a/n: I enjoy the MCU but I started reading fanfics only recently and I just love Stuckony. A lot.
Warning, this is my very first Marvel fanfic, and I didn't really rewatch anything before writing this, so there might be some (if not a lot) of inaccuracy. I do try my best, though, so please be kind. x'D
English is not my first language, I do try my best to use the right grammar and words, but just in case you find it strange or like, wrong, that's the reason why lol
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! They make me want to write (and update) more so please leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed this~ Happy reading!
Contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark was not a proud man. It was quite the opposite, actually. He wasn't proud of anything he had achieved. He hated everything about himself, but that's so pathetic, so he hid. He hid behind arrogance and humor, he hid behind nicknames and science, he hid behind fame and money. Tony Stark has been hiding his whole life, and he wasn't planning to stop anytime soon.
Tony had a huge heart, and he felt more than he'd like to. He didn't like that about himself, how much he cared, how emotional he was.
It's really hard to love yourself when even the people who should have loved you didn't.
He loved his parents. Fuck, they could do anything to him and he'd still love them with all his heart. Which was pathetic, because they never loved him.
He was not stupid so he could conclude something as simple as that.
Tony hated how much his parents' feelings towards him influenced him. If they were still alive today, Tony was sure he'd still hope for them to love him, maybe someday in the future. Maybe when Tony created something so magnificent and amazing, something no one has ever thought of, when he achieved something that was impossible. Maybe then they'd love him, maybe then he'd be enough.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, they're dead.
And Tony was all alone.
Not that it was anything new, he'd been alone his whole life. Even when they were alive. Well, there was Jarvis, but he died, too. Tony has been alone for the most part of his life. Sure, there was Rhodey. His time in MIT was one of the most less-lonely time in his life because Rhodey was always there with him.
Pepper came, and Pepper left. Tony wasn't sure why he was so naive, how could he think that she would stay?
But it was fine, Tony was fine with it. He loved Pepper, and she was still one of the most important people in his life. He'd still die for her. A little part of him was glad that she left. Maybe now she'll finally get the happiness she deserved.
The Avengers happened, and new people barged into Tony's life. Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Thor, and Steve.
And Steve.
Tony wasn't even surprised when he first met the man and he hated his guts.
A lot of people did.
It was fine, it was what Tony wanted. It was proof that his walls were still intact, it was proof that he was still able to hide.
Tony was five when he was first introduced to the concept of Soulmates. He was thrilled. He was just a kid, so he didn't have his walls up. Heck, he didn't know that he needed to have his walls up. Yet.
The idea of someone else made just for you was wonderful. Tony thought that he didn't have to live his life alone. Now he just wanted to shake his young self and make him see that he was destined to be alone and that it didn't change anything.
Howard hated the concept of Soulmate, so did Maria—but Tony didn't really know that for sure. But he knew that Howard hated it.
He was 10 when he knew that they weren't Soulmates.
Everyone was born with an identical tattoo. A compass-shaped tattoo. And yes, you guessed it right, the compass showed you where your Soulmate was. Most people had one Soulmate, some had more than one, even though it was rare. Tony had more than one, he had two, so he had two arrows, two needles, whichever you prefer. One of them was blue, the other one was black. The colors were a mystery, no one has ever cracked what the color meant yet.
"Stark men are made of Iron," Howard told him. "We do not need Soulmates," he spat the word. "To feel complete."
Tony didn't talk to his dad much, because he was always busy, and he was always annoyed at him. He, however, remembered Howard telling him the same thing over and over again. Tony liked his Soulmark, he used to spend a lot of time staring at it. Whenever Howard saw him doing that, he'd say the same thing.
Something was weird about his Soulmark. One of his arrows was never moving, it would only move if Tony was moving, always pointing out to the same place. Tony wondered if it was broken because there was no way someone never moved for years. He then wondered if his Soulmate was dead, but then if they were, the arrow would disappear. His other arrow stayed still most of the time, but it moved around sometime, so Tony was sure one of his Soulmate was alive and well and... normal.
Tony grew to hate his soulmark. After that, he stopped looking at it. Most of the time he'd avoid looking at it, always using long-sleeved clothes wherever he went.
He loved his parents, and if not liking his Soulmark increased the possibility of them loving—liking him, then he'd do it.
That didn't happen, though.
His parents died, but he had Jarvis. And then Jarvis died, and he was alone. Tony still spent his time wondering what was wrong with him. Why no one seemed to be able to like him... except Jarvis, but he didn't count. Because Jarvis was Jarvis.
What is and always will be my greatest creation is you, Howard said, and Tony wanted to laugh, but he also wanted to cry. Because that was something Tony has always wanted to hear, it was a way of saying I'm proud of you, wasn't it? It was the words Tony has always wanted to hear, he would have given anything to hear that, and now he's hearing it.
But then, that was what he ever was. A creation, one of his father's achievement, something in the long list of Howard Stark's achievement.
Of course, Tony thought. That was why he never loved him. To Howard, he was something, not someone.
Tony ended up hating everything about himself.
He hated the fact that he was smart, because he was never smart enough. He hated the fact that he was rich, because it didn't feel like something he had accomplished, it felt like Howard spoon-fed him that, which made him feel incompetent. He hated how he looks. He hated how he acts. He hated the sound of his voice. The list was endless.
After years of struggling to find out what was wrong with him, he struggled to find out what was right with him to begin with.
After years of struggling to find out why no one ever loved him, he now struggled to find something to love about himself.
Pathetic.
That was the word that accompanied Tony all his life.
It was three months after the Avengers had moved in that Tony figured his life was fucked up. Scratch that, he meant even more fucked up than before. He was building in his lab, and Steve came in. He started doing that a few weeks earlier, he'd just come in and watch Tony build, sometimes engaging him in small talks, or just played with the bots. Tony didn't mind, so he let him. He was secretly relieved that Steve didn't seem to hate him as much as the first time they met.
The air conditioner needed a little bit of repairing that day, which was why it was a little bit hot. Tony rolled his sleeve in an attempt to decrease the amount of sweat his fucking body was producing. He froze when he saw his Soulmark.
The blue arrow was moving around. The blue arrow never moved, it only moved when Tony was moving, always pointing out to the same spot. Tony blinked and looked up to Steve.
He was following DUM-E around, chuckling at the bot's antiques. Tony's eyes darted back to the blue arrow.
It was pointing at Steve, following him wherever he went.
Tony just stood there, dumbfounded. The universe was definitely playing a joke with him. His whole life was a joke. Sure, Tony has come to dislike the idea of Soulmate, but deep down inside he was always curious. About who his Soulmates were. Will they like him? Will they be able to achieve the impossible, which was to love him?
Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
I know guys with none of that worth ten of you.
"—ny. Tony?" Steve's voice snapped him back to reality. Tony pushed his sleeves back in place hastily.
"What is it, Cap?"
Steve frowned. "Everything alright?" he asked. "You were zoning out."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Was thinking about the new design for my suit. Did you say something?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to grab some lunch," Steve said uncertainly.
Tony felt a lump in his throat. "No can do. Have a lot to do today. Maybe next time," He winked and focused back on what he was building.
"Oh, right, okay," He heard Steve said, but he didn't look up. "I'll, uh, ask the others, then."
Tony hummed, pretending that he was too immersed in what he was doing. Truth was, he was having a hard time focusing. His mind was whirling, and he was panicking. A little. Tony's head snapped up when he heard the doors closing.
Steve left.
Deciding that he wasn't—and probably will never be—ready to see the disgust on Captain America's face when he told him that he was his Soulmate, Tony decided to keep it to himself. He knew that Steve's compass had stopped working when he got the serum, everyone knew that because that much was documented. The arrows turned grey and just stopped moving. No one knew why, though. Maybe the universe were punishing him for, well, cheating. Defying the laws of nature. Or maybe the serum was flawed, Tony has no idea. Good thing Steve Rogers already found one of his Soulmates, Bucky.
Tony didn't have to be a genius to conclude that Bucky must've been his other Soulmate as well. It was the answer to a lot of his questions, his 8-year-old self would be thrilled.
Stark men are made of Iron.
Tony could still hear Howard's voice clearly. It was as if he was there with him, in the same room.
We do not need Soulmates to feel complete.
So Tony smiled and joked with Steve, but he never brought up anything about Soulmates. They got along well after the battle of New York. When Tony finally knew that Bucky was alive, he felt something breaking inside of him. He was glad that he was alive, but now he knew the end of his story. He knew that he will keep his Soulmark a secret for the rest of his life and watch Steve and Bucky being the happiest couple in the town.
Still, he and Steve got along.
That was until the Sokovia Accord was mentioned. Bucky escaped. Disagreement, disagreement. Tony tried his best to explain to Steve why they should sign it, he tried to listen to why he didn't think it was a good idea, but it ended up in a fight. Not bloodshed, but still a fight. Steve managed to escape, but the rest of his team was caught. Tony realized that he might've been wrong, so he went after Steve—to help him do whatever he was doing—only to find out that Bucky killed his parents in cold blood, and Steve has been hiding the fact from him all along.
Tony loved his parents, and his supposedly-Soulmate was defending his another supposedly-Soulmate who killed his parents without considering how he would feel, dismissing how he was feeling and just focusing on the fact that it wasn't Bucky's fault. Tony knew that logically, it wasn't.
But it was too much, he just found out that his parents were killed, and he also found out that Steve, his friend, knew it. But he never told him. And at that moment he just cared about Bucky.
Tony was sure he heard the universe laughed at him that day.
Of course he lashed out. He attacked Bucky, and Steve and Bucky fought back.
Which ended up in Steve running his shield into his arc reactor, destroying him and rendering his suit useless. Tony knew that he didn't need the arc reactor to stay alive, not anymore, but he somehow forgot it at that moment and he was terrified. His Soulmates—Steve and Bucky were going to kill him.
"He's my Soulmate, Tony," Steve said before he left.
If Tony wasn't frozen in shock, trying to calm himself by telling him that he didn't need the arc reactor to survive, he would have cried right then and there.
Stark men are made of Iron, he heard Howard's voice as if he was beside him, sneering at him, as if saying 'I told you so'.
We do not need Soulmates to feel complete.
I keep reuploading and my stories keep glitching... Can anyone tell me how to deal with this glitch :((