Not Unlike this Storm
Thunder rumbled over the mountains at Garreg Mach, tumbling down into the valley with tremendous volume. Each clap brought forth a new deluge, lightning flashing against the silhouettes of the peaks for miles to come. The darkness of the night was surpassed without the comforting pale rays of the moon and the twinkling of stars.
Awaking with a start, one deep blue eye snapped open, illuminated in the motionless room by a white flash from the storm outside. Dimitri lie still for a few breaths, taking in his surroundings and allowing the shadows of his consciousness to be distorted and justified by the rolls of thunder and bursts of lightning. The shadows on the wall twisted and contorted, but as Dimitri tried to assign faces, memories and sins to them, they would dance away. He allowed himself to be absorbed into the logic of reality, although the solace reached not his heart nor his mind.
Drenched in sweat turning cold against his skin, Dimitri sat up, his feet planting on the floor silently. His shirt came off next, pulled over his head and gripped in one trembling fist. The storm continued outside.
Dimitri was not a fearful sort, but he was often disturbed by storms; ever since nine years ago… throughout the past five years… thunder struck his core, made him anticipate the worst and kept him on edge. As a boy he had found storms comforting, often soothed to sleep by their strength, the roars of the heavens more powerful than any man. As he had come to know thunders of a different kind, the roars of battle and the cries of the dead, he wished only for silence, a momentary breath without any sound at all.
The future king kept his hands on his knees, once pushing the tresses of blond hair back from his forehead. The bangs in front of his ruined eye remained in place, a substitute at night when he could not cover it. As he thought of getting up, the mattress behind him stirred and dipped as weight was shifted.
"Dimitri…" Dedue's voice came even deeper from the pulls of sleep, but he sat up all the same. "Where are you going?"
"Nowhere," Dimitri's own response came parched, his throat dry. He swallowed and cleared it quietly, gaze fixed on the floor before him. "I only needed to sit up."
The bed shifted again as Dedue propped himself up against some pillows, arm positioned behind him to support his weight. "What is the matter? Are you feeling unwell?" Dedue's large hand came to rest on Dimitri's pale shoulder, fingers gently brushing over the scars and skin beneath them. "Your temperature seems quite high."
"I'm fine," Dimitri insisted. "The storm woke me."
"I see," Dedue accepted his response with a nod, his own eyes soft with concern. "Would you like anything, water or tea perhaps…?"
A soft chuckle eased the worry in the room only slightly. "You would make me tea at this hour?"
Dedue moved his hand to Dimitri's other shoulder, in a subtle effort to have Dimitri face him. "I would do anything for you at any hour. You are aware of this, surely?"
"I am," the answer came accompanied by a tired smile.
"Then what is it that you need?"
Dimitri remained still, then tossed his shirt to the floor, finally turning back to face Dedue. "Just stay awake with me for a while." He swung his feet, returning them to their place under the covers, then changed his mind and kicked one out to better distribute his body temperature. Wrapping a strong arm around Dedue's middle, Dimitri's fist tightened against the fabric of his black nightshirt.
Dedue positioned his arm behind Dimitri's head to keep it nestled against his shoulder and wove the fingers of his other hand into his sunshine-blond locks. He stroked his hair gently, soothingly, with traces of memory guiding his movements. He listened carefully to the soft exhales of Dimitri's breath, too shallow to be asleep but weary all the same.
"You often have trouble sleeping, Dimitri…" Dedue's voice was hushed as he stated his observation. It was something that had been discussed before but had yet to be remedied. Dedue was displeased, if only due to his wish for Dimitri to get the rest he deserved.
"I do," Dimitri once again confirmed. "Tell me, Dedue… You have nightmares, do you not?"
Dedue nodded, humming softly in validation. "Yes. Not as often as I used to, but they return at times."
"How do you find sleep, when they come? I… cannot seem to ignore them." Dimitri's voice was smaller than in the day; he saved these vulnerable, tender confessions for moments alone with Dedue. He knew that Dedue would care for him and not say a word of it outside these peaceful, early hours. For now, Dimitri allowed himself to be held.
Dedue paused in thought. His pensive expression was illuminated briefly by the lightning from the window, and when he continued, his tone carried nostalgia. "My mother or older sister would tell me stories… We would get up and make something hot to drink, and I'd sit in bed while they spoke until I had finished. By the end, sleep came easily…"
Dimitri was very quiet. "My father would tell me stories, too." He took a shaky breath, fighting an onslaught of painful recollections; of times lost, and of regrets never to be alleviated. "It never mattered what it was about… the sound of his voice was what did the trick."
Dedue held Dimitri close, the warmth of his body a sanctuary, their embrace safe from the raging weather outside. "Perhaps… stories are not the solution here. They bring too many memories, and that is precisely of what you dream. Is that correct?"
A nod was the only response for a while. The grip around Dedue's waist tightened as Dimitri pulled himself closer, burying his face in the crook of Dedue's neck. He cowered from the outside world, from the shadows encroaching from the room around them, and the memories forcing their way back to his mind. Dimitri had convinced himself long ago that he would not succumb to fear. He had accepted his fate, his duties in life now merely consequences for his past actions, and inevitably what would be his end.
Yet, when Dedue held him like this, he felt restored. He felt loved, as if he had a life of his own, not bound by repentance and hatred. He wanted these moments to last for eternity, and it made him crave a future of peace, of solace. Like this, he wanted nothing more than to hold Dedue close and lie awake as long as he could in order to capture every perfect, breathless second with him. Dimitri considered himself selfish for longing only for a world for the two of them, but as he had vowed that he would not fear, he had also decided that he loved Dedue deeply. Any meagre words Dimitri conjured could not describe his feeling. From that, his fear blossomed anew.
With each passing day, Dimitri's indescribable love for Dedue increased; and with each day it grew, words became less and less fitting to tell him. Dimitri knew the danger that came with new dawns, and his dread came from a desperation to keep Dedue close. His touch, his affection, silent moments like this were all Dimitri had to offer, all he had to express to Dedue how precious he was. And Dimitri feared more than death itself what his life would be if he lost that. The regrets would eclipse any he had faced before; the loss would be more devastating than the world itself coming to an end. Dimitri had vowed not to fear, but he had no idea that he would fall so profoundly in love that it would vanquish that trivial decision.
Dimitri attempted to voice his anxieties into a question. "Does thinking of the future ever frighten you, Dedue?"
"It does not," Dedue responded assuredly. "Nothing in the future is certain, so there is nothing to be done. I do not bother worrying myself over something I have no control over…" He kissed Dimitri's forehead, feather-light and graceful in the quiet darkness of the room, while whispering, "And the only things that are certain will bring me joy."
Dimitri understood, he felt it deep within his heart with each thudding beat, as loud as the thunder disturbing the calm of the night. He still had the desire, the need to have Dedue tell him again. "Will you stay by my side then, for the future to come…?"
"I have pledged time and time again never to abandon you," the reply was quiet, full of truth and meaning too sacred to be spoken too loudly.
"But not as my vassal," Dimitri pushed. "And not as my friend. Will you stay by my side as my… as my…" Words caught in his throat, a dry swallow doing nothing to clear it. Dimitri did not know what he wanted, how to continue… He did not know what he needed Dedue to be to him. Only that he needed more of him every day.
Dedue understood. Moving his hand from Dimitri's golden hair, he began to rub comforting circles into the small of his back. "Do not pressure yourself for words, Dimitri. I understand."
Dimitri lifted his head so that his warm, loving gaze locked with Dedue's. He fell into those pale eyes, into their proximity and the longing reflected in his own. He knew only to act.
While Dedue's kiss was light, contrasting his strong, safe embrace, Dimitri's were uncharted; tongue and teeth compensated for the words he could not find. Every kiss, every bite, and every breath shared told a thousand promises, drafting one future. Dimitri could not pull Dedue close enough, could not get enough of his taste and his lips and the support they gave him. He was reminded with each kiss of how easily he would have shattered without Dedue by his side, how quickly he would crumble if he weren't here now.
Faces flushed and breath light, they finally separated. Dimitri nestled his face into the crook of Dedue's neck, enveloped in his warmth and the inviting smell of his skin – slightly spicy, perhaps from time in the kitchens. The gentle pulls of sleep finally came back, greeting him carefully with each slow exhale.
Dedue's voice was deep in his chest, soothing. "You are not unlike this storm, Dimitri."
"How do you mean, Dedue?" Dimitri's reply was sleepy, slurred and relaxed.
"You are comforting when you are ready to be… Here, listen now," Dedue paused so Dimitri could hear the pattering of rain on the roof, no longer startled by violent thunder; instead, accented by the hushed and distant rumbles. Of course, it was not nearly as frightening as before. "You are complex and fierce, but a blessing to the earth… and a wonder of it, too." Dedue's fingers once again found their way to Dimitri's hair, threading into it with reassuring certainty. "Storms are something I have always found the most beautiful."
Dimitri's heart swelled, warmed by the love he felt from and for Dedue. He envied talent with words, wishing only to reciprocate the poetic treatment with such ease. But when sleep overcame him, and he could not respond, Dedue gently pressed his lips to Dimitri's forehead.
With that gesture, Dimitri knew unconditionally that he understood. He knew that despite words, despite actions, Dedue felt every fleeting, perfect, joyous sensation that Dimitri could ever dream to share. While a storm passed outside the tiny room, only peace, comfort, and tranquillity existed in their embrace. Sleep came easily, safe in each other's arms. There was no need for stories, no need for anything more than each other. Together, they were enough. Together, they could find repose.
Author's Note: Hi Again!
I know that I posted like 12 seconds ago, but here's another one of my Dimidue pieces that I was keeping hidden away!
For those of you that don't actively followed my stuff, basically, I applied to write for a Fanzine called "Cherished"! It's entirely centered around Dimidue, and all of the proceeds will go to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
And I got accepted! So support it!
But also - have more of the boys!
Thank you so much for reading!