Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

"Euphoria" by BTS

Chapter 1: The Proposition

Lara Jean stared at Mrs. Duvall in shock, shaking her head. "Peter Kavinsky? Really?"

Mrs. Duvall barely looked up from her computer, happily typing away at the keyboard. "Yes, you'll be tutoring him in both English Literature and Writing. He's a nice boy. I'm sure you'll get along just fine."

She didn't think Ms. Duvall quite understood just how awkward this was going to be. When she signed up to be a tutor at the beginning of junior year at Margot's insistence, she thought it would mostly be helping underclassmen editing essays. Not tutoring Peter Kavinsky in two subjects! She opened her mouth to object and then closed it again.

It will look so good on your college applications. Margot's voice echoed in Lara Jean's head. She looked down at the floor and sighed, resigning herself to her inevitable fate. Junior year was already off to such a good start.

She tried not to show her disappointment and dread as she approached Lucas in the cafeteria. He took a big bite of his sandwich as she sat down. She spread herself out over the table.

"Today is the worst day."

"And may I ask the reason for the dramatics?"

"I'm going to be tutoring Peter Kavinsky."

Lucas put his sandwich down and smirked. "You mean that tall drink of water?"

"Who even says that anymore?"

"Maybe it won't be that bad." Lucas leaned in and whispered loudly. "I heard he and Gen broke up."

She sputtered and shook her head. "Why would I care about that? I am not interested in him like that." She crossed her hands across her skirt primly, "Besides, you know how I feel about John Ambrose."

Lucas rolled his eyes. "That's a girl crush, Lara Jean. Peter Kavinsky, well," he said, rubbing his hands together, "He is just a tasty delight."

She frowned at him. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Besides, weren't you in love with John Ambrose yourself in eighth grade?"

He waved off her statement dismissively, "A boy crush."

"Uh huh."

"So, when are you starting?"

She sighed, "Today apparently. I told Mrs. Duvall to tell him to come to my house after practice."

"You do realize that you'll need to communicate with him directly at some point."

Lara Jean looked away, her cheeks flushed. "I know! And, I will. Just not yet."

"Does your dad know that you're having a guy over?"

"It's not like that!" She hissed at him. "Besides, he already agreed before that I could do tutoring sessions at home."

"I don't think your dad realized that you would be tutoring sex on legs."

She glared at Lucas and stood up from the lunch table. "You are the worst and I don't even know why I tell you things."

Lucas just laughed at her and waved as she shuffled off.

Peter wasn't exactly thrilled that Coach made him sign up for tutoring. He never did like to admit that he needed help. But, when it was between getting benched for 5 games due to his grades or sucking it up and getting a tutor, he chose the latter. It was the lesser of two evils and honestly, he didn't need that much help. The main reason why his grades were so bad was just that he didn't ever feel like trying with his assignments. Most days, he was exhausted from practice or games that when he got home, the absolute last thing he wanted to do was study and read.

He was surprised when Mrs. Duvall let him know that Lara Jean Song-Covey was going to be his new tutor. They were good friends in middle school. He, Gen, Chris, Trevor, John, and Lara Jean all used to hang out. He remembered their adventures in the treehouse fondly. Every day when they got out of school, he, John and Trevor used to race each other to see who could run there the fastest. Trevor usually won.

When they got to high school though, they all broke off into their separate friend groups. Trevor joined track, he did lacrosse, Gen did cheerleading, John did Model UN, Lara Jean focused on academics, and Chris kind of did her own thing. It was sad that their group was breaking up but at the same time, it was all part of growing up. It was foolish to think that they would be friends forever.

Peter slung his backpack over his shoulder, pausing at the Covey's front porch. This felt so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. He rapped his knuckles against the door and after a few moments of waiting, the door swung open.

His first thought was that she was just as pretty as he remembered her being.

"Hi."

"Hi."

They stared at each other for a few moments before Lara Jean moved aside, gesturing for him to enter. "Come on in. I've got us set up in the kitchen."

"It smells great in here." The house was pretty much as he remembered it. There was always something oddly comforting about the Covey house. It just felt cozy.

"I made some cookies." She played with the hem of her shirt. "Think of it as motivation to study."

He wasn't going to complain about fresh out of the oven cookies. He went to grab for one when she slapped his hand out of the way.

"Hey! I thought you said it was motivation."

"You'll be motivated to get the answer right because you're not getting any until you do that." She took a cookie off the plate and took a bite, poking her tongue out.

He looked at her in disbelief. That wily minx. He refused to let her see how much it bothered him, however, and pulled his books out of his backpack.

"Where do you want to start?" He asked.

"Let's start with Macbeth."

"Ughhh," he groaned audibly and rolled his eyes. "Shakespeare is so boring. I honestly don't know why he's so famous."

"How dare you, you uncouth boor!"

"I literally didn't understand any of the words you just said."

She narrowed her eyes and stabbed at the book. "More reason why you need to read this." She flipped the book open and gave him a look.

He flipped his open too, sighing. And, so it began.

It was an hour later when Lara Jean finally allowed Peter to have a cookie. She was impressed with how quickly Peter picked up the concepts. He actually was quite smart. All he really needed was a giant shove in the right direction.

He pointed at a passage in Act One, chewing on a cookie. Once Lara Jean allowed him to have one, he couldn't stop himself from eating almost half the plate.

"Okay, Covey, explain this to me." She ignored the butterflies in her stomach when he called her by her last name. He was really the only person that called her that and she found that she liked that. It felt special. He stabbed at the book. "Why is Macbeth even listening to these witches?"

"Well, they're teasing him, dangling the possibility of being king in front of him."

"But isn't he some like baller military dude and noble? Why does he care?"

Lara Jean nodded. "True but this is Shakespeare's way at commenting how men love power and once they have a little bit of it, they can't help but thirst for more."

"Interesting." Peter was thoughtful for a moment. "So, I think for this answer, I'm going to write that the real issue here is Macbeth's ego. He's letting his pride come before rational thought and this is how he unravels."

"That's great, Peter! I think you're totally right." Lara Jean smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back. She was so genuinely happy in this moment and he made her feel that way.

He proceeded to type his answer to the essay prompt on his laptop.

A few days later, Chris and Lucas were sitting on her porch, sipping sweet tea. They were playing Monopoly Go. Lucas was definitely winning so far though Chris did make it difficult by attempting to collect every set possible.

"Chris, what are you even doing? That's not how you play!" He complained as she stole one of his cards.

She cackled and placed another card down. "You're only saying that because I'm winning."

Lara Jean looked at her dubiously. "I really don't think you're winning."

Lucas threw his cards down and gave up. "Alright, I'm not playing with you anymore."

"Aww, don't be a spoil sport," she teased. She poked Lara Jean in the side. "Besides, we have more interesting matters to attend to."

Lara Jean watched her warily. "What are you talking about?"

"Lucas was telling me that you have a new student." She waggled her eyebrows. "Not that I would ever be interested in my cousin's leftovers but even I have to admit that the king of the cafeteria crowd is easy on the eyes."

Lara Jean flushed and stared at Lucas accusingly. "What did you say to her?"

"Nothing at all! I just told her that you were going to be tutoring Kavinsky and this might be a good chance to let your hair down a little."

"We're just studying," Lara Jean said firmly.

Lucas was not convinced. "I've seen the way he looks at you, Lara Jean. It might not hurt to fool around a little. Let yourself have a little fun."

She pursed her lips together.

"You know, Lucas has a point. You could use a little fun." Chris agreed.

"I'm fun!" Lara Jean complained, her voice going several octaves higher.

Chris and Lucas gave each other a look. Lucas nudged Lara Jean gently. "We're just saying – might as well take advantage of your current situation, right?"

Lara Jean chose to ignore them and carefully directed the conversation elsewhere. Later that night, Lara Jean was brushing Kitty's hair when she asked her.

"Do you think I'm fun?"

Kitty looked at her confused. "Define fun."

"Like I'm easygoing and spontaneous, right?"

"Is that a joke?" Kitty asked. "You literally plan out your entire week's outfits on Sundays, like shoes, hair and everything. That's not exactly easygoing and spontaneous."

"That's just good life skills!" Lara Jean bit her lip. "I'm not as bad as Margot, right?"

When Kitty didn't answer her, Lara Jean stopped brushing and admitted, "Lucas and Chris told me that I should learn to have a little fun."

"I think that's a great idea."

"Why is everyone ganging up on me today?"

"We're just telling you the truth because we love you. Lara Jean, you're 16! This is supposed to be the craziest years of your life. Embrace it."

Lara Jean looked at her sister and messed up her hair purposefully. Kitty squealed and moved away, giggling. "When did you get so smart, kitty cat?"

"I've always been this smart." She said haughtily and then sauntered out of Lara Jean's room.

Lara Jean moved to her bed and flopped back against the covers. Maybe Chris, Lucas, and Kitty were right.

Lara Jean and Peter were studying at her kitchen island again. Her dad was working late and Kitty was over at Brielle's house so she and Peter were alone. He had come straight to her house after practice and he still smelled like grass and fresh air. She looked at him closely as he focused on reading, letting herself sneak a few glances. He really was handsome. His hair was wild, out of control, which was definitely a reflection of his personality. His eyes were brown with golden specks. And he had such long, beautiful eyelashes. Her gaze moved to his lips and suddenly, she imagined herself kissing him, his hands roughly grazing the small of her back.

Her breath hitched in her throat. He was diligently reading the next few passages when she placed her hand over the pages, interrupting him. He looked up at her, confused, staring straight at her.

"I need your help with something."

He cocked his head to the side, still trying to figure her out. "Yeah, Covey, anything."

"Really?" She asked intently. "Anything?" She paused for a moment before deciding to move forward full speed. "I need you to teach me how to kiss."

Well, that was not what he expected her to say. He blinked a few times, unable to formulate a response, before finally saying. "What?"

"I've never really kissed anyone before. Well, I guess we technically kissed in seventh grade but that doesn't really count. I mean, like actually kiss, you know? And, I've read about how to do it but I want to learn. I mean, I don't want to mess it up when it really counts." The words tumbled out of her mouth and when she was finished, she pressed her lips together, her cheeks flushed.

He nodded slowly. "So, you're asking me to teach you how to kiss?" He leaned back against the chair and smiled. "Like you help me with my homework and I give you kissing lessons?"

Her eyes got wide as she nodded eagerly. "Exactly!" She looked down at her lap, trying to avoid eye contact.

"You've got yourself a deal, Covey."

Her head snapped up and she smiled at him. "Thank you!" She threw herself into his arms and he hugged her back, surprised at the sudden contact. She felt so warm against him. He liked the way that she seemed to fit just right against him.

She pulled back and said firmly, "Okay, so we should probably draft a contract."

"Excuse me?"

"A contract," she repeated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "So, we both know where we stand with this."

He let out a sigh. "Wow, you really know how to suck the fun out of this."

She slapped him gently against his chest. "I am being fun!"

"Writing contracts is not fun."

Lara Jean pouted for a moment, thinking about it. "No, this is non-negotiable."

Peter rolled his eyes and nodded. "Alright, what do you have in mind?"