Sunday.
We open to a peaceful night as we see a man walking out on the street.
The man was walking whilst on his phone.
Man: No, no, not Tom Hanks. Why Tom Hanks?
But behind him was a shadowy figure.
Man: I mean, why couldn't it have been Michael Bay or Megan Fox or The President.
Suddenly the shadowy figure ran up to the man and punched him in the face.
The punch caused the man to drop his phone and fall to the ground.
Man: Ow!
The shadowy figure turned out to be Robert White.
Robert: That's for dissing my President!
Man: Fuck you Robert!
The man started looking for his phone.
Man: Fucking Robert White.
The man continued to look for his phone.
Until a foot stopped his search.
A hand reached out to the man.
Another man: Need a hand?
Monday.
Announcer: This is channel 5 news with Tom Pusslicker.
Tom: A good morning to you South Park. Our top story, family man John Fugya was murdered last night outside Tweek's Coffee. John was stabbed by an unknown assailant dubbed the The Business Killer, a pretty creative name for a serial killer. The Business Killer has so far killed 3 people and these murders have taken place outside business around South Park. The killer leaves a calling card by cutting the middle fingers off of his victims. The police still have no lead on who the killer is, nobody's been questioned or arrested. But the police are doing their best to find the culprit.
South Park police station.
The police were called in to a be accessed on their next cases or jobs.
Yates enters the room.
Yates: Alright people this is a serious case right here. We wanna prove to everyone that we're doing our-
Suddenly, one of the cops blew a raspberry.
Cop: I'm not listening because I'm high.
All the cops laughed.
Yates: Will you guys stop getting high while on duty? This is serious!!!
Cop: Come on Yates you need to mellow out man, just have a bud.
Yates: But-
All the cops blew raspberries.
Yates sighed.
Yates: Alright fine.
Yates pulled a bud out of his pocket and started to light it.
All of a sudden somebody took the bud out of Yates' hand.
Person: I don't think so.
The person was a man who looked like he was in his late thirties and beside the man was another man who looked like he was in his mid forties.
Man 1: I definitely don't think so.
The man put out the bud.
Yates: Who the hell are you? And why did you put out my bud?
Man 1: Sherlock Holmes and this is my partner John Watson.
Watson: Hello.
Yates: Are you here to report a crime or something? Or did Scotland Yard sent ya to arrest us for smoking weed?
Yates laughed, but the cops didn't.
Yates: Get it? Because weed is illegal in England?
Cop: Wait, Sherlock Holmes? John Watson?
Sherlock: Oh no.
Yates: What?
Sherlock: Three...two...one.
Cop: I'm a huge fan of your blog.
Watson: Thank you.
Sherlock: No autographs. We're-
Cop: Can we have a picture?
Watson: Why y-
Sherlock: No. I'm here to solve cases not amuse you.
Yates: I don't believe for one minute you're Sherlock Holmes. If you're "the Sherlock Holmes" than prove it. How about you try and find our donuts?
Everyone laughed.
Sherlock stared at Watson with disapproval.
Watson: Sorry.
Sherlock: Very well. I've looked around the office for a while and I noticed no donuts on any desks, so it's possible either of you ate them or they're in another room or there were no donuts in the first place because you wanted to make a mockery out of me.
Yates was surprised.
Yates: How did you know I wanted to make a mockery out of you?
Sherlock: Because the whole room was laughing at your terrible donut joke.
Watson: I found it funny.
Sherlock: I don't know how you did.
Yates: Ok, if you're Sherlock Holmes than make assumptions about us.
Sherlock: I would but this is just bloody time wasting.
Yates: But I need real evidence that you're Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock sighed.
Sherlock: Fine.
Sherlock took a deep breath.
Sherlock: Harrison Yates.
Yates: How do you know my name?
Sherlock: It's on your badge. There's a frustrated look in your eyebrows hinting that maybe your marriage at home isn't going strong at all. I know you're married because I saw a desk with a picture of you and a woman who looks around your age. You seem annoyed in the picture and the woman isn't happy either. There's a cop on by that desk tapping the finger between his middle finger and thumb on his desk quite frantically meaning that maybe he's in a rush to get home. That cop looks quite clueless and is smiling like a prat and his eyes look a bit funny hinting that he's high on weed. That cop is looking to his right even though he should be staring at me, so he's high on weed. That cop is more concentrated with the ceiling, high on weed. That cop looks like he's hallucinating so maybe he's taken a high dosage of the stuff. That cop...is high. And it makes me wonder is anyone in this bloody police station sober?!
All the cops and Yates were shocked.
Watson: Nice job Sherlock.
Sherlock: Thanks Watson.
Yates: So...why are you two here?
Sherlock: To buy you donuts.
Yates: That's it?
Sherlock: Of course not you twit, I'm helping you to solve the case of the Business Killer which is a dumb name for your information. Do you have a morgue? I feel the need to investigate the bodies.
Sherlock and Watson exit the room.
Cop: What an arse.
Intro starts.
Starring
Benedict Cumberbatch
Martin Freeman
Stan Marsh
Kyle Broflovski
Eric Cartman
Title card
Southlock
Created by Walter Bryan Cranston White
South Park elementary.
All the girls were excited.
Nichole: I can't believe he's here.
Bebe: I know. For a detective he's so cute.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walk past.
Heidi: Hey guys did you hear?
The guys stopped.
Kyle: Hear what?
Jenny: Sherlock Holmes is here in South Park.
Kyle and Stan were surprised.
Stan: He's here?
Kyle: Oh my God. I'm such a fan of his work.
Cartman: A detective? Why are you girls so excited about some detective?
Wendy: He's so attractive.
Stan: What?
Kenny: Can someone tell me who Sherlock Holmes is?
Kyle: Why is Sherlock Holmes in South Park?
Bebe: To investigate the Business Killer.
Nichole: Oh, he looks so cute when he investigates crimes.
Cartman: What's so cute about some British dick investigating?
Bebe: He's not a dick. He's a cutie.
Cartman: No, I'm cute, he's a dick.
Nelly: No you just described the opposite.
Cartman: Did not!
Nelly: Did to fat ass!
Cartman: Did not!
Kyle: Come on you two! Let's go, class is starting.
Cartman: Fine. But I can prove to her that I'm cuter than Sherlock Holmes.
They started to make their way to class.
Wendy approached Stan.
Wendy: So?
Stan: Look I get it it's just a small crush I'm not gonna get all-
Wendy: Not that Stan.
Stan: Well what is it?
Wendy: Do you have anything planned for our anniversary this Saturday?
Stan: Huh?
Wendy: Our anniversary. The most important moment in our lives?
Stan was shocked at what Wendy said because he had forgotten about his and Wendy's anniversary.
Wendy: Stan? Did you forget?
Stan: What?...That's ridiculous...Why would I forget the most important moment in our...relationship?
Wendy stares at Stan with suspicion.
Stan: Look Wendy, I promise I will book us a restaurant this Saturday. And I will get an autograph from Sherlock Holmes for you.
Wendy: Really Stan? I mean you don't have to. Anniversaries-
Stan: But Wendy, I wanna do something special for you so I promise I will get you that autograph. Now come on, I don't want us to be late for class.
Wendy: Stan-
Stan kisses Wendy on the cheek.
Stan: We can't talk too long.
Stan starts to make his way to class.
Stan: I promise I will get you that autograph!
Wendy did an annoyed sighed.
Wendy: He seriously doesn't need to.
Meanwhile at the morgue.
Sherlock and Watson were looking at three bodies.
Watson: Seems like ordinary stabbings but with the addition of the fingers being chopped off.
Sherlock: Do you feel the need to point out the obvious Watson?
Yates enters the morgue.
Yates: I got the information regarding the victims.
Sherlock: Oh good, you're doing something useful. Tell me something about the victims.
Yates: They're all criminals.
There was a long awkward silence.
Sherlock: Well?
Yates: Well what?
Sherlock: Anything else?
Yates: You told me to tell you something.
Sherlock: I obviously meant everything dumb arse.
Yates: Ok, all these bodies have a criminal record. But they're usually small crimes. The first victim, 17 year old Doug Hauser. Doug was arrested for vandalising public property. The 2nd victim was 43 year old Harry Barker. Harry was arrested for drink driving. And the final victim was 37 year old John Fugya. He was arrested for not paying his parking offences which he claimed he forgotten he had.
Watson: So Dexter Morgan is just taking out people who just committed small crimes?
Sherlock: How do you know it could be this Dexter Morgan? And you never told me you knew a Dexter Morgan. Is he a friend who kills people for making small offences?
Watson stood confused.
Watson: You honestly don't get that reference?
Sherlock: I don't have time for film or television Watson, I'm too busy doing what I love doing.
Sherlock begins investigating the bodies.
Sherlock takes a look at the chopped off fingers.
Watson does the same.
Watson: Jesus this killer-
Sherlock: Has OCD.
Watson: What?
Sherlock: Take a look at the fingers Watson. Do you notice it?
Watson: Yes, it's grotesque.
Sherlock: Not just that. Look at the way they are chopped off, they are all cut very equally.
Yates: Alright.
Yates speaks into his walkie talkie.
Yates: Men, I need you to put a search warrant for anybody who has OCD.
Sherlock rolled his eyes.
Sherlock: Bloody idiots.
Watson: So, now what?
Sherlock: I say we investigate the recent location of the murders. Fancy some coffee John?
Later at Tweek's coffee.
Stan and Kyle were there having coffee.
Stan: How in the living hell am I supposed to get an autograph from Sherlock Holmes?
Kyle: Simple, you just go up to him and ask for an autograph.
Stan: But what if he doesn't come here?
Kyle: Dude, trust me he will.
Stan: Why?
Suddenly they heard the bell, Stan turned to see who was there and he gasped.
Stan: Oh my God.
The person who entered the coffee shop was Josh Brolin.
Everyone cheered.
Kyle: Holy shit dude. I'm gonna go get his autograph.
Kyle gets out of his seat to get an autograph from Josh Brolin.
Stan sighed.
Suddenly Stan heard the bell ring again and the people who entered were Sherlock and Watson.
This got more cheers.
Patron: Oh my God! It's Sherlock Holmes and John Watson!
Watson: Hello.
Sherlock: Shut up! I'm here to investigate.
Watson: Is that Josh Brolin?
Josh Brolin: Are you John Watson?
Watson: Yes I am.
Sherlock: For Christ's sake. Come on Watson.
They approach the counter.
Stan: Holy crap, it's Sherlock Holmes. You can do it Stan. Do it for Wendy.
Sherlock rings the counter bell.
Josh Brolin approaches the two.
Josh Brolin: Hey Sherlock-
Sherlock: No autographs. If you want to talk to me about something that isn't important talk to my partner Watson.
Watson: Mr Brolin, I loved you in Milk.
Josh Brolin: Why thank you.
Richard: Hello, welcome to Tweek's coffee may I take your order?
Sherlock: Yes hi, I'm here to investigate the death of John Fugya.
Richard: On yeah, he was a prominent customer of mine. I'm aware of his death.
Sherlock: Yes of course you are. Do you know anybody that might have had a grudge against Mr Fugya?
Richard: No, Mr Fugya had no enemies at all, I mean he forgot to pay his parking rent, but it's just a little mistake about a lot of us can relate to.
Sherlock: Boring.
Richard: What?
Sherlock: You're not giving me any clues I can work with. I mean what kind of man doesn't have anybody who has a grudge against him? So, boring. Do you mind if I have a look round in the back? I feel the need to investigate there.
Richard: Not at all Sherlock.
Stan approaches Sherlock.
Stan: Uh Mr Holmes.
Sherlock: No autographs.
Stan: Actually it's not for me it's-
Sherlock: I don't do autographs even if it's for anyone or for anybody's friend.
Stan: Actually-
Sherlock: Please Stan don't.
Stan was shocked.
Stan: H-how do you know my name?
Sherlock: Your the child who went out jacking it in San Diego because of the failure of your anti-bullying video and you also made people aware that zip lining will bore you to death and also you and your best friend in the world Kyle Broflovski were guitar hero champs. That's how I know you and I didn't need any deduction.
Sherlock follows Richard into the back.
Watson was still talking to Josh Brolin.
Watson: And than turns out it was Sherlock's-
Sherlock: John come on.
Watson: I'll talk to you later.
Josh Brolin: Good luck on your case.
Watson: Thank you.
They enter the back.
There they see Tweek testing coffee.
Richard: How are they coming son?
Tweek: I feel the kick Dad.
Richard: Tweek you're gonna have a short break, alright son?
Tweek: Alright Dad.
Tweek leaves the room.
Watson: Child labour?
Sherlock: Child labour.
Sherlock starts looking around.
Sherlock: Cocaine, cannabis, coffee seeds. I hope two out of three of those things aren't part of the ingredient.
They continue to search the room.
After about 35 minutes, they came empty handed.
Sherlock: Ok, after much investigating, coming here was pointless.
Watson: But what about the drugs?
Sherlock: They're legal here. As much as I want to arrest people for that, I'm afraid I can't.
Sherlock and Watson exit the back.
Strong Woman: Oh my gosh!
Sherlock: Oh no.
Strong Woman: Sherlock Holmes.
Strong Woman and PC Principal approached Sherlock and Watson.
Strong Woman: I'm a huge fan of your blog.
Watson: Thank you. I-
Sherlock: Yes, thank you. Me and John are busy men. We have a murder to solve.
PC Principal: Listen Holmes and Watson, me and Strong Woman are wondering if you and Watson can come to our school tomorrow to tell our students about England if you two have time.
Watson: Ye-
Sherlock: No.
Watson: Sherlock, I think you need a break from solving crimes.
Sherlock: Watson. Listen as a much as I don't want to do it, I will not.
PC Principal: Not a problem.
Sherlock: Good, now if you excuse me, me and John are gonna be viewing the CCTV of the coffee house.
Sherlock and Watson are about to walk out the coffee shop until Stan showed up in front of them.
Stan: Sherlock-
Sherlock: Not now.
Sherlock and Watson exit the coffee house.
Stan sighed.
Richard approached Stan.
Richard: Do you want some coffee?
Stan: Yeah sure.
Sherlock enters the coffee house.
Sherlock: And Richard Tweek, I'm gonna need you to stay here because in approximately four minutes you're gonna be arrested for child labour offences.
Richard: What? What are you talking about?
Sherlock: Because it's totally obvious you're forcing your son to taste test substances he isn't allowed to drink until he's older. So, if I were you I'd start running.
Sherlock left the coffee house.
Richard: Honey, get the car, they figured it out!
Later.
Sherlock and John are looking at three monitors each showing footage.
Sherlock: See anything John?
Watson: Nope. Fast forward to the murder.
Sherlock: I can't get the footage of the murder because that footage was cut.
Watson: What?
Sherlock fast forwarded the footage and it just showed the lifeless body.
Sherlock: See? See that?
Watson: Shit. So, now what?
Sherlock: Isn't it obvious Watson? WeKre gonna stay here until we find something that interests me.
Watson: And how long will this take?
Sherlock: As long as it will take.
Watson: So-
Sherlock: Maybe a few days.
Tuesday.
Watson was using a laptop for a video chat.
Mrs Hudson: How's Sherlock doing in America?
Watson: He-
Sherlock: Hates it.
Mrs Hudson: And why's that Sherlock?
Sherlock: Watson can you tell her? I'm too busy.
Watson: To him, he thinks everyone is an idiot.
Sherlock: They are!
Watson sighed.
Watson: How's Mycroft?
Sherlock: Mycroft's probably busy.
Mrs Hudson: Well, I haven't been hearing from him a while. Maybe he's caught up with work.
Sherlock: Knew it.
Watson: How's Rosamund doing?
Mrs Hudson: Oh, she's doing alright.
Watson: Has she been giving you any trouble?
Mrs Hudson: Oh not really.
Watson: Is she having her nap?
Mrs Hudson: Oh no she isn't. She's-
Mrs Hudson lifts Rosamund up and puts her on the screen.
Watson: Hello Rosie, I miss you. Come on, you gonna give Daddy a smile?
Mrs Hudson: Are you gonna smile for Daddy?
Watson: Are you gonna smile for Daddy?
Sherlock: Are you gonna smile for Daddy? Are you gonna smile for Daddy? Are you gonna smile for Daddy?
Sherlock messes with the controls for a bit.
Sherlock smiles when he finds out what he's been looking for.
Sherlock: Of course!
Sherlock slams his fist on the table.
Watson: What? I'm gonna hang up Mrs Hudson I think-
Sherlock runs up to Watson.
Sherlock: Yes he's gonna hang up.
Sherlock closes the laptop.
Watson: Sherlock!
Sherlock: What? I found something.
Watson: What is it?
Sherlock: To the monitors and you'll see.
Sherlock and Watson walk up to the monitors.
Watson: What does me saying "Are you gonna smile for Daddy?" got to do with any of this?
Sherlock: While reviewing the footage I noticed the PC man we saw a few days at the coffee shop, at the locations of the murders. He's inside the three buildings where the murders took place and than this is footage after the murder, he exits the buildings without acknowledging the bodies.
Watson: But what does this have to do with me saying "Are you gonna smile for Daddy?"
Sherlock: Because at these locations he's on the phone saying "Are you gonna say hello to Daddy?" I know this because I studied lip reading.
Watson: Yes obviously.
Sherlock: And than after about 45 seconds, the murders happen.
Watson: So you think-
Sherlock: Yes Watson, he's ordering the murders.
Watson: But I thought men of PC culture were too PC to murder anybody from different cultures.
Sherlock: Maybe he went against his programming.
Watson: Maybe he-I'm sorry, programming?
Sherlock: Well, I kind of class PC people as robots since they always bully those who don't say anything correct.
Watson: You make a good point.
Sherlock: Yes I do. Thank you.
Watson: So, now what?
Sherlock: We're going to his school tomorrow. It's time we taught him a lesson.
Watson: Wow, nice pun.
Sherlock: What pun?
Meanwhile.
Tegridy Farms.
Stan was in his room looking at pictures of him and Wendy.
Suddenly Stan's phone started ringing.
Stan answered his phone.
Stan: Hello?
Kyle: Dude, I just got an autograph from Josh Brolin.
Stan: Yes good for you.
Kyle: What's wrong?
Stan: I didn't get an autograph from Sherlock Holmes.
Kyle: Oh that sucks dude.
Stan: I know.
Stan sighed.
Stan: It's hopeless. I'm gonna come out present-less.
Kyle: Don't give up on hope dude, you'll find something for her.
Stan: I don't know dude. Giving her jewellery will be kind of cliched. I feel like an autograph from her hero might hold much more meaning.
Kyle sighed.
Kyle: Look dude, if you can't get an autograph from Sherlock than just get her some jewellery. Ok dude?
Stan: Ok.
Wednesday.
South Park elementary.
Sherlock and Watson entered the school.
Sherlock and Watson approached Mr Mackey.
Sherlock: Excuse me-
Mr Mackey: Oh my God! Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock: Oh no.
Mr Mackey: You have no idea how much this means to me mmkay.
Sherlock: Where is PC Principal?
Mr Mackey: He's having an assembly in the gymnasium mmkay.
Sherlock: Thank you.
Sherlock and Watson start to make their way to the gymnasium.
Mr Mackey: Could I-
Sherlock: No!
Watson: I'll give you one.
Sherlock: No Watson.
Sherlock pulls Watson by the collar.
In the gymnasium.
PC Principal: I know allot of you are petrified of the coronavirus, so I think-
Sherlock and Watson enter the gymnasium.
Sherlock: Should stay away from people who have the symptoms, people who have been to infected areas and more importantly wash your hands.
The students cheer.
PC Principal: Sherlock Holmes and John Watson?!
Sherlock: PC Principal, I have come here-
PC Principal: So you've accepted my offer?
Sherlock: PC Principal I-
PC Principal: Why don't you and Watson tell the students about England?
Sherlock: I do-
PC Principal hands Sherlock the mic.
PC Principal: Give a hand to Sherlock Holmes.
Everyone cheered.
PC Principal: And his partner, John Watson.
Only about 6 students cheered.
Butters: Go Watson!
Watson: How disappointing. Come on Sherlock, lets just tell the students about England and get this over with.
Sherlock: Fine.
Sherlock and Watson start to make their way to the centre.
Sherlock (Whispering): The sooner we get this done, the faster we'll get to interrogate this PC arsehole.
Sherlock and Watson stood in front of the students.
They stare at them in awkward silence.
Watson (Whispering): Do you wanna start first or should I start first?
Sherlock (Whispering): You start first and if you say something false I'll correct you.
Watson: Ok, English culture. Where to start? Does anyone have any questions about England?
Butters: Is it true you eat sheep intestines?
Watson: No, that's Scotland. Us English usually like to drink tea or have fish and chips.
Sherlock: You're only telling them the obvious John. You should be telling them you should never go to England.
Watson: Why?
Sherlock (Whispering): Trust me John, this is part of the performance.
Watson: What?
Sherlock: England is a complete shit hole. You should never go there. Our Prime Minister is a daft twat, stabbings happen everyday, there's a lot of gangs that might kill you, there's a bunch of stupid wankers driving like morons.
PC Principal: Mr Holmes-
Sherlock: I'm not finished dumb arse! There's a huge Coronavirus outbreak there and over a thousand and something people are infected and around 1000 are dead and my idiot PM is doing nothing to put it on lockdown.
PC Principal: You're supposed to be telling the students about England in a positive light.
Sherlock: I was, my apologies. It's worth it to come to England just for the chips, the lovely countrysides and that's about it. The rest of it is a bit shit.
PC Principal starts to glare at Sherlock.
Watson: Um, any questions?
The students sat in silence.
Butters: What's a twat?
The principal's office.
PC Principal: What was that?!
Watson was sitting on a chair whilst Sherlock was standing by the door.
Sherlock: I was being honest about England.
PC Principal: But your portraying England in a negative light! You were supposed to portray it in a positive light!
Sherlock: You shouldn't be blaming me you weren't at all specific. When you say talk about England I could only assume you wanted me to speak to the students about everything, negative and positive.
PC Principal: But most of them were negative!
Sherlock: But some were positive, don't you-Hawk!
Watson and PC Principal were both confused.
Sherlock: I was practicing my bird calls. I do apologies.
PC Principal: Uh...apology accepted. Mr Watson, do you tolerate his behaviour?
Watson: Unfortunately, I have to.
PC Principal: Has he at all made you feel worthless?
Sherlock: What does this have to do with my behaviour?
PC Principal: Do you mind not interrupting me?!
Sherlock: Yes I do.
Watson: Well, not all the time.
PC Principal: Well does it happen?
Sherlock: Right, enough. PC Principal we are gonna be questioning you.
PC Principal: And why?
Sherlock: Because we are to assume you have caused the murders in South Park. Or to be more specific, orchestrated.
PC Principal: Why this accusation?
Sherlock: You see Mr Charles.
PC Principal: How do you know the name I was assigned to at birth?
Sherlock: Because I read the newspaper where you pushed a transgender woman.
Watson: Yes, that was a dick move. For a PC bloke that was very transphobic of you.
PC Principal: He was insulting Strong Woman.
Sherlock: Your girlfriend.
PC Principal: What makes you say that?
Sherlock sighed.
Sherlock: It's bloody obvious. Anyway, on the nights of the murders you were there, inside the buildings. I notice you on the phone saying "Are you gonna say hello to Daddy?". Than a few moments after that sentence, the murders happen. So PC Principal, what I want is for you to tell us who is the assassin?
PC Principal: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Watson: Trust me, he knows.
PC Principal: I have no time for this.
PC Principal gets off his seat.
Sherlock: Don't you dare leave!
PC Principal tries to open the door, but the door wouldn't budge.
Sherlock: I predicted you'd try and leave, so I locked the door. I did that bird call so you wouldn't hear the clicking.
PC Principal was amazed.
Watson: Now PC Principal, it's time you answer our question, did you or did you not orchestrate the murders?!
Sherlock: And please do answer us because Watson hasn't got all day.
Watson: I'm sorry what do you mean I haven't got all day?
Sherlock: Well you have regular hobbies whilst mine involve my job. Come on PC Principal tell us.
PC Principal: I am telling the truth, I did not do it! I wouldn't orchestrate a murder it goes against my culture! I would shame them, but not kill them!
Sherlock: Says the ti-
Watson: Sherlock.
Sherlock: What? He almost murdered that fat kid.
PC Principal: Micro aggression!!!
PC Principal punches Sherlock in the gut.
Watson: I tried to warn him.
PC Principal: Like I said, I did not do it.
Watson: But wait, when you exited the premises you weren't acknowledging the bodies.
PC Principal: I didn't notice them because I had a lot on my mind.
Watson: What were you thinking?
PC Principal: I had to some errands Strong Woman told me to do and I was trying to remember them.
Watson: Oh. Well, you're free to go. We are deeply sorry we wasted your time. Aren't we Sherlock?
Sherlock got up off the floor.
Sherlock: Yes I think we are.
Later.
Sherlock and Watson are walking down the hallway.
Watson: So you actually believe he's innocent?
Sherlock: For once, yes. He's an innocent man. I could tell. A man of PC culture would never hire anyone to try and kill people.
Stan approached Sherlock and Watson.
Stan: Excuse me?
Sherlock did an annoyed sighed.
Sherlock: Let me guess, you want my autograph?
Watson: I could give you an autograph.
Craig walks past.
Craig: No offence but no one gives a shit about you.
Watson: Oi!
Sherlock: He's right you know?
Stan: Actually, the autograph is for my girlfriend, she's a huge fan of you and this Saturday is our anniversary and it would mean so much to her if you could give her an autograph from her hero.
Watson: Aww, that's so sweet.
Sherlock: Sweet or not, I'm not giving you the autograph.
Stan: Please Mr Holmes-
Sherlock: Listen son, I am a detective not entertainment. Do you get it? I don't want to be seen as a celebrity, I want to be seen as a detective. Do you have any idea how much I hate the fame I've been given?! Everyone always treats me like I'm some form of entertainment, even when I try and help someone who's family member or friend was murdered they still want my autograph! So, I'm sorry you're just gonna have to disappoint your girlfriend!
Stan looked upset after Sherlock's rant about him.
Watson: Sherlock!
Sherlock: Come on Watson. We're gonna continue this investigation.
Sherlock and Watson exit the school.
Cartman approached Stan.
Cartman: I told you he was a dick.
Later.
Sherlock was in the monitor room looking at the monitors.
Sherlock: What am I missing?
Watson enters the room with a bag of Chinese.
Watson: I got the Chinese. Yours is the Yelper special.
Sherlock: Thank you John.
Watson hands Sherlock his Chinese.
Sherlock continues to stare at the monitors whilst eating his Chinese.
Watson: Find anything interesting?
Sherlock: This tastes like bogeys and spunk.
Watson: Not the Chinese, I meant the footage.
Sherlock: Nothing John. Absolutely nothing. Maybe the killer's as smart as me. Or maybe he thinks is.
Watson: What makes you think it's a he?
Sherlock: It's only an assumption John.
Watson: Are there any more suspects?
Sherlock: No, except for the guy who runs the City Wok. He's committed a lot of health code violations.
Suddenly Yates bursts into the room.
Yates: Holmes!
Sherlock: Yates, I need you to put out an arrest warrant for Tuong Lu Kim for a health code violation. He has attempted to poison me with bogeys and spunk.
Yates stood confused.
Yates: I'll look into that. But for now, we got a new murder.
Sherlock: Where now?
Yates: Tegridy Farms.
Tegridy Farms.
There were a lot of police cars and cops and journalists trying to take pictures.
Sherlock and Watson enter the crime scene.
Sherlock: Update.
Cop: It's a 10 year old boy. His name is Kenny McCormick.
Sherlock: Has he committed any offences?
Cop: Public urination.
Sherlock and Watson began to investigate the body.
Watson: Sherlock. Missing fingers and stab wounds.
Sherlock: Also a bruise on his eye. He must've put up a fight, but the killer proved to be a stronger match.
Suddenly Stan entered the crime scene.
Sherlock: Oh bloo-
Stan: Kenny!
The police try to hold Stan back.
Mitch: Son you need to stand b-
Stan: That's my friend! That's my friend!
Stan pushed his way through the police and approached Kenny's body.
Stan: Kenny!
Watson: Son, I'm gonna need you to stand back.
Stan: But that's my friend! Is he ok?!
Sherlock: He's dead. I regret to inform you that.
Stan started tear up.
Stan: Why Kenny?! He did nothing wrong!
Sherlock approached Stan.
Sherlock: No, no, no, no. He did commit public urination.
Stan left the crime scene to stare at the field.
Sherlock stared at Watson.
Watson: I think you should go and comfort him.
Sherlock: Why don't you do it?
Watson: I'm busy investigating the crime scene as well. You know I'm not here to make you look good.
Mitch: I thought you were.
Sherlock: Alright, I'll go and comfort him.
Sherlock approached Stan.
Sherlock and Stan stared at the field for a bit.
Sherlock: So, nice field.
Stan: I hate it here.
Sherlock: Yup, I hate weed as well.
Stan: Why did it have to be Kenny? He didn't deserve it.
Sherlock: Sometimes Stan, good people get killed. I'm not really good at comforting. I'm sorry if I'm making you more upset.
Stan: It's ok Sherlock.
They stare at the field for a bit.
Stan: I wanna find the guy who killed Kenny.
Sherlock: So do I.
Stan: Let me help you Sherlock.
Sherlock: Why?
Stan: Because Kenny's my friend and I wanna avenge his death.
Sherlock laughed.
Sherlock: What use can you be to this investigation?
Stan: I just wanna help.
Sherlock: I don't think that's gonna happen.
Thursday.
Watson and Sherlock were exiting their apartment.
Watson: So?
Sherlock: Yes, that Stan Marsh kid's coming with us.
Watson: Why? Because he's trying to convince you to give him an autograph?
Sherlock: No, he really wants to help us to solve the case of the murders because he's friends with the McCormick kid. Best part is, we're in a bet.
Watson: Bet?
Sherlock: Yes a bet. If I solve the case than he leaves me alone and if he solves the case than I give him the autograph for his girlfriend.
Watson: This seems kind of immature for you Sherlock.
Sherlock: Well I'm dealing with a child. We should be making our way to Whistlin' Willies, I promise we'd meet there.
Whistlin' Willies.
Sherlock and Watson enter the restaurant.
Sherlock: I also told him to not bring anyone else.
At a table Stan was waiting for Sherlock and Watson, along with Cartman and Kyle.
Sherlock: You have to be joking me?
Stan: I'm sorry Sherlock, they insisted they joined.
Later.
Sherlock, Watson, Stan, Kyle and Cartman were eating pizza.
Stan: What clues do we have so far?
Sherlock: Unfortunately none. Although our little friend seems to have a fetish for chopping the middle fingers o-
Kyle: What was the best case you ever solved?
Sherlock: What?
Kyle: Do you have a favourite case?
Sherlock: Lets see, uh...who should have a favourite case?
Watson: I did like the case of the Hound from Baskerville.
Sherlock: Watson! Right, back on topic. Again no cl-
Cartman: And there's the evidence.
Sherlock: What was that?
Cartman showed Sherlock the video.
Cartman: I found the evidence that you're a dick. I wanted to prove to the girls that you're an ass.
Watson: Do they read my blog? I mentioned quite clearly how much of an arse he is.
Sherlock: Yes. So, our next move is-
Kyle: Is Moriarty dead?
Sherlock: We're getting off topic.
Stan: Guys, I seriously think we should listen to Sherlock.
Sherlock: Yes, thank you. I think our next move sh-
Cartman: And more proof that your an asshole.
Sherlock: Are you finished?
Watson: I hope you are.
Sherlock: I think our next move should be-
Kyle: How did you actually survive that fall?
Sherlock: Watson specifically stated how I survived my fall.
Watson: Although I had to question, what would happen if it went wrong?
Sherlock: I've practiced. Never mind. Our-
Cartman: More evidence.
Sherlock: Right! We're going to Tegridy Farms. To question Randy Marsh if he actually had anything to do with the murders.
Later at Tegridy Farms.
Sherlock, Watson, Stan, Cartman and Kyle enter the house.
Randy: Hello, welcome to Tegridy Farms how can I help?
Watson: We're here to question you.
Randy: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a seat.
Stan: He's high.
Watson: How do you know he's high?
Stan: He's staring at the wall, not acknowledging us, eyes are-
Sherlock: Stop, deduction is my job. I knew he was high walking in. How long till he's no longer high?
Stan: How long have you been high?
Randy: Twelve minutes.
Stan: Ok, he should no longer be high in 3 hours.
Sherlock sighed.
Cartman: Do you wanna see Onward while we wait for him? Since that's the only movie theatres will show.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Uh ok.
Watson: Well it's something.
Sherlock: Nope. We're gonna wait here until he's no longer high.
Everyone groaned.
Sherlock: Hey, we're in this together. We might as well be doing something.
Later.
The gang were waiting.
Cartman was on his phone, whilst Kyle and Watson were throwing stones at the weed field.
Sherlock: So tell me anything or everything about your Dad.
Stan: Ok.
Later.
The gang were still waiting.
Kyle was playing with a skipping rope, whilst Cartman and Watson were on their phones
Stan: ...and that's about it.
Sherlock: Thank you.
Later.
Sherlock, Kyle, Stan and Cartman were playing cards.
Whilst Watson was making a phone call.
Watson: Yes...I don't think he likes it...you knew?...too many idiots he says...yeah, I'll try and put him on. Sherlock, do you wanna talk to-
Sherlock: No.
Watson: You don't know who it is.
Sherlock: I do.
Watson: Sherlock sends his love.
Sherlock: I don't.
Later.
The gang were still waiting.
Sherlock: Ok, I'm done.
Stan: Yeah, he should be done by now.
The gang enter the house.
Randy was about to light another bud, but Sherlock approaches Randy and pulls the bud from his mouth.
Randy: Hey!
Sherlock: Mr Marsh-
Towelie: Holy shit! That's Sherlock Holmes.
Watson stood confused.
Watson: Is that a talking towel?
Towelie: You're a towel.
Sherlock: He isn't made of cotton and doesn't absorb liquid, he's a human being. You on the other hand...
Sherlock starts touching Towelie.
Towelie: What are you doing pervert?!
Sherlock: You're made of fabric. Cartman, spit. I'm dry.
Cartman spat on Towelie.
Towelie: Hey!
Cartman laughed.
Sherlock: And you're absorbent. So, you're a towel.
Towelie: You're a towel.
Sherlock sighed.
Randy: So, what brings you here?
Sherlock: We're here to interrogate you.
Randy: About what?
Sherlock: Are you daft? The body.
Randy: What body?
Cartman: I'll be back.
Cartman exits the house.
Sherlock: There was a body last night outside your farm.
Randy: What do you mean?
Sherlock: You must be stupid!!! There were cops outside your house, didn't anyone tell you.
Randy: There were cops outside the house?!
Cartman returns into the house holding a baseball bat.
Randy: I...don't really know what you're-
Cartman hits Randy in the leg with the baseball bat.
Randy: Ow! What the fuck?!
Watson: What the hell was that for?
Cartman: I thought we were doing good cop/bad cop.
Watson: Me and Sherlock are usually the ones who do the job.
Cartman: Well it's gonna be hard to make a stoner to tell the truth. So...
Cartman hits Randy in the leg with a baseball bat again.
Randy screamed.
Sherlock: Somebody take the bat off of Cartman.
Kyle took the bat off of Cartman.
Cartman: Aww!
Sherlock: Go to Stan's room and we'll let you know when we're ready to go.
Cartman: No! I will not! I wanna abuse this stupid stoner!
Stan: Please do, hell I'll do it.
Stan takes the bat off of Kyle and wacks Randy with the baseball bat.
Randy: Son, you're grounded!
Stan: Fuck you Dad!
Sherlock grabs the baseball bat and breaks it.
Sherlock: Kyle, I need you to make sure Stan and Cartman don't do anything to abuse our suspect.
Kyle: Come on guys.
Randy was rubbing his leg.
Sherlock: Now Randy-
Kyle: You killed Kenny you bastard!!!!!!!
Kyle throws an apple at Randy's head.
Randy: Ow!
Sherlock: Right! John, keep an eye on Stan, Cartman and Kyle in the other room while I interrogate our suspect.
Watson, Cartman, Stan and Kyle walked into the kitchen.
Sherlock: Right, R-
Towelie throws a bud at Randy.
Towelie: I felt left out.
Sherlock sighed.
Sherlock: Right, did you murder Kenny?
Randy: No! Why do you think I murdered Kenny?
Sherlock: Because you're a terrorist and a murderer. You killed a bear.
Randy did a nervous laugh.
Randy: No. How do you know I killed Winnie The Pooh.
Sherlock: Who said the bear had a specific name?
Randy did a nervous laugh.
Randy: Ok. I did murder Winnie The Pooh, but that was in China, they never found me. But I didn't kill Kenny!
Sherlock stared at Randy.
Sherlock: You didn't do it. Despite the fact your an idiot.
Randy did a nervous laugh.
Randy: What do you mean?
Sherlock: You're a stoner for one. But more appropriately, the name of Tegridy Farms is dumb. Absolutely dumb. You're a criminal, a murderer, you treat your family like shit and if this was Britain you'd be arrested. Tegridy Farms should be titled integrity farms. As in t-e-g-r-i-t-y. You can't spell the last part of integrity.
Randy: I was trying to make people notice.
Sherlock: Yes, notice that you're an idiot.
Randy did a nervous laugh.
Randy: Fuck you.
Sherlock: You didn't have a clever insult so you just decided to say the f word.
Randy: No! Fuck you Sherlock Holmes!!!!! Get out!
Sherlock: Ok. Watson, Stan, Kyle and Cartman we're leaving.
Randy: Good! You British pussies!
Stan: Dad, three out of the five of us aren't British.
Outside.
Sherlock, Watson, Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking.
Watson: Now, I know you didn't tell us, but we went around looking for clues.
Sherlock: And?
Watson: Uh, no. We didn't find anything.
Kyle: Although I did find a pot of honey, spelt h-u-n-n-y.
Sherlock: Why?
Kyle: I don't know.
Stan: So now what?
Sherlock: We're gonna stand by the fence and watch the house.
Stan: Why?
Suddenly the police arrived.
Yates: Randy Marsh you are under arrest for killing Winnie The Pooh, you bastard!!!!!!!!
Stan: You got my Dad arrested?
Sherlock: Yup. Just say they murdered Winnie The Pooh and everyone will be on him.
Stan: Thanks. You're amazing.
Sherlock: You're welcome.
Suddenly a paper airplane flew into Cartman's eye.
Cartman: Ow! What the fuck?!
Cartman starts reading the letter.
Cartman starts scrunching the paper.
Cartman: Stupid Mr M.
Sherlock: Mr M? Give me-
Cartman throws the paper into the field.
Sherlock: The paper.
Sherlock ran into the field.
Watson: What did the letter say Cartman?
Cartman: I don't know. It said something about, you should give up. Signed Mr M.
Watson: Mr M? It can't stand for-
Sherlock: Moriarty.
Stan: What?
Sherlock: Mr M probably means Moriarty.
Kyle: But Moriarty is dead.
Cartman: Maybe he-
Sherlock: Still dead! He's still dead, somebody's trying to trick me into believing that he's alive.
Watson sighed.
Watson: Is he even dead?
Sherlock: Yes! Yes! Yes! He's dead! He's deceased! He's not alive! He's kicked the bucket! He's ceased to exist! He has gone to meet his maker! He is an ex person!
Watson: Alright!
Sherlock: If you excuse me, I have to think back at the apartment.
Sherlock starts to walk away.
Watson: You know, we can always take the car Sherlock!
Kyle: So, now what?
Watson: Children, I'm going to meet with Sherlock you do what you want and try and find some clues. It could really help.
Watson starts to follow Sherlock.
Cartman: So, where do we go?
Kyle: I don't know.
Stan: Maybe we could go to the crime scenes just to see if Sherlock missed some details.
They start to walk back to South Park.
Suddenly a black limo parks up.
Driver: Hey kids, need a lift?
Stan: Uh no.
Driver: You need to get in. My associate is in the back.
The boys stare at the driver.
Kyle: I don't know if we should trust him.
Cartman: Yeah! Tell Harvey Weinstein to piss off.
Driver: We have ice cream.
Cartman: Why didn't you say so?
Kyle: Cartman!
Cartman enters the limo.
Stan and Kyle soon follow to try and rescue Cartman.
Stan: Come on Cartman!
Suddenly the car door shuts and than locks.
Stan: Oh shit.
Across the three was a man dressed all in a fancy suit.
Man: Please have a seat on the seats behind you.
Kyle: Please don't rape or molest us.
The man laughed.
Man: Why would I?
Stan: Man, black car, promise of ice cream, sounds too suspicious.
Man: But I do have ice cream.
The man hands Cartman a small bucket of Ben and Jerry's.
Cartman: Ay! Where's the spoon?
Man: Oh I'm sorry.
The man hands Cartman a spoon.
Cartman starts to eat the ice cream.
Man: Oh I'm sorry, would you like some.
Kyle: There's no roofies in them right?
Man: Ok, I have had it with these bloody accusations. I am not a child molester. I'm what Sherlock likes to call his arch nemesis.
Kyle: Oh shit!
Man: What?
Kyle: You're a Moriarty!
Man: I'm not Moriarty, Moriarty is dead.
Kyle: Than who are you?
Man: Mycroft Holmes, I'm Sherlock's older brother.
Stan: What do you want exactly?
Mycroft: To give you a lift.
They stare at him.
Cartman: That's it?
Mycroft: That and also to offer my condolences to poor Stan Marsh who's own father was arrested.
Stan: How do you-
Mycroft: I'm part of John's contact list, so he's told me quite allot. And I would like to discuss to Stan about his pretty big gamble about working with my brother.
Stan: Ok. Are you about to tell me about how he's hard to work with? Because I've already figured that out.
Mycroft: You cannot bet with Sherlock, he's quite smart, so smart that it annoys me quite a lot.
Stan: Right.
Mycroft: And is this all for your little girlfriend?
Cartman: This is all because of Windy?! You told me it was because you wanted to prove he's a dick!
Stan: That we already know. Alright, me and Sherlock are in this bet, if I win than he has to give an autograph to Wendy. But if he wins, than I have to stay away from him. That and I also wanna avenge Kenny. It took me a while for me to convince him, but I wasn't the one who came up with the bet, Sherlock was.
Kyle: That seems kind of childish for Sherlock.
Mycroft: Exactly like him. Stan, I hate to tell you but you're not gonna win the bet, he's gonna solve the case before you. But if you want I can help you go one step ahead of him.
Mycroft hands Stan some files.
Mycroft: These are details Sherlock missed, every one of these victims were working at Moffat's.
Kyle: The warehouse near the docks?
Cartman: Why are you telling us that? We already knew.
Driver: I didn't.
Mycroft: Anyway Stan, I hope you win this bet so I can see the look on my brother's face. I know it sounds a little childish, but some people deserve to lose a bet.
Stan: Well thanks.
Mycroft: And I will do my best to help you, your Mum and your sister to find a new home.
Stan: Sweet, thanks.
Mycroft smiled.
Mycroft: You're welcome.
The apartment.
Stan, Kyle and Cartman are about to enter Sherlock's room.
Stan: I can't wait to see the look on Sherlock's face.
Cartman: I have the camera.
Kyle: I guess I'm looking forward to it.
Stan: What do you mean Kyle?
Kyle: I mean, couldn't you just get Wendy jewellery?
Stan: That's cliched Kyle and Wendy already has too much jewellery.
Kyle: But I still think it's stupid that we're going all this way to help Sherlock just for an autograph. I joined you because I thought it'd be fun working with my hero.
Stan: I'm also doing it for Kenny.
Kyle: But it's mainly for Wendy, Stan.
Stan: And Kenny. Look, Sherlock started the bet.
Kyle: And you got more excited for the bet because of Wendy.
Cartman: Just shut up Khal! I wanna see the look on-
Suddenly the door opens and it hits Cartman.
Sherlock: Figured it out!
A naked Sherlock exits the apartment.
Watson soon follows.
Watson: What do you mean? And could you please put some clothes on? The children are present.
Sherlock turns to acknowledge the children.
Sherlock: Children I figured it out.
The trio looked away.
Stan: We also figured it out.
Kyle: No offence, but you're a grown man flashing your penis at children.
Sherlock: Sorry.
A guy walks past.
Sherlock steals the guys cap.
Guy: Hey!
Sherlock: I'll give it you back.
Sherlock uses the cap to cover his crotch.
Guy: You know what? You keep it.
Sherlock: Thank you. I figured out the location. I found out that a lot of the victims have been working at Moffat's. I wonder if there's some kind of connection there?
Watson: Do you children know anything about Moffat's?
Kyle: It's a warehouse where they give people with criminal records new jobs.
Sherlock: Interesting. Do all the criminals have minor records or big records?
Cartman: All of them.
Sherlock: Right, we're going there tomorrow once all the worker's shifts end. Now, what were you planning to tell me?
Stan sighed.
Stan: Never mind.
Watson: Wow. Nice job Sherlock, now it will be nice if you put some clothes on!!!!
Sherlock: Alright fine!!!
Sherlock walked back into the apartment.
Stan sighed.
Kyle: Don't worry, we haven't solved the case yet so we might still have time. I believe in you Stan.
Cartman: I believe in you too.
Stan smiled.
Cartman: Mainly because I wanna see that British prick lose.
Friday.
Moffat's.
It was night and all the workers were just leaving the warehouse.
Worker 1: Lets get drunk.
Worker 2: No lets get high.
Worker 3: No lets have sex with each other.
Everyone stared at the worker.
Worker 3: Or not. Or not.
Every worker just continued walking.
All the workers than walked away.
Than Sherlock, Watson, Stan, Kyle and Cartman approached the fence.
Sherlock and Watson climbed up the fence.
Than Stan and Kyle did the same.
Sherlock: Alright, lets go.
Stan: Yeah.
Watson: What about Cartman?
Cartman was trying to climb up the fence.
Cartman: Shit!
Watson: Do you need help?
Sherlock: Lets not help him.
Kyle: I agree.
Cartman: Hey, help me out you British asshole!
Sherlock: Well maybe you could lose some weight, so do it yourself you fat arse.
Cartman: Hey!!!! I'm not fat!!!
Sherlock: You weigh at about 50 pounds so of course you're fat.
Cartman was still struggling to get up the fence.
Cartman fell off the fence, but he was still holding onto the fence, so the fence fell with him.
The fence was on top of Cartman.
Sherlock: Fat.
Cartman: Faulty fence.
Sherlock sighed.
Voice: There was a fence door.
Sherlock turned around and he saw none other than his brother Mycroft.
Mycroft: And it was unlocked.
Stan: Mycroft?
Sherlock: You know him?
Stan: Uh...
Mycroft: Yes and I know about the bet. A bit childish if you ask me, brother.
Sherlock stared at Watson.
Watson: He's actually concerned about you.
Sherlock: What are you doing here Mycroft?
Mycroft: You asked me to join you.
Sherlock: I did?
Mycroft: Yes, I'm quite surprised myself. I have the text right here.
Mycroft approached Sherlock and showed him the text.
Sherlock stood confused.
Sherlock: No, I would never text you in a million years.
Mycroft: Were you on drugs again Sherlock?
Sherlock: No. I don't even remember sending you the text.
Watson: What's going on?
Mycroft: I don't know. Sherlock, why are you acting like you didn't send me the text?
Sherlock: Because I bloody didn't.
Stan: Is this important right now?
Sherlock: Yes. Because some wise arse decided to hack into my phone. Who was it? I never told anyone my password.
Mycroft: Well, lets not waste time. We have a case to solve.
Mycroft, Stan, Kyle, Watson and Cartman start walking.
But Sherlock was standing confused.
Sherlock: Somebody broke into my phone and I'm gonna find out who.
Later.
They made it to a door.
Sherlock pulled the door handle, but the door wouldn't budge.
Mycroft: Locked.
Sherlock: Yes, thank you captain obvious. How will we get in?
Cartman: I have a stick of dynamite I could blow up the door.
Mycroft: And attract a lot of cops that we will be accused of terrorism?
Cartman: Whatever gets Sherlock locked up.
Sherlock: Ha Ha Ha. Very funny.
Kyle: Maybe we can ram Cartman through the door.
Cartman: Ay!
Stan: Yeah, his weight can help us get through the door.
Stan, Kyle, Mycroft and Watson laughed.
Sherlock: That isn't very nice. Mycroft you were like that at his age.
Mycroft glared at Sherlock.
Mycroft: Thanks for reminding me.
Cartman: Ok, I'm gonna punch the door.
Watson: I don't think that's gonna work.
Cartman approached the door.
Cartman: Trust me, it will.
Cartman punches the door and his wrist starts to hurt.
Cartman: Ow!!!! Mother fucker!!!!!!!
Suddenly the door opens on its own.
Everyone was surprised.
Cartman: See? It worked.
Stan: I think it opened on its own.
They enter the warehouse.
When they were inside they discovered it was ginormous.
Sherlock: Right this is a big place, so I suggest we split up and look for clues.
Watson: Alright Scooby Doo.
Sherlock: I'm with Stan, Watson you're with Kyle and Mycroft you're with Cartman because I hate you two the most.
Cartman: Ay!!!!
Later.
Cartman and Mycroft are walking down a hallway.
Cartman: So, you're brother is an asshole?
Mycroft: Oh you figured.
Cartman: Yes. I kind of see why you hate him so much.
Mycroft sighed.
Mycroft: I don't hate him. I can't hate my own brother it's kind of immature. I love my little brother Cartman, I just-
Cartman: Shut up I think I found a clue.
Cartman was standing by a desk that had a bunch of blueprints.
Cartman: What are they?
Mycroft: Blueprints.
Cartman: Really? I've always called them blue papers.
Mycroft: You're kind of dumb.
Cartman: No, I'm more intelligent than Sherlock and Albert Einstein combined.
Mycroft sighed.
Mycroft looked at the blueprints further.
Mycroft: These blueprints are for reanimating a corpse and these blueprints are for turning a person into a giant half spider thing.
Cartman: Sounds like a disappointing finale.
Voice: What the fuck are you doing here?!
Mycroft and Cartman turn around to see who it was.
Cartman: This explains everything.
We cut to Kyle and Watson are walking down a hallway.
Kyle: Look over there.
Kyle points to a a door that said "meat room".
Watson: A meat room?
Kyle: Sorry wrong door.
Kyle than points to a door that says "Room with a clue".
Watson: Seems obvious.
Kyle and Watson enter the room, but they discover a bunch of meat hanging.
Watson: It's just a meat room.
They enter the room titled meat room and they found a wall plastered with middle fingers.
Watson: Oh my God!
Kyle: Jesus Christ!
Watson takes a picture of the fingers.
Kyle: Why did you take a picture?
Watson: I'm sending these pictures to Sherlock.
Kyle: Why?
Watson: Because he needs to see them. Come on, let's meet up with Sherlock.
Kyle and Watson start running but stop when they see a spotlight shining upon a note.
Watson and Kyle approach the note.
Watson picked the note up and started to read it.
Watson (Reading the note): Missed me?
Watson and Kyle stood confused.
Voice: Did you miss me Johnny?
Watson and Kyle looked up.
Voice: Because I missed you.
Watson stood surprised and shocked.
Meanwhile.
Stan and Sherlock were walking down another hallway.
Stan was on his phone texting.
Sherlock: Wendy?
Stan: Huh?
Sherlock: You're texting the little girlfriend who wants my autograph.
Stan: Yeah. Was it a wild guess?
Sherlock: No I noticed you pressing your finger on the-
Stan: Stop. I shouldn't really ask when I'm around you.
Sherlock: So, do you and her have a good relationship?
Stan sighed.
Stan: It's fine for the moment, we've had some problems over the years, but we've managed to fix those problems.
Sherlock: Interesting. How did she get interested with John's blog?
Stan: She discovered it on the internet one day and she became quite obsessed with you.
Sherlock: Just like every girl.
Stan laughed.
Sherlock: No seriously the more John writes a blog about our cases, the more girls become attracted to me.
They reach a dead end.
Sherlock: Dead end.
Watson: Uh Sherlock.
Sherlock and Stan turn around to see Watson, Kyle, Mycroft and Cartman walking with their hands up.
Sherlock: You four, what's going on?
Cartman: We have bombs strapped to us!!!!
Stan: What?!
Kyle, Watson, Mycroft and Cartman remove their coats to reveal the bombs that are strapped to them.
Stan: What happened?!
Cartman: Well some rat and some dick hole strapped bombs on us and they really want Sherlock to choose.
Sherlock: But who's they?
Voice: I'm one of them.
Sherlock's face turns to shock as he has heard that voice before.
There was a figure in the shadows.
Figure: Quite convenient that there's a shadowy corner isn't there? It kind of builds anticipation to who this mysterious figure could be and than...
The figure exited the shadows and it is revealed to none other than the supposedly deceased Jim Moriarty.
Moriarty: The big reveal.
Sherlock: You can't be.
Moriarty: Oh turn off your brain and start to believe in the impossible for once Sherlock.
Stan: Who is that?
Moriarty: You're girlfriend's probably told me about you. Jim Moriarty.
Stan: How do you know?
Moriarty: I have psychic powers.
Sherlock and Stan stood confused.
Kyle: Really?
Moriarty: NO!!! Doofus!!!!!! I cyber stalk her on social media. Not in a Harvey Weinstein way more in a "I wanna kill every fan of Sherlock way".
Stan: If you lay a hand on her I will fucking kill you.
Moriarty: OOOOOOOOOO. I'm shivering in my boots.
Sherlock: You don't know how to stay dead.
Moriarty: Actually I do. I've been dead for a while, but I have a lot of fans and I was resurrected by my massive fan.
Another figure exits the shadows and it was none other than Mickey Mouse.
Mickey Mouse: Wow, revealing myself like that was actually satisfying. You were quite right about that Mr Moriarty.
Sherlock started chuckling.
Mickey: Now you little fuckers are gonna pay for-What's so funny?
Mickey notices Sherlock chuckling.
Sherlock: I just find it funny that mine and Mycroft's childhood icon is threatening us.
Mycroft started chuckling as well.
Mycroft: It actually is.
Mickey: Stop laughing! I have a chainsaw!
Stan: He is right about that.
But Sherlock and Mycroft continued chuckling.
Mycroft (Doing Mickey impression): I'm gonna rip your throat out.
Sherlock laughed.
Watson: Is anybody gonna explain the connection between Moriarty and Mickey?
Mickey: Ok, I will! During my time on the internet I was thinking of how I could own every company in the world. That was when, I came across Mr Watson's blog and I read all about Sherlock Holmes. His cases, his characteristics and his rivalries. But there's one thing that always interested me, Jim Moriarty. I was disappointed to learn that he was dead. But when I heard of the Super Adventure Club's method of resurrection I had to go and find them. I burst into a British morgue and stole Moriarty's body. I took him down to the Super Adventure Club's lair and they were much obliged to help me revive him.
Sherlock: How though?
Moriarty: They made the back of my head a bit cybernetic. I'm like Robocop, or Robojim. Sounds catchy right?
Mickey: They wanted to make Moriarty a part of their molestation adventures but I wouldn't allow them. They threatened me with death and I threatened them with my ultimate weapon, a lawsuit. They didn't wanna be sued and they allowed me to take him.
Moriarty: I was scared and confused, I touched the back of my neck and I realised it was quite cybernetic. But a few moments later, I was happy. But I didn't realise I had to work with the mouse.
Mickey: If Jim wanted to live he had to work for me. We had different plans. I wanted to get revenge on the people who didn't wanna be part of the Disney empire whilst Jim just wanted to do some killing. He wanted to kill people with a small criminal record, which I thought was quite bizarre.
Moriarty: And than we agreed to disagree. We decided to combine our little plans together.
Sherlock: But what does Moff-
Moriarty: I'm getting there. I bought the company in my own way.
Moriarty throws two eyeballs at Sherlock.
Sherlock catches them and throws them on the floor.
Moriarty: I didn't kill him don't worry. Those eyeballs belonged to a pig. On my first day as boss, I looked through all the worker's files and found out all about their little criminal history. And for the passing days, I killed the four victims but after the third victim I discovered you were put on the case. That made me very, very happy as you might've guessed.
Mickey: But I didn't want some big shot detective to discover our plans, so I sent him the note but you didn't listen and look at your four friends, they're all set to go boom.
Moriarty makes an explosion sound effect.
Mickey: Jim, I think they got the right idea.
Moriarty: So it's your choice Sherlock, are you gonna allow me to blow up your fat brother, the fat kid.
Cartman: Ay!
Moriarty: The Jew or your very best friend. Your choice. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Sherlock: I am not choosing.
Stan: You won't choose Sherlock, because I hacked into their bombs.
Mickey: What?!
Stan: I hacked into the bombs. Check.
Moriarty pushes one of the triggers and nothing happened.
Mycroft: That's impressive, how did you do that?
Stan: I have a girlfriend who does this and she taught me a few tricks.
Moriarty (Sounding disinterested): Oh no, the bombs are deactivated whatever shall I do?
Sherlock: Maybe you could come with us and-Wait, you sound disinterested. Is this a-
Suddenly some smoke started to come out of the supposedly deactivated bombs.
Moriarty (Doing Admiral Ackbar impression): It's a trap.
Mickey and Moriarty place gas masks on their heads.
Mickey: You can't stop us now, ha ha.
A few minutes later, Stan, Sherlock, Watson, Mycroft, Kyle and Cartman were knocked out by gas.
Later.
Sherlock, Mycroft, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Watson woke up, chained to a wall.
Stan: What the?
Cartman had chains, chained to both his arms and legs.
Cartman: Oh fuck! Not again!
Mickey: Oh fuck! Yes again!
Watson: What are you gonna do to us?
Mickey: I'm just gonna leave you hanging there ha ha. Get it? Hanging? Ha ha.
Kyle: Dude, how long were we up here for?
Mickey: You've been out for a while. It's Saturday.
Saturday.
Mickey: That's what I said. Stupid title card.
Stan: Saturday?' What time?
Mickey: The time is...6:25 PM.
Stan: 6:25?! I have 20 minutes till my anniversary date with my girlfriend!
Mickey: Well I'll send her your corpse as a gift. Ha ha.
Watson: Mr Mickey, I wanna know why did you wanna buy small business?
Mickey: Simple Ha Ha. I wanted to buy those four specific business for reasons that make me powerful.
Cartman: A powerful douche?
Mickey throws a can of tomato soup at Cartman's head.
Cartman: That fucking hurt!
Sherlock: Why do you think buying small business will make you powerful?
Mickey: Because they had something I didn't had, the ingredients for the ultimate potion that turns me into a God.
Sherlock: Ok, how did a simple murder case turn into some kind of magical jumbo?
Mickey: You should always expect the unexpected Mr Holmes. You see the ingredients to the potion will turn me into the most terrifying thing imaginable. The ingredients are the Tweek coffee, Tegridy Snow, the ingredient for the pizza at Whistlin' Willys and the Yelper special from City Wok. That's why I wanted to buy those businesses, so I could get the ingredients, ha ha.
Watson: Instead of buying them? If you wanted the ingredients, why couldn't you just buy the products?
Mickey: Do not question me!!!! So, when they refused me I sent Moriarty to kill one of the workers from Moffat's. But when Sherlock was arresting the majority of the owners I saw this as a perfect opportunity to go in and get what I need.
Watson: But what did killing those people gave to do with anything?
Mickey: I wanted my good friend Moriarty to have his fun. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go and start my attack on everybody on this fucking planet, Ha Ha.
Mickey leaves the room.
Mycroft: Well Sherlock, we're screwed. Thank you for bringing me along on this little suicide mission.
Sherlock: For the last time, I didn't send you the text.
Cartman: And it's your fault Stan!!! I'm gonna die here because of you. But on the plus side, Khal will die as well.
Kyle: Hey!
Sherlock: I will find a way out.
Watson: In this mess?! I'm never gonna see my daughter again because of you!!!
Sherlock: No! It's all Stan's fault we're chained here. If he didn't deactivate your bombs than none of this wouldn't have happened.
Stan: I wanted to save my best friend.
Sherlock: Well look where that got us.
Stan: I'm sorry.
Sherlock: To be fair, you wouldn't know anything about it so...
Stan: I'm just scared I'll never see Wendy again. Today's our anniversary and I don't want her to be disappointed. She might think I've disappeared if they don't release our bodies. She might think of me as the worst boyfriend and I don't want her to think of me as that. I've made a lot of mistakes with her, but today is the day where I can't screw up. It's such a special day for me-
Sherlock: Shut up I got it.
Sherlock unchained himself.
Sherlock: I was working my way out all this time.
Kyle: Why didn't you tell us?!
Sherlock: I like surprises. Now I'm gonna free all of you, except for Mycroft.
Mycroft: If you don't free me than there's gonna be trouble between you and the British government.
Sherlock: I was being sarcastic.
Mycroft: I can never tell with you.
Sherlock freed the rest of his alleys from their chains.
Sherlock: Come on, we gotta stop Mickey.
Mycroft: Shouldn't be hard, we'll just get the Cheshire Cat to go after him.
Kyle chuckled.
Later.
The 6 of them made it to what looked like Pennywise's lair from IT Chapter 2.
Watson: What is this?
The 6 of them saw Mickey mixing ingredients in a pot.
Kyle: I hope this is just some messed up cooking show.
Mickey: And there we go. I've done the mixing.
Stan: You may have done the mixing, but you're not gonna drink it.
Cartman: That's not a good joke.
Mickey points his gun at the 6.
Mickey: Not so fast!
Sherlock: Put down the gun you stupid mouse.
Mickey: No! Ha ha. Because when I put the gun down you'll arrest me. But when you arrest me I'll be out, because I've got 100,000 lawyers, I'll be out in no time.
Mycroft: Well there's gonna be a chance that we'll just kill you instead.
Stan: Yeah! So we won't have to see anymore live action remakes.
Everyone: Yeah!
Mickey: Fuck you, you still see those!
Watson: He's right about that.
Kyle: I'll still never know how we still see them.
Mickey: Enough! Ha ha. Time for your doom.
Mickey grabs a cup and dunks it into the liquid.
Mickey: Moments like these are the ones I've been waiting for.
Mickey downs the potion.
Mickey: Now we wait.
A few moments later.
Mickey: Wait a minute, this tastes like piss!!!
Sherlock: You drink piss?
Mickey: But why?
Moriarty: Because of me.
Suddenly the ground started to shake because something big was coming.
Moriarty: When you went into the bathroom I cleverly switched the potion with a pot filled with my piss.
Mickey: Boy you must've had some massive bladder problem.
Moriarty: I always wanted my return to be big, figuratively and literally.
Moriarty comes out of the shadow and it is revealed that he has grown to a massive size and his legs were now spider legs.
Moriarty: Hello!
Watson: Oh my God!
Moriarty: What do you think? Pretty epic right?
Stan: Kind of disappointing.
Mickey: Jim! What are you doing?!
Moriarty: Mickey. Oh Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, Mickey you should learn to never trust a Moriarty.
Suddenly Moriarty uses one of his spider legs to stab Mickey.
Mickey felt the sharp pain in his stomach.
Moriarty lifts Mickey up in the air.
Moriarty: This is for ruining my favourite Disney movie The Lion King.
Moriarty throws Mickey's corpse at the wall and causing his whole body to splatter.
Stan: Jesus Christ dude!
Moriarty: Wrong! But you might be meeting him soon.
Kyle: Run!!!
The 6 started to run away from Moriarty.
While running Cartman threw a rock at Moriarty, but when the rock hit Moriarty it shattered.
Moriarty: Ow! You seriously don't rock.
The 6 continued to get chased.
Mycroft: I hope you have a plan to stop Moriarty, brother.
Sherlock: Does anyone beside me have any bright ideas?
Watson: Nope.
Stan: I'm all out.
Kyle: Wait, this is similar to IT Chapter 2. Hold on.
Kyle stopped.
Kyle: Hey Moriarty, you're just a joke and a clown.
Moriarty stops dead in his tracks.
They pause for a bit.
Moriarty: That isn't very nice. Somebody's gonna need some manners.
Kyle started to run again.
Kyle: Ok, that didn't work.
They continued to run.
Cartman: I feel we're running around in circles.
Sherlock: We are! Because we have no where to go.
Moriarty: Exactly, because no matter how far you'll run I, Professor James Moriarty will catch up with you. Nothing can stop me.
Sherlock (Whispering): Cartman do you have the stick of dynamite?
Mycroft: He won't have. Moriarty searched us.
Cartman: Yes I do!
Cartman pulls a stick of dynamite from the back of his pants.
Watson: Were you hiding that one up your arse?
Cartman: Yeah! Anyone got a lighter?
Everyone: No.
Cartman: Goddammit!
Suddenly Stan sees a lighter near Mickey's corpse.
Stan runs to the lighter and grabs it.
Stan: Cartman!
Cartman grabs the light from Stan.
Moriarty: Roar!!!!! Roar!!!! Look at me!!!! Look how scary I am!!!!!
Cartman uses the lighter to light the dynamite.
Moriarty: Nothing can stop me this time!! Nothing!!!
Cartman: Eat this!!! It's better than chips!
Cartman throws the stick of dynamite into Moriarty's mouth.
Cartman: Score!!!
Moriarty stops dead in his his tracks.
Moriarty: Oh no.
Suddenly there was a bang and smoke came out of Moriarty's mouth.
Moriarty: OOOOOO. Toasty. Now feast the eyes on my extraordinary-
Suddenly Moriarty collapsed causing a loud bang and the ground to shake.
The 6 stood in silence.
Watson: Is he dead, finally?
Mycroft: He looks dead. The dynamite must've destroyed his insides.
Sherlock: Well he better be dead.
Watson: Yes! Because I've had it with the claims that he's alive! You hear me Moriarty! You stay dead!
Sherlock: Alright John that's enough.
Watson: No! No! No! No! No! No! If he isn't dead again then I'm gonna-
Sherlock: John take it easy, take a few deep breaths.
Watson took a few deep breaths.
Cartman: Yes! I did it! I was the one who got rid of the culprit!
Stan: I can't believe it I-
Sherlock: We both lost. That means you're never gonna leave me alone and I'll not give you the autograph.
Mycroft: I still think you're being a little harsh brother.
Stan sighed.
Stan: I'm sorry I wasted your time Sherlock.
Sherlock: Apology accepted Stan.
Stan: I gotta go. It's time for me to embrace the anger from my disappointed girlfriend.
Stan started to walk around the lair.
Stan: Where's the exit?
Buga Di Faggocini.
Stan entered the restaurant and saw Wendy at a table looking disappointed.
Wendy noticed Stan and got off her seat.
Wendy: Where the fuck were you?
Stan could only frown.
Wendy: Aren't you gonna explain?! I've been here for 32 minutes, hoping you'd show up sooner or la-
Stan suddenly started to hug Wendy.
Wendy was surprised.
Stan: I'm sorry.
Wendy did an annoyed sigh.
Wendy hugged Stan back.
Wendy: Why are you so filthy?
Stan: If I told you wouldn't believe me. I'm so sorry.
Wendy: It's alright Stan.
They stopped hugging.
Stan: No, it's not. I didn't get the autograph from Sherlock Holmes, no matter how hard I tried I failed. I-
Wendy: Stan, I told you before, well I tried to anyway. You don't need to get me anything for our anniversary, I just want you with me.
Stan: And I want you with me too.
Stan and Wendy took their seats.
Wendy: Do you wanna tell me why you're covered in-
Suddenly a waiter approached the two.
French Waiter: Champagne?
Stan: Do we look 21?
French Waiter: Not at all, the more I look at you. But the more I look at you, the more I realise you are filthy. What the hell happened to you?
Stan: Like I told my girlfriend, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
French Waiter: I won't?
Stan: No.
French Waiter: Maybe you'd seem more truthful if you had a witness. A witness like...
The waiter removed the moustache and glasses from his face to reveal that he's actually Sherlock.
Sherlock: Me.
Stan and Wendy were both surprised.
Wendy screamed.
The scream caused Stan to cover his ears.
Sherlock: Are her screams usually this loud?
Stan: Not this loud.
Wendy: Oh my God! Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock: Yes. Happy anniversary Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger.
Wendy: He knows our names!
Sherlock: Because your boyfriend has done his finest to help me solve a case.
Wendy: You helped Sherlock Holmes?!
Stan: Yeah that's-
Wendy: That's why you're covered in dirt.
Stan: Yeah.
Sherlock: He has told me how much of a fan of me you are and I wanted to meet you and wish you and your boyfriend a happy anniversary.
Sherlock hands Wendy a piece of paper.
Sherlock: Now, I have to get back to London. But I will allow a quick selfie.
Wendy: Stan, we're getting a selfie with Sherlock Holmes!
Sherlock: Come on, lets huddle together and have this picture.
Stan, Wendy and Sherlock huddled together to have the selfie.
Stan, Wendy and Sherlock smiled for the phone.
Wendy took the picture with her phone.
Wendy: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Sherlock: I must be off, but Wendy, please take a look at the piece of paper I gave you. Again, I wish you both a happy anniversary.
Wendy started to tear up.
Stan: Sherlock what were y-
Wendy leaned across the table to press her lips against Stan's.
Stan was very surprised.
Wendy disconnected her lips from Stan's.
Wendy: Happy anniversary Stan.
Stan: Happy anniversary Wendy.
Stan and Wendy went back to kissing each other whilst Sherlock just smiled.
Sherlock exited the restaurant to be greeted by Watson.
Watson: That was actually really sweet Sherlock.
Sherlock: Well I had to repay him some way for all the trouble he and I went through.
Watson: Still sweet nonetheless.
Sherlock and Watson started walking.
Sherlock: Have you got those tickets?
Watson pulled some airplane tickets out of his pocket.
Watson: Got them right here.
Sherlock: Excellent.
Watson: Yes, I actually booked them online and it was quite simple.
Whilst Watson was talking something caught Sherlock's attention.
Sherlock saw Kenny walking on the other side of the road which surprised and confused Sherlock.
Watson: -and that's why I should try it more often.
Watson noticed Sherlock looking confused.
Watson: Something wrong Sherlock.
Sherlock: The Kenny McCormick kid isn't dead.
Watson: Who's Kenny McCormick?
Sherlock: The fourth victim of the Business Killer.
Watson: What do you mean fourth? There was only three.
Sherlock stood in confusion.
Sherlock: It's nothing John, you go wait for me in the apartment and give me my ticket while you're at it.
Watson: Uh ok.
Watson hands Sherlock his ticket.
Watson: I'll see you at the apartment.
Watson started walking whilst Sherlock was standing on the street.
When Watson got out of Sherlock's view, Sherlock suddenly ripped his ticket in two.
Sherlock: Right Kenny McCormick, time to find out who or what you are.