A/N: Set in the "Shattered" universe, takes place after "Bottom of the Bottle" and "Embrace the Pain". Definitely recommend reading those two first, just to avoid any confusion. BotB comes before EtP. Angsty Jibbs ahead, but it does level out. Hope you enjoy!

Never in a million years would Leroy Jethro Gibbs admit that he was struggling. Not about this. Certainly not to his wife, who had lost (at least physically) much more than he had. Yet as he sat alone in his basement nursing a mason jar of bourbon, looking at the skeleton of his newest boat, he finally allowed himself to admit that he was in pain. He'd tried to ignore it for so long, pretend that it wasn't a big deal, but he knew deep down that it was. It always had been.

The first week after it had happened, he'd spent his time worrying about Jenny. She'd been consumed by her pain and grief to such an extent that he wasn't sure he could reach her. Finally, she had allowed him in, walked him through the emotions spinning around in her mind, but he hadn't yet afforded her the same opportunity. Asking for help, admitting he needed help, even just discussing his emotions had never come easily to him, and it wasn't something that was going to change overnight.

He knew that she didn't believe him when he assured her that he was coping. Jenny knew him better than that. She also knew not to push him too far, and for that he was profoundly grateful. She'd backed off when she sensed that he wasn't going to open up, and he had appreciated the chance to work through the grief and shock alone.

Admittedly, though he knew it hadn't been anyone's fault, he felt angry at the loss. Jenny hadn't even known about the pregnancy until it was too late, and he knew that while she had never wanted children, she wouldn't have done anything to actively endanger the life of her baby. He was angry, not just for the loss of his child, but also for the chance to make things right. He'd always blamed himself for not being there when Shannon and Kelly had died, and he had thought (however foolishly) that perhaps he would be able to get it right the second time.

Life, it seemed, had other plans.

Jennifer Gibbs offered a weak smile to Agent Kenneth Fredericks as he dropped her off at her house, but her heart wasn't in it. He merely nodded, giving her a smile in return, and when she walked through the front door, she sighed as she shrugged off her jacket. She knew that her husband was having a difficult time processing the miscarriage, and while she was still trying to deal with it on her own, she was annoyed by his refusal to talk to her. He'd never been much for speaking, that much was undeniable, but she'd at least expected something.

They'd made a promise to each other months ago that they would stop trying to spare the other's feelings and communicate when they were going through a painful time. She was ashamed to admit that during the first week following the miscarriage, she hadn't come through on her end of the deal, but she hadn't known how. She was still reeling from the knowledge that she had, in fact, been pregnant and that it had been so suddenly taken away from her.

Even still, his silence was beginning to bother her in more ways than just casual annoyance. She felt as though they'd taken a huge step backward in their relationship, with both shutting the other out in a desperate attempt to shield them from pain. It hadn't worked then, and it damn sure wasn't working now. The only problem was...she had no fucking clue how to fix it.

As she walked down the basement steps, she frowned when she noticed the empty bottle of bourbon on the table. Though it might work to her advantage, she was still a bit irritated that he'd spent the better part of his night attempting to drown his pain in alcohol. Not that she had any room to talk. Surprising even herself, Jenny hadn't touched a drop of liquor in the direct aftermath of her lost pregnancy, and she would have been lying if she'd said she wasn't dying for a drink now.

"Jethro?"

He turned at the sound of her voice, but said nothing.

"What are you still doing down here? It's after midnight."

"Waiting for you," he answered simply.

"Why? Did I miss something important?"

He shook his head, taking a drink of his bourbon.

"Nope. Just weird not having you around talking a million miles a minute."

Jenny rolled her eyes, not returning his smile. When he noticed her sad expression, his smile disappeared, and he set down his drink slowly.

"Something wrong?"

She sighed, running her hand through hair that she would never admit was falling out due to stress.

"We need to talk."

"Last time I heard that from my wife, I got divorced," he remarked dryly.

"Jethro..." she paused, taking a deep breath to steady herself, "how are you dealing with this?"

He frowned again, looking at her seriously.

"With what? Did something happen at work?"

"For God's sake, Jethro! I—no, nothing happened at work. I meant with us. With the—with losing—"

She still couldn't bring herself to say it. She'd only spoken the word miscarriage once since it had happened, when she'd explained the situation to Cynthia, and it had nearly killed her. He didn't answer her at first and she sighed.

"Talk to me. I know this has to be painful for you. I want to help you through this, but if you won't talk to me, I can't."

He shrugged.

"Not me that needs the help right now, Jen."

She glared at him.

"Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare make this about me. You have to deal with this, Jethro. You can't just push it away and pretend like it isn't happening! If you keep ignoring it, it's only going to get worse. I told you that when Jackson died, and it's still true now."

He met her eyes evenly, noting the anger building and shook his head.

"I'm fine."

Reaching for the bourbon on the table, he couldn't hide his shock when Jenny pulled it from his hand and threw it across the room.

"Stop hiding behind your boat and your precious bourbon! Talk to me...please."

Her voice broke on her last word and he sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm okay, Jen. Nothing to talk about."

Her bright green eyes locked on his, and she was silent for so long that he wondered if she was ever going to speak again.

"How far?" she whispered finally.

"What?"

"How far do I have to go to make you understand? I need you to talk to me, let me help you through this. I know you're in pain, I can see it in your eyes, every time you look at me. I just can't keep living like this. I'm leaving the choice up to you, Jethro: if you won't talk to me, if you can't open up, I'm going to walk away. It's up to you to say how far."

She turned on her heel, not looking back once as she made her way up the stairs, and he stared after her in stunned silence. It wasn't until he heard the front door open that he realised how serious she was, and he ran for the steps, not even caring that he was barefoot. Just as Jenny turned the key in her car, he caught up to her, leaning through the open window and he looked at her seriously.

"Don't do this."

She shook her head, her eyes filled with tears that dripped onto the steering wheel, and she looked up at him sadly.

"I can't do this, Jethro. You push away every attempt I make at trying to help you, you won't even admit that you need my support, if I can't give you that, what am I contributing to this marriage? Why are we even in it?"

"You...Jen, you do contribute to this. You offer your support every single day, I just...I have a hard time accepting it. I told you a long time ago that I hate feeling weak, and I hate people seeing me when I'm weak. You more than anyone."

"You also told me that you would try. That very same day, that same damn conversation, you promised me that you would make the effort. You're not doing that now. And I just...I can't go through this alone, and it feels as though I am."

He reached through the window, grabbing the keys and turning off the engine.

"Come back inside. You're right. We need to talk, and doing it through a car window isn't going to work."

Considering him carefully for a moment, Jenny finally nodded and he immediately wrenched open the door. He grabbed her hand as soon as she'd stepped out of the car, as though he were afraid she was going to run, and just before he walked into the house, he tossed her keys into the front yard.

"What the hell, Jethro?"

"You can't leave if you don't have your keys."

Jenny rolled her eyes and he led her into the living room, sitting down on the couch. He was silent for several minutes, and just as she was about to ask him a question, he opened his mouth slowly.

"Jen...I know you're the one who's good with words, but you're right: I made you a promise to talk to you when I need help. I didn't do that, and I'm sorry."

She waited, still prepared to go out into the front yard and search for her keys if needed.

"I didn't want to say anything because I know you lost something, too. We both lost a child, one that we never even had the chance to know, and in a way, that makes it harder. We'll never know who that child could have grown up to be, what they could have done in life, who they would have looked like, or acted like...I lost everything when I lost Shannon and Kelly, and I still feel like it was my fault."

Jenny opened her mouth to protest, and he held up his hand.

"I know it wasn't. But I can't help the way I feel about it. I wasn't here when they needed me, and they died as a result. I thought...maybe, with us having a baby of our own, I might have a chance to make things right. To be a better father."

Shaking her head, Jenny reached for his hand, and she looked at him seriously.

"You were—are—an amazing father. To Kelly, to Abby, Ziva...hell, even Tori and Lana. They all love you so much, and rightfully so. You don't need to make anything right. You've already done that. I know if she could talk to you right now, Kelly would tell you that you were the best father any little girl could ask for. You were her world. And she was yours. You did everything you could to be the best father possible, and she loved you more than anything."

He stared at their entwined hands as she spoke and when he raised his striking blue eyes to hers, she was saddened by the pain she saw reflected in them.

"I didn't mean to make you feel like you were dealing with this alone, Jen."

"I know. But you've been acting like nothing happened, like this isn't just as painful for you as it is for me. It felt like you didn't care, but I know you do."

"Of course I do. And watching you go through that pain was hard. You scared the hell out of me, Jen. I thought I was going to have to bring in Ducky."

She nodded, moving unconsciously closer to him. He wrapped his arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"I know. But I didn't know how to handle it, so I didn't want to make you see me lose my mind."

He laughed bitterly.

"Looks like we had the same idea."

"Yeah, I guess we did."

Pulling back to look at her, he gave her a small smile.

"We're gonna get through this. Together. Just like we've done everything else. Okay?"

Jenny nodded and he looked at her seriously, sapphire blue locking on emerald green.

"We're okay?"

Smiling softly, Jenny leaned closer and kissed him in response.

"We're okay," she assured him quietly.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments and when Jenny slapped the back of his head sharply, he turned to glare at her in surprise.

"The hell?"

"You gave me permission to slap you when you refused to talk to me, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Forgot about that."

She waited no less a minute before slapping his head again and his glare intensified.

"What was that for?!"

"You threw my keys in the yard. I expect you to go find them," she answered primly.

"Hell, Jen...it's after midnight..."

"Get moving, gunny. That's an order."

"As Director or as my wife?"

"Both."

Nodding once, he stood up from the couch and headed for the front of the house. Jenny watched him with a small smile and shook her head as he opened the door.

"Jethro?"

He turned.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He flashed her a smile as he stepped out onto the porch and turned on the overhead light.

"Right back at you, Jen."

A/N: Let me know what you think!