began, a touch of sheen on his brow "The uproar would most likely cause our exile considering how the fortresses of Tuscany are now defenseless in the name of the french king. I would have to find a place for us to seek asylum. Naples is infested with plague, so perhaps Venice. A french commodore, Philippe De Commines has extended a hand to make sure we reach Venice since after all I have seemingly done for the french. " Cosima's head seemed to lift from their sunken state on her shoulders, she could not believe the words that he had spoken. "You wish to abandon our home, brother? Like a coward?" She did not think of the repercussions of her words before they left her mouth but at this moment she did not care much. "You are damning us to a fate yet decided. After all the french have done, how do you know we can trust this man? The safest hands are still our own and Florence is just that."

Abruptly standing from his seat at the head of the table Piero showed a face of anger and shame at his sister's defiance. "I damn us to nothing!" His voice was profound, it could make anyone compliant yet there was something underneath it all that only a Medici could spot.

Guilt. Those Medici had plenty of it.

Cosima exhaled, making sure her anger had been taken away with her heavy breath, she knew it was not truly his fault. Piero was weak and tender-hearted since birth, eager to be envious yet the first to agree to any opportunity ; good or bad. He was not blessed with the drive that led their father, Lorenzo il Magnifico, to greatness. Truth be told, none of his heirs had quite the same desire as that had been placed in the heart of the young girl. Giovanni was now a man of god, as was her cousin Giulio and Maddalena, who was the prestigious example of a good wife in Rome to Franceschetto Cybo. None of them had what it took to ascend to the greatness of a political stronghold except for Cosima yet as a woman that was something she could never do. At least not without a husband to take the credit for all her deeds and ideas. However Cosima did not wish for a husband, she would sooner enjoy a life at Convent then let a man lead her.

In a last hearted attempt she spoke, almost a whisper. as if she said it too loud it might not come true. "can Giovanni do something?"

"No, cardinal Medici's allegiance lies with that Borgia pope now. I would fear a betrayal of our own blood considering our already strained relationship." Piero seemed to shrivel down in size at the thought. Once a great and powerful dynasty had been chipped and broken bit by bit since the death of their father and all that remained were shards, scattered across the city states of Italy. "What about Maddalena? She is in Rome, surely we could seek refuge there -"

"Rome is all too risky, you know that. Do you think we have enemies here? Consider Rome, our enemies are like the plague there and we have no defensive measures." Piero said, growing with annoyance.

"You fear this. You fear that… What don't you fear, brother?" Her tongue was as sharp as her wit yet she did not mean for it to come off so demeaning of her brother. Although deep down she possibly meant the tone, after all they were a legacy and one that needed to be upheld.

Piero for all his faults, would not stand for her temper and with that, dismissed dinner. As everyone quietly made their way back to their own chambers, Alfonsina giving a sympathetic glance to Cosima as her hand slipped from her husband's shoulder, it soon was just the two siblings. Treading towards his sister with determination thundering in every step, he stopped mere inches away from her face. "Do not speak to me like that in front of our family, Cosima. Everything I have done leading up to this moment has been to secure our safety - your safety. Venice is our safety, you must understand that. We have allies there, and because of that if I wish to stay in Venice all my life I will… but you already know that." His voice grew softer with every word passing by until it was almost nothing but a plea, one with childish ideologies.

"Then that is your fate brother, if you wish it so. However I do not see myself accompanying you," She spoke with candor, holding her head high in the face of Piero, now turning and making her way towards the window that once supplied them with a soft breeze now as the echoing of peasants cries died down, what was left had only a beam of moonlight. "But instead I see a path one that leads to Rome."

"Rome? What could you alone possibly find in Rome, dear sister?" Piero sounded, completely daft to her plans especially after all he had just told her. Turning to her brother yet again, only this time with an unorthodox smile upon her face. "You need a Medici in Rome that you can trust and if that is not Giovanni nor Maddalena then I shall be your eyes and ears among the bulls of Borgia. I will use whatever is left of our name and rise among the Romans, to help salvage whatever is left of us! Perhaps I could find support to help us return to Florence."

Fear graced Piero's face once more except the reason for that fear was different now, he once feared his whole family's safety but now he feared for his sister, whatever fate awaited them in Venice could not surpass the scenarios in his head that would befall Cosima. Piero loved deeply for his sister but never thought she could amount to such a task. It was daunting, placing yourself in the lion's den. Even for a noble man, Rome was quite the task. "I admire your spirit, Cosima, I always have but you sound like a fool. What will you do in Rome? You are just a little girl, sister."

As for cosima, her eyes filled with desire. She could do this and perhaps the world will see her differently for it. No longer just the youngest child of Lorenzo de Medici or the wife of whomever she shall marry but as a woman who could stand on her own - by her own name.

"Not just any girl, brother," She corrected with a smile "A Medici. Let us not forget that our name has power. One day the Pope himself may even tremble at the thought of it."

. . .

The days leading up to the removal of the Medici from rule of Florence had been filled with chaos. The windows to the Palazzo Pitti had been broken by the rocks thrown by Savonarola supporters in revolt. Among other things, they had found filth muddled around the entrance to their home and the brick walls decorated with the smear of tomatoes. Fortunately, much to Piero's gratitude, the french nobleman, phillipe, had indeed kept his promise and shown no signs of betrayal as he made his way with a carriage and escort for the family.

In hast, Piero along with Alfonsina and their two children, were taken away in the night to Venice in hopes to seek asylum in the arms of the doge Agostino Barbarigo. In the back alley behind their home, Cosima said goodbye to her family, not knowing when or if they would ever see each other again. "Alfonsina, you have been the greatest gift to our family and I shall never forget your generosity. Take care of the children." She said into her ear as they embraced one another. "Of course, but remember to take care of yourself, Cosima." Alfonsina's voice was riddled with anguish, as if there was a fate awaiting Cosima that she herself could not foresee. Startled by the look in her sister in laws eyes, she merely nodded sorrowfully in response. She watched as they loaded into the carriage and out of sight, as the curtains were already drawn. Now it was only Piero left, awaiting for his farewell. She did not want their departure to be left on a bad note but both of them could feel the facade they had built up for so long crumbling around them. They held resent that was left unspoken for years, festering in their hearts. Those grievances must be said now or they will never know peace. "You know, Piero, I always thought you could be the greatest of all of us growing up. However from a young age I saw plainly as you standing there now, that you are not a great man though you had the potential to be. Had you not let the father's love of his other children corrupt your soul. You ran from problems all your life. How is today any different?" Cosima did not sound bitter in her words but rather, disappointed. "I hope your new life in Venice allows you to plant your feet firmly, for once."

Piero stood silent, in that moment he felt his life playing in front of him. His mind going over all the instances where his potential had shown through and he had not attained it. He grew resentful, at his life, but also towards Cosima for revealing this to him. A secret he suppressed long ago, so it would no longer hurt him. Finally, he spoke, choosing his last words carefully.

"Well, Cosima, I hope in Rome you realize why you clung so tightly to our mother in your youth. You never had to be held to the same standard as Lucrezia, Luisa or Maddelena but you have never known why. Well, only a mother could love you and when in Rome you will see how truly difficult it is for people to love you." And with that, like the grand reveal at the ending of a play, he exited the scene he just laid out in front of him into the carriage. As the horses began to trot in the moonlit path, those words wrapped around Cosima like a cruel blanket, secluding her from the world.

. . .

The young girl was still there the next morning, her escort to Rome would not arrive until later that day. Confided in the palazzo by the guards in service to the medici, she could only watch from the now broken windows at the Florence she knew as it came crashing down around her. Part of her was scared some, while she yearned for recognition, or to just prove her brother wrong. Whatever her reasoning may be this would be her first time on her own, making her own decisions and not having her father or Piero speak for the family. In Rome, she would be the spokesperson for the house of Medici and all the weight that their name carried was finally catching up with her. The weight was burdening to bare alone and if it had not been for her dear friend and maid, Agnesa, who agreed to travel with her to Rome then Cosima would surely be frightened to the very core of her being. She was thankful to her friend, for giving her any ounce of courage she could muster.

Having enough of the unpleasantries that lay behind the walls, she turned back inside to see the servants packing up the last of her things. She could not pack everything she owned, it was too much for a small group to set off to Rome with. so she had to say goodbye to material items that she in her privilege had grown fond of. Cosima knew it would be the last time she saw the silk of her bedsheets or the wardrobe that stood tall as if commanding the room. Surely, after she took the last of the guards with her to Rome, that bandits and thieves would raid the palazzo for all their treasures. They would be artifacts from an old dynasty, as if discovering the jewels of Cleopatra.

Before the last of her gowns were packed away in the trunk, Cosima pulled out a lavender one adorned with pearls. She admired the fabric as she made her way to the common area where she found her sweet friend.

"Agnesa, take this, I want you to wear it. I remember how much you admired it that day I wore it at my brother's wedding. Consider it a gift although no gift could ever repay what you are doing for me. To pack your life away and come to Rome with me. I truly am indebted to you." she smiled, handing the dress to her maiden.

"No, Madonna, I cannot accept this. It is too much." Agnesa rebutted, shaking her head as she was trying to push the luxurious fabric back towards cosima.

"I insist," Cosima said in a stern but charismatic voice, "after all we will be in Rome, lots of potential suitors to impress, no?" at the very thought, it sent both girls into a fit of laughter. It was a rare, gilded moment like this where people could see them for what they were, young girls. the politics and duties they can get wrapped up in making them age before manys eyes but at the end of it all they were just girls. Girls who thought of love, among other things.

"Well … if that's the case then I see no other choice but to take it." Agnesa cheerily said as she held the fabric up and swung it around to see it's full beauty but not before taking Cosima into a warm embrace. Something as innocent as this joyous hug should not possibly cause Cosima ill will but it did. She felt a pit in her stomach, as her brother's words echoed in her mind. Hard to love. She found herself questioning the sincerity of the hug, as silly as it sounds.

A loud knock on the door broke both girls from their thoughts, Cosima making her way to the doors opened them to reveal Salvestro, a close family friend and a renowned condottiere. He would be the one leading the expedition and safe passage to rome. Usually out of sight among the shadows and spoke only when spoken to, his arrival must mean they are almost ready to depart.

"Mona Medici, everything is set for Rome." He spoke eloquently and clearly, like a soldier speaking to their general. Nodding in understanding to his announcement, she smiled at him with gratitude. "Thank you, Salvestro. We shall leave momentarily." and just as quickly as he arrived, he was gone.

Turning back towards Agnesa, she looked at the dress once more. "Well, I will leave you to get changed. This time tomorrow, we shall be in the holy city." Cosima said as she swiftly drew her doors close, shutting herself out to give Agnesa some privacy.

. . .

Cosima waited in the courtyard of the Palazzo, taking in one last look at the only place she had ever known. Her family's history was written all over those walls, it felt like this place, this Florence of theirs, would pump through her veins forever, no matter where life would lead her. Yet the girl felt on the verge of tears, Cosima had a heavy weight in her chest as though she was grieving the loss of a loved one. Perhaps, she was. After all this is where her father and mother are, as their parents before them. Cosima was afraid to leave this place and feel the presence she carried of Clarice and Lorenzo fade with every passing mile that she strayed from home. As moments passed and she was still alone with her thoughts, Cosima's mind began to wander. Replaying her life in her head, thinking of all the things she did here and all the things she wished to feel again.

Being the youngest girl, Cosima was the last child to be the apple of their eye yet also felt a struggle of approval, like she had to also prove she was just as capable as any other. She only knew her mother for ten short years before Clarice's passing but those years were filled with nothing but love and cherishment for their young Cosima. Her father after that, tried his best but he was never as good at parenting as his wife however Cosima learned that just because he taught her differently than her mother did not mean he was any less capable of being a great teacher. And she had grown to admire that about him after her mother's passing. It became clear that she gained her mother's wisdom and was a quick learner, surpassing her brothers in lessons occasionally but she also had gained her father's ambition. Cosima wanted to be as magnificent as her father or as devoted as her mother, either would do but she knew she could not have both. Yet she did not want to choose just yet.

Gazing dimly at the roses in the center of the courtyard before walking over and carefully plucking one from the bush. As she admired the flora, she prayed this opportunity in Rome would make her just that: magnificent - but in a brief moment, as she let her decision weigh on her shoulders, she thought maybe to stay here in florence. She truly didn't want to leave, she felt like she shouldn't have to, she was being dragged out without a choice, if it was not Rome she would be dragged elsewhere. She wanted to be great but just not now, she wanted to still be a child, she wanted to feel worriless again. Cosima just wanted one last hug from her mother and father to tell her she shouldn't have to make the decision but she was strong enough to accomplish it. "Mama," she spoke down looking at the rose "please don't think I am abandoning you or father. I will make you proud, I will not let Piero ruin everything you and father have worked so hard for." before she could even comprehend the emotions she felt, she recognized the hotness rolling down her cheeks as tears, something she felt too often as of late.

"Madame? Are you alright?" She heard Agnesa say from behind her. Quickly wiping her tears away, Cosima turned around dawning a fictitious smile. "Yes… I was just saying goodbye." She said before looping Agnesa's arm within her own as they made their way to the carriage. Carefully stepping into the carriage, Cosima did not take her eyes off of the palazzo once, even though she could barely make it out through the tiny crack in the privacy curtains. As they began their journey, she watched the palazzo shrink in size. As time passed, she realized that she must have to take one last look before it was gone forever over where the grass met the sun. Cosima found her reaching out for her mother's rosary that was in her cloak pocket and herself whispering under her breath, so softly so no one would hear. As her words were only meant for one soul only, "Sarai per sempre nel mio cuore Firenze."

She spoke for only Florence to hear.