It all started with a roll of duct tape, one of Tony's favorite three piece Armani suits, and the spray nozzle on the kitchen sink.
"BARTON!"
Steve jumped nearly out of his skin from where he'd been reading a book on the couch, turning to watch Clint slowly place the TV remote back on the coffee table, visibly holding back laughter as Tony stormed into the common area, a prominent wet spot darkening the front of his chest.
"Yeah, Stark?" Clint was still trying to contain his laughter, and Tony's eyes just narrowed.
"This means war."
Oh no. Thought Steve
The next time they go on a mission Tony is unusually quiet in the quinjet, and Steve can't figure out why until they touch down and Clint shrugs on his new quiver with a grin, "Oh I can't wait to try these new puppies out." With that, Clint jumped down out of the jet just in time to miss Tony's smirk.
This ought to be good. Steve thought, As long as it doesn't interfere with the mission…
With this in mind he made the decision to stick close to Clint, and was glad he did so when the enemy finally showed their faces. It was much easier to take down a gaggle of bad guys when most of them were trying not to laugh at the Tweety bird noises that kept coming out of Hawkeye's arrows.
"Fucking hell..." Clint loosed another arrow only for it to warble out the pennywhistle solo from My Heart Will Go On, "STARK!"
"Yes, darling?" Tony crooned through the comms.
"It's so on."
"Bring it, Legolas."
"Guys, can we please focus?" Steve sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle with those two.
It was a quick mission; the alarms went off at around four in the morning and everyone dragged themselves grudgingly out of bed for yet another round with Chemisto, who promptly shot himself in the foot and was sent back to prison barely two hours after escaping.
Steve made a mental note to check with the prison to see how that idiot kept escaping, but the thought was erased from his mind as soon as the quinjet touched down at the tower and they all collapsed back into bed.
It wasn't until the next day when he, Tony, and Nat were sitting at the table eating breakfast when Tony spit out a mouthful of coffee, and suddenly a newspaper was thrust in his face.
The headline read "Iron man rebranding?" Followed by a picture taken of Iron Man by a reporter while they were fighting Chemisto last night. The once red and gold suit was painted bright purple with the words "Property of Clint" scrawled across the ass.
Nat snorted and Tony glared at her, "UnbeliEVABLE. How did none of us notice that?"
"Maybe because it was four in the morning, Tony." Nat replied, still chuckling at the picture, "Our minds were still in our beds."
"And you," Tony turned to Steve, gesturing to the newspaper Iron Man's ass, "What do you have to say about this?"
Steve shrugged trying his best not to laugh, "Everyone knows whose property it really is."
Nat snorted again and Tony pushed away from the table with an indignant huff, "Well if you traitors will excuse me, I have a revenge plot to begin."
Steve watched him march away wondering if he should at least make an attempt to soften whatever scheme Tony was about to cook up.
"Don't bother trying." Nat chimed in as though she could read his thoughts, "Clint messed with the suit, he's as good as dead."
"Maybe Tony will be the better man." Steve suggested hopefully.
They both shared a look, and Steve sighed, "Yeah never mind, you're right."
In response to Clint spray painting all of his suits purple, Tony draws a mustache on him when he falls asleep on the couch.
"Seems a little tame for you." Steve raised an eyebrow at him.
Tony shrugged, "I'm planning something big; this is just to tide him over for a while. Throw him off the scent."
"Does it have anything to do with the reason why you asked Thor for a photoshoot with his hammer?" Steve raised his eyebrows, "Or do I have to be jealous?"
"Aw sweetheart," Tony turned to press a quick peck to his lips, cupping his jaw gently and smiling against his mouth, "You should always be jealous."
Steve felt all warm and fuzzy from the kiss, which is why he didn't register the words until Tony was already walking away.
"Wait what?" He blinked, "Tony, what's that supposed to mean?" He hurried after the genius who was already running down the hall, feeling a smile break across his own face.
"AHHH!"
Steve turned to see Clint's "severed finger"
"Oh my god!" Tony yelled, "I told you not to touch that!"
They were in the workshop, Steve occupying the old couch he'd dragged down there sometime before he and Tony had started dating. He'd picked it out of the garbage, of course, and Tony acted as if it were the worst blight upon humanity he'd ever seen, but it'd quickly become a staple that when Tony stumbled down to the workshop every morning Steve would already be there, sketchbook out and an extra cup of black coffee waiting.
Not much changed since they'd begun dating, other than the fact that they usually arrived at the same time now, Steve having been a rather positive influence on Tony's sleep schedule, no matter how often Tony pretends to be grumpy about the loss of time to work on his projects.
Today Clint had come down to the shop, supposedly to come collect Tony and Steve for team movie night, but was now making a mess all over the workbench.
"IT'S GONE," Clint was screaming, with what Steve assumed to be fake blood spurting out of his hand, "YOU CUT OFF MY FINGER!"
Tony looked like he was about to faint, and Steve sighed, turning back to his book, "It's fake, Tony."
"HAH got you!" Clint ripped off the fake skin to show Tony the fake blood capsule, and Tony just stood there clutching his chest for a moment.
"Barton."
"Yeah?" Clint missed the murderous look on Tony's face, still laughing at his own prank.
"I'm giving you three seconds-"
"Woah, hey man, put down the wrench… CAP!"
"Yeah just let me finish this chapter." Steve didn't look up from his book as he heard a loud clang and the sound of Clint screaming. He'd given up on trying to put out their fires around the time Clint switched out Tony's cologne with spray tan and Tony looked like a yam for three days.
Steve stopped in the doorway just before entering kitchen as he registered it's two occupants. If Tony and Clint were alone in a room together, the kitchen in particular, Steve was going to do his best to stay out of the splash zone.
As if in slow motion, he saw the hand at Tony's side twitch slightly, probably activating the magnet he'd implanted in his right palm. Sure enough, a moment later they heard a crash and Mjolnir came flying down the hallway directly into his outstretched hand.
Steve watched in awe as Tony looked Clint directly in the eye and said, "No one will ever believe you." Before walking off, Mjolnir in hand, twirling it to the tune of his own whistling.
Steve waited a moment before making his presence known, entering the room and making straight for the coffee pot. In his state of glee, Tony had completely forgotten his Captain America mug on the counter, so Steve heated it up in the microwave while he poured his own cup.
When he turned around Clint was staring dead eyed at the fridge, "Hey Cap?"
"Yeah, Clint?" Steve took Tony's mug out of the microwave and turned to raise an eyebrow at him.
"Does it ever scare you just a little?" Clint blinked up at him, "The things Tony is capable of?"
Steve smiled, allowing himself to glance over Clint's shoulder to where the handle of the fake, and currently deactivated, Mjolnir that Tony made was just barely visible where he'd hidden it earlier under the pile of blankets on the couch, "Every day."
A/N
I hope you guys liked this installment, the pranks are a little dumb but im working on about 20% brain capacity rn so this is what you get lol
Also! I was thinking about writing a long fic where Morgan goes back in time and ends up becoming a super hero without anyone knowign her real identity and saves tony at the end of endgame... would anyone be interested in reading that?