"Rise and shine Sixer! We have important business to attend to today!"
Stanford slowly faded into reality. He opened his eyes to find his twin brother Stanley standing over top of him.
"Morning Stanley." he yawned.
"Remember what today is?" asked Stanley.
"If memory serves, today is the Vernal Equinox." replied Stanford.
"Well if that's what the first day of spring means then you're right." said Stanley. "And do you know what the first day of Spring means?"
"Of course. It means people will be baking pies for the First Day of Spring Festival held this afternoon." replied Stanford.
"Exactly, and when they leave them on their window sills to cool, it will be the perfect time to pull the ultimate pie heist." said Stan.
"I can practically taste those pies now." said Ford rubbing his polydactyl hands together.
"It's already 9 o clock so we better get moving." said Stan.
"Shall we draft a map of the best locations in the best order?" asked Ford getting up from his bed.
"I like it." said Stan.
Stanford walked over to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper and pencil from the drawer. "So if we start here at 9:45 and work our way—"
"Stanford, Stanley. You have boxing lessons in thirty minutes!" came the stern voice of their father from outside their bedroom door.
"Aw man, forgot about that." said Ford bowing his head. "By the time we get back the festival will have already started. And we'll have missed our opportunity."
Stan thought for a moment. "Hang on, I think I know how we can sneak out of our boxing lessons."
Stan, Ford, an Filbrick walked into the gym where the boxing lessons were held.
"Hey pop." said Stanley. "I know you usually stick around to watch us practice, but you should probably head back to the pawn shop. What with the Spring Festival about to happen you could easily draw in more business."
Filbrick scratched his chin in thought. "You make a good point." he said after a few moments. "Alright, I'll be back in three hours to pick you up, and don't try anything funny just cause I'm not here." he glared at Stanley through his sun glasses before exiting back the way they came.
"It worked!" exclaimed Ford.
"Now we just tell coach were using the bathroom." said Stan.
The twins walked into the boxing room and saw their coach scribbling on a clipboard.
"Coach," called Stan. "Could we use the bathroom. We have the runs."
The coach looked at the two of them blankly. He gave them a small nod of his head before looking back down at his clipboard.
Stan and Ford set their gym sacks that contained their boxing equipment against the wall. "We might also need this." said Stan reaching into his gym sack and pulling out a burlap sack. "In case we don't have the stomach room for every pie we steal."
As the two walked through the main gym room to the hall where the bathrooms were, Ford caught the school bully, Crampelter as he and Stan called him, eyeing the two of them with a vicious look in his eyes.
Ford was glad he wouldn't have to face off against him today.
Stan locked the bathroom door and lifted Ford up on his shoulders so he could open the bathroom window.
Stan carefully lowered Ford from the window to the ground outside. Ford then held out his arms to catch Stan as he jumped.
"Alright, let's get down to business." said Stan as Ford pulled the map out of his pocket.
"We're a little behind schedule due to having to get out of boxing lessons," said Ford. "But we should be able to make up for lost time considering how fast we'll need to run when stealing pies from Mrs. Brown."
"Let's do this." said Stan. Him and Ford fist bumped and ran off to the first stop on the map.
Their first destination was a corner shop owned by a elderly couple. Stan and Ford could both see a pie sitting on the sill of a second story window.
"We're going to need to boost each other off of the trash cans to reach the window." said Ford surveying their situation.
"No problem." said Stan. He climbed on top of the metal trashcan and gestured for Ford to come up too.
Ford climbed up and Stan lifted him up on his shoulders. Ford reached as high as he could, he started to feel the edges of the pie pan.
"Almost got it."
Ford was just getting a good grip on the pie when the trashcan below tipped and fell under their weight.
The pie flew off the window sill free of Ford's grasp. But Stan reacted just fast enough to catch it before it landed face down on the pavement.
"Whew, that was close." sighed Stan.
"Good save there." said Ford.
"The pie should be done cooling by now Frank." came a voice from inside the window. Stan and Ford looked at each other before they took off running, Stan nestling the pie under his arm like a football.
They ducked into a small alley halfway down the block and started to chow down on their score.
"Mmmm. This banana cream is amazing." said Ford.
"You can say that again." said Stan licking pie crumbs off his fingers.
"Alright. Let's keep moving." said Ford pulling out the map.
The twins next stopped at a Tailor's shop near the coast.
"Nice and easy." said Stan eyeing the pie sitting on a first floor window. He walked up to the window, taking a brief look through it to make sure nobody would see him.
As Stan was grabbing the pie, Ford heard the front door to the shop open from around the corner. He peered his head around and sure enough saw two men exiting the shop and heading in their in their direction.
"Stanley. Code Red." said Ford in a frantic whisper.
Stan turned his head toward Ford, he quickly tucked the pie into his sack and whispered to Ford.
"You know my wife always buys them in the wrong color so I have to—" the man stopped talking as he glanced down the small alleyway.
The other man turned to see what he was looking at.
"What are kids doing?" asked the first man.
"We're playing cops and robbers." replied Stan. He had his burlap sack over his back like a criminal in a cartoon would carry it.
"You're under arrest." said Ford confidently. He then grabbed Stan's wrists and held them behind his back.
"Why in the alleyway?" asked the other man.
"They alleyway is always where the bad guy gets cornered." said Ford.
The two men shrugged and then kept walking. Stan and Ford sighed in relief as they left the alley and headed down the road.
"What flavor did we get this time?" asked Ford.
"Cherry."
"Marvelous."
Ford scooped a few handfuls of cherry pie in his mouth as they headed toward a small cottage which was their next stop.
"Mrs. Brown." said Stan. "The craziest and meanest old lady in the Lead Paint District."
"But also the best pie baker in the Lead Paint District." said Ford.
The two army crawled through the small patches of sandy grass that made up the front yard before standing up against the wood of the house.
Stan signaled for Ford to go around the opposite direction as him. The two met once they had each traveled half the house's perimeter. They crouched right below the window they knew a pie would be sitting on.
Stan nodded to Ford as he reached his hands up. Ford heard the sound of a whack as Stan pulled his hands back down, gripping one of them in pain.
"Pie thief!" they heard the voice of an older woman shout.
"Mrs. Brown." gulped Ford in his head.
Stan slowly raised his head up to face the fearsome woman. "Sorry." he said quietly.
"You better be. I am going to drag you by the ear all the way back to your parents and…"
As Mrs. Brown continued to scold, Stan bowed his head, showing false submission. He slipped Ford a look and a very slight nod. Ford closed his eyes briefly, mentally preparing himself, before he jumped up and grabbed the pie as quick as he could.
"Two of you!?" shouted Mrs. Brown. Not everyone is town was aware there were two Stan Pines, and apparently Mrs. Brown was one of those people.
The twins booked it as far away from the cottage as they could.
"That was… close." gasped Ford.
"But we did it." said Stan. "High six."
The brothers slapped skin before proceeding to eat a few pieces of Mrs. Brown's pie. The flavor was Coconut Pumpkin.
"This is the best pie that hag has ever made." said Stan.
"The crust consistency and the ratio of Coconut to Pumpkin are perfect." agreed Ford.
"Can't believe she still hadn't caught onto there being two of us." laughed Stan.
"Yeah, it's funny to think about." said Ford. "Alright, we should probably keep moving if we want to stay on schedule."
"I'll just take one more piece to go." said Stan using his finger as a knife and cutting one more messy piece out of the pie.
Stan and Ford ran all around Glass Shard Beach that morning, snagging pies lying on window sills left and right. Some they were able to take easy as 'pie', while others required more strategic planning. Eventually they couldn't keep up with eating how many pies they were stealing, so Stan's burlap sack filled up rather quickly.
12:30 rolled around quicker than they were both expecting and they had to head back to the gym where Filbrick would be picking them up.
"I think I'm gonna be sick." groaned Ford.
"Best, pie run, ever." mumbled Stan as the two neared the gym where they were supposed to be having boxing lessons.
"At least we can save half the pies we snagged for later." said Ford referring to Stan's Santa Claus like sack he had over his back.
Stan and Ford hoisted each other back in through the window they came and exited the bathroom. They were walking through the hall towards the main gym room when from behind them came an all too familiar voice.
"Lookie who it is."
"Oh no." whispered Ford.
"Go away Crampelter!" yelled Stan not even batting an eye.
"You two think you can just skip out on boxing lessons so I don't get to beat you senseless?"
Stan turned around giving him an annoyed glare. Ford also turned around but looking somewhat scared.
"I'm gonna pound you two so hard." threatened Crampelter. "Any last wishes?"
"Uh, yes." said Ford coming up with an idea. "As me and my brother's last will, we'd like to give you something."
"Whu— Really?" said Crampelter slightly confused.
"Yeah. It's be our sole Earthly possession." said Ford. "One custard pie."
"Lemme have it." said Crampelter.
Ford proceeded to reach into the burlap sack. Stan had figured out what he was up to and didn't object. Ford grabbed a pie and slammed it into Crampelter's face as hard as he could. The twins proceeded to bolt into the main room of the gym. They could hear Crampelter shriek in anger from behind them.
Practice had already ended and the room was empty. Ford quickly picked up his gym bag while Stan attempted to stuff the burlap sack of pies inside his own gym sack.
The two burst out the front doors of the gym to see their father pull up. Stan opened the door and they jumped inside the car as soon as it came to a stop.
"I see you boys worked up a good sweat." Filbrick commented as he started to drive down the road.
"Yeah," said Stan. "It was a pretty rigidity practice today."
"He means rigorous." chimed in Ford.
As the car reached the end of the block, both Stan and Ford looked back and saw Crampelter burst out of the gym doors. He looked furious and still had some custard on his face. The twins snickered to themselves at the sight of this.
As the three Pines men walked back into the pawn shop Filbrick turned to look at his two sons.
"Boys, you may go play outside and explore the Spring Festival if you wish, just don't eat too much pie and spoil your dinner." he told them.
"As soon as we drop off our equipment upstairs." said Stan as the two rushed to the back of the shop.
Stan and Ford ran into their room and Stan pulled out the sack.
"The pies aren't too crushed from being in my gym bag." he said. "But they might be a little sweaty. Hopefully they don't mutate or something."
Ford playfully punched his arm as they both smirked and laughed.
Later that day, the twins were walking around the First Day of Spring Festival. There were almost no pies on any of the tables, and they were the only ones who knew why. But without much pie to eat, there wasn't much entertainment for the two young boys.
"Wanna just go play in the Stan O War?" asked Stan.
"Sure." said Ford.
"Hey you!" the two heard a voice shout. The brothers turned around to see Mrs. Brown and Crampelter staring them down.
"You two losers think you can just steal my grandmother's pie?" spat Crampelter.
"And you think you can just pie my grandson in the face?" shouted Mrs. Brown.
The twins stayed silent for about ten seconds, taking in their predicament.
"Hey what's that?" asked Stan breaking the silence.
Crampelter and Mrs. Brown briefly turned around, and Stan and Ford ran in the other direction as fast as they could. As tense as the situation was, they both couldn't help but laugh at it as well.
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"Whew, so many orders of coffee omelets today." said Lazy Susan to herself.
The diner owner wiped sweat from her forehead as she walked over to the window sill to grab the pie that had been cooling only to find it gone. "Now where in tarnation did that custard pie run off to?"
Ford heard footsteps walking along the old wood floors of the shack. "How's it hanging Sixer?" he heard the gruff voice of his twin brother say.
"Just finishing up my research for the day." replied Ford. "What have you been up to?"
"Usual." said Stan. "Custard pie?" he offered holding out the baked good for his brother to see.
"You stole this didn't you?" said Ford turning around to look at his brother.
Stan smirked and Ford immediately took that as a yes.
Ford shook his head with a smile on his face before lightly digging his brother in the arm. "Lemme have it."