A/N: For this one, the prompts were Established Relationship and Arranged Marriage, which kinda oppose each other lol sooo, for this one, I'm having Kon and Tim be in a secret relationship. At a family get together between the Kents and the Waynes, they intend to come out- before Clark declares he got Kon engaged behind his back to the most wonderful girl, and gosh golly, won't Kon be pleased?

(Spoiler: he shan't)

Also, Jon is a Kon Stan and I have evidence!

(Okay, an Easter egg, but details lol)

(He legit has a poster of Conner and the Ravers in his room. Which, is, like… A really old Superhero team that Conner led. Any by very old, I mean Pre Young Justice. Le ancient times)

Published: 7/30/2019

Warnings: Mentions of canonical child sexual assault (FYI, guys, a 24 year old woman and a 30 year old woman banging a 15 year old is disturbing on all levels, and I have absolutely no idea how it made it into Conner's comic run for so long, but it did so I'm treating it as canon)

DC likes to casually pretend they didn't have Conner in two long term relationships with grown woman when he was a teenager, but it totally happened and Conner comments on it.

(Note that I don't really blame Clark for this, since absolutely no one commented on it when it was happening, but Clark's the only one left around who was there when it happened, so Tim's pinning it on him)

(Other parties include but are not limited to: Rex Leech, Roxy Leech, Dubbilex, Linda Danvers, the entire state of Hawaii, and possibly Lois Lane?)

Featured Character:

Tim Drake

Conner Kent

Supporting:

Jason Todd

Batfam

Superfam

Antagonist:

None

TimKon Week II - Secret Relationship

Tim's back hit the wall as Conner came at him with a growl, hands trailing along his skin, tkk ripping off layers of clothes. Lips latched onto Tim's neck, sucking hungrily. Groaning, Tim titled his head to give the clone better access before spreading his thighs to better accommodate Kon in between them.

Fuck. Fuck, it had been so long. It had been so long, and neither of them wanted to wait. Tim wasn't even sure why they were still hiding this from everyone else, but it did add a kick to the relationship.

The secret looks, the secret glances. Slipping away from everyone else. The risky sex where someone might walk in on them.

Like right here. Right in the manor, right under Batman's nose. It gave Tim a thrill to know they were doing this here, in the house of the world's so called greatest detective while the man himself was completely unaware.

Conner's hand came up to palm Tim through his pants and Tim let out an embarrassingly high pitched moan. It really had been too long since they'd done this. So, after the last mission, Tim had coyly asked Conner to fly him home.

They hadn't made it halfway to Gotham before their makeout session had gone from sweet and innocent to 'I'm trying to devour your soul through your lips', and Tim was enjoying it far too much. Absolutely nothing could ruin this mome-

"Holy mother of God, what in the fuck are you two shits doing in my room! MY EYES!"

Conner sprang away from Tim like an elastic waistband, wide eyed and surprised. Startled, Tim looked up.

There, crouched up against the headboard sat Jason, arms wrapped around his knees, face buried in his palms as he vehemently shook.

"Oh god. Oh god, I am never gonna get that image out of my head! Whyyy! What did I ever do to deserve this? Wait, don't answer that, I did try and kill Tim a few times… BUT STILL! You desecrate my brother before me, and while I'm glad little Timmy won't be a virgin for much longer because it means he'll finally get that perpetual stick out of his ass, I DID NOT NEED TO SEE IT!"

Oh gods. Oh gods, Conner had went through the wrong bloody window. Mortified, Tim's face went beat red. Then, the second half of Jason's words registered.

"You think this is the first time we've done this?" Conner, the dumbass, had to open his mouth.

Jason let out a high pitched squeal and renewed his shaking.

"Nope, nope. I'm not hearing this, I'm not here, this is a nightmare. A really vivid, really twisted nightmare," Jason chanted the words like a prayer. Then, pausing, Jason looked up. "Wait, the clone has dicked you down before and you're still an insufferable prick half the time?"

"I am not an 'insufferable prick'!" Tim denied, offended. "And, how do you know I'm not the one who tops?"

In response, Jason took one look at Tim, took another long look at Conner, then looked back at Tim with a single raised eyebrow.

"I will not stand for these accusations and this blasphemy!" Tim cried.

Conner blinked.

"But Tim, you like-"

Tim interrupted Conner by placing a hand over the clone's mouth. "Shh!"

Jason groaned again, burying his face back between his knees.

"This is punishment. I know it is!" Jason exclaimed. Then, looking up again, Jason glared straight at Conner. "You are using protection, right?"

Conner spluttered.

"Of course we are!" Conner said, offended.

Tim nodded his assessment, pulling out a Pokémon card from his pocket. "We've been completely safe." Tim informed his brother with a straight face.

Hey, if the secret was gonna come out of the damn bag, Tim was going to make the fucking most of it, thank you very much.

Jason stared at him for several seconds before, yet again, burying his face into his thighs and screaming incoherently.

"You know, when you told me you'd wave that goddamn Pokémon card at any person who might end up walking in on us, I didn't think you were serious!"

Tim looked up at his boyfriend innocently.

"Oh, but Kon, I always tell you nothing but the truth," Tim claimed.

Conner didn't even bother dignifying that with a response. Instead, with a snort, Conner pulled him in closer as the pair of them cuddled atop a cloud. Pressing his lips into Tim's hair, Conner smiled.

Tactile Telekinesis really had its perks. Admittedly, the first time they'd tried this Conner had lost concentration do to… Certain reasons… But, it had been a work in progress.

"You know, the first time I took a date up to the clouds, it was your sister," Conner casually admitted as he played with strands of Tim's hair.

Tim, who had slowly been falling asleep against the familiar tempo of Kon's heart, froze.

"You had sex with my sister up here?" Tim exclaimed, sitting up to glare at his boyfriend, unimpressed.

Conner snorted.

"Psh. No. We made out, like, once before deciding neither of us were really feeling it. But hey, I know how to treat my dates," Conner smirked.

Tim narrowed his eyes.

"You brought both me and Cass up here by your own admission."

"Untrue," Conner denied. "We're nowhere near Gotham and I seriously hope there isn't some satellite aimed at us right now."

Ah yes, because that was just the scandal Tim needed. Random satellite catches Wayne heir having wild gay sex with the son of Superman.

…

Actually, Lex fucking Luthor was a stalker of epic proportions, so Tim seriously hoped that wasn't actually the case. Tim wasn't sure what Conner saw in that man. Conner seemed insistent on his belief that Luthor could change.

Luthor had responded to that belief by bringing his sister out of a coma for the sole purpose of showing that he could before forcing her right back into it without a moment's hesitation.

Conner tapped Tim on the nose. Frowning, Tim shot his boyfriend and unimpressed look.

"You're making the 'thinking too much' face," Conner informed him.

Tim sniffed.

"I am not!" Tim lied. Conner responded with a raised eyebrow that quickly turned into a smirk. Suspicious, Tim eyed his boyfriend wearily before, without warning-

Tim oophed, face going beat red.

"Did… Did you just spank me?!" Tim demanded incredulously.

"Naughty boys get punished," Conner shrugged nonchalantly.

"Well, that certainly explains karma causing the pair of us to traumatize Jason for life," Tim conceded.

Conner pouted at him.

"Tiiiiimmm, I don't wanna talk about your brother's when I've got you up here and naked."

"You're the one who brought up Cass."

Conner opened his mouth before closing in with a snap. "Ah. True. Dude, I think we broke him." Conner snickered.

Tim hit him.

"It's not funny! We were trying to keep it hidden!"

"Please, you're the one who tramautized him further by waving a fucking Pokémon card at him and claiming we were using it for 'protection'."

Indeed, right before the sex Conner had created a nightstand out of clouds for the sole purpose of setting the card on. Absolutely no one was disturbing them this time, nuh uh.

"What if he tells everyone?" Tim continued.

Conner frowned before letting his hand drift down, cradling Tim's face.

"So what if he does? Would that be so bad?" Conner asked, voice soft and hesitant.

And, that was just it. While Tim had wanted to keep the whole thing hidden and on the downlow because he valued his privacy, Conner… Well, Conner had made his debut as a Superhero by running around in every direction proclaiming his name loudly for all to here.

Of course, part of that had to do with the fact that Cadmus wanted to hunt him down and stick him back in a cage and the best way to avoid that was by being as loud and boisterous as possible, but details.

Conner liked attention. He loved it. He'd spent a good year running around Hawaii, a bonafide celebrity that tried to inspire other kids around him.

Hell, Conner had tried going to High School with a public identity for the sole purpose of showing kids that even superheroes need to learn.

… It hadn't taken well, since Conner was a straight up target for Supervillains, but that was another story for another day.

The point was… Conner was a show off. He had always been a show off. Tim knew it. Conner knew it. Literally the entire state of Hawaii blatantly knew it, even if Conner hadn't set foot there in years.

Conner liked showing off. Conner liked being honest. Conner was the kind of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve not because he didn't know any better, but because he truly, genuinely wanted to.

Tim preferred to hide in the shadows.

Conner preferred to shine in the sun.

So, while Conner had agreed to go about this at Tim's pace, Conner… Conner had wanted to tell everyone from the start. He was the kind of moron that stood atop buildings and shouted his love to the heavens for everyone to hear. Conner was the kind of moron that wanted everyone to know, that had wanted to show Tim off. The kind of moron that had wanted to say, with a smile, that Tim was his and that he was Tim's.

But, Tim hadn't wanted that.

Tim had wanted to keep things secret. He'd wanted to keep things hidden. Tim hadn't wanted to deal with Bruce interrogating his boyfriend, hadn't wanted to deal with whatever snide remarks Damian would come up with, but, most of all…

Jon Samuel Kent was an utter adorable little ball of sunshine, but dear heavens, god forbid you do anything to hurt his brother and Tim was Not Readytm to receive the shovel talk from a goddamn ten year old.

But… Jason knew. And, while Jason wasn't a blabber mouth like, say, Dick, who was almost as bad as Kon (somehow? Tim wasn't sure, but there was a damn reason Kon and Dick got along so damn well), the more people in on a secret, the more likely it is to spill.

That, and Tim hadn't been able to resist to troll the hell out of his brother, so Jason didn't exactly have any real motivation to keep their secret.

(Elsewhere, Roy Harper sighed, patting a traumatized Jason on the back as he kept blabbering about the poor little Squirtle being forced to bear witness to unspeakable things and how they 'just have to save him, Roy, before they traumatized him even more'.)

So, while Tim did enjoy the thrill of a secret relationship, Conner… Conner honest to god hated it, Tim realized. He hated it and was pretty damn subtle about it too, because Tim himself hadn't realized how much Conner disliked it until now and oh god he was such a terrible boyfriend and-

"Hey, hey- Stop that," Conner bopped him on the nose again, startling Tim. "If it's too much, don't worry about it. We'll find some way to keep Jay quiet. I'll call in a favor with Kyle or something, he told me he had blackmail on him."

Tim blinked.

"Why in the hell would Kyle Rayner have blackmail on Jason?" Tim asked before shaking his head. "Wait, no, doesn't matter. Let's tell everyone." Tim declared before he could think himself out of it.

Conner shot him a look of utter surprise. A look of surprise and… Yup, there it was. Hopefulness. Tim really get like hitting himself for not noticing this earlier. Oh well. Better late than never.

"Are you sure?" Conner asked, voice hesitant. Tim had been the one to suggest they keep this secret, after all.

Tim bit his lip before nodding.

"Yeah. I mean, it's what you want, right?"

Conner frowned at him.

"Tim… It can't be just what I want. It has to be what both of us want."

"You wanted to tell everyone from the start and I didn't. That's why we kept it secret," Tim reminded Conner.

"Well, yeah, but that's different," Conner said dismissively.

Tim arched an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"I wanted to take things forward. You wanted to slow things down and go at your own pace. Do you have any idea what sort of asshole I'd have to be to try and force you to do something you had already told me you weren't ready for?" Conner stated bluntly and, okay, Tim had to concede that one.

"When did you get so mature when it came to relationships?" Tim asked.

"My first girlfriend was a 24 year old reporter that broke up with me several times because I was too 'immature' for her." Conner deadpanned.

…

"Kon… That's statutory rape."

"Wha- no it wasn't?!"

"You literally became an adult last year. Biologically, if we get technical. If we go by your actual birth date, you're like… Five?"

Conner beamed.

"You remembered!"

Tim hit Conner lightly on the chest. Not that Conner would feel it, but details.

"Conner, this is serious! When did this happen?" Because, Tim would have remembered if this shit had gone down right in front of him.

"Tana," Conner pointed out, pain attached to the name.

… Tana? Tana Moon? Tim actually did remember her, although only briefly. Tana had been killed following that incident with Klarion, where Klarion had decided to flip the ages of the Justice League and their protégés for shits and giggles. That had been the first time Tim had worn the Batman suit, and frankly, he hadn't liked it one bit.

Tana had been murdered in the chaos by a former employee of Cadmus gone rouge, who had inserted a bomb into Tana just so she could trigger it after Conner had rescued her.

Conner had been heartbroken about it for months, and Tim had just assumed it was because he'd lost a friend.

He wasn't sure how to compute that what Conner had actually lost was a woman who was sexually assaulting him for over a year behind their backs.

Holy hell, no wonder Superman hadn't caught onto their secret relationship yet, despite being an Orwellian nightmare of invasatory observational powers. He just hadn't cared enough to notice.

Wow. That was actually pretty sad when Tim thought about it too long, and had the same energy as Dick and Bruce not noticing Tim was spiraling into a depressive storm of trying to resurrect Conner a hundred times over.

"And my second girlfriend was a 30 year old Apokolitpian Fury," Conner continued, unaware of Tim's growing horror. "Although, Knockout wasn't so much my girlfriend? More of a fuck buddy, if we get technical. She taught me how to fight!" Conner beamed.

"... I'm stealing Bruce's kryptonite and beating Superman black, red, and blue." Tim declared, completely and utterly earnest in that sentiment.

"What? Why?" Conner, poor innocent naive Conner, asked.

Tim shook his head. Nah. He'd let Conner remain ignorant. And recruit Jason. Maybe. Jason was always down to beat the shit out of someone.

A side effect of dying unavenged, Jason had claimed. Although, from what Dick had said, Jason had been just as aggressive as Robin- the only difference now being that Jason was more willing to cross the line into killing people.

"Doesn't matter," Tim lied and got another spank for his troubles. Yelping, Tim glared as Conner wagged his eyebrows. Conner's hand began to massage where it had just struck and Tim had to stiffen a moan.

That… Okay, that had no right in feeling so good.

"Less talkey, more fuckey," Conner told him.

Tim gaped. "Did you seriously just say tha-"

Conner interrupted Tim by bringing him forward for a kiss. Screw it. Melting into Conner's embrace, Tim let himself just feel.

Jason sighed as he walked back in the Manor. It had taken Roy several hours and binge watching Disney movies to get Jason out of his funk. There are things no person should see, and your little brother five seconds away from getting fucked through a wall by their hunky clone boyfriend is one of them.

Tim and his unspeakable actions still resonated in Jason's mind. The horror. The utter horror.

Part of Jason was tempted to tell Damian that Tim was engaging in 'promiscuous activity before an endangered animal', but, while Jason was a douche, he wasn't that much of a douche.

"Jayyyyy!"

Speak of the goddamn devil! Jason turned as Tim appeared out of literally nowhere, tackling him to the ground. Jason cried out as he went down, Tim landing atop him, arms and legs wrapped around him in a vice grip to keep Jason from escaping.

"Replacement," Jason hissed, "Let me go!"

"But Jay, I wanted you to help me beat the shit out of Superman!"

Jason paused.

"... I'm listening."

Hours later found Conner dressed up in a suit.

"I'm surprised Bruce invited us to the Manor," Clark said as he combed through Jon's rather stubborn hair. "I mean, Clark me, not Supes me." Clark amended.

"Don't you get along with him as a reporter to?" Conner asked.

"My husband gets along with everyone," Lois declared, because it was true. Well. For the most part. Lex Luthor was one of the few, but primary examples of a person who intimately knew Clark Kent and still hated the utter shit out of him anyways.

Personally, Conner saw them as two sides of the same coin. Definitely not the way others would view it, Conner was sure, but he'd seen glimpses into other Universes when Superboy Prime had been busy beating him into a pulp at the North Pole. That weird tower they'd had set up to split the Universe into pieces had given Conner glimpses of other worlds.

One of the constants Conner had noticed was that Superman and Lex Luthor always, always, opposed one another. If one was good, the other was evil. They had a weird, creepy balance that echoed across all creation.

Which was why Conner was sure there was good in Lex. No one was 'pure' anything. Clark Kent was a good man, but he wasn't a pure man. Ergo, Lex Luthor was a bad man, but he wasn't purely evil.

Of course, Lex tried to disprove that at every turn, but Conner would keep working on him.

Either way…

The Waynes had invited them to a dinner!

"Can I play with Damian, mom?" Jon looked up towards Lois.

"As long as the pair of you don't run off on one of your 'adventures', I don't see why not," Lois shot her son a stern look.

Jon pouted.

"We are not that bad."

"You took on Kid Amazo without any backup." Conner chimed in.

Jon kicked him as Conner snickered.

"There," Clark finished with Jon's hair. "Okay, let's go."

"Young Master Timothy convinced you to set up this dinner, sir?" Alfred spoke.

"Yes," Bruce nodded. It had been a rather random request, but Bruce had abided by it. Tim rarely asked for anything, so Bruce hadn't seen the point of denying the request.

"Ah. So, young Timothy is finally going to admit that he and young Master Kent are in a relationship," Alfred concluded.

Bruce choked on his drink.

"Tim and who now?!"

Alfred did not answer. Instead, with a whistle, the aged butler sauntered off.

Well, Tim had done it.

He'd managed to get everyone to the table. Alright. Dick and Jason were bickering back and forth. Babs was flicking food at Cass who kept catching it in her mouth when she thought no one was looking. Damian and Jon were whispering to each other in low voices and everyone should be scared of that, honestly. Lois and Bruce were exchanging embarrassing Clark Kent stories back and forth, much to Clark's chagrin.

Okay. So far so good.

Tim exchanged a look with Conner.

This was it. They were gonna do it. They were gonna come out to everyone. They were going to admit their love to the people that mattered most to them.

Oh, and Jason too, Tim supposed, even if Jason already knew.

Beneath the table, Conner grabbed Tim's hand and squeezed.

Okay. Okay. Tim could do this. He could be honest with his family. They weren't going to judge him for it. They loved him. He knew that. He could do it. He could do this.

Just as Tim was about to stand, Clark beat him to the punch.

"Everyone, I'd like to make an announcement!" Clark called out. All eyes turned to Superman as he held out a wine glass, turning to smile at Conner.

… What was going on?

"Conner, I know I haven't been… The best father figure," Clark admitted, "at first, I didn't want to recognize you as my son. If I'm being honest, I felt… Violated, really. Lex Luthor took my D.N.A., without my consent, and made a baby out of it. I reacted poorly then, and I apologize for that. I realized I erred, and first and foremost, I want to tell you how sorry I am about that, and how moving forward I want to make things better."

…

Okay, maybe Tim would have to rethink his 'lets beat up Superman' plan. It was one thing to fuck up and continue fucking up. It was another to stand before your peers and admit it while apologizing, so maybe Tim would back o-

"Which is why I'm glad to announce that I found you a wife!"

Time itself froze around them.

Record scratch.

"What- what the fuck," Conner said, and Tim could not agree more, because what?!

Clark beamed, not reading the room.

"Well, potential wife? I wasn't going to accept a marriage proposal for you right off the bat, obviously," Clark rolled his eyes, which meant Tim wouldn't have to kill him immediately. "But, I have been talking with the leaders of New Krypton, and Alura thinks it would be a good idea for you to marry into one of New Kryton's leading families. It would help unify peace between both worlds. What do you think?"

"What do I- CLARK, I'M GAY." Conner declared, loudly.

Clark blinked.

"... No you aren't." Clark denied.

"Yes I am!" Conner insisted. "I'm the one who decides if I'm gay or not!"

"Conner, you can't be gay. You've been in long term committed relationship with several woman." Clark countered before tilting his head. "Okay, I suppose you could be bi. Or pan. Or something along those lines."

Conner opened his mouth then closed it again.

"Okay, fair point, I am attracted to woman, so I suppose that makes me only half gay," Conner conceeded.

"Cool! That doubles the number of candidates we can marry you off to!" Clark beamed as Conner spluttered. Lois hit Clark's thigh. Clark coughed. "That is, if you agree to it. No one's forcing you."

"No one's forcing him?" Jason repeated incredulously. "You just told the kid that one of the chief things you've got in negotiating peace between us and New Krypton is getting him hitched to a complete stranger!"

Tim took back what he had thought earlier. He loved his brother. So, so much.

"I can negotiate a different peace agreement," Clark said dismissively.

"I…" Conner looked around, slightly frantic.

Conner wanted to hit something. Preferably, Clark.

What in the hell?! Clark had great timing announcing this, too: right at a family get together that Tim and he and had planned to come out to everyone.

And they had. At least, Conner had. He hadn't meant to declare his bisexuality like that, but there it was, out in the open.

Clark really was putting Conner up between a rock and a hard place though. He could say no, of course, but that meant Clark would have to re enter negotiations with a society of Kryptonians they had only barely managed to talk out of destroying the planet. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

What was more important… Conner's happiness, or the greater good?

That was an idiotic question, of course. Conner was a Superhero. The answer was always…

Always…

Dammnit, for once, Conner didn't want to be selfless! Was that so wrong? Was it so wrong to want something for yourself, for once? Was that too much to ask for? Was Conner being selfish for wanting something for himself? Was he selfish for wanting to be with Tim?

"Screw it," Tim spoke.

Turning, Conner was surprised to see Tim had stood. When had he stood up? Conner hadn't even noticed. The next thing Conner knew, Tim was hauling him to his feet, lips smashing against his.

Conner let himself melt into his boyfriend's embrace, let his worries go for just a moment. Because this, right here? There was absolutely no other place Conner would rather be.

Nothing could ruin this moment. Not Clark and his marriage proposals. Not Lex and his crazy mechanizations. No one. No one in the entire wor-

"MY EYES! STOP DOING THAT IN FRONT OF ME, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!"

… No one except the screeching voice of Jason Todd, for the second time in a single day.

Tim pulled back, lips making a loud smacking sound as he turned his head to glare at Jason.

"Shut up and let me make out with my boyfriend in peace," Tim ordered.

"Wait… YOU KNEW!" Dick spun on Jason, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Around the table, several people sighed and… Started handing Alfred money?! Bruce was shooting Alfred a betrayed look while the Butler happily counted the bills.

"I know all that there is to know," Jason said solemnly.

"Wait, the rest of you didn't know?" Damian spoke up. Everything halted as everyone turned to stare at the youngest Robin. Damian squirmed a bit. "What? I thought it was rather obvious, with the way Drake kept mooning over the clone continuously like a pathetic maiden waiting to be swept off her feet."

"Hey! I did not moon!" Tim denied.

"And Kon can't stop talking about Tim whenever he comes over," Jon added his two cents in, agreeing with Damian.

…

"YOU KNEW TOO?" This time, it was Conner who exclaimed the words.

Jon stared at him.

"Conner, you doodle K + T on all your notebooks and put the letters in little hearts," Jon deadpanned.

Conner went beat red.

Tim pressed another soft kiss against Conner's lips before resting his head against Conner's chest. Considering Conner was only two inches taller than him, Tim had to crouch down slightly to do so, but details. Smiling, Conner held Tim against him.

"As you can see, Mr. Kent, if anyone is going to marry Conner, it's gonna be me." Tim declared.

Conner froze. Alfred froze. Everyone froze. Selina, who'd been busy robbing Bruce blind for shits and giggles and was currently up on the ceiling above them froze.

"... Did you just fucking propose to me?"

Tim eeped, jumping away from Conner, face turning red.

"I- Er- maybe- I mean, if you want, I guess, I don't-" Tim stammered, clearly flustered.

Conner interrupted him with a kiss. At this point, it was really starting to becoming their 'go to' action.

"I'd love to marry you," Conner told Tim with full sincerity.

Damian and Jason began to gag. Tim flipped them off.

"... I guess I'll just have to tell Alura it's a no go, then," Clark commented, smile spaying across his lips.

Tim flipped him off too for good measure.

Bonus:

Tim wasn't sure how he'd ended up tied to a chair while Jon Samuel Kent floated in front of him like some sort of possessed demon child, complete with glowing red eyes of death, but here they were. As Tim had predicted, he was being subjected to a shovel talk.

By a ten year old.

Dear gods, Tim was never going to live this down if his brothers found out about it. He really, really wasn't. Knowing his luck, Damian was probably wandering about somewhere with a bloody video camera recording the whole thing, though.

If this was the case, Tim would have to destroy the evidence. No one could no. No one.

"... and so, to conclude, if you hurt my brother in any way, shape, or form, they will never find your body!" Jon smiled pleasantly at Tim.

"... Everyone always says you're the nice one, but I know your secret," Tim, ever a dumbass, said in the face of imminent destruction.

Jon looked at him innocently.

"I am the nice one. I'm ten. I haven't even hit puberty."

Pshh, Damian was ten when he'd first tried to murder Tim and Tim, frankly, wasn't buying it.

"Now, excuse me, I need to go cuddle with my stuffed animals!"

Rainbows appearing out of… Somewhere, along with a multitude of sparks that seemed to just shine off the young Superboy. With that, Jon landed back on the ground, turned away from Tim, and skipped off.

…

"Are you gonna let me go?"

Jon didn't even bother answering the inquiry. Tim huffed. Great. Well, getting out of these bonds shouldn't be too hard. Jon might have gotten the drop on Tim, but he hadn't secured these ropes very well at all.

Idly, Tim wondered how Conner was farrying with his family, and if they were giving him a similar talk down.

Bonus.2:

Later that night, Lois cuddled up against Clark.

"I can't believe you got them to admit their feelings by pretending you'd gotten Conner engaged to someone from New Krypton."

Clark snorted, burying his face in his wife's hair.

"I can't believe Tim proposed like that. Did you see the look on Bruce's face?"

Lois snickered.

"I got a picture of it," she admitted, and Clark had to laugh with her because that? That was totally getting framed, and Clark was totally going to make a shit load of copies to pass around to the Justice League.

All was well.

Bonus.3:

Conner stared.

Tim stared back impassibly.

"... Why do you want to record the sound of us having sex?" Conner asked, which was definitely a genuine question, thank you very much. Conner could see recording a video for later use, which he'd be down for, but the fact that it was Tim asking it?

Tim, who hadn't wanted them to say anything to anyone for months on end?

Yeah, Conner was a little surprised by this. Especially since Tim only wanted sound bites. And a few rather specific lines, considering he was carrying around a literal script.

Tim help up a tape recorder.

"I already have Jason sex noises on this thing." Tim said, as if that was the most ordinary thing in the world.

"... Why in the hell do you have Jason sex noises?"

"I haven't listened to it," Tim said, shuddering at the very concept because, ew. "I wanna record you doing sex sounds, and me doing sex sounds, and then I'm gonna sneak it into the Daily Planet and leave it playing so low only Clark could possibly hear it."

"... Why?"

Tim sighed.

"Look, Kon, do you want to troll the fuck out of Superman or not?"

Fair point, Conner decided. He was in.

…

…

Lois frowned at Clark. For some reason beyond her, Clark was red in the face, hand gripping so tightly at his desk it was a wonder he hadn't broken it yet.

"Clark, honey, what's wrong?" Lois asked.

Clark, however, just shook his head. There was absolutely no way he was about to tell his wife that he could hear Conner getting double teamed by Bruce Wayne's kids while begging them to 'give it to me harder, guys, please'. There was also no way in hell Clark was activating any of his vision powers, because dear Rao, listening was bad enough and was going to give him nightmares.

Actually seeing it would be an image that would be ingrained into his head forever.

Elsewhere, Tim and Jason snickered, high fiving each other on a job well done.