Disclaimer: I do not own The Avengers. No profit is made from this story.
Author's Note: The is a companion piece to Second Son. It's been a couple of years since I visited this universe. I hope you like it.
WARNING: This first chapter contains a vague discussion of infertility. Please don't read if it's going to be triggering for you.
James Barnes has always enjoyed simply watching his wife as she works through her nightly ritual to prepare herself for bed. First, she changes into her nightgown, usually satin of some kind, a beautiful floor-length gown that shows off her trim figure and can have him hard and wanting her immediately if that is what she desires or can make a simple, warm glow light in his chest that she chose him all those years ago and that she continues to choose him, even after sixteen years of marriage. Then, she sits at her vanity. Soft cloth and cold cream remove what little makeup that she does wear, making her look fresh-faced and not a day older than the first day they met. After the makeup is removed she takes her time brushing out her hair. It's longer than it was when they first met, reaching her mid-back though she usually keeps it up in a very classy chignon during the day and only lets it down at night. He kind of likes it that way. It feels like it's something just for them when he's the only one who can bury his hands in her hair before he kisses her like she's the air he needs to live. They usually don't talk while she gets ready and tonight isn't an exception as he watches her and she watches him watching her in her mirror, a grief in her eyes that neither of them are willing to put word to.
"I think I'm going to go for a walk, Peg," He says quietly, knowing that she needs some time alone. Later, when they've both had some time to process things separately they'll greive together, but for the moment they need their privacy.
"Don't be too long," She murmurs, the ghost of a smile touching her lips as she looks into his reflected eyes, understanding and thankful that he understands and accepts her needs and will take the time to see to how own as well, "And give Steve my love."
He crosses the room to her in two strides and waits as she turns around on the stool at her dressing table so that he can cup her face in his hands. She holds onto his wrists as he kisses her softly, putting at much love and affection as he can into it. Neither mentions the tears in both of their eyes when they open them again and he sets his forehead to hers to breathe in her scent.
"I love you, Peg," he whispers quietly, a promise, "Nothing is ever going to change that."
"I love you, too, James," her voice breaks slightly and he kisses her once more before he turns around and walks out of the room, not looking back, knowing that she won't thank him if he sees her at her weakest moment.
The air is cool and crisp, summer finally turning to autumn, as he steps outside of the brownstone they bought just after their wedding. It had been a purchase that he'd never in his life thought he'd be able to make when he was growing up, but the government had given them a lot of money to help keep them quiet after the war, and what the government hadn't given Howard had supplemented, calling it an advance for the new work he had in mind for all of them. When they'd bought it they'd assumed that soon enough the many empty rooms would be filled with the love and laughter of the children they both wanted desperately. And they'd tried. For many years they'd tried to have children. But, it had never happened. There had been a couple of false starts, where they'd hoped beyond hope, barely breathing, but their hopes and their prayers were never rewarded. It was just that morning that a doctor had told them both that due to their advancing age he was almost certain that their dream would never be a reality at this point and that it was better to simply let it die instead of hurt them any longer. He'd been kind, empathetic, and so very apologetic as he was giving them the news. Peggy had been stoic and James had taken his cue from her. Whatever emotion she wanted to show he would allow himself to show. As he had expected, she'd chosen to show none to the doctor, simply shook his hand and held James' tightly in her own as they walked back to the car. He'd felt how strong her grip was, how her body trembled in the effort to keep herself together. And now he will let her fall apart in private, as she feels she must, and then they will fall apart together and build each other up again.
But, it does hurt. He stops to lean against a tree and puts one hand to his knee, the other goes to his mouth so that he can bite his knuckle to keep most of his tormented cry in. He does not want to scare the neighbors. After all, they already look at he and Peg as if they are destroying the neighborhood by daring not to have children in their big, almost empty home. The tears come hot and fast down his face and he does nothing to stop them. He doesn't know how long it is before they slow and he takes a deep breath of the cool air to help steady himself again before he continues his walk. Though the tears have ended the grief is still raw and fresh as he makes his way to the cemetery. His feet know the path so well he doesn't even have to think as he walks through the rows to the simple stone that was the first thing he and Peg purchased when they got back stateside.
"Hey, punk," He sits on the ground and leans against the stone. He's never been able to break the habit of speaking to Steve like he's still alive, telling him everything that's happened, and, more importantly, how he feels about it all. He lets it all go, telling Steve about everything from his grief at their news, to their work, to his annoyance with their neighbors. By the time he's released all his had to say he's feeling lighter, less burdened, less hopeless. It's the same feeling that Steve used to give him when he was alive and with them. Steve was the most exasperating person that James had ever known, and the best friend he'd ever had. There would never be another like him in his life. He knows that Peggy feels much the same way. It was what originally drew them together after Steve's death.
"Peg sends her love," James stand, wiping off his backside before he turns back to the silent stone, "We both miss you something fierce, especially at times like this. We'll come by soon, put some flowers on your Ma's grave. Love you, Stevie."
He's feeling stronger, ready to help Peg in whatever way she needs, as he heads toward home. He's almost to the gates of the cemetery when he's rammed by what, at first glance, is nothing more than a shadow. Small, light, dark clothes, dark eyes, dark skin. A shadow that reaches into his pocket for his wallet and around his wrist for his watch at the same time. It's second nature to grab the kid by the back of his shirt, though he can tell by the indignant squawk and the way the kid's feet almost go out from under him that the kid isn't used to being caught. He's fast and he's tough, James has to give him that, as he struggles to get the kid in a better grip.
"Really?" He drags the kid around to his front so that he can bear hug him, trying to control him. The kid is as slippery as an eel and stronger than he looks. He gets a good kick into James' shin that he knows will bruise, and when James finally has him in the bear hug he throws his head back. James can feel his nose break, but manages not to let the kid go even has he shouts, "God dammit!"
"Let me go, motherfucker!" The kid yells, his voice high and scared.
"Not gonna happen!" James yells back, "So, just cool it!"
It doesn't take the kid long to calm down after that, though by the time he does they're both panting. James can feel the way the kid is trembling in his arms and by how skinny he feels, he's pretty sure it's not just adrenaline. Kid's half-starved and probably freezing. He doesn't dare let him loose, even though he wants to pinch his nose, now bleeding like a stuck pig. He's knows first chance he gets the kid is going to rabbit. If it was just about the wallet and the watch he knows he would let him, but the kid has to be desperate if he's looking for a mark after sundown in a cemetery in Brooklyn of all places.
"You get many marks coming out of a cemetery?" James asks, after they've both caught their breath.
"You'd be surprised," The boy sounds sullen and breathless at the same time, "You gonna call the cops?"
"Wasn't planning on it." James answers honestly.
"Then what are you going to do to me? Let me go, motherfucker!" For the first time James hears fear in the boy's voice and he tries to struggle again, but James can feel that he's too weak to put up much more of a fight.
"Hey…hey…" James gets a good grip on the kid's arms and turns him around so that he can actually look at him, "I know you don't have any reason to trust me, kid, but I'm going to tell you anyway…I don't hurt kids. Not in any way. Even cemetery thieves with foul mouths. I ain't gonna hurt you and I ain't gonna make you do anything you don't want."
He really truly looks at the kid for the first time and what he sees breaks his heart. The face is long and entirely too thin, sunken with what James assumes is a lack of food. One of the dark eyes is almost swollen shut. So, not only has this kid been starved, but he's also been abused. He's never really known much, but sure as he knows anything he knows that he wants to protect this foul-mouthed skinny kid, wants to take him home to Peg, feed him up, get him a bath, and make sure he's sleeping soundly and peacefully, away from the streets and whatever else he's gotten himself into. But, he also knows it has to be the kid's choice.
"Way I see it, you got two choices. One, you hand me back the watch and the wallet and I'll give you whatever cash is in it, but you don't get to keep the watch. It was a gift from my wife."
"What's two?" The kid asks, and James hates to see the wariness in his eyes.
"Two, you give me back my wallet and watch and I take you home with me. You get a good meal, a bath, a soft bed for the night. Hell, we'll even wash your clothes. And in the morning, we see what we see."
"And what do you want in return? Nobody does that kind of shit for free."
"Well, me and my wife Peg do. So, what do you say? We have beef stew at home. Some fresh baked bread. Maybe even a slice of pie."
He can see the way the kid gives in at the mention of pie and smiles when he lets the skinny arms go and the kid doesn't immediately bolt. They don't talk as they make their way back to the brownstone, but the kid whistles when he sees it.
"Normally this is the kind of joint I'd be casing," He says casually as they walk up the stairs.
"I don't doubt that," James says wryly as they walk through the front door, then shouts, "Peg! Peg, we have company!"
The kid jumps at his raised voice, but attempts to look as though he hasn't when James looks at him again.
"James Barnes, why the hell would you bring…" Peggy sounds about as angry as he's ever heard her as she comes down the stairs. Angry enough not to care what kind of face she's putting on in front of company, not that he can blame her after the day they've had. But, when she sees the skinny, slight boy James means of as their company she cuts herself off. She belts her long robe around herself and smiles the most warm, welcoming smile James has ever seen on her face. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the kid relax a fraction.
"Hello, sweetheart," Peg's voice is smooth as silk, "Dear lord, you look half frozen. Come into the kitchen and we'll get you something warm to eat. And then, a bath?"
And the kid who had walked just out of grabbing distance from James melts right into Peg's arm as she wraps it around his shoulder, looking up at her with adoring eyes.
"What's your name, sweetheart?" Peg murmurs as she leads him into the kitchen.
"Nick," he says breathlessly.
"Nick," Peg cups his face in her hand, not caring a whit for the dirt on it, before he bustles around the kitchen, setting some stew to warm on the stove and cutting a couple of thick slices of bread before slathering them with butter and placing them on a plate in front of Nick.
"Slowly now, my darling," She says quietly as the kid grabs for the bread and eats half of a slice in a single gulp, "Wouldn't want you to sick it all back up again. I'm Peggy and this is my husband, James," Peggy finally gets a good look at him and balks at the blood on his face a shirt, "Good lord, James! Go clean yourself up!"
"Hey, he did it!" He grins as he points at the kid to show him that there's no anger behind his words.
"If he managed to get the drop on you, underfed and cold as he is, then you deserved it!" Peg snorts and the kid smiles for the first time.
And it's like the sun coming out and blooming in his chest. He knows it's the same for Peg by the way she can't help but run a hand over the kid's hair before she moves back to the stove. He takes as little time as he can in their bathroom cleaning himself up. What he'd thought was a broken nose was really just a deep bruise and a lot of blood, which he's grateful for. Means he hasn't lost his touch completely. After he's cleaned himself up he gets a pair of soft, warm pajamas out and sets them in the guest bath before running a bath as hot as it can go so that when the kid is ready for it it'll still be warm. By the time he makes his way downstairs again the kid has already finished off his stew and Peggy is sitting at the table, watching him like he's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen as he finishes off a slice of pie and a glass of milk.
They leave him to his own devices for his bath, not wanting to disturb the little bit of trust they've gained and neither of them says a word as they wait for him, leaning against the wall. When he comes out again they can't help but giggle at how big the pajamas are on him and, after a moment, he giggles too. James bends to roll up the pant legs while Peg rolls the sleeves and they lead him to the spare bedroom just across the hall from their own. He's already blinking owlishly as the blankets are brought up to his chin. Peggy places a gentle kiss to his forehead and smiles as he relaxes into sleep. James turns out the light in the room, but, without saying a word, they don't head into their own room. Instead they sit on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite the door and look at Nick's beautiful peaceful face in the moonlight through the crack Peggy left in the door. She takes his hand and he smiles at her with tears in his eyes before he leans over to take her mouth in a kiss and neither of them has to say a word.